Scarred
by Definition of a Writer
Summary: I haven't spoken in years - no one ever listened. I can't stand touch, I barely eat. I feel like one of the walking dead. But today is my escape. Today is the beginning of my freedom. I can only hope it'll go better than everything else in my screwed up life. (Fabina - AU - Rated T - Incomplete)
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, or the locations used.

**Warning: This fanfiction is dark.** I nearly rated it M. It's about a girl who has been abused - physically and sexually - since she was young. There will be no sexually explicit scenes in this, no detailed memories of actual beatings, but it could easily still trigger those who can be triggered. **Proceed with caution.** And just to put it out there to be sure,** I do not approve of what has been done to poor Nina.** At all. I do not approve of that sort of thing being done to anyone at any age. **I will put a note at the top of the chapter when I think there may be anything more triggering than usual.**

**A/N:** Hello everyone! I'm Definition of a Writer. You can call me Definition, a lot of people do. **Please read the warning above before you read. **This fanfiction will be updated once every 7 - 10 days. And on we go!

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**Nina POV**

The bruises were easier to hide this time. Less concealer, less money wasted, and all in all a good start to the day.

It was almost funny how twisted my good days were.

Almost.

"Put your concealer on _now_, girl. I don't waste my money on you for nothing. We're leaving for the airport soon." I flinched, not having noticed his appearance in my doorway. I had to wonder if he'd stood there long enough to see my smile.

He didn't like it when I smiled.

Pushing my stray thoughts away, I nodded and quickly put it on. The last thing I wanted was a beating before my departure. He left, but I could still hear him stumbling drunkenly down the hallway. I wasn't sure if I should get into the car with him, yet I always did in the end.

At least today would be my final ride in the car that reeked of alcohol and drugs. Today was my escape. Today was the beginning of my freedom.

I just had to wonder how long my freedom would last.

** X**

"Welcome to the Academy, Ms. Martin."

The taxi driver's words woke me, and I quickly shot up in my seat. Glancing around in a disoriented manner, I did my automatic check on my surroundings and myself. I never fell asleep in public, especially around strangers. Especially around _male_ strangers. But he was driving, and I would have woken if he'd stopped the car. I'd allowed myself a sense of security.

My walls were slipping.

"Ms. Martin?" the man repeated, turning to look at me. I averted my eyes immediately. Just because _he_ wasn't here didn't mean his rules weren't still intact, and that was one of his oldest rules - never look a man in the eye. "We're here. You owe me 19 pounds." I nodded jerkily and took out the money, flinching when his hand brushed mine. The driver looked a little worried but said nothing as I climbed out of the car.

"You have a nice day, ma'am," he said once I'd grabbed my suitcase. I nodded in return, my eyes still at my feet, and he raised the window and drove off down the road until he was out of sight.

I was here.

British Fine Arts Academy was one of the highest schools in the U.K. It offered everything from theater to art to music, and they were known for winning most competitions between schools.

It was my high school art teacher who had submitted a few of my works and essays - without my permission, might I add.

It was me who was beaten for a several hours when I received the full scholarship, despite my pleas that I wasn't the one who had submitted the application. But it had been worth it. Because I was here, I was at my dream school, and I wouldn't have to go back to him for a whole school year.

The school towered above me, sending chills up and down my spine. I tugged on my sleeves before walking in, making sure all bruises were covered. My suitcase that I pulled along beside me was ridiculously light; it held only a few long sleeved shirts and two pairs of jeans. At least I was a good girl.

Bad girls got nothing at all.

"Hello dear," said the lady at the front desk when the door closed behind me. "How can I help you?" I slid my slip of paper across the desk in response.

_My name is Nina Martin. I'm 16, and I'm a new student. I'm not sure where to go._

"Ah, Nina! I was told about you. You don't speak, correct?" I nodded. "Yes, you're the one I'm thinking of. You'll be staying at Anubis House. We've got a good mixture of students there - a musician and artist duo, a few other artists, an actor, a photographer, and one that's into fashion. Some are outgoing and some are shy, so I'm positive you'll find someone to get along with."

She spun around and looked through her file cabinet. "This contains your schedule, school map, rules, and housing information. You'll find Anubis on your map. School is already complete for the day, so no worries about that." She smiled warmly at me. "Good luck, dear."

Yes, good luck. I'd need it.

** X**

Anubis House was easy to find and I was walking through the yard in minutes. There were three students out on the front lawn by the sidewalk, laughing their heads off. One of them, a girl with streaks in her hair, had a camera and was snapping photos of the other two, who were striking over the top poses. She gave the camera to the brown haired girl a few seconds later, who put it in her bag and snatched the book from the third student, a boy. Their voices carried over the yard easily.

"A bit of light reading?" the brown haired girl teased.

"Just because it doesn't have Robert Pattinson on the cover doesn't mean it's not worth reading," the boy shot back with a grin. He snatched the book back and rubbed the cover lovingly. "It's the newest Theory of Research, Production, and Presentation of Abstract Art."

"That's a mouthful. Name it TRPPAA!" she suggested.

"Tirpay?" he clarified, standing just as I was walking by them... and slamming straight into me, sending us both sprawling to the concrete.

I choked out a gasp as fear punched me in the stomach, my vision going a little hazy as I fought off the urge to shut down. It took me a second to realize what happened - and to realize that the boy was on the ground and groaning.

_Oh no._

Immediately, I was upright and grabbing his books, stacking them up in a neat pile as I tried to slow my breathing. By the time he had straightened, I was already done and holding them out to him with a pleading look on my face.

Please, please, please...

Last time I had messed up his things had been well over a year ago, when I broke a plate. The following beating hadn't been pretty and I had a scar on the inside of my arm for it - one of many. Would this boy beat me as well?

At last the boy took them from my shaking hands. I stood and held out my hands in surrender. _Don't. Don't, please don't._

All the boy did was stare.

I averted my gaze, cursing myself internally. I'd been staring at him for more than a minute. That was twice in one day, and in addition to that, I'd knocked him down and probably gotten dirt on his books.

If _he_ had been here, I would've been shoved into the closet for a week. But he was not here, and I didn't know how things went on this side of the ocean. Were the punishments even worse?

"Hey, it's okay," he finally said, smiling hesitantly. "I'm sorry for knocking you over. I'm super clumsy, these two can vouch for me." Something on me caught his attention, drawing a frown from him. "Oh, you're bleeding."

Indeed, there was a deep scrape on my knee, and blood was beginning to trickle down my leg. It wasn't nearly as bad as some of my past injuries. It barely stung. But the boy seemed to be worried, which confused me.

Then he did one of the few things that could've freaked me out any more.

"Here, let me help." He knelt in front of me, and reached out to brush gravel away from the wound. The alien position mixed with the approaching touch was my breaking point.

When his fingers brushed my knee, I ran.

The two girls and the boy stared after me as I raced up the steps and slammed the door behind me, uncaring of the pain radiating from my knee. That could be dealt with later.

I managed to find my way to my new room, and luckily was empty. The side that was mine was obvious - one side was completely bare, while the other was pure pink and clothes and makeup. I sat down on my bed, careful to avoid getting blood on the sheets, and put my head in my hands.

My first day, and I'd already managed to break three rules, one of them twice.

If this was an example of how my stay at the academy would go, I didn't know how long I would last.

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**A/N: **And so Nina's journey begins. **The chapters will grow to be 3,000 - 4,000 words.** So no, the chapters won't be this short forever.

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, or the locations used.

**A/N: **Thank you to the six people who have reviewed, the six people who favorited, and the nine people who set this story on their alert list. Thank you to those of you who have just arrived. I never ask for a certain number of reviews before posting the next chapter, but your reviews make me write faster and better with a happy heart. Now then, we have another chapter set up for today, as you can see. A little calmer... but it's always calm before the storm, keep that in mind. :D We also have some FABIAN POV! It was nice to get into the mind of my favorite little dude. Alright, here we go!

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**Nina POV**

My dreams were filled with_ him_, shifting in and out with crazy swirls of color. When the color was replaced with black and his hand connected with my face, I began to cry.

_"Good girls don't leave, Nina. You are a bad girl, and you will never be loved. Bad girls are nothing. You. Are. Nothing."_ Tears streamed down my face, and yet I was silent.

The next blow sent me into the waking world, blinking against the bright light of day.

I quickly surveyed my surroundings. Last night I'd fallen asleep almost immediately after getting my bags - bag - unpacked. I could hear the students eating dinner as I'd laid down in my bed. I wondered if one of the three students told the others about me and my strange reaction.

The room was empty, the bed across from mine already made. It was covered in pink and I wondered what sort of roommate I had. A quiet one, obviously, if I hadn't woken up when she'd come in.

The concealer took a few minutes to put on, and was creeping down the stairs only ten minutes after I'd first woken up. The dream lingered in the back of my mind.

I would be a good girl today.

I followed the sound of clinking silverware and chewing, leading me to the dining room. 8 students were eating stacks of pancakes and bacon, and a woman was cleaning up in the kitchen. Everyone stopped and stared when I entered.

"Oh," the woman gasped, coming over to the dining table. "I completely forgot. Kids, this is Nina Martin. She's from America and this is her first day, so I hope all of you will be_ very_ welcoming." I blushed under the intense stares, staring at the floor.

"Hey, Nina," said a familiar voice - the boy I had knocked over. My stomach dropped and I had the urge to puke. What must he think of me? "I'm sorry about yesterday. Is your knee feeling better?"

My eyebrows furrowed. My knee had barely bled, and that injury was far better than any other on my body, but that wasn't what bothered me. Yesterday was _my_ fault. He might have been the one who had stumbled into me, but I shouldn't have been there to stumble into. He was not at fault.

"Trudy, is she… ya know, insane in the membrane?" the girl from yesterday said, the one with brown hair and eyes. The boy glared at her, as did the woman, Trudy, though hers was much softer.

"Nina doesn't speak," she responded. "She hasn't since she was very little. But she can understand everything you're saying just like every one of you, and I'm sure your comment didn't make her feel any better." Trudy reached out to pat my shoulder, but I shrunk back automatically. She realized her mistake and whispered a short apology to me.

The class was still staring.

"Nina, this is Anubis House. Fabian, Amber, Patricia, Joy, Mara, Mick, Jerome, and Alfie." So the boy I had knocked over was Fabian. Patricia had been the one taking pictures, and Joy was the third girl. From the outfit Amber was wearing - matching my roommate's space perfectly - I could assume this was my roommate. All 8 students waved.

"If you need to communicate with her, she carries around a notepad with her constantly, so don't be afraid to talk to her. She isn't comfortable with touching, either, but I've seen some of her art and it's very inspiring." She clapped her hands, making me jump a little, though she didn't notice. "Now, Nina, I'm sure you're hungry. Would you like some food?"

Food? What had I done to deserve food? I hadn't carried my weight yet; in fact I'd pretty much done the opposite. I hadn't had breakfast in years.

I wrote down as much and gave the pad of paper to Trudy, confused. She released a little gasp and looked at me strangely.

"How often do you usually eat, dear?"

_Two small meals a day during the my non-school time, and only after I've picked up around the house. If I have school, then all I eat is a snack, since I have the large meal at lunch. If I'm a good girl, sometimes I'll get a midnight snack,_ was what I wrote._ After my his activities with me,_ was what I didn't write. I'm sure she didn't want to know about that.

"Oh dear," she whispered, and ripped out the page, throwing it in the trash before returning the pad to me. "Come, sit down. You are eating breakfast if it's the last thing I do."

Though I was still confused, I couldn't disobey a direct order. The only empty chair was in between Fabian and Patricia, so I sat. Three pancakes were set in front of me, along with a side of bacon. Syrup was drizzled on top.

The entire table was whispering, though I couldn't hear their words. Only Fabian wasn't speaking, instead choosing to stare at me.

I was sure he was planning how he would get me back for yesterday, or maybe thinking about how weird I was. Probably both.

The meal was awkward, and I ate a few bites of the first pancake under Trudy's watch. After that and a piece of bacon, I was stuffed. The sickly sweet taste of the syrup made my stomach feel odd. Jerome and Alfie split the other two pancakes on my plate and ate them in under a minute. It was bizarre to watch.

A ringer went off, making me jump, signaling that breakfast was over and it was time for school. Everyone left the table immediately, myself included, though I made sure not to bump into anyone. When I left, Fabian was the only one still packing up.

My walk to the school was lonely and quiet, just the way I liked it.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

I knew something was up. While Trudy cared for our health and loved us as much as my family loved me, I'd never seen her so determined to make someone eat. The yellow, lined paper in the trash kept distracting me from the meal.

So when it was time for school, I purposely packed extremely slowly. Trudy left the room to do laundry, and everyone else took off down the sidewalk. Nina trailed far behind them.

Yesterday had been my fault, and it seemed she agreed. Fear flashed through her eyes every time she even saw me. Apparently I'd scared her pretty bad, and I felt guilty about it. If Trudy said no touching, then pushing her must be a big no.

When I was sure no one was going to catch me, I tiptoed over to the trash and pulled out the page.

_I'm sorry, I don't understand. I haven't carried my weight yet, and either way, I haven't had breakfast in years._

Further down, there was another scribble of words.

_Two small meals a day during the my non-school time, and only after I've picked up around the house. If I have school, then all I eat is a snack, since I have the large meal at lunch. If I'm a good girl, sometimes I'll get a midnight snack._

I tucked the paper into my back pocket, eyes wide as I processed what she had written. She didn't seem that poor, and the 'good girl' thing seemed a little off. She jumped at the smallest of sounds, and what would make a person refuse to talk for years?

Something was wrong, and I intended to find out what it was.

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**A/N: Yes, another shortish one. They get longer, I swear. Don't worry if you're missing some of the other characters - they will get their own spotlights in Nina's POV, or maybe even a piece from their own POV. So, thoughts, crtiques, questions? Drop 'em in the box below. Reviews are love, my dear readers!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, or the locations used.

**A/N: **How was everyone's Christmas? Good, I hope! Mine was decent, and I got some amazing presents. :D Anyway, here's the next scheduled chapter. Thank you to everyone who reviewed and added Scarred to their favorites and alerts! Each notification makes me smile. So, read on and enjoy!

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**Nina POV**

My first day is uneventful, but definitely still stressful. Trigonometry 1, History, Acrylic Painting 3, and a few others. Fabian and Mara were in Trigonometry 1, and Amber and Joy were in History, though Amber spent most of it doodling. Joy completely ignored me. I'd stayed clear of them all, and they all only gave me passing glances.

Luckily for me, the teachers hadn't made a huge deal about my lack of speech. They'd been told previously and only two of them introduced me to the entire class. I'd blushed and kept my head down until I could sit at my desk once more.

My next class was 'Advanced Conceptual Art', with Jason Winkler as my teacher. He also taught my 'Theatrical Basics' class, which was after this and my last of the day.

There were too many men in this school.

The class was almost full when I entered, head ducked and body tense. Peeking out from under my eyelashes, I could see that Mara and Jerome were the only people I recognized in class.

There were only three desks left, all of them in the front, all of them beside each other. I sat in the one on the right, immediately getting out my sketchpad and tools.

"Today, we will be starting our midterm projects. This will count towards 25 percent of your grade." Almost the entire class groaned. "Yes, yes, I know, I'm horrible. But it's required and I'm sure you'll all do-" The door opened, cutting Mr. Winkler off. "Ah, Mr. Rutter, nice of you to show."

My heart may have stopped.

"Next time you're late, you'll be getting a detention slip."

"I'm sorry, sir, I got held up at Anubis House."

"Luckily for you, we're just beginning. Please take a seat," he said, then continued on the details of the assignment.

Before I could begin to hope he wouldn't sit next to me, Fabian sat in the desk to the left. Only an empty desk stood between us, but I felt like we were miles yet inches apart.

Of course he wouldn't sit next to me. He hated me.

"So, just to review," Mr. Winkler said, drawing my attention back to class. "This must be Conceptual Art, it must be done in pencil, colored pencil, pen, or acrylic paint, and it must be done on thick paper from sizes 9x12 to 18x24. If you'd like to work with a desk easel, just ask. You have three weeks, in-class only. You may start now."

People began rushing around to get items off the walls, but I had everything I needed in my bag. I chose 9x12 with pencil, an idea already coming to me. A small smile graced my lips. It felt nice to work on my art again.

But I had to do something with this seating arrangement.

I brought out my notebook and quickly wrote down my question. My legs wobbled as I approached Mr. Winkler's desk. Before he could ask what I needed, I put the page on his desk.

_May I change seats to the back of the class? I'm not comfortable with showing other people my art while I'm still working on it. I'm fine with showing it to you, and to everyone once it's finished, but not in the process. Either way, I'd like an easel if you don't mind._

"Of course, Nina, I'd be happy too. I was once uncomfortable with letting people see my art, too." Relief flooded me. "James, please move to the front of the class. Nina, you can sit there." James was in the very back corner of the room, even better than just the back row.

It wasn't just my worry of showing people my art. It was also that I liked to see what everyone else was doing. I didn't want surprises coming from behind me. I'd have a panic attack in the middle of class and I'd be kicked out for good.

I took my things and my easel to the back of the class.

It was impossible not to feel Fabian Rutter's eyes following me as I went.

** X**

By the end of class, I was feeling pretty confident about the piece. I had the basic outline of everything, and I would start on the beginning shades tomorrow. We were told to leave our papers where they are, as we were the only class to use this room.

The entire Anubis House was in Theatrical Basics. They formed a group in their part of the room, everyone going somewhere. In the end I was the only person standing alone.

"Well then, everyone welcome Nina Martin, our new student. She doesn't speak, please do not ask her why, that is personal information and we will respect that. Mark, you now have someone to team up with, so you'll be joining in on the assignment too. Nina, meet Mark," he said.

Immediately, I didn't like Mark. He had black hair and brown eyes so dark they looked black as well. The smirk on his face unsettled me, especially when he looked me over from top to bottom. It was too close to the way he looked at me. But an order was an order, and I'd already asked Mr. Winkler for one favor.

"Nice to meet you, _Nina._"

"I've already found a script for you two. It's about a mute and a rich boy who fall in love, despite the things that block their way. That way Nina can still participate. Here are your scripts." He tossed them to us, and I almost missed mine.

_Fall in love?_ This couldn't end well. Loving involved touching. Hand holding, maybe even kissing. Right? Maybe Mr. Winkler hadn't gotten the full memo.

"Pucker up, Nina. Looks like we get to kiss at the very end," he said. A dark grin stretched his face when he saw my reaction.

"Mr. Winkler?" Fabian started. "I'm sorry, sir, but Nina isn't comfortable with touch." I gaped at him, certainly not expecting that to come from anyone's mouth, least of all his.

"What? Why not? Surely a simple kiss won't hurt, Ms. Martin. It's just for the play." He peered over his glasses, probably wondering whether I was making that up so I wouldn't have to do the class.

"She doesn't like to be touched at-" I motioned for Fabian to stop talking. At this point, I didn't care if he'd get back at me for interrupting him. He was already going to punish me for the accident yesterday, and any punishment he gave me was far better than being expelled from the school. That meant going back to him.

With a shaking hand, I put my hand on Mark's forearm. It was covered by his shirt, it wasn't direct contact, it didn't count. _It didn't count it didn't count it didn't count-_

But my hand was still shaking. It did count, at least to me.

I looked to Mr. Winkler, still avoiding his eyes, and nodded as firmly as I could manage. He eyed me for a moment, then nodded right back. He looked away.

So did Fabian.

The play, as Mr. Winkler had said, was about a mute and a rich boy who fell in love. Luckily there wasn't much touching; in the story, contact between higher and lower classes wasn't permitted, and I was of far lower class than him. It was only during stolen moments away from crowds and the final kiss that involved touching.

I still didn't know how I would make it out of this class alive.

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**A/N: **Trouble in Nina's not-such-a-paradise next chapter. We've got another bump in the near future... and then a few after that. Meanwhile, I've just written an Amber POV chapter that'll be Chapter... 8? Probably. Anyway, it made me wonder - **_what other people would you like to see thoughts from?_**

Also, **I just posted a Fabina oneshot a few days ago called "Forever in Our Hearts."** It's dark, it's angsty, and it was a lot of fun to write. **Check it out!** Just click on my profile page and it'll be right there!

**As always, reviews are love, my dear readers. Send 'em my way! You also get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing... *wink***


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N: **Woah, it's been a while, I know. I've been busy with holidays and such. But I'm here with a new chapter for your enjoyment, so you can breathe easy again! ;D Meanwhile, how**did you all enjoy the HoA Season 3 Premiere?** I'm not sure if I'll continue watching it, as of right now I really only care about my Fabina. I wanna know what happened to Nina, is that too much to ask? **Please keep spoilers out of your reviews**, but if you wanna chat, please PM me!

**Warning: There may be some especially triggering pieces in this chapter.** To those of you who can be triggered, **read with caution.** There are **no graphic sexually explicit scenes in this chapter, nor will there be in the story at all**, but I just want to be safe.

Okay, here we go... things are about to get bumpy!

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**Nina POV**

One week passed, and things were - to my great surprise and undeniable suspicion - normal.

Advanced Conceptual Art was my favorite class. The spot in the corner was left empty for me every day, and no one bothered me. Mr. Winkler had decided to not look at my piece each time he came around, and every time his head turned away, I smiled. The art piece was going well, and I zoned out on it so much that I barely noticed when the bell rang - a rarity when it came to my hyper-aware senses.

I watched the Anubis House residents quietly, studying them, coming to know their habits. Jerome and Alfie loved to play pranks on everyone, though they hadn't yet pranked me. I was always on the lookout for them and their games. Their energy was a bit too much for me.

Mara was my favorite so far. She was quiet, the sort of girl who was always in a book or a work of art. She didn't avoid me, but she didn't go looking for me, either. Slight smiles were passed, nothing more. We had an understanding.

Only Amber talked to me between classes. She'd come up to me on the third day, not even bothering to say hello before ranting about the pop quiz we'd been given in history. At first I was afraid she expected something in return from me, but she never asked me for any personal information or pressured me to talk back. Her mouth never seemed to close, but I didn't mind. It was nice to have someone to listen to and not be expected to talk back, even if it was only school gossip and the latest fashion.

The others I didn't have a clear opinion on yet. Joy was protective of Fabian and didn't seem to like me at all, Patricia was pretty much the same way, just without the Fabian part. I didn't mind; in fact, their coldness was something I liked. Coldness was something I knew, something that wouldn't take me by surprise.

Trudy was warm and kind. Mick was… Mick.

Then there was Fabian.

He was a complete mystery to me. Everything he did was the opposite of what I expected. There had been no payback thus far for what happened on that first day. He was like Mara - not avoiding, not searching me out - but more obvious about it. Like a _see, I won't hurt you_ sort of thing. It freaked me out.

What really weirded me out was that I hadn't been touched the whole week.

Yes, there'd been the bumps in the hallways and the occasional touches with Mark in the play. But there had been no purposeful touching, violent or sexual.

Maybe I was waiting for the shoe to drop.

The next week, I learned I was right to.

**X**

Mark was in a bad mood that day. This should have been the first sign of oncoming danger. We were working on the final scene with Mr. Winkler… the scene with the kiss. And I was having problems.

"Ms. Martin, have you never been kissed before?" He was exasperated with me, it was easy to tell. I couldn't blame him. _Oh yes sir, I've been kissed before, but I'm not sure nightly sloppy kisses from a drunk man should count. Do you think so?_ For lack of a better explanation, I just shook my head.

This was my mistake.

"Look, Nina, it just goes like_ this_."

Before I had time to process what was happening, lips were on mine. I bit my tongue to stop from crying out. I tried to pull away, but his hand was around my waist, holding me against him as tight as possible. His lips forced open my own, and his hot breath mixed with mine, and I could taste his tongue, and all I could hear was _his_ laugh and _his_ voice and_stop it stop it stop it-_

Mark's arm was ripped from my waist, and suddenly I was gasping in fresh air. Fabian's form blurred by mine and tackled Mark's. He sat on him, holding down his hands. One second I'd had his body pressed against mine, the next he was on the floor. It'd transpired so quickly that I'd barely seen it.

I could still feel_ his_ lips.

"She doesn't. Like. Touch." Fabian's voice was what could only be described as a low growl.

_I didn't think I'd ever forget the taste of his mouth, the stench of alcohol that radiated off of him. I was around it for so many years, how could I?_

People surrounded me, asking me if I was okay, overwhelming my already overwhelmed senses and mind. Though I wasn't claustrophobic, I'd never felt so afraid.

I took off like my life depended on it.

_I always wished I could forget those moments, every single moment of the last 13 years of my life. But I was cursed to remember them for the rest of my existence._

No one stopped me on my way to the doors, and the hallways were empty of students. I was out of the theater and almost to the front of the school before anyone probably realized it.

_The first time he left a noticeable bruise on my body. The first time he beat me until I fainted. The first time he kissed me._

By the time I made it outside the school, there were black spots swirling across my vision. My chest was rising and falling a mile a minute. I ran around the side and skidded to a stop against the brick wall of the academy, too dizzy to continue. I had just enough energy left to check for any sounds of approaching people.

_The first time he came into my room at night._

When all I heard were the tweets of birds, I blacked out.

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**A/N: Woah, first cliffhanger! **It feels nice to do that again after so long. I hope you enjoyed it just as much as I did! ;D Alright, now I gotta know... **what do you think will be happening next chapter?**

Once again, **please keep HoA S3 spoilers out of your reviews.**

As always, reviews are love, my dear readers. Not to mention that** you get a preview of the next chapter** if you leave me one... *cough*hint*cough*


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I got mixed reviews over the cliffhanger, hopefully this chapter will ease your worries. **It's my longest chapter yet** and I hope you enjoy it! Once again **I apologize for the mishap with the reviews** and those who had to wait for their previews of this chapter. My mistake! Alright, let's get this show on the road...

* * *

**Fabian POV**

Time passed slowly over the first week. Nothing eventful happened. I watched Nina slowly eat more and more at breakfast, though she'd yet to finish a full pancake at one sitting. I watched the way she moved, the way she curled in on herself, as if she didn't want to be noticed.

I didn't talk to her again.

She was afraid of me, obviously. She was afraid of everyone, really, but every time she saw me her eyes lit up in terror. I tried not to let it bother me.

It did anyway.

I watched her force herself to put her hand in Mark's the third day, tears pricking her eyes that no one else seemed to notice. All Mark did was grin.

And then we reached today.

Mr. Winkler was losing his patience at Nina's hesitancy to kiss Mark. I wanted to budge in, tell him she wasn't okay with it and to back off, but before I could decide, Mark spoke again, and attacked her… with his lips.

Everyone froze for a moment, caught by surprise. She was trying to get away, and he wouldn't let her. I was sure his fingers would leave bruises on her waist. He forced open her mouth, and Mr. Winkler only yelled for him to stop. Everyone else was staring, though Amber at least looked ticked.

I had to do something.

Before I had time to plan anything, I lunged for him. I twisted a few of his fingers so hard I was sure they were almost broken. He yelled and released her, giving me enough room to tackle him to the ground. He was too busy clutching his hand to try to struggle.

"She doesn't. Like. Touch." My voice came out like a growl.

Mr. Winkler came out of his shock at last and left to call security. I turned, looking for light brown hair.

Nina was gone, and from the way people were crowding one specific doorway, I'd say she'd gone that way. Amber was already running after her as fast as she could in her high heels.

"Go get her," Mr. Winkler said, motioning towards where she'd gone. "And tell her she can do whatever she wants in the class, as long as it includes theater."

And so I ran.

** X**

I followed the sound of Amber's heels. By the time I'd caught up to her, she was already outside the school and going around the side.

"How do you know she went this way?" I asked breathlessly. She rolled her eyes despite the situation.

"It rained yesterday, her footprints are clearly imprinted in the mud," she responded, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. "I saw it on a movie once." I loved it when Amber had smart moment like these.

I was the first to see her form among the grass, huddled in a ball, unmoving against the school wall. I landed on my knees by her side, making sure there were no injuries. Her eyes were open, staring at nothing. Tears were still streaming down her face.

"Is she awake?" Amber asks, staring at her. "Nina, can you hear me? Nina?"

No response.

"I think her brain went into overload and shut down." I cursed quietly and wrapped my arms around her.

"Fabian, what are you doing?! You'll only make it worse!" she screeched.

"If she's shut down, she won't know and certainly won't care. How else do you suggest we get her to Anubis House? Wait here for her to wake up and chance her getting sick or something?" Without waiting for a reply, I lifted her up into the air and stood. She was much lighter than I had expected, so light it scared me. Her head rolled and settled against my chest, her eyes still open.

"Dang it, there's mud all over my shoes," Amber complained, her smart moment quickly disappearing.

"Amber, get back on task. You can mourn your shoes later, we don't have time." She straighted with a pout. "Run ahead and tell Trudy to make sure the way to her bedroom is clear."

A few moments later, Amber was far off in the distance and I was left alone with Nina. With my head ducked against the wind, I could see her better, better than ever before. Her emerald green eyes stood out against her pale skin, but they lacked any shine. They were dead and broken.

She was broken. And I tried and failed to not imagine all the reasons that could have made her shatter.

My pace quickened as Anubis House came into sight. Trudy was waiting by the door, trying to spot me among the grasses. Nina shifted a little in my arms when I flew up the steps, and my heart stopped. If she woke before I put her down, I didn't think she'd ever look at me again. I had disrespected her wishes.

We reached her room, and I knelt by her bed. Amber watched on from the corner, thankfully deciding that now wasn't the time to talk.

I lowered her to the bed with extreme care, making sure not to jostle her. When I began to remove my arms from her, for just a split second, she did something that surprised me.

She gripped my wrists and turned into me, refusing to let me go.

Her chewed nails didn't do much to keep my arms in place, but I stilled immediately. She clenched harder, digging her fingers into my skin. Her physical hold on me was still so weak that I felt no pain. Mentally, though, she was chaining me to her side with steel cuffs.

A war seemed to go off in her head as she began to come to, and just before her eyes brightened with awareness, her hands released mine and her body turned away from me.

But she had wanted touch for a moment, even if it was just a moment.

I unconsciously made it my goal to make her want that again, if it was the last thing I ever did.

** X**

**Nina POV**

I was flying.

The wind slapped my cheeks and tangled my hair, but I didn't mind. I was flying, I was free, and I wasn't a bad girl. I wasn't a good girl either.

I was me.

But like all my dreams, they had to turn into nightmares.

My arms are suddenly tied to me with impossibly strong rope. I struggled, but I couldn't escape. The wind was coming from a different direction now - it was coming from below, pushing up.

I was falling.

The ground seemed to hurtle towards me, but I knew it was the opposite. In seconds, I would hit that ground and I would die. I would never have the chance to be free again. The ground was only feet away, and I cried out, turning my head away so I wouldn't have to watch-

Arms wrapped around me, strong and warm. My hands were untied, and it seemed as if they hadn't been tied in the first place. The feet carrying the arms and I were running, and all I could see was a gray sweater. Swirls of color filled the darkness around the shirt, fighting with the black, but I was not afraid. The arms held me steady, kept me warm. There was no fear.

The colors were winning, taking over the dark, but the arms around me began to remove themselves. I knew that they couldn't leave, or the darkness would win. I would be afraid again. I clawed at the arms, hoping they would stay.

But the fear of having fear again won out, and I released the arms. I was a good girl, and good girls didn't touch people. No one except him, my shadow, the darkness. I would not be a bad girl, I wouldn't fail him again.

That was when I woke up… and found Fabian's face inches from my own.

** X**

"You're awake," he sighed, two different emotions accompanying the words. One was obvious - relief. But the other was there, shrouded by curtains around his face.

Disappointment.

He was disappointed that I had woken up, the relief only there as a cover. Why was he in Theatrical Basics? If it had taken me more than a second to detect his real emotions, then he was a brilliant actor. A person I couldn't trust.

I finally realize my proximity to him and scramble back, forgetting that my bed isn't pressed against a wall until I fall off of it and to the carpeted floor. I'd have a little rug burn, but I was fine. Rug burn was the least of my problems.

I managed to scribble a few words onto my notebook on my side table and push it across my bed to Fabian. He picked it up curiously.

_What happened?_

"You blacked out- well, sort of. You were awake but you weren't really there. We got you to stand and walk back to Anubis House with us-" It's only them that I realize that we aren't alone, and that Trudy and Amber were against the wall. "-but you wouldn't respond to anything we were saying."

Amber eyed Fabian, but I can't figure out why. His story seemed truthful enough, at least it did to me. Of course he was the one I'd decided was a brilliant actor, so I couldn't trust him, but still.

"We waited for you to wake up and… here you are." Yes, here I was. In my bedroom. In a corner. With an adult lady, a girl, and a _guy_ in the same room with me.

There was a guy, in my bedroom, and I was cornered.

The hyperventilating started automatically. Fabian jerked up, bending over the bed to get a better look at me.

"Nina? Did I say something?" he asked quickly. "I swear I didn't mean to, I'm sorry-" I can barely hear him. My eyes go between Trudy, Amber, Fabian, and the bed. Would he do something if they were here? Would they do anything to stop him? Would they even join in?

Amber figures it out first.

"Fabian, Trudy, out." They begin protesting immediately, but she holds up a hand. Her perfectly manicured nails reflect in his eyes. "Really, guys? Out. Now. It's time for an unscheduled teenage girl talk and last time I checked, neither of you are teenage girls. Now_ go_, shoo!" They both file out of the room, Fabian giving me a passing glance as he left. Amber goes to shut the door but decides against it after a look at me.

My breathing immediately slows to an almost normal pace.

"Breathe, Nina. Breathe, okay?" A nod. "You can get out of the corner if you want. I'm sure that floor isn't the most comfortable thing in the world." Her eyes, on the other hand, say otherwise. Why she had really invited me to move.

This girl was _far_ smarter than I had expected.

"He wasn't going to do anything, you know. Fabian isn't like that at all. None of us are. Why would you even think that?" Now I was a little confused. Weren't all men were like that? "Honestly, he's completely innocent. I don't think he's even kissed a girl before."

I found that hard to believe.

We sat in silence for a while, and after some time, Amber left to return to school. She told me she'd tell everyone I wanted to be alone, and no one came up, so I guess she actually had.

I didn't leave the room for the rest of the day, choosing to stare out the window and sketch my dream in colored pencils. The gray sweater, the swirling colors, the darkness. In the end I trashed it, not liking how I couldn't put down the warmth of the arms in color.

Darkness fell, and I skipped dinner. Still, no one came up. I was glad. I went to bed early, deciding rest was best. I didn't even bother to put on my second layer of concealer before heading to bed, knowing the covers would keep everything hidden.

It was only in my last waking moments, just before the dark claws of sleep dragged me under, that I remembered what Fabian had been wearing that day.

A gray sweater.

* * *

**A/N: **So, what did you guys think? Originally this was going to be two chapters - the split would be between Fabian's and Nina's POVs - but I decided to be kind. **Do you like the longer or shorter chapters better?**

Meanwhile, **Scarred hit over 1,000 views! **We're midway through 1,300, actually. And considering there's only 4 chapters so far, I'm honored. I've also gotten **41 reviews**... **can we hit fifty this chapter?** It'd be fantastic if we could... and remember, **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing!**

I'll see you in a week or two!


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I'm actually **updating early** this time (I said 10 days and this is the 8th, right?) because I'm nice. No, actually it's because **I want to get to chapters 10 - 13...** crap goes down and it's been a joy to write. Ah, I'm such a tease. I would say I'm sorry, but I'm not. ;) Anyway, I guess we should get on to the chapter... have a nice time!

* * *

**Nina POV**

Another two weeks passed.

Mark was suspended for fifteen school days, and I chose to work on sets in theater. While I still had to do the basic stuff with everyone else - terms, games, etc - the rest of the time I was painting the three backgrounds we needed for the upcoming play.

Fabian hadn't looked at me since the day of my breakdown.

"Alright, everyone, time is up. I hope all of your art pieces are done, or your grades won't like you very much by the end of the year," Mr. Winkler said. I set down my pencil after a quick erasing of a stray line I had missed. "Each of you will come up and present your piece, from front to back, left to right."

The talent in the class was amazing. Each was different but each was spectacular. Jerome had done a piece in acrylic paint of a tree, but the leaves were gone and the it was obvious it was dying. But around it, the sun was coming up and kids played. Everything was color, save for the tree.

It was my favorite piece so far.

Mara had worked with pencil. A girl was taking a bite out of an apple and chewing it happily… not noticing that the inside was rotten to the core.

My pride in my piece was beginning to fade.

"Mr. Rutter, it's your turn. Please present your piece to the class." He smiled nervously, shifting from foot to foot as he gathered his things and made his way to the front. After a deep breath, he turned his art to the class, and I could do nothing but gape.

"Mine is of a girl, looking into a mirror. In real life, she's beautiful… but she's broken at the same time. In the mirror, she sees what she thinks she is - ugly. Her face is thin and her hair is wild. The real life girl thinks of herself as this worthless thing, but in reality, she is much more than that. But she'll never know." His eyes flickered to my form at the back of the class, but immediately looked away. "It was done in colored pencil on a 18x24 sheet."

Yes, it was beautiful. Far beyond beautiful. But it wasn't that that made my jaw drop.

The girl had emerald green eyes, just like mine. Her hair might have been black, but those eyes were mine and mine only.

Had he done that on purpose?

"Very nice job, Mr. Rutter. You'll made an excellent example of something that happens so often nowadays, and I applaud you on your technique. You may return to your seat."

More artworks came and went, until finally it was my turn. I blinked like a deer in headlights at the class when I came to a stop at the front. Fabian gave me a small smile and a thumbs up.

I gave a slip of paper to Mr. Winkler and I turned the piece around.

"My piece is of a pencil that has exploded from the inside. It's been splintered in a hundred different places, but you can still see that it's a pencil. The tip is broken, the led near the bottom of the page. To me, it represents many things, and among them are 1) The hopelessness we all feel while working, 2) The frustration of trying to create, and 3) The end of art and creation overall. My art is a mixture of pencil and colored pencil, completed on 9x12 paper," Mr. Winkler read off the paper with a smile. "I must say, Nina, I'm very impressed. This is much more than I had expected from you, and I love the depth and thought you put into the piece."

Apparently the class hadn't expected much of me, either. None of them had seen anything of mine, and had probably thought I was special in the head, despite what all the teachers said. Fabian had a smile on his face, nothing else. Suddenly his smiled slid right off his face. I wondered what he thought of it.

"Alright, everyone, that's the end of class."

It was then that I realized Fabian wasn't just staring at the picture. He was staring a bit off to the left.

My shirt had rolled up a bit, revealing the top of a still-purple handprint on my waist. I quickly tucked it back in and looked away, hoping with all of me that he hadn't realized what it was.

The mark of my shadow.

** X**

A knock at my bedroom door sends me flying off the bed. Amber stands there, eyes wide in surprise.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I was just coming upstairs to see if you wanted to spend the evening with the rest of us. We're watching a movie and eating popcorn. Everyone else are on the couches, so you can take the chair." She paused for a moment, then added, "Please?"

My eyebrows furrowed as I considered her offer, and I grabbed my notepad.

_Maybe. I'll be down in a few minutes if I decide to come. Is that alright?_

I looked up at her with wary eyes. Would she be displeased with my hesitancy? Would she do anything?

"Oh, that's fine. I won't tell the others, so if you don't come down, they won't be disappointed. I'll see you soon… maybe." She smiled, winked, and left. I was left staring after her.

_Disappointed?_ Why would they be disappointed if I didn't come down? I shook my head to myself, and got up to put on a layer of concealer. When I was sure everything was covered and I was decent enough, I left the room.

I stopped at the entryway to the living room. A movie's beginning credits were rolling, just as Amber had said. The chair was empty and open for me to sit in.

Fabian was the first to see me, and he smiled. I looked away quickly, cursing myself for looking him in the eye for the billionth time. In my peripheral vision, I could see his smile disappear.

_Just sit down. It won't hurt, they won't do anything, you won't be hurt._ My words sounded false, even in my head.

I sat down anyway.

Amber and Fabian grinned. Mara smiled at me. Joy and Patricia rolled their eyes and sighed in an almost identical pace. The others didn't even notice, too caught up in the intense opening scene.

The movie was decent. I was too worried about what could happen in reality to worry about what was happening in the movie. Something about a guy and a dragon and an egg, I wasn't sure. I remembered thinking the baby dragon was cute.

The others laughed, I stayed silent.

But by the end, I was relaxed, I was calm, in a way I hadn't been in a long time. I did not fear consequences. Even when they left, I stayed, curled into the chair like it was a blanket.

Fabian stayed, too.

He picked up his sketchpad and started drawing. I could sort of see him from where I was, but I wasn't too worried. Trudy was making food in the kitchen, and I didn't think she'd let him attack me right in front of her. He looked at me every few moments, then quickly returned to drawing. I didn't mind.

I didn't realize how tired I was until my eyes actually slid closed.

They didn't open again for a long while.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

She was so peaceful when sleeping.

She'd been awake for a while, staring at the blank TV. I supposed she was deep in thought, and didn't bother her. Instead I got out my sketchpad and began to draw.

Began to draw her.

She was the perfect model, considering she never moved, never wanted to draw attention to herself. If was almost like drawing a still life picture. The only movement was the slow rising and falling of her chest.

Then her eyes closed, and the tense expression I hadn't realized was on her face fell away. The final muscles relaxed.

She was beautiful.

I must have done 5 sketches of her before she began whimpering. It was the first sound I'd ever heard come from her mouth, and I froze. Her head rolled towards me, her face closing up again in pain. Another whimper.

She was having a nightmare.

I quickly put up the sketchpad and raised myself off the couch, tiptoeing to her shaking form. A tear slid down her cheek. Her hands were curled into fists, clenched so hard that her knuckles were white. I carefully put a hand over hers.

"Nina, it's okay. You're fine, you're safe," I whispered, hoping to calm her without waking her up. "Nina, relax. I'm right here." I tucked a strand of hair behind her ear with the other hand. She released a shuddering breath, but relaxed.

I reluctantly pulled away from her, picked up my sketchpad, and scribbled a few words onto a one of the pads on the desk. And then I headed to her room, staring at my note the whole way.

I hoped she understood.

* * *

**A/N: **Hmmm... **What could be on the note?** Who knows. ;) **I'll be updating early this week, in about 5 to 7 days, **because I'm so far ahead on chapters.

Reviews are love, my dear readers. It doesn't hurt that everyone who reviews also **gets a preview of the next chapter... **and the person who reviews **first** gets** two.** Which means you'll get to find out whose POV the next chapter is in... because **it isn't Nina's or Fabian's.**

**See ya next week!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N: **Hey everyone! I know I promise a chapter in 5 days, and it's been 7, but yeah,** it's still earlier than normal**, right? There were tornadoes in the area, things got crazy, etc. Anyway... admittedly, this is one of my least favorite chapters, but I hope you'll disagree and enjoy. **Crap is going down soon... ***grin* I also wanted to thank you, because **Scarred hit 2,500 views! **Thank you to everyone who reads this story, **I love you all.** Anyway, here goes nothing! Have fun!

* * *

**Amber POV**

Admittedly, I was_ not_ very fond of Nina Martin when she first arrived.

We'd been told she was moving into Anubis House a few weeks after school started, that she'd gotten a full scholarship, and that she was from America. We were_ not _told that she didn't speak or didn't like touch.

I wasn't told that she'd be _my_ roommate, either.

The first time I saw her was when I opened the door to _my_ room, went to my dresser, and began taking off my makeup. She moved in her sleep, and it reflected in my mirror. I'd just barely kept myself from screaming by biting my tongue - which hurt for hours afterward.

I couldn't see much, since her head was barely peeking out from under the covers, and it was almost entirely dark in the room. But I recognized her from the picture we'd seen of her. I'd left the room and woken up Trudy, demanding to know why she was _my_ roommate. Apparently they'd thought a room with four in it was too crammed, since Mara, Joy, and Patricia were sharing the other one. I'd stormed back into my room and gone to bed immediately.

Then I found out she was a rough sleeper.

She tossed and turned every few minutes, sometimes a whimper or two escaping her. Never words, only sounds. I'd nearly chucked a pillow at her, but she finally calmed down, and I was able to get my beauty sleep.

Then came the next morning.

I completely ignored her, not bothering to wake her for breakfast. I was still ticked at her for taking away some of my precious sleep. I was eating while listening to Joy tell the story about what had happened the day before.

"She knocked Fabes down and sent his stuff everywhere, the little klutz," she said. Fabian started protested immediately.

"_I_ stood up and ran into_ her_, not the other way around."

"Anyway," she continued, almost completely ignoring his words, "She didn't even apologize. She just picked up his stuff, gave it to him, and ran for the hills when he started checking out her bloody knee. She was so rude." Fabian just sighed and picked at his food some more, upset with either Joy's version of the story or Nina.

That's when the whole table went quiet all of a sudden, staring at the stranger who'd come down the stairs.

_Nina Martin._

The first thing I noticed was her clothes and her accessories. I wanted to snort. She was wearing long sleeves when it wasn't even cold outside. Her jeans were ratty and a size too big, and her baggy sweater was the worst color ever and didn't hug any of her curves. She looked completely flat chested because of it. Her shoes were rattier than her pants were. She didn't wear any bracelets or necklaces, no nail polish on her ragged fingernails, no makeup_ at all_ on her face.

Then I saw everything else.

There were serious bags under her eyes, such a dark purple they were almost black. She was ridiculously pale. Her hair, while brushed, looked like it hadn't seen proper care in years. Split ends _everywhere_, I tell you. Her face was too thin, her cheeks too shallow. High cheekbones that should have made her face look exotic and beautiful made her look alienish and unnatural.

From what I could tell past her ugly sweater, she was _way_ too thin.

Maybe she was anorexic.

It was then that I realized Trudy was speaking, and focused on her.

Breakfast was awkward, and Trudy's determination to make Nina eat only solidified my conclusion that she was indeed anorexic. Breakfast ended, life went on.

I pretty much ignored Nina for the first couple of days, but it was hard _not_ to notice her, because she was so obviously trying not to be noticed. She was invisible to almost everyone and everything, and she looked at people as if they might bite her at any moment.

Because curiosity was a hard thing to beat away, I began talking to her on the third day.

Time passed, I talked whenever I had the chance around her. While she wasn't terrified every time she looked at me, as she had been the first day, there was still a constant fear lit in the back of her eyes. I tried to ignore how much that unsettled me.

Then came the day when she shut down. Talk about an event. Also a funeral of my second favorite pair of heels. I would've been upset over the fact that those shoes were worth as much as Nina's entire wardrobe 100 times over, but her shut down made me store away my anger for later.

The whole ordeal in Fabian's room sort of freaked me out, though I tried to remain calm. Why would her mind immediately go to something like that? The thought of anorexia being her problem started fading. Much worse guesses floated in and out of my mind, and I pushed them all away as much as I could. Thinking those sort of things when it could be much better circumstances would do me and my conscious no good.

Things sort of leveled out after that. Days passed. I continued talking to Nina, and I didn't question her about anything. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her off. I bought a new pair of shoes after mourning the ones I lost to the mud.

My invitation to Nina to join Anubis House for the evening wasn't planned. Watching a movie together was something we did at least every week, and she had hid in her room for the past three times. I felt a little bad, knowing she was probably sitting in her room alone with nothing to do, while we had fun eating popcorn and watching movies.

Her acceptance of my offer made me want to squeal, surprising even myself.

The movie was decent, but not my sort of thing. I liked more chick flick type movies, but everyone else had agreed on Eragon. I didn't know how much Nina actually saw of it, since she seemed so tense and distracted the entire time.

I left almost immediately after the movie finished, and I was shocked that Nina stuck around, especially since it was only Fabian left in the room. I watched them from the top of the stairs for a minute, and grinned when Fabian got his sketchpad out. He'd probably found a new model in Nina.

I was in our room when Fabian entered with one of his sketches. I arched an eyebrow.

"Where's Nina?"

"She's asleep." My eyes widened at his words.

"No way."

"Yes way. She fell asleep while I was drawing her. You should have seen the difference between when she was awake and asleep, Amber, it was startling. You think you know when she's tense or afraid, but when she fell asleep, all this tension I didn't even realize was there just _disappeared._" His voice was a little dreamy when he talked, and I choked back a smirk.

"What do you have in your hand?" I already knew, but I wanted to see. He looked at his hands, a little confused, as if he'd forgotten he came up here for a reason.

"Oh. This is my second favorite sketch of her, and I thought she might want to have it, so I'm putting it on her pillow." He hesitated on his next words. "Will you maybe tell me how she reacts? I know she probably won't tell me about seeing it, but I want to know."

"_Suuuuuure,_ Fabian. I'll let you know tomorrow." He flashed a grin at me in thanks, one that quickly froze when I spoke again. "I think _someone_ has a little _crush…_"

"Of course I don't, Amber," he said quickly. "She's terrified of me and she can't stand touch. I'd never even consider asking her out. She'd probably say yes in fear of my reaction if she said no." He flinched at his own words. So did I.

"I didn't say anything about dating or touching or anything of the sort. I simply said that you had a crush." I smashed their names together a few ways, and was especially happy with one result. "Fabina. I like it."

He looked like he was on the verge of growling at me, his cheeks burning red. He slammed down the sketch and a slip of paper on her bed. "Whatever, Amber. I don't think about her that way. Goodnight."

"Goodnight!" I called after him, a small smile still playing on my lips.

_Fabina. I definitely like_ it.

* * *

**A/N: **Well, we now have a view of Nina from someone who isn't... ya know... *cough*_falling in love with her._*cough* **I hope I wrote Amber's 'voice' right, **I've never been the best at writing slight ditzy characters. **What did you think? **For those of you disappointed by the lack of new material in this chapter, sorry! Next week **we'll be getting back to Nina and Fabian**, I promise, and it's all new material. **And we get to find out what's on the note...**

Reviews are love, dear readers. It doesn't help that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two.** AND, this week **I should hit 75 reviews **(SQUEE I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL I HIT 100)**. My 75th reviewer will get two previews as well. **

**See ya next week!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N: **Hey everyone! Not only am I a day early on updating, but **this chapter is twice as long ** as it was originally. This was supposed to be two chapters, but I decided to be nice, because **Scarred hit 3,000 views!** Thank you to everyone who reads this story, **I love you all.** Anyway, here goes nothing! See ya at the end!

**Note: All of Nina's messages are now centered, to make them easier to pick out.**

* * *

**Nina POV**

I stared at the slip of paper.

_Thank you for being you - Fabian._

The drawing itself was beautiful, though haunting. It was of a girl sleeping in a chair, her face relaxed and serene. Her cheeks were hollow, her body undernourished, that was obvious. But she had a strange, sickly sort beauty to her.

It had taken a few moments to realize the drawing was of me.

Amber sat on her bed, organizing her lip gloss collection, and didn't say a word to me, though I thought I caught her smirking at me for a moment. I sat on my bed and stared at it some more.

Without thinking, a small smile lifted the corners of my lips.

Then it dropped.

_Did he expect something in return? Would he be mad if I didn't do anything for him? What did he want from me? Did he want-_

"Nina, what is it?" Amber's voice broke through my panicked thoughts. I looked up at her quickly, trying not to let the fear overwhelm me. Would she know the answer? Would she get mad at me for thinking such things? "Write it down, I'm sure I can help."

Quickly, I grabbed my notebook and jotted down my dilemma, passing it to her warily. Maybe the shoe would drop now. I wouldn't be surprised. Amber gasped.

"No, Nina, I'm positive he doesn't want anything back. He told me what happened. He drew, like, five of them. Simply out of boredom. He's drawn all of us before, so I'm sure he was unable to resist drawing you. It was for fun, nothing more." She seemed to be hiding something, and I squinted, but didn't push it. I motioned for her to give me the notebook again.

_Do you think I _should_ do anything for him, even if he doesn't expect it?_

She shrugged when she read it, another smirk appearing for a split second. "If you want to, I'm sure he'll appreciate it, but you don't have to." No, I wanted to. I felt guilty, getting something from him without giving something in return. "Maybe you should do a drawing of your own, and leave it for him to find."

I think I might do that.

"Now then, I'm going to bed. I'm exhausted." She yawned and curled up under the covers. "Good night Nina."

Yes. Good night, indeed.

** X**

The next morning brought a killer headache and freezing temperatures, though no one else seemed bothered by the change. I ignored it the best I could - I'd faced much worse before - and trekked my way to the dining room where everyone else was halfway done eating. Amber and Fabian smiled when they saw me, but their smiles twisted into worry in an almost synchronized movement.

"Nina, what's wrong?" Amber asked. I shook my head and sat down, hoping they'd leave the subject alone. I shuddered again as another roll of chills rushed over me. Trudy placed food in front of me, but I really wasn't in the mood for eating. Fabian arched an eyebrow in my direction.

"Nina, you're sweating. Like, really hard."

Really? That made no sense, considering how cold I was. Maybe I had a fever? I shrugged and picked at my food, not able to take a bite. Trudy noticed and frowned, but didn't say anything. Fabian's eyes never left me, and I shifted uncomfortably under his gaze.

_Probably best you head off for school, considering you can't eat one bite of breakfast this morning._

I stood to put my plate away, blinking rapidly when black dots swam across my vision. This was ridiculous. I'd had a raging 102.6 for a week and a half and had managed to do all my regular chores, though_ he_ didn't participate in his usual _activities_ with me, not wanting to risk getting sick as well. Despite the sickness, it'd been the best week and a half of my life.

I washed my plate in the sink and walked to the stairs to get my school stuff from my room. I tried to climb the first few steps and failed. The second try nearly sent me tumbling to the ground, but I caught the stairwell just in time. Jeez, it was like Antarctica in this place.

"Nina?"

Fabian's voice made me jump, throwing me through another loop of dizzy vision. I focused on him as best as I could. He suddenly reached up, his hand rushing toward my face, and I jerked back. A whimper escaped me before I could stop it. His expression softened.

"Nina, I need to check your temperature. Can I put my hand to your forehead?" I shook my head, ignoring the lightheadedness the movement brought. His expression turned pleading. "Please, Nina. I need to touch your forehead."

I went to motion my denial again, but I thought of all the times I'd been beaten for saying no to _him_. Just because Fabian's payback hadn't yet arrived didn't mean it never would - what if this was the time I found myself with a black eye?

My whole body shaking - from more than just the freezing temperatures - I nodded.

He moved his hand slowly, making sure it was in my vision at all times. I flinched when his skin came in contact with my own. He pulled away in surprise, his eyebrows furrowing.

"How are you even standing up right now? You're burning up, you need to lay down and get some rest." This was exactly as I'd feared. I staring shaking my head again - I had to go to classes, I had to do my part. Memories of the last time I'd slacked off around_ him_ flooded my already confused head, and I whimpered again.

"Trudy?" he called, to my utter shock. "Trudy, can you come here?"

My hand shot out to motion for him to stop, my eyes widening. I didn't want to get in trouble, I'd been doing so well since the accident. I'd been a good girl…

"What's the problem, Fabian?" Trudy's head peeked through the doorway.

"Nina has a fever, and I think she wants to go to school anyway. Could you help me get her in bed?" The words 'me' 'her' and 'bed' in the same sentence sent shudders down my spine, but I ignored the sudden fear biting at me, too focused on staying conscious.

"Nina, you can't go to school." She must have seen my utter refusal of her words on my face, because her own turned more sly. "You'll risk getting the other students sick. Do you really want to cause other kids to miss school?"

She had a point, and I hated her for it.

"I'll head out for school early and tell all your teachers you're sick. They'll understand, and they'll let you off just fine. Worst case scenario is that you'll have some extra homework." My jaw might have hit the floor. _He would do that for me?_

Unable to put up a better defense - though that might have been because my dizziness was increasing and my knees were beginning to wobble - I sighed and nodded in consent.

I practically crawled up the stairs, refusing to let either one of them touch me. Trudy headed downstairs to get the medical kit and some wet rags. Fabian alone with me in my room scared the living daylights out of me, but I was too delirious to really care.

I vaguely remembered that Fabian tucked me in before stroking my hair from my sweaty face ever so softly. I'd never been tucked in before, not in my recollection, and something in my stomach caught fire.

"Sleep, Nina. You need it more than ever."

I was drifting into darkness before he even closed the door behind him.

** X**

_"You've been a bad girl, Nina Martin."_

These were the words that send me out of my dream and into reality with a jerk. I jumped again when something cold fell to my lap - a rag, which had apparently been on my head.

"Good, you're awake." I bit down on my tongue to hold back a shriek, and tasted blood a moment later. Amber was on her bed, watching me. "Sorry. Didn't mean to scare you. Anyway, Trudy brought you food," - she pointed to the tray on my nightstand - "and Fabian brought your homework for school for when you're feeling up to it, but he still has it. I'll go get it." She hopped off the bed and left without waiting for a response.

Wait, home from school? Had I slept through the whole day? I hadn't slept that long in… well, I didn't think I'd ever slept so long. A knock at the door pushes me out of my head, and I look up to see Fabian peeking through the doorway.

"Um, hi Nina. Amber figured I could bring up the homework myself, you know how she is, so… can I come in?" I bite my lip and nod. He wouldn't want to risk getting sick, just as_ he_ hadn't. I was safe. Right?

He smiled, walked up to my bed, and set my homework down, unaware of my internal struggle. I shifted away from him as much as I could without making it obvious, not liking the way he towered over me, but I could see he had realized what I'd done. The hurt glowed like fire in his eyes.

Wait, _hurt?_

He turned away before I could reassess his expression, and by the time he'd sat on Amber's bed and looked at me, it was gone. A piece of my hopeless imagination, I guess.

"Do you have a phone?" he asked suddenly. I cocked an eyebrow - what could I of all people do with a phone? - and he explained. "I think texting would be much easier than writing. It would be saving paper and it'd probably be faster. Not to mention that you could text me from right there, instead of me having to walk over and get it - not that I mind, it's just that… well, you don't like it when I'm near you."

I sat up as much as I could and grabbed my notepad. He was right - I wanted to shudder when he came and grabbed the note.

_You can sit on the edge of my bed._

I was so focused on trying to word my next message that I almost missed his responding smile. I tried to keep staring at the pad and try not to process that Fabian was sitting on my bed while I was helpless and sick. Having a panic attack would do no good right now.

Finally, I hesitantly passed the notepad to him.

_It's not just you._

These are the words written on the sheet, and yet he stares at them like they're one of the hardest puzzles in history.

"But you're more afraid of me than anyone else. Don't deny it, I can tell. There's a special sort of fear saved up just for when I'm around." To tell him or not to tell him?

_Because I'm confused. And scared._

This admittance makes me want to shy away from him more than usual.

"Why?"

_Because you were wearing a gray sweater._

"What?" Yeah, probably should've explained that better. Too late now.

_The day I broke down, I had a dream about being carried. I felt safe - really safe. And the person carrying me was wearing a gray sweater. I realized later on that you were wearing the same sweater, and it was you that had carried me. But it's only made me more confused._

He bit down on a smile while reading some piece of my paragraph, I could tell. Then it disappeared. "More confused about what?"

_What your intentions are._

We sat in silence for a minute while he stared at the page. "I… I don't get what you mean."

_The first day we met, I knocked you down and spilled all your stuff. You never got me back. You tackled Mark when he kissed me, risking detention or even suspension for attacking a student. You bothered to find me and then carried me all the way back to Anubis House. Your painting of the girl had my eyes - I know that, don't deny that either. You did drawings of me and didn't expect anything in return. You didn't do anything while I was asleep. And you could have. Very easily. And then today, you bothered to check my temperature and explain my absence to all my teachers and bring my homework for me. But I've done so many things wrong and you haven't once done anything bad to me and I'm really confused as to what you want from me._

I didn't think I'd ever used so many words at once, and it drained me. He must've read it a few times before answering.

"Nina, I don't want anything from you."

I stared. This time I could see the hurt, no matter how many times I blinked.

"I do it out of… kindness? Care? Yes, care. I look after my friends, Nina, and I consider you a friend, even if you don't return the thought. I drew you because I was bored. I didn't get you back for the first day because I was the one at fault. I painted the girl with your eyes because… I like your eyes."

Was that a blush spreading across his face?

"The rest of it I did simply because I thought it was the right thing to do. Mark had no right to kiss you. I checked your temperature because I was worried you were sick. I brought your homework because you've worked so hard at the academy already and I didn't want to see you fall behind. And for the whole 'while you were sleeping' thing… what do you mean? What could I have done?"

He sounded genuinely confused.

Jeez, was he_ actually_ genuinely confused? I didn't know how to answer his question, so I fired off one of my own, one I should've thought through twice before giving the pad to him.

_Amber says you've never kissed a girl before._

He chuckled, and this time it was I who blushed. "No, I haven't - unless you count my parents, but they never count when it comes kissing."

Fear gripped my heart, and he saw the change in me immediately.

"What did I say?" My hands were shaking as I wrote, making my words scattered and hard to read.

_Your parents kissed you?_

"Well, yeah. You know, the 'goodnight, sweetie' pecks on the mouth kisses that everyone gets a child?" I relaxed. Sighed. Tried not to cry. "What, did you never get kisses from your parents?"

Well, I got kisses from a stepparent. Kisses that weren't anything like that. My mother might have kissed me goodnight, but I was too young at the time for me to remember it. But Fabian didn't need to know about any of this.

"Nina, are you okay?" I nodded my head, but no. I wasn't. I was holding back tears and I wanted to sob my heart out.

For a moment, I'd thought I wasn't alone.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

A few minutes later, she fell asleep.

She looked even more exhausted than before, and I felt guilty. I made her so stressed she was wearing herself out just being around me.

I put the wet cloth back on her head and slipped out the room, taking the sheet of paper with me. Despite the situation, when I looked down at it, it made me smile.

_The day I broke down, I had a dream about being carried. I felt safe - really safe._

She'd felt safe in my arms.

I hadn't understood most of the other stuff - why she'd freaked about the kissing thing, why she thought I expected anything of her. She was getting more and more mystifying, something that bugged me to no end. Still, that line took up most of my thoughts.

She had felt safe in my arms.

And I knew with all of me that I wanted to make her feel safe again.

* * *

**A/N: **And we've reached the end! Did you enjoy the long chapter? The Fabina feels? Ahhh, Chapter 9 is next, and I am so beyond excited to see your reactions. Crap starts to go down! ;)

Reviews are love, dear readers. It doesn't help that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **And **if we reach 100 reviews for Scarred, the next update will be early. Super early. **Tempting enough?

Next update should be on February 20th, unless we hit 100 reviews, which'll move it to the day after we hit 100. See ya then!


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N: **Hey, so, remember when I said that** if we hit 100 reviews, I'd post Chapter 9 the next day?** I honestly didn't expect us to hit that - we were 16 reviews away - but I am quickly figuring out that **I underestimated the Scarred Fandom.** Because guess what?

**We hit 100 reviews.**

So, as promised, here's Chapter 9, all shiny and ready for you **10 days ahead of schedule!**

* * *

**Nina POV**

The door slammed against the wall, sending me out of my sleep and almost tumbling off the bed in surprise.

"Amber, it's here! It came!"

Joy stood there, her eyes bright, her breathing rapid. She held a gigantic box in her arms, but I couldn't see what it was for. She didn't even look at me, instead waiting for a reaction from Amber, who hadn't even flinched at her entry.

"Joy, Nina was sleeping. You know she's sick, she needs her rest." She frowned at my terrified face. "Sorry, Nina. She gets overly excited about her photography."

Joy still didn't acknowledge me. She crossed the room and laid the huge box on Amber's bed, the grin still plastered on her face.

_Photography?_

"Come on, then, help me open it!"

Amber pulled out a pair scissors after a final glance of apology to me and started cutting through the tape. Joy got more and more excited by the second, until finally she pulled open the flaps and pulled out what was inside.

A big, expensive, _really nice_ camera was clutched in her hands. Joy released an Amber-like squeal and grabbed the other things from the box - two lenses, a few memory cards, a battery charger, a strap, and more things I didn't recognize. She slid in the memory card and attached one of the lenses. She turned it on and it sprung to life immediately, releasing quiet noises.

"It's everything I dreamed it would be," Joy whispered, staring at the machine. She put her eye to the lens view and turned to Amber, nearly whacking her in the face with the end of the thing. "Say cheese!"

I watched silently, entirely overwhelmed by her enthusiasm. When the camera turned to me and the shutter snapped away, I retreated into the safety of my covers.

"Aw, is someone camera shy?" Her voice was mocking.

"Joy, come on. She's sick and you woke her up."

"Alright, sorry Nina. You can come out from hiding. I'll be quieter. In fact, I think I'm leaving. I'm gonna test out the camera on Fabian." She started giggling when she said his name, and I heard her pack her stuff up.

Instead of falling asleep again, I sat up and got out my art supplies.

It was time to start working on Fabian's gift.

** X**

I was able to actually make it down the stairs and to the dining table that night. Fabian and Amber cheered when I came wobbling down.

"Your fever is almost gone," Trudy said after gently pressing her hand to my forehead. "Not nearly as bad as before. It should be gone by morning. You'll be able to eat with everyone else at the table."

Oh great. Surrounded by bodies and heat and noise. Just what I wanted.

But when Fabian sat down next to me instead of between Amber and Joy, I decided that maybe I didn't mind so much after all.

Joy had her camera out, and she was snapping pictures instead of eating for most of the meal. I didn't know whether or not she took some of me - I purposely preoccupied myself with either my food or Fabian, who was talking about school.

"Hey, um…" He stole a glance at me, his cheeks going a little pink. "I have a modeling class I'm taking, and I'm supposed to choose someone from Anubis House to draw. I've already drawn everyone else here more than a few times, and I've only drawn you once, which turned out really well, so… would you mind being my model?"

Amber, who'd been talking to Alfie, and Joy, who'd been taking pictures, both paused and looked at me. Each had a very different expression on their face. One of pleased smugness, the other hurt and angry.

My cheeks went up in flames.

"It's okay if you don't," Fabian hurried on, seeing my reaction. "I'll completely understand and won't be offended or anything. I figured I'd ask, it's not like it does any harm… you can pose wherever you want to, however you want to."

The whole table had gone quiet at this point, noticing Joy and Amber's faces.

Silence.

"If she doesn't want to, I'd be happy to," Joy cut in. "I know the perfect place, too." Fabian didn't even look at her, too busy staring me down.

I nodded.

His responding grin almost wiped away my worries of how badly I was going to regret this.

"We can wait until you're healthy again. We may do it outside, depending on where you want to model, and it's getting cold out. We don't want you to get worse again." No, we certainly didn't. I'd already fallen behind enough in school.

Everyone tried to pick up their conversations again, but Joy was silently fuming at her plate, and everything lapsed into silence again. I picked at my food, blushing.

"Well, I'm going to bed," Jerome announced. "The sexual tension in here is so bad I'm actually going to sleep _early_ to escape it. Good night everyone." He left the room without saying anything else. Alfie burst out laughing and followed him. Amber looked like she was ready to smack him, and Joy's frown had deepened. Patricia watched everything with a grin. Mara and Mick weren't even paying attention.

Fabian suddenly refused to look at me, his cheeks going pink again, and it was only then that I realized that the comment on the sexual tension was for Fabian and I.

By the time Fabian looked up again, I was already up the stairs and slipping into my room.

** X**

After all the resting I'd done over the past couple of days, I couldn't get myself to sleep. I tossed and turned for a while, and I was sure I was annoying Amber - before she fell asleep as well. I considered continuing my artwork for Fabian, but I'd need more light and obviously it wasn't the appropriate time to turn on lights.

_What to do, what to do…_

Next thing I knew I was sneaking down the stairs, probably breaking a gazillion rules, but for once I really didn't care. To my great relief, the stairs didn't creak, and I was able to make it to the main floor without one sound.

"Hi there."

I spun away from the voice, sending me toward the floor. A hand jabbed out and grabbed my wrist, pulling me forward again, and I jerked away from the contact.

Patricia and Joy stood before me.

_Oh sweet Jesus_.

"Couldn't sleep?" Patricia asked, walking into the living room and plopping down on a couch. "Neither could we. Perfect timing, by the way; we've been wanting to talk to you for a while."

I had an idea of where this was going, and I didn't like it one bit. I pulled out my notepad from my back pocket.

_I just came down here to get a drink. I'm going back up in a second. Sorry for bothering you._

"You're a horrible liar, so sit," Patricia said bluntly, patting the space between her and Joy. Though I knew I was going to regret this, I hesitantly placed myself between them.

"So. Nina. I think it's time we get to know each other. We'll ask you something about yourself, and then once you tell us, we'll share our answer to the same question. Sound good? Good," Patricia said firmly.

I really did not like this.

"Now, let's start off easy. What's your favorite color?" she asked.

_Gray._

Not gray, exactly, more the color of the sky just before the sunrise - it was a lovely thing to paint - but I wasn't going to ramble on about that to them.

"Gray… interesting." Joy said, wrinkling her nose in obvious distaste. "Well, mine is purple, and Patricia's is red. Favorite food?"

_I don't have one._

It was actually hot chocolate, but that sounded ridiculous.

"Mine is Trudy's pancakes, Joy's is french fries," Patricia said. A small smirk grew on her face. "Now, let's see… do you have a crush?"

Yup, exactly where I thought this was going.

_I've never crushed on someone before._

Joy laughed. "I find that very hard to believe, but okay, I'll let it slide. Well, I don't think Patricia has ever crushed on someone either. I, meanwhile, have had a crush on Fabian for years." Yeah, I'd assumed.

My heart was starting to pick up and I was feeling very cornered._ Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale._

"Now, what would you do if another girl starting crushing on the boy you liked?"

_I don't know. I've never had something like that happen._

"Well, you want to know what I'd do?" Joy's voice gained an edge that I really wasn't fond of. "I'd make sure that the competition was eliminated from the game. Do you catch my meaning?"

_Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale._

_I don't have a crush on Fabian, I mean no harm._

"Like I said, you're a horrible liar," Patricia cut in. "Now, I don't want to see my best friend get hurt, so I'm backing her up. Tomorrow, you're going to go to Fabian and tell him you can't model for him, and suggest Joy as his model instead. Then you're going to avoid him like he's got the plague. Understand?"

I nodded quickly, trying to keep my breathing steady. I'd already been considering taking it back, it wasn't that big of a deal… at least that's what I told myself.

"Good," Joy said with a nod. "Now then, I think it's time Patricia and I go to bed. Sleep well, Nina." Then she and Patricia filed out of the room and crept back up the stairs.

_Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale._

Despite the fact that I'd originally come down here because I couldn't sleep, I was now exhausted. I didn't think I'd be able to make it back up the stairs. The confrontation had wiped out any energy I'd had before.

Without taking time to think about it, I curled up on the couch and closed my eyes.

_Inhale, exhale. Inhale…_

I was asleep before I could finish my cycle.

** X**

"Nina… wakey wakey…"

My eyes fluttered open, only to see Amber standing over me, her hands on her hips.

"You're lucky I found you down here before anyone else did. You could've gotten in trouble. Why did you sleep down here? Was I making noise?"

I groggily pulled out my notepad, trying to clear the haze in my mind.

_I couldn't sleep, so I came down here._

The events of last night hit me like a ton of bricks in the stomach. Amber saw the change in me immediately. "What? What is it?"

_Nothing. I'm fine._

I smothered my worry and stood, backing away when it brought me too close to Amber. I wobbled but managed to stay on my feet.

"Everyone's getting dressed. Trudy is making breakfast in the kitchen, but she didn't see you, so it's all good. Go sit at the table, everyone will be there in a minute." I nodded wearily and trudged over to the table, plopping down on one of the chairs. Jerome and Alfie came in a moment later, snickering.

When I heard footsteps on the stairs, my head craned to see who was coming down. My hunch was proved true when Joy and Patricia walked through the door, laughing. Amber, who'd just put herself in the chair next to mine, rolled her eyes. I once again pulled out the notepad, and she noticed it immediately.

_Please make sure Fabian doesn't sit beside me._

"Why?" She asked, frowning at me.

_No reason. Please?_

"Alright." I apparently had perfect timing, because Fabian walked in just as I put the pad back in my pocket. He started to sit on the other side of me, but Amber grabbed his hand. "Sorry, Fabian, but Mara already reserved her seat there. You can sit beside me."

"But-"

"Sit." They stared each other down, and I couldn't see Amber's face, only Fabian's. Something flashed in his eyes - understanding? - and he looked at me. I immediately looked down at my empty plate. I heard him sigh.

"Fine." I saw him sit down on the other side of Amber out of the corner of my eye.

Joy smirked.

"Ah, Nina, you look much better. All the color is back in your face, so that's good," Trudy said, piling pancakes on my plate. "You might finally be able to eat a full meal again."

I doubted it. My stomach wasn't feeling too well, but it had nothing to do with my sickness.

"Oh yeah, Nina, when do you want to go looking for a good spot to model? It's Saturday, we don't have any classes, so whenever is fine with me."

I dropped my fork.

I'd hoped this would be brought up later so I could come up with a good reason for canceling.

"Nina?" He sounded worried. I could feel his gaze on me, burning like white fire. For a final time, I took out my notepad.

_I changed my mind about the modeling. Sorry to mess up plans._

I passed it to Amber, who passed it to him. I could almost hear him frown.

"Why?" There was hurt in his voice, and I wondered if I'd offended him.

_Not comfortable with it. Sorry. Have Joy model instead._

"Are you sure?"

I tilted my head up so I could look him in the eye. I hoped that he wouldn't mind. I needed to get my point across. With no hesitation, I nodded.

His frowned deepened, a crease appearing between his eyebrows.

"Um, okay, I guess. Tell me if you change your mind. Joy?" She looked up with a bright smile. "Would you like to model for me?"

"I'd love to, Fabian. I have a good spot in mind, too. I was thinking that maybe we could do it in the garden, by that patch of roses where…" The sounds around me faded, and I poked at my pancakes.

I was going to be sick.

Next thing I knew, I was rushing out of the dining room and to the front door. It opened with a gust of cold wind, but I couldn't have cared less about freezing my butt off in that moment. I closed the door behind me and walked off in a direction I'd never been before, not worried about where it might lead me for once.

So much for eating a full meal.

* * *

**A/N: **Alright, so, I'm sorta expecting a rampage over the Joy plot. Let me clarify a few things. **I like Joy. I am not a Joy hater. Joy is not the villain of this story and never will be, that title goes to Nina's abuser. When Joy said 'eliminate the problem' she did not mean kill, she meant get expelled. Once again, _I am not a Joy hater._ **Are we clear?

Now, a few chapters back, I said I couldn't wait to get to chapters 10 - 13... well, now you know why. **Expect angst. Lots of angst.** Chapter 10 will be posted on **February 20th, 9 days from now.**

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Hey, look, you survived the ten day wait! Hopefully you'll think it was worth it, even if today's chapter is shorter than usual. Meanwhile, **your response to the last chapter blew my mind. **I got **31 reviews. **Each one made me smile, and I can't thank you enough for brightening my week!

**Just a reminder: If you review anonymously, I cannot reply to it. **Thank you to my anon reviewers out there!

Also: **Someone asked me if the new characters like Eddie, KT, Willow, etc will show up. **As of right now, **no.** But who knows, we'll have to see!

Okay, see ya at the end!

* * *

**Nina POV**

_Why do I even care about Fabian?_

This was the question that haunted me as I walked across the grasses blindly. Other boarding houses popped up in the distance, but I didn't approach any, sticking to a path that made no sense. My teeth were chattering, but I couldn't feel the cold, too caught up in my confusion.

He was a puzzle. An enigma wrapped in an enigma. I did things wrong but he did nothing to punish me. He looked hurt when I pushed away from him, physically or mentally. He acted like he _cared._ But this was impossible.

No one cared about me.

I was a mentally disturbed, mute, skittish, ugly teenage girl on the outside. On the inside, I was a used piece of junk that deserved no love, no care, no thought. I'd been beaten, used, and starved so many times I barely recognized the pain anymore. I was too scarred to be worth loving. Whether you judged me for my inside or my outside, both got a bad wrap. Put them together and I was something someone might put in an insane asylum.

No one cared about me. No one _should _care about me. No one would _ever_ care about me.

So why did he act like he did?

As hard as I tried, I couldn't find the answer. The only guess I came up with was that he was waiting it out, gaining my trust before he hurt me. A small voice in the back of my mind whispered that Fabian wouldn't do that, but I ignored it.

I vaguely realized that I'd made my way into the forested area nearby, and somehow I'd ended up huddled on the ground, trying to conserve body heat. I wasn't sure if I could find my way back to Anubis House if I tried, but I didn't care.

I'd been so stupid. Somehow, I'd allowed a small part of myself to start recognizing him as a friend. Someone I could trust. But trust brought pain in the end, no matter how hard anyone tried to stop it. To trust someone was to open yourself up for destruction, and to be trusted was to be given the ability to destroy.

I had already been damaged enough. Heavens knew I didn't need any more pain.

I definitely didn't need Fabian to be the cause of that pain.

I needed everything to go back to the way it had been. I needed to be distant, I needed to be uncaring of whether Fabian was staring at me or if Jerome made jokes about us. I needed to be just as afraid of the idea of him in my room as I had been the first time it happened. Fabian needed to become another member of Anubis House, not the guy who smiled at me and talked to me as if I was his friend.

And I needed to make this happen now.

In a strange way, I was happy that Patricia and Joy had confronted me about Fabian. I was positive I would've done this soon anyway, but the longer I'd gone on trusting him, the more it would've hurt when I finally pulled away. This had kickstarted it early, and I could only thank the two girls for helping me with that.

The bigger, stronger part of me slowly squished the existence out of the part that wanted to befriend Fabian. I felt it take its last breath, and then nothing. I suddenly felt empty - emptier than normal, at least. But emptiness was something I could deal with. Something I was used to.

"Nina?" Amber's voice sent me jumping out of my skin in surprise. I'd been so caught up in my thoughts that I hadn't heard her approach. "Finally, I've been looking for you for ages… Nina, your lips are turning blue. Don't you have a coat?"

No, I didn't, actually.

"Come on, up you go, before you freeze to death. Don't want that happening, yeah?" She paused, as if waiting for me to laugh. I didn't even blink. "Okay, seriously, up you go. Do you need help?"

I did, but I wasn't going to ask for it. Help involved touching. I grabbed the bark of the tree and used it as leverage to pull myself up. My knees wobbled, but didn't collapse out from under me. I took this as a victory.

Amber started taking off her fluffy coat, eying my shuddering form, and I immediately motion for her to stop. We stared at each other, fighting with our eyes. I won, apparently, because she slid it back on. Then we were walking, and everything was too quiet.

It took a while to reach Anubis House. I hadn't realized how far I'd wondered. When the house came in sight, a pit formed in my stomach. It must have shown on my face, because Amber reassured me a moment later.

"Fabian is out in the garden drawing Joy, last time I checked." Her voice was sour. "He almost went looking for you, but Joy wanted to model right after breakfast and I offered to go after you instead." I couldn't be more relieved of the turn of events.

I couldn't stand seeing Fabian right now. I was still building the wall between myself and that suffocated part of me that wanted to know Fabian better. The structure would come tumbling down if I saw him too soon. I needed time to set my mind straight.

"Head up to our room, I'll make some hot chocolate for the both of us." I started to protest but she pointed at me, and when she spoke again, her voice was firm. "You cannot convince me out of it. I'll do it anyway. Upstairs, now. Get tucked under those covers and get warm like there's no tomorrow."

I sighed, knowing this was a battle I wouldn't win, and trudged up the stairs.

Amber came up a few minutes later holding steaming mugs. I sipped mine every few seconds, and stared at the drink in wonder. It was so sweet and chocolaty and I was in awe of whoever came up with the idea of this. Amber laughed at my expression.

"You look like you've never had hot chocolate before," she teased. Then she realized I actually hadn't.

She got really quiet after that.

She left after a while, taking both of our empty mugs with her. I kept myself wrapped under the comforter until I finally stopped shivering.

When I did, I sat up and brought out the artwork I'd been working on for Fabian - a bird. A white bird taking flight, shooting into a night sky, swirls of color around it.

It went into the trashcan a moment later.

I then brought out the sketch Fabian had done of me, fully intending to throw that away as well, but the second I saw it I knew I couldn't. So instead, I folded it up and put it in the drawer of my nightstand, promising to myself to never unfold it again.

I knew what I had to do.

I did not care for Fabian. I did not trust Fabian. Fabian's name would bring no reaction from me any more than Mick's would. Fabian was a housemate, someone I saw everyday. Someone who did not send my heart into a gallop every time I saw him. Someone who cared for others, especially Joy, and did _not_ care for me. Because I was a person no one could care for, especially him.

_I do not care for Fabian Rutter. I do not trust Fabian Rutter…_

I repeated it over and over and over in my mind until it kept replaying, even when I stopped focusing on it. I inhaled. I exhaled. I walked downstairs for lunch.

When Fabian and Joy came walking through the door laughing their heads off, I felt no twinge of pain. When Fabian asked if I could pass the butter, I didn't look at him. I flinched when his hand brushed mine and I ignored his hurt expression. When Fabian stopped me on my way from the room after the meal and asked me if I was okay, I blinked at him and nodded, expressionless.

I felt no rush of confusion or pain or jealousy or attraction or anything anything _anything_ at all.

I felt nothing.

* * *

**A/N: ***peeks out from behind shield nervously* Don't shoot me! Anyone hyperventilating should grab paper bags and try to calm down. Prepare yourselves, it's only going to go downhill from here. Yes, I did say downhill. ;D

**The next chapter update will be on February 25th. It also happens to be my favorite chapter so far. Prepare for angst.**

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya on the Monday!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Hey, look, it's the 25th! Scarred update day! I am so happy with the response that I got to the last chapter, and I hope I'll get the same sort of response to this one (that or "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU WITCH?!" Both are good. ;D). So, enough of my rambling. Grab a paper bag for hyperventilating, maybe a tissue or two just to be safe, and let's get this show on the road!

* * *

**Nina POV**

I had not so much as looked at Fabian Rutter in 8 days.

He got the grade back on his sketch of Joy. He'd gotten a 81. One of the lowest grades of the semester, he'd commented. I heard him mutter under his breath that the sketch might have turned out better with a different model. No one else heard him, and I almost started to wonder if the comment was made for my ears only.

Then I remembered that I shouldn't think about him, and my wondering ceased before it even began.

I felt him staring holes in the back of my head sometimes. It made me uncomfortable. When the staring went on for more than 10 seconds, I typically left the room. My housemates were now used to my random exits, because he stared at me for more than 10 seconds a_ lot._

When he realized it was him that made me leave, he found ways to avoid detection and stared anyway. I resisted the urge to look around every few seconds. Then I remembered that I shouldn't think about him, and stopped caring.

Since I was no longer focused on Fabian, I found out a lot more about the other members of Anubis House. I now knew that Alfie wanted to be an actor, that Mick kept staring at the schedule for Technical Theater classes but was too nervous to sign up. That Amber had been offered an internship next summer at a popular local fashion line business. That Patricia was more interested in music than art. That Joy liked to take a_ lot_ of pictures of-

_Don't say his name don't say it don't say it don't say it._

In other words, life went onward.

Amber was trying to convince me to go shopping with her, and I continued to say no. She tried to use logic against my stubbornness. That I needed a coat before I froze my butt off, that I couldn't keep wearing the same few long sleeve shirts everyday. She also bribed me with more hot chocolate.

It was starting to work, but I hadn't admitted that to Amber yet.

I'd tried to make hot chocolate for myself when we all settled down for movie night, but it had failed miserably. No one knew what exactly I'd done, but in the end chocolate had exploded all over the inside of the microwave and - when I'd opened it - my shirt.

Everyone save for Fabian had laughed while I stood there, my chest slowly roasting under the burning chocolate plastered to my shirt, unsure of what to do or where the paper towels were or how to really make hot chocolate.

Fabian came into the kitchen and grabbed the paper towels I'd failed to find and started wiping down the inside of the microwave. I'd taken some of my own and started trying to clean up the mess on my chest, avoiding looking at him, hoping the skin underneath didn't blister.

By the time I was done with my preoccupation, Fabian had cleaned up the microwave and put a new mug of hot chocolate in. During the whole process, I'd managed to keep him in my peripheral vision.

I wanted to say thank you but I didn't know how, so I didn't try. He left without a word, and settled himself back on the couch. I went upstairs to change my shirt and came back down, happy to see my hot chocolate waiting for me.

It tasted a million times better than Amber's, and I found that I couldn't stop smiling after the first sip.

It was the first and last time I felt Fabian staring at me and decided I didn't mind one single bit.

** X**

"I'm going to fail this class!" Jerome exploded, and I jumped a mile high, nearly falling off my chair. "Watercolor is the most ridiculous art I have ever seen and I'm going to get a zero on it."

It was Sunday, and all of us save for Mara and Mick were settled in the living room working on various school projects after lunch. And apparently, Jerome was having problems, and no one knew how to help.

"Sorry, Jerome, but none of us have taken any watercolor classes," Fabian said, who was right beside him on the couch. "Maybe you should do some research online."

"I've already tried," Jerome grumbled.

I'd made it over to him with a note in hand before I really thought through what I was doing.

_I've taken some watercolor classes. Can I help?_

It was true - the teacher who'd submitted my application to the school had been a particular fan of watercolor. When _he_ couldn't pick me up from school until an hour after it ended, the teacher had offered to give me extra art projects to work on. Most of them had been watercolor, and though I preferred sketching and acrylics, I knew quite a bit.

"That would be wonderful, Nina," he said, surprise coloring his words. "Come, sit," he said, patting the seat next to him, offering a person between Fabian and I. I took it gladly and started scribbling on my notepad.

_What's your assignment and what's the problem?_

"I was supposed to be doing a tiger lily like this," he said, showing me a picture of an orange lily before continuing. "But I can't get it right. The watercolor spreads everywhere and when I try to let it dry and repaint over it, it just mixes colors and still goes everywhere."

Luckily, I knew the exact answer to his problem.

_The trick is to wet the canvas before you add the paint to the mix. Sketch out the flower and wet one of the petals. Then put on a dab or two of the watercolor. If you don't put on too much, it will dry within the wet area. Just make sure your canvas is flat when you put it on, so you can tilt it anyway you want to spread the paint and put it back flat before it goes over the edge._

"That makes… perfect sense, actually." He grinned at me. "I'm going to work on it on the dining room table for a flat surface to put it on. Would you mind coming with me and give me some pointers for a few minutes?" I shrugged and nodded. He stood and began gathering his things, taking away the wall between Fabian and I. I involuntarily looked at him.

He, for once, was not looking at me.

He was staring at his History homework with such a big frown that I almost wanted to offer my help to him as well. This surprised me, because he was one of the top students in History. What could be bothering him so much?

Then he looked up at me, and our eyes met for the first time in over a week, and I realized that maybe it wasn't his History homework that was bothering him so much.

I left for the dining room quickly after that.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

I was going insane.

"Amber, she hasn't even _looked_ at me in 9 days!" My hands made their way to my hair, pulling it in a dozen directions as I walked around the school grounds. "I'm going mad, I swear. I don't know what I did wrong!"

"Fabian, you need to calm down and look at this clearly. What happened the night before she stopped talking to you?"

I tried to think back.

_"Well, I'm going to bed," Jerome said, bringing me out of my thoughts. "The sexual tension in here is so bad I'm actually going to sleep early to escape it. Good night everyone." He left the room without saying anything else. Everyone had varying responses to the words._

_I wanted to kill Jerome._

_I felt heat bubble up in my cheeks, and I turned away from Nina, focusing on my food. She'd looked confused when I'd looked away._

_She was so quiet that by the time I looked up again to apologize, she was gone from the table and up the stairs, slipping into her room._

"That was the night Jerome made the comment about the sexual tension," I groaned. "I hadn't made the connection yet. I was going to apologize, but by morning I figured it would've blown over, and I didn't want to bring it up again."

"It might be that, but the next morning, I found her asleep on the couch. She said she couldn't sleep and had come down there for a distraction, then fallen asleep, but it looked like she was lying," Amber said. "When I thought about asking her, she was already shoving a note at me to make sure you didn't sit beside her. She wouldn't tell me why."

"This is impossible," I groaned. "Should I confront her about it, or wait for her to come to me?"

"I don't think she'll ever come to you about it. It looks like she's dead set on avoiding you for the rest of the school year," she replied. "I'd go to her." I took a deep breath and nodded.

"She told me she felt safe in my arms the day I carried her to Anubis House," I said quietly. "I want to make her feel safe like that again." Amber started grinning, but it quickly slipped away from her face. "What?"

"The day you took Joy out to the gardens for modeling, and I went after Nina?" I nodded, not sure what she was getting at. "I didn't find her for hours."

_"What?"_

"I found her in the woods with no coat or hat or anything. Her lips were literally turning blue. When I got her back to the house, she was really worried that you'd be inside. I had to convince her that you were still sketching Joy in the gardens before she would take a step through the door." Each word cut me deeper and deeper.

"God, I really screwed this up."

"She'd never had hot chocolate before," Amber said quietly. "She was looking at the drink like it was a miracle. What sort of person has never had hot chocolate before?"

"What sort of a person has never had breakfast and only gets two small meals a day?" I bounced back, remembering the note from when she'd first arrived. "There's something really wrong going on, I just can't figure out what it is. I keep…" I sighed, took a deep breath, and said the thing I'd tried not to think about since I first met her.

"I think she's been abused."

Amber didn't look surprised. Instead, she nodded, her face solemn.

"It matches up. Her fear of everyone around her and her general fear of touch. Maybe she had a boyfriend back home who abused her…" She shook her head. "I don't know. Either way, she's away from the abuser, right? We can help her, just by being around her. She's loosened up a lot since she got here, and I'm pretty sure it's primarily because of you, but also because of me and everyone else at Anubis."

"It makes me so angry," I replied, my voice coming out almost like a growl. "To think of someone hurting her, of damaging her so much that she's terrified of everyone and everything. I think touch means pain to her."

We'd made it back to Anubis House, the building looming before us. I took a deep breath.

"So you'll teach her otherwise," she said with a knowing, sad smile. "We'll continue this conversation later. Now go get her, tiger." She pushed me into the entryway. I smiled nervously at Amber and made my way up the stairs. Then I hesitantly cracked open her door.

"Nina?"

* * *

**A/N: **So, we've learned a very important thing in this chapter - **Amber and Fabian suspect Nina has been abused. **I know a lot of you are waiting for someone to find out, and I promise that will be happening in the near future. Otherwise, we got **a lot of feels and angst. **What's in store for you next chapter, you ask? **You'll have to find out.**

**The next chapter update will be on March 1st. This means Friday of this week.**

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya Friday!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Here we are, Scarred Update Day! **I have a little message for you at the bottom**, slightly important and slightly boring, but one I feel you need to read, so watch out for that! Meanwhile, **I have a name for all my precious fans: Definitions.** 'Cause my username is Definition of a Writer, and so you guys are definitions of readers, so now I'm gonna call you **my little definitions. **Whaddaya think? Maybe? Maybe? It's either that or **brave, trusting souls. **;D

Be prepared for feels, my dearest definitions, and go forth. See ya at the bottom!

* * *

**Nina POV**

"Nina?"

Please. God. No.

_Fabian_.

"Nina, I'm coming in." The watercolor brush slipped from my hand and hit the pad, sending drops of blue all over the paper. Footsteps echoed through the room, but I didn't look at him. I simply stared down at my brush and hid my face behind my curtain of hair.

Through my shield, I could see his ratty shoes stop right next to me. Then I saw legs, then knees.

He'd knelt beside my bed.

"Nina," he murmured, like it was a word to be cherished. "Will you please look at me?"

I sat completely still, keeping my eyes on the painting.

I didn't see his hand, I only felt my hair being brushed to the side. I jerked away, then pushed the watercolor painting aside so I could put my knees up and push my head into them.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I didn't mean to scare you." He shifted, and I saw his hand drag the painting toward him. He was silent for a moment. "This is beautiful. What's it of?"

I wasn't even aware of what I'd been painting. I'd let my hand do the talking while my mind wandered. I carefully peeked my head out from my knees to look at it.

Colors. Swirls of colors.

I sighed and pulled out my notepad, scribbling the answer down quickly before pushing it across the bed. I still wouldn't look at him.

_My dreams._

"You dream about colors? That's… awesome." He chuckled, but it came out a little flat. "I'd tell you what I dreamed about, but you'd never look at me again… not that you've done that more than once in the past 9 days."

Ah. Here it was.

"Is it what happened Friday night, Jerome's comment? He was just joking, Nina, he didn't mean anything by it. I would never-"

I shook my head. He cut off.

"Then what did I do?" I grabbed the notepad again.

_You didn't do anything._

"Then why are you suddenly ignoring me? If you'd tell me, then maybe I can try to fix it."

_I'm saving myself._

Shoot. I should've just stayed quiet.

"Saving yourself? From what?"

_From pain._

Silence.

"Nina… I would never hurt you. In any way. Not on purpose." The notepad was pushed back to me, but I didn't pick it up. "I'm trying to understand here. What could hurt you?" I sighed and picked it up again.

_Trust._

"Trust? What does that have to do with anything?"

_I started trusting you. Trust brings pain._

"I don't understand." He honestly sounded like he didn't. Could he not know?

_Trusting someone means opening yourself up for destruction. Being trusted means being given the power to destroy. I don't want that power and I don't want to give someone that power._

"But that doesn't mean that person will use that power. You have to open yourself up to other people and put your trust in them, or you won't have anyone to depend on."

_In every single past time I've put my trust in someone, they have used that power. I don't believe in the concept anymore._

I bit my lip nervously, wondering if that was too much information. He seemed to struggle with words for a minute.

"Who have you been hurt by?"

I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say that I'd put trust in my mom, who died because she'd gone out with her friends, gotten too drunk, and ended up dying in a car crash. That I'd put trust in my real dad, who'd taken off the year before her death without leaving a note. That I'd put my trust in my grandmother, who had died when I was 7. That I'd put my trust in a friend in America, who had called me disgusting and run the other way when she found out what happened at my house.

That I'd put trust in my stepfather, who had given me candy everyday. Who called me his good girl and was all smiles and charm. Who told me he loved me.

My stepfather, who started beating me the day my mother died, and never stopped.

That I'd been hurt by everyone, whether they died or betrayed me.

Instead, I shook my head.

The watercolor painting was set on the floor, and I could see him stand up through my curtain of hair. Then he climbed onto my bed.

I crawled to the other end, trying and failing not to think of all the ways this could go wrong. Was he deciding to hurt me too?

"Nina, I'm not going to hurt you. I just want you to look at me." He shifted toward me, and I pressed my back up against the headboard, turning my head away from him, unable to process his words. I had nowhere to go, nowhere to hide, he had me cornered and-

"Please, Nina. Look at me. _Please_."

Slowly, I peeked up at him through my hair. He looked so distraught, so upset that I wanted to cry. I moved my head to the left ever so slightly and pushed my hair to the side, looking at him straight on.

His hand moved slowly, making sure it stayed in my sight, and rested on my hand. I started to pull away automatically, but for the first time, he grabbed it and kept it in place.

My heart kicked into a faster speed for more than one reason.

"Let me be the one to prove you wrong," he said quietly. "Let me be the one to restore your faith in the concept of trust." His thumb stroked the outside of my hand, and the feeling was completely alien to me. I didn't know whether to like it or hate it.

I wanted to nod my head.

I wanted to open myself up.

I wanted to be able to touch him without flinching away.

I almost did.

But then.

Joy.

The second her name filtered into my head, I yanked my hand away. This time, he didn't stop me, but he did lean in closer.

"What is it? What's wrong?"

What's wrong was that Joy's warning was repeating through my mind over and over again._ I'd make sure that the competition was eliminated from the game._ Would she try to get me expelled, sent back to America? Sent back to_ him?_

I couldn't go back there. I wouldn't be able to last. I'd be his bad girl - or worse, I'd be his good girl. I didn't want that. I didn't want to be a good girl or a bad girl. I wanted to be me, no matter how screwed up I was. When I was around_ him,_ I couldn't think straight. I would never escape, not this time.

"Nina?" His voice was even more worried than before, and I realized it was probably because I was starting to hyperventilate. "Nina, do you want me to get help?"

I shook my head, and it brought on a sudden bout of dizziness. Black spots swirled through my vision, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

His hand.

On my shoulder.

_His hand was on my shoulder._

That was the last piece to the puzzle, the last building block on the tower before it all came tumbling down with a crash.

I blacked out.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

I felt her go limp beneath my hand, and I may have said a few choice words I would've gotten expelled for had Victor been in the room.

Her head rolled back against the headboard, her hair falling back so I could see her face. Her eyes were still open, staring at nothing, and the position was all too familiar.

I cursed again.

I didn't understand what had happened. She'd been a little afraid when I'd held onto her hand, but nothing so big that it could have caused this. No, some other thought had crossed her mind, one that had made her shut down. Or start to shut down. Me touching her shoulder - an automatic reaction I'd done without thinking - had been the tip of the iceberg.

"Nina. _Nina_." Nothing.

I shifted her body so she was laying down in a much more comfortable position, then slid off the bed and sat on the floor. I'd wait it out, apologize, and try to see what'd happened.

Something caught my eye. A painting. A painting in the trash bin by Nina's nightstand.

I pulled it out, stroking the edge of the half finished bird. It was definitely Nina's own creation, I could tell by the style. It was beautiful, and I couldn't understand why it'd been dumped. Curiously, I flipped it over.

_Thank you for letting me be me. - Nina_

Oh.

Oh.

_Oh._

This had been for me.

And then something had happened, something that made her dump it. Probably the same thing that had just made her shut down.

I was going to go insane.

The notepad she'd been writing on caught my eye. She was a few pages in - and the curiosity of what could be on the first few sheets was impossible to ignore. I felt a little guilty as I picked it up. This was like breaking into someone's email, someone's diary. But maybe this would give me a clue.

I flipped through the pages, skimming over her conversation with Jerome and Amber, then her messages to me, and-

_I just came down here to get a drink. I'm going back up in a second. Sorry for bothering you._

I stopped, and spotted my name immediately.

_I don't have a crush on Fabian, I mean no harm._

I dropped the pad back on the bed.

Mean no harm? To who? And why was she talking about whether or not she had a crush on me? Why would someone ever expect she'd have a crush on me? She was afraid of me the most out of-

Nina sat up suddenly, her eyes aware and blinking at me. She seemed to be frozen for a second, then realization colored her expression.

"Nina, I'm sorry for grabbing your shoulder, I didn't think about it. But what made you-" She snatched the pad off the bed and found the pencil she'd used earlier, cutting me off effectively. Then she shoved the page toward me.

_Go away._

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying not to show how much her lack of trust affected me. "Nina, please-" She scribbled another few words onto the pad, more agitated in her movements now, and almost threw the notepad at my face.

_GO AWAY NOW!_

"Okay," I said, standing with my hands raised above my head. "I'm going. I'm sorry for whatever I did." Then I turned around and left, not sure I would ever forget the look on her face. But I wiped these worries from my mind, focusing on my new goal.

I had a job to do, and a girl to find.

* * *

**A/N: **Obviously, mentioned girl is either Joy or Patricia. But! **We got Fabina! **Before, ya know, she shut down and forced him to leave. Were there any specific lines that made you squeal?

Now, message time.

**Several of you have asked if I can update faster. The answer is, though I'm sorry to say it: no. **I'm writing as fast as I can, but my life is busy right now. My parents are divorcing, we just moved, I'm preparing for my return to public school next year, and a lot of other crap. **I simply cannot update faster. **I really an sorry, I wish I could, and the fact that you care so much about the story is really inspiring. **I'm sorry!**

Second order of business: **some of you have asked for Fabina to happen faster/the secret of Nina's abuse to be revealed quicker/etc. **Once again, **I** **can't.** This story needs to have conflict, and if Fabina happened any quicker than it already is, it wouldn't be realistic. Nina has been abused her whole life, she can't jump into his arms right away. Plus, I already have at least five of the future chapters written, and I can promise you that **big stuff is happening soon. Big. Stuff.**

Okay, all done. Sorry for the seriousness!

**The next chapter update will be on March 8th. Friday of next week. **I know, a whole week, but I'm having plot problems with Scarred that I need to have time to fix. We should be able to get back to five day updates soon!

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya Friday, my little definitions!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** *shuffles in guiltily* *coughs nervously* Um, hey guys. So, um, I'm sure you're all aware that I'm four days late on my update. But **I have a reason - I had no internet.** Honestly. The only access to internet I had was my phone, and I obviously didn't have my chapter stored on my phone, so I couldn't update. **I'm so sorry! Can you forgive me? Do you still love me?** I hope so... and if you're undecided, hopefully this chapter will help you make up your mind. Sit back and enjoy finally getting the update!

Also: I wanted to thank you. **Scarred hit 200 reviews.** That means so, so much to me and I am so honored.

**See ya at the bottom, my little definitions! ***ducks and runs*

* * *

**Patricia POV**

"What did you do?"

Fabian stood there, hands balled into fists, fuming at me. I rolled my eyes and dropped the dish I'd been washing back into the sink, wiping my hands before leaning against the counter with my arms crossed.

"What did I do this time, Rutter?" I knew what I'd done, and Fabian knew it too.

"I looked through Nina's notepad. She was talking to someone about not having a crush on me. She was scared, I can tell by the way her handwriting was sloppier than normal. Put those two things together, and I came up with you and Joy."

"We didn't touch her."

"I never claimed that you did," Fabian shot back. He was angry, angrier than ever before. This was worse than when Alfie had accidentally set fire to his project he'd been working on for a full month, and Fabian had been_ furious_. I'd laughed.

"We only told her what she needed to know," I said simply. It was true.

Joy had been crushing on Fabian since she'd first met him, and he'd finally been showing the beginning of that sort of affection to her in the few weeks before Nina Martin had arrived. Then that rotten girl had come, drawing attention to herself by saying she was a mute and acting all innocent. Fabian had been moony eyed over her within the first week.

I had to listen to Joy cry every night since. I was ticked. And it had been time to set things straight.

"What did she need to know, exactly?" he demanded.

"That you were Joy's, and if she continued to act on her crush on you, there would be consequences. We didn't specify what those consequences were, but she got the message." I shrugged. "She chose the smart path."

"I don't belong to anyone, especially not Joy, especially after what you two did. She won't even _look_ at me now." His expression was quickly transforming from rage to sadness. "She's shoving me away and it's driving me insane."

"Please," I snorted. "She isn't worth your time. She's been acting like a kicked puppy, a broken toy, and it's all fake. Joy has dealt with people like that before, she knows what she's talking about. She just wants to draw everyone in, especially you. She has the most annoying crush on you ever and she's acting even weaker around you and you're falling for it."

Fabian's face may have turned purple. I wished I'd had a camera.

"She's not acting, and she doesn't have a crush on me! She can't stand touch and she's terrified of everyone, me especially. I've been trying to help her and I was making so much progress, and she's still fearful of me but I don't care."

This was ridiculous, and apparently, Joy agreed with me.

"You want proof, lover boy? Let's give you proof." Both Fabian and I jumped at Joy's voice. She'd been standing directly behind him, and she'd been small enough that he blocked all sight of her completely. She had her camera out and on, hitting buttons.

"What are you talking about?" Fabian asked, but she just grabbed the sleeve of his shirt and dragged him so he was beside her. I quickly joined them, peering over Joy's other shoulder.

"Look. This is a picture of Nina when Amber called her. Amber, who's her roommate and as close to a friend as she has." Her face was closed off, tight, hesitant.

"This is her face when Jerome called her for dinner." She looked terrified, and her body was slightly huddled in fear. I wanted to resist the urge to snort again. She really shouldn't be in theater basics. To be that trained with her reactions was master level work.

"And this is her face when you called her, the morning before Patricia and I talked to her." It was the only time I'd seen her so relaxed. She was looking up with a smile, and the hopefulness almost entirely drowned all other emotions. Her expression was open, as peaceful as I'd ever seen it.

Fabian had stopped breathing.

"See? She's acting. Her gigantic crush on you is the only thing that makes her forget to act. She's not scared of you at all, at least not in this picture, and that proves that her whole getup is a fake. She'd be like that around Amber, at least, not you." Joy's voice sounded hopeful, but I had a feeling he wouldn't be seeing reason tonight.

He didn't.

"Joy, even if she _was_ faking it - which she's not - I'm still not yours and I never will be. I never had any feelings for you, and I never will, whether Nina leaves or not." His tone softened a little. "I see you as a friend, and I see you as a good friend, but I will never see you as anything more. And I'm sorry for that, I don't want to hurt you, but my attraction levels to people are something I can't control."

Joy now looked like the kicked puppy. Her lower lip trembled.

"But… Fabes-"

"Do you know what happened a half an hour ago? I was trying to get what had happened out of her, and something she remembered made her shut down. That's the second time that's happened since she got here. The first was when Mark _assaulted_ her," he spat. "Her mind literally turns off, and she doesn't react to anything. It's like she's in a temporary coma. You scared her as much as Mark scared her when he attacked her. That wasn't acting, that wasn't faking. That was _real_."

He was getting angrier by the second. If this wasn't Fabian I was dealing with, I might have been worried he'd hurt Joy. But he wasn't done.

"If you want any chance of continuing to be my friend, you will go to her and take back every single thing that you said. Right. Now." His voice was unwavering, sure, and strong. I stared at him openly.

"Who are you and what have you done with Stutter Rutter?"

He didn't answer. He didn't look at me. He just continued to stare down Joy.

"I'd say having me as a friend is better than nothing, Joy. I'd take the offer. I _want_ to be your friend, I want _nothing_ to change between us. But if you continue to act like this, I'm not sure it'll be possible. Do you want me to act towards you the way you've made Nina act towards me?"

He was too convincing. Joy's resistance shattered.

"F-Fine," she choked out, tears glossing over her eyes. "I'll a-apologize. But don't expect me to c-comfort you when she reveals her t-true self. Because I won't."

She stood there for a moment, trembling, then took off. I could hear her footsteps on the stairs a minute later.

Fabian and I stood there, unsure of what to do now.

"You take dish duty for the next week and I'll even apologize to her as well," I offered. Anything to get out of dish duty. He arched an eyebrow, contemplating.

"Deal. I'll finish up, you go apologize. And make it good."

I was up the stairs by the time the water turned back on.

Joy had already opened the door, and Nina was staring at her, eyes wide, her hand gripping the pen she held as if her life depended on it. Joy looked back when she heard me and smiled a little, still in tears.

"We come in peace," she said in a wobbly voice, hands up. "I swear. Can we sit?" Nina nodded and patted her bed before scooting back against the headboard, still wide eyed.

I looked over her space, surprised by what I saw - nothing. Her decorations were even sparser than mine. They were nonexistant, save for the painting she'd done for class that hung on the wall. No pictures, no nothing.

Where was this girl's family?

"I wanted to apologize," Joy started, drawing my attention back to the matters at hand. "It was completely wrong of me to do and say what I did and I am so, so sorry." I honestly couldn't tell whether she was lying or not.

Nina was staring at us in clear amazement. I just nodded along to what Joy said.

"I still think you're lying about the whole mute thing," Joy continued, "but threatening to remove you from the academy over a boy was completely ridiculous. I don't like you, and I will still go after Fabian with everything that I am, but you didn't deserve that."

Joy fumbled with her hands, opening and closing her mouth a few times before continuing.

"And if you and he get together, I won't stop you. You make him happy in a way I've never been able to. His face lights up when you're around, and he'll go from bored to animated the second someone says your name." Her voice grew sadder by the second, and Nina's jaw dropped at her words. "He's never done that with me, and I don't think he ever will. He deserves to be happy, whether I'm happy as well or not. So… that's my piece on things. I'll leave you alone now."

Nina's hand twitched when Joy stood, and I was sure she wanted to reach out and grab it to stop her. Instead she grabbed the notepad, stopping her just as effectively.

_I don't plan on dating anyone for a long, long time, so I wouldn't be too worried about that. But thank you for sharing, and thank you for apologizing. You are already forgiven._

She looked up at us with a sincere expression, but I could tell she was distracted by something else, something Joy had just said. I couldn't tell what, but apparently Joy could.

"What I said about him liking you is true. You should have seen him before you came - he was a loner. Known as the nerd, really closed off. He didn't talk much. You brought him out of his shell again." She shook her head. "I still don't like you, though. So watch your back, because I'm waiting for you to make a mistake."

Then she left, and Nina was staring at me. _No dish duty for a week_, I had to remind myself before I spoke.

"I _may_ have gone a little too far with threatening you, and I apologize for that. It was out of line," I muttered. _Apologizing is so humiliating_. Then my gaze darkened a little. "Just know that I'll be watching you. Joy has dealt with fakers before, and I think you're a faker. You may have everyone else here convinced, but we have our eyes on you. And this may sound like I'm threatening you again, but I swear I'm not. I just watch out for my friends. I don't want them to get hurt." Nina nodded quickly and wrote something.

_That's understandable, and I can completely respect that. I admire your loyalty to your friends._

I stared at her in surprise for a moment.

She always had to find a way to take me off guard, didn't she?

I finally nodded at her once, only waiting for a nod in return before sliding out of her room and closing the door behind me.

* * *

**A/N: So? Am I forgiven? **Joy and Patricia have backed off... possibly opening the road up for Fabina? ;D **For those of you mad at me for making Patricia and Joy mistrustful toward her/Patricia being mean/Fabian being mean - Patricia and Joy have reasons for being mistrustful, which will be explained. There are hints in this chapter. Patricia just wants to protect her friends from getting hurt. Fabian was ticked, he let his anger get the better of him. **In an old version of this chapter, Fabian really ripped into Joy, but it was a bit too OOC for him, so I rewrote it and made him as kind as I could toward Joy. So hopefully you like this better.

**Next chapter update is March 18th. Next Monday. **I hope I'll be able to make this one. I have a very busy life at the moment - I'm a photography assistant/intern to a very popular photographer, so I'm constantly helping her with photoshoots, in addition to attending photography meetings, school, sickness (I was sick this week), and **getting my own DSLR camera** tomorrow, which **I've been saving up for a year and a half for**. So most of my free time will be spent using that instead of writing.

Intense stuff is happening next week, guys. A lot of angst and a little bit of fluff mixed into one. :D

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya Monday, my little definitions!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** I'm posting this, like, _right_ on time. Barely making it in on the 18th. But I _am_! Because I am awesome like that and I refuse to be late again. ;D So, **this week's preview was short but in managed to freak out quite a few of you. **You were right to freak out. *giggles* So, enough with author notes, let's get to the chapter.

**See ya at the bottom!**

* * *

**Nina POV**

It had been almost an hour since Joy had left, and I was still in a state of shock.

Joy had taken back what she said. She'd apologized. She'd told me that _I_ made _Fabian_ a better person. _Me_. She'd told me I made him happier, I made him stronger.

Joy Mercer had told me, Nina Martin, that I was a good thing for Fabian Rutter.

I kept on looking at the window, waiting to see a pig flying by.

I wasn't sure what to do now. Part of me felt like dancing, another part of me felt like hiding. Because Fabian could talk to me now, and this time, I didn't have an excuse to avoid him.

I wasn't sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing.

"Nina, dinner is ready!" Amber yelled from downstairs, startling me out of my thoughts.

I was ready to protest to no one, ready to proclaim that it was another hour or two until dinner, but then I looked at the clock and quickly realized it'd been more than just an hour I'd been sitting here, trapped in my own thoughts.

Getting lost in my own head was something I was too good at. I'd had to train myself to do it, so I could retreat as much as I could every time _he_ came into my room at night. It usually didn't work in situations like those, but in peaceful environments like the quiet of my room, I could pass half the day away and not even notice.

Most of the time, this was a bad thing. This meant that I could focus on my mistakes, on my past, on myself for hours at a time, leading to ridiculously dark moods. But all I could think about was what Joy said.

How could I, a pitiful girl who didn't deserve a second thought, help a guy like Fabian?

"Nina?" Amber called again. "Come on, everyone is sitting down!"

I hurried out of the room, not wanting to keep everyone waiting, and found Amber waiting for me on the main floor. She smiled at my appearance.

"Come on, I saved you a seat," she said, and led me into the dining room.

I came to stop when I saw the seating arrangement.

I was right between Amber and Fabian. Fabian, who was already seated and smiling up at me, pulling out my chair for me to sit in.

I was going to be sick.

"Nina, are you okay?" Amber muttered from beside me. "I can switch seats if you aren't comfortable. Don't do anything you don't want to do." I shook my head immediately and tried to smile in thanks, but I was sure it failed.

I kept my head ducked as I seated myself, not looking at Fabian. I was almost regretting that Joy had taken back what she'd said. Now I had to face him, and the cons of that situation outweighed the pros.

Speaking of Joy, she was sitting directly across from me, looking between the two of us with what seemed to be jealousy and a giant wad of confusion. The first I could understand, the second mystified me.

"Hi, Nina." I literally jumped at Fabian's voice, and I ducked my head to hide my blush. His chuckle sent a shiver down my spine, and I wasn't sure why.

"Oh, wait, did I miss that article in the Anubis House News?" Jerome said with a grin. "Fabian and Nina are on speaking terms again? Well, I wouldn't say _speaking_ terms - sorry Nina - so I'll correct my assumption: Fabian and Nina are on 'I want to rip your clothes off but I'm too shy so I'll just blush and bat my eyelashes' terms? That eyelash thing goes for the both of you, by the way, because _damn_ Fabian, you have really girly eyelashes-"

It was Mara of all people who finally smacked him on the back of the head to shut him up. He cut off obediently, and waited for the chaos to begin.

That chaos was really more of a full minute of dead silence as everyone stared at Jerome, and then at Fabian and I. Not that I saw them - I was staring at my plate - but I felt their stares like holes burning through my body.

I took a bite of my mashed potatoes, the first movement since Mara's slap, and I hated how my hand shook. I tried to shove what he'd said out of my mind before I could start decoding it. I knew that when I did, I'd lose my appetite, and I wanted to make it through this dinner.

"Jerome," Fabian said, a clear undercurrent of anger lacing his voice, "You're a joker, and I get that, but you just crossed the line. You need to shut the hell up or so help me I'll force your mouth shut myself."

I stifled a gasped.

That line was way too familiar.

_I cried out when he slapped my face in the same exact spot for the seventh time. He froze, his hand still extended in the air. At the time, I hadn't learned to shut my mouth yet. I still spoke. I still called out my mom's name every night. It had only been three months since she'd died._

_I was four, approaching five, and I was completely unaware of the unimaginable horrors my future held._

_"How many times do I need to tell you?" he hissed, and he shoved me to the ground. "Do. Not. Speak."_

_"Please," I cried out. "You're hurting me, please stop! I want Mommy-"_

_For the first time, he kicked me in the side. I gasped in pain, cutting off my words. He knelt beside me and gripped my chin in his fingers._

_"Shut the hell up, or I'll force your mouth shut myself."_

_I didn't respond._

_I didn't speak._

_I didn't speak ever again._

_'Please, you're hurting me, please stop, I want Mommy,' were the last words I ever spoke._

_In the future, my silence would always tick him off to no end. He'd try to force me to speak, but the memory of the look in his eyes when he'd said that to me never left my mind. I knew he just wanted another reason to punish me. I wouldn't give him that satisfaction, not even at 4 years old._

_He punished me anyway._

"Nina. _Nina._"

I jolted back to the present, and found myself on the floor, curled into an all too familiar ball that I used whenever he beat me. I was gasping for breath that wouldn't seem to come, my chest moving far too rapidly. All the residents of Anubis were standing over me - Fabian, Amber, and Mara were kneeling - and I felt cornered. Way too cornered.

"What's wrong? What's happening to her?" Fabian asked frantically, his hands reaching toward me before he caught himself and shoved them into his hair.

"She's having a panic attack," Mara answered immediately, and leaned closer to me. I flinched back, still hyperventilating. "Nina, do you have medication for this?" I nodded, and she turned to Amber. "Go find her medication, it's probably in one of her bags." She took off with no delay, and Mara turned back to me.

"Okay Nina, I need you to slow your breathing down, okay? Match the pace of my breathing," she ordered, breathing extra loudly so I could hear over my own rapid pace. I tried to take a deep breath, but I failed miserably and only continued to hyperventilate. Everyone was too close, too close, too close-

"Jerome, find a rag and soak it with cool water. And hurry," Mara said calmly. He headed for the kitchen. "Nina, is the cause of the problem in the present or past?"

I managed to unclench my tense hands and hold them up a little. One finger was raised on one, and two on the other.

"Both?" I nodded again. "What's the problem in the present?" I motioned to the people towering over me, my movements jerky. She understood immediately. "Everyone who isn't Fabian, back off right now. Go sit in the living room."

They obeyed after a pause. Footsteps pounded on the stairs, and Amber came in, even paler than before. She held up the familiar bottle of Xanax, which Mara took from her and opened, dumping out one pill. She passed it to me and I barely managed to keep a hold on it as I put it in my mouth. I swallowed it quickly.

"Okay, I need you to relax your body. Focus on one muscle at a time, starting with your fingers, then your hands, arms, feet, legs, and so on. Keep trying to slow your breathing down." I squeezed my eyes shut, but all I saw was _him_, so I quickly opened them again and focused on relaxing.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Fabian asked quickly.

"Calm down. She's not dying, Fabian, she's having a panic attack. It'll pass, and all you're doing is stressing her out more. Nina, could you try to hold his hand? Contact can help. Squeeze as hard as you want," she suggested quietly as Jerome came back with the rag, which she quickly took and laid on my neck. I shivered at the cold contact, and I watched with fearful eyes as Fabian extended his hand.

I took it.

His fingers wrapped around mine, my small hand drowning in his. The feeling was unnatural… but not uncomfortable. I squeezed his hand like my life depended on it, and I found that it did help. Focusing on that - even if that focusing was out of fear - helped to get my mind off of everything else.

I finally managed to relax the stiff position my toes had been set in, and I dragged in a deep breath. Mara picked up on it immediately.

"Good. Breathe in for four seconds, breathe out for eight seconds, just like I'm doing. Count each breath with me. You're almost through it." I let out the breath and breathed in once more. "Two… three… four…"

By the time we reached eight, my body was slack, my hand was no longer squeezing Fabian's, my breathing had slowed permanently, and I knew it was over. The room let out a collective sigh.

My eyes drooped, and she smiled.

"Xanax already kicking in? We need to get you up to bed." She caught Fabian's confused look and explained. "Xanax has regular side effects of slight depression, dizziness, and drowsiness. Plus her panic attack wore her out, so she's already tired."

"How did you know what to do?" Fabian asked.

"I had a friend who had anxiety disorder. She had panic attacks at least twice a week, she was in bad condition. By the time they straightened out her medicine and she improved, I was a master at helping her," she answered. Fabian nodded, then turned to me.

"Nina, how often do these happen? Have you had one since you've arrived? Why didn't you shut down like usual?" His rapid fire of questions made my head spin even more. I shook my head, hoping he realized it was for the second question, not turning down his curiosities. His questions made the shame creep into my system.

I was such an idiot.

I hadn't had a panic attack in almost a year. _He_ had bought the Xanax illegally from a friend, not wanting to send me to the doctor for a proper prescription. When I had a panic attack - which wasn't often - he simply left the room and let me deal with it myself. Mara's help was completely new and entirely useful.

I hadn't shut down because the flashback was thrown at me so quickly that I didn't have time to shut myself down before it started. It had come out of nowhere, and I was ashamed.

As if they needed any more proof as to what sort of freak I was.

I had some rotten bad luck.

"Nina, is it alright if I carry you to your room? You don't look like you can make it up there," he said quietly. I nodded without thinking it through.

Then his arms were around me and I was being lifted into the air and my head rolled against his chest. I shuddered in his arms and found that I couldn't stop. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to hide my reaction.

I failed.

"Nina, am I hurting you right now? Does this feel bad?" I slowly shook my head. "Do you think I'm going to hurt you?"

I wasn't sure. Two instincts warred inside me. It took a few long seconds, but I finally shook my head. No, it wasn't likely he'd hurt me. At least not while there were people in the next room.

"Then why are you afraid?" he asked.

That was a good question. One I didn't have an answer too.

My shuddering stopped, and he sighed in relief before setting off up the stairs. He held me close in his arms, and I closed my eyes again, letting out a long breath. No, it didn't hurt. It didn't hurt at all.

I almost allowed myself to think that it felt _good._

He nudged open my door with his foot and laid me on my bed, and I wasn't sure whether or not to I should be relieved or disappointed. He pulled my sheets up over me and smiled.

"I'll let you go to sleep now, you look tired," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow, right?" I knew the question he was really asking. _Can I be around you tomorrow?_

I nodded, and his smile grew.

"Goodnight, Nina."

He slipped out of my room and closed the door behind him. It took me only moments to fall asleep.

* * *

**A/N: **Heeeey, _they held hands guys they held hands did you have Fabina feels_? ;D **I hope I wrote the panic attack correctly.** I did a lot of research beforehand, both on panic attacks and how to help someone through them. Keep in mind that **people have can have many different reactions to panic attacks**, not one attack method is correct for all, so Nina's might be different than some.

**Next chapter update is March 28th. **Yes, a ten day wait, sorry guys. Life is hectic right now and I can't handle updating any faster right now.

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya on the 28th, my little definitions!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** **This chapter has me very excited. So excited that I'm posting early. **Yes, yes, I have once again decided to totally forget about my original update day and post early. Hopefully you guys will appreciate this instead of hating me for it. It should have you guys excited too, for reasons you don't even know about. See, a few days ago, **I wrote another 1,000 word scene for the end of this chapter.** It's one of my favorite thus far, and I think it'll be one of your favorites too. Very few people know about this. And those who do are excited.

So enough with teasing, **I will see you at the bottom!**

* * *

**Nina POV**

Breakfast the next morning was dead silent and extremely awkward. I knew they were all staring at the floor behind my chair and picturing me gasping for breath. I picked at my food for most of the meal, until Fabian caught my eye and arched an eyebrow. I sighed and managed to swallow a few bites, which appeased him.

School was even worse. I could barely concentrate, and Mr. Winkler had to call my name three times to get my attention. I also managed to trip over nothing multiple times.

The fourth time I fell, Fabian was there to grab me.

I didn't flinch.

The realization of this hit the both of us at the same time, but he didn't say it aloud. He simply let my arm go as soon as I was steady and we walked to the next class together.

He didn't stop grinning for at least a half an hour.

** X**

As I was walking out of theater basics, Jerome approached me. I eyed him warily as he chewed on his lip.

"I've never done this before, so this feels really weird and it'll probably come out badly, but… I'm sorry about what I said," he blurted out. "I'm not sure if I was the cause of your panic attack, but either way, it wasn't fair to tease you about that, especially after you helped me with the watercolor and everything. So… yeah. Sorry."

I stared.

He stared back.

I finally pulled out my notepad and a pencil, scribbling my answer down quickly.

_You weren't the cause of the panic attack, and it's fine. I forgive you. It's not like it was accurate, anyway._

"What do you mean?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

_Fabian doesn't like me. And I don't like him._

"Okay, I know I just apologized for saying a slightly ruder version of this, but Fabian definitely likes you. If you weren't so freaked out by everything, I'm positive he would've made a move by now," he snorted. "And you'd be dating and Joy would be drowning in jealousy and plotting your demise. The boy is head over heels for you. I can't say anything about your feelings for him, but I think you're in denial if you honestly don't think you like him."

No. No, he was wrong. He had to be. Fabian couldn't like me.

Liking me meant expectations. Expectations that I didn't want.

"Anyway," Jerome continued, unaware of my internal struggle, "I came to apologize and now I've done that, so… bye." He waved and walked away without waiting for a response.

_Breathe. Breathe. Jerome is lying._

I took a long time to get to the front of the school, and was happy to see that the group had set off already. I didn't want anymore uncomfortable silences.

All the girls were chatting in the living room, and only Amber looked up when I entered. Her body tensed, and I narrowed my eyes at her, worried. Had I done something wrong?

"Can I talk to you?" she muttered. "Alone?"

I'd done something wrong. I knew it. Something had happened and now I was going to get in trouble for it. But I nodded and led her upstairs anyway.

She took a deep breath when we came to a stop in the middle of our room. She brought out the Xanax and offered the bottle to me.

"You left it downstairs," she explained. "Last night, I mean. I forgot to give it to you." I took the bottle and set it on the nightstand, still confused. Why did she look so nervous?

Something bad was about to happen, I could feel it. And I hated it when I was right.

"I had to go searching through your bags for the Xanax, and… I came across this," she said, grabbing an all too familiar blue bag. My heart stopped before she even pulled it open.

My concealer.

I had multiple, large bottles of it, as well as pocket sized packs. It was enough to last a normal girl at least year, probably almost two.

When living with _him_, I went through it in two months.

I now used it for my forearms (in case my sleeves were pulled back accidentally), my waist (especially after that incident with Fabian), my feet, and the top of my back. The rest of my scars were simply hidden by my shirt and pants.

"Why do you have so much concealer?" she asked slowly. "And what do you use it for?"

I quickly grabbed the notebook on my nightstand, trying to keep my hands from shaking. I had to come up with an excuse, and I had to do it fast.

_I was in an accident when I was younger, and I have scars from it. Plus I bruise really easily, and considering how clumsy I am, I often have bruises. I don't like to go to stores, so I bought a lot._

"What sort of accident?" She didn't look like she was buying it. Crap. Crap, crap, crap.

_Car accident. I was four._

There. If anyone saw my records, it would say that my mother died the year I was four, and that she was killed by a car crash. It would match up, I was safe if she found a way to check.

"Oh… okay." Something in her eyes told me she wasn't convinced, but I'd sidetracked her for the time being. "Speaking of which, we're going shopping for new clothes tomorrow. No buts. You need a coat, a few new shirts, and possibly winter boots. Do you have anything besides those old tennis shoes?"

No, I didn't. They were getting way too small; my toes had to squish together to fit.

The fear of going clothes shopping in a public place where I had to undress to try on clothes overwhelmed common sense. Amber saw the change immediately.

"Nina, it'll be fine. No one will touch you, I promise. You need new clothes if you're going to survive this winter, alright?" I nodded, giving in. No one could resist her, and she knew it. "Good. Tomorrow afternoon, then, right after school. I'd be going anyway, I want to buy a new outfit for the family visit the day after tomorrow."

_Family visit?_ I was curious, but I didn't write down my question.

Then she left, and all I could do was let the fear eat away at me. I had to find a distraction.

It was then that Fabian showed up at my door with two mugs in hand, and for once I thanked the heavens that he did.

"Yeah, I brought you hot chocolate… you seemed to like mine, so I thought you might like to have some…" He looked nervous, and just that set me on edge. I nodded quickly, and he sighed in relief, coming over and sitting on my bed without even asking.

I didn't inch away from him this time, and I could tell he noticed, but he didn't comment.

"I want to know more about you," he said simply as he passed me my mug. "I feel like I know you, but then I just realized that I don't know the most basic things about you. How did you get into art? Do you like to read? Which is your favorite season? Random facts like that. I figured I could come up here and get to know you better."

Yeah, now I was nervous.

_Winter is my favorite season. I love to read, but I've never had any books, so I can't. I had to take an art class in school, and fell in love with it. It became my escape from the world when things got rough. As for random facts… I've always wanted an animal, like a cat or something. I don't want kids. I hate all fast or loud music. I don't know, there's not much to know about me._

Honestly, there wasn't.

"You don't want kids?" he asked, his head tilting to the side. "Why not?" I just shook my head in response.

I couldn't explain how I was terrified of having my child live the life I did. Plus, it wasn't like I planned to have sex with anyone anytime soon. And even if I did, I was on birth control, which I'd taken since I'd hit puberty, to make sure I didn't get pregnant from _his_ nightly visits.

Yeah. No kids.

_Enough about me. I know even less about you. Share._

Anything to get the spotlight off of me.

"Um… my favorite season is autumn, I'm a complete book nerd, and as for art classes, my parents forced me into them at first, and then I fell in love. Hmmm… I know how to play the guitar and have for many years, and I sort of write songs, but no one's ever heard them, so I don't know if they're good or not," he said, chuckling. "I've always wanted to go to America, but I've never had the chance. I was once so shy that when I had to stand in front of my 2nd grade class for a speech, before I could even start I puked all over the floor. I was working on that stain for _weeks_. And the girl I'd had a crush on never looked at me the same way again."

There was a strange noise, like a giggle of some sort, and suddenly Fabian was staring at me.

Then I realized it had come from me.

I'd giggled.

"You just giggled," Fabian said, like saying it aloud would set it in stone. "I've never heard you giggle before." I blushed and stared at the pattern on my bedsheets with sudden interest, until I remembered what I was going to say.

_You should share your music. You won't know until you try, right?_

"I don't know…" He trailed off, biting his lip like I often did. For some reason, I found this image funny. "I'm self taught, and my voice isn't even average. Anyone I showed would probably laugh."

_I wouldn't._

Fabian looked up at me, tilting his head again, studying me like I was a puzzle to be solved. "No. No, I don't think you would. You're special like that." A slow smile spread across his lips. "Maybe I could show you?" My answer was immediate.

_I'd like that._

"Then… maybe in a few days. I want to practice first. It's already going to be bad, but I don't want to completely mess up." He fumbled with his hands nervously, and I nodded, happy with this compromise. "I'm already nervous enough over the family visit, I think it's best I wait to show you until after." Ah, and there it is again.

_What's the family visit?_

"Oh, you didn't know about that? There's two days - one tomorrow, one in the spring - where family can visit for a few hours and check out how things are going. My mom and dad are coming, and I think everyone has at least one sibling or parent that's coming. Are your parents going to come? Do you have a brother or sister?" I winced.

_My parents are dead, I have no siblings. I live with my stepfather._

Fabian's smile slipped off his face, and his eyes flickered up to me. I wasn't sure what he was thinking.

"Oh," he whispered. "I'm sorry."

_It happened a long time ago. I barely remember my mom, and I can't remember my dad._

"Well, at least you have your stepfather, right?" he said, painting on a small smile. I nodded and resisted the urge to gag. Yes, at least I had him. _Gah_, the irony.

His face twisted with a new emotion suddenly, one I recognized, because I felt it so much nowadays. Hesitant hope. I tilted my head curiously, arching an eyebrow in obvious question. He looked away from me for a moment.

"Sorry, I was just… wondering… if we could try something."

This immediately didn't sound all too good to my ears, and apparently it showed, because when he looked back at me he rushed to continue.

"You hate touch, or fear it, or something. Right?" A wary nod. "What if we worked on that?"

Yep, yep, I did not like this _I did not like-_

"I mean, really small stuff," he hurried on, seeing me closing up already. "Not even as big as the hand holding last night, I swear. I mean, think about it. I carried you all the way up here last night, and you didn't shut down or have another panic attack. I even got you to stop shaking. And that was with me _carrying_ you. How is something as small as a poke or a brush of a finger going to hurt you?"

I stared at him, unsure. My hands twitched automatically, as they often did when I thought about touch, and Fabian picked up on it immediately.

"See? That's your subconsciousness saying that it wants to try. You're just blocking yourself because of fear." I could tell he was grasping at straws. "I won't touch you unless you say it's okay. You can touch me instead. I won't lay a finger on you."

I looked down at my hands, a whirlwind of emotions eating away at me. I snatched up my notepad.

_Why do you want to do this?_

"Because I want to help," Fabian said softly. "Because I think for you, touch means pain. But touch _doesn'__t_ mean pain. And I want to prove that to you in any way I can."

_I think for you, touch means pain._

It did. It had for a long, long time now.

I couldn't remember any warmth of a loving embrace. I couldn't recall being tickled, or being kissed on the forehead goodnight, or a hand holding mine in comfort.

There was very little I remembered of my mother - I knew that she had been kind and loving to everyone. I knew she had been extremely patient and forever helpful. But these I remembered from second-hand stories, not from my own memories. I had been only four when she died, meaning I'd forgotten almost everything about her across my painfully dark years since.

Almost.

There were two things that I remembered about her - I remembered her voice. Specifically, I remembered her singing me to sleep the same night she went out with some friends and died a few hours later. I remembered the way her voice lilted in the most beautiful way. I remembered the way I'd clapped and asked for more, and she stayed and sang for me, even when that meant she was late to meet with the others.

The second was the soothing way she brushed my hair. Whenever I had gotten hurt or had a tantrum, she had always brushed my hair to calm me down. The comb slid through my hair as if it was silk, and it always managed to make me feel peaceful again. It was the most wonderful feeling in the world.

It was the only sensation of touch that I remembered that had ever felt good. The only touch that didn't mean pain to me.

"Nina?"

I was jerked back to reality by Fabian's call, and by the way he looked, it hadn't been the first time he'd said my name. He breathed a sigh of relief. "I thought you'd shut down. You wouldn't respond to me," he said, and he smiled sadly at me. "Nina, we don't have to try. It was simply a suggestion."

_I want to try._

He looked from the note I'd scribbled down to me, that hopeful hesitancy crossing his face again as he laid the pad on the bed and set his hands out and open on the bed in front of me. "You do? Are you sure?"

I raised my hand in response, and it stopped a breath away from his own. Fear tugged at me again, making me pause before it brushed his. Fabian didn't move an inch, nor did he say anything to me. He just watched and waited.

One index finger trailed over the flesh of his opened palm. He shivered for a moment, though I barely caught it. I was transfixed by the sight in front of me.

I was touching Fabian. _Willingly_. And not only that, but he was doing nothing in response. He was letting me control this. I had never had control over who touched me and who I touched. Control was something I'd always dreamed about but had never experienced.

Control was something Fabian had passed over to me, and I could not thank him enough for it.

The one finger transformed into all five, tracing unrecognizable shapes on the palm of his hand. He smiled, and I realized I was smiling, too. My fingers trailed down his hand and across his wrist, then up his arm. I drew my name on his arm invisibly.

I was _touching_ someone.

I was touching someone _male_.

I was touching _Fabian_.

And it felt _wonderful_.

Somewhere along the way, I'd made it from Fabian's arm to his _face_. My hand doodled patterns into his cheek and across his jaw, and all he did was shiver again. He was staring at me, but I was too focused on my hand touching his face to be embarrassed.

I was in a complete trance, and I did not mind one bit.

His skin was soft, much softer than _his_, though still rougher in a way that mine was not. There was an almost unnoticeable scruff on his chin, not enough to see, even close up, but enough to feel underneath my fingers.

There had been so many times I had been forced to run my hands across _his_ skin, so many times I had closed my eyes to hide the revulsion as I did, so many times _he_ had forced me to open them anyway. So many times I had wished this moment, this world, this life -_ my life_ - could end, just so he wouldn't touch me anymore.

And now I was touching Fabian, and I was enjoying it, and the magic of this moment made me feel like I was dreaming.

"You're crying," he said softly, startling me. I quickly snatched my hand away, coming out of my… whatever that was… and looked up at him in confusion. "You're crying," he repeated. "Why are you crying?"

The hand that hadn't been touching his reached up and poked my cheeks. Sure enough, tears were there. I was crying, and it wasn't out of pain, nor was it out of fear.

It was out of joy.

Fabian's hand came up and paused in front of my face. He met my eyes. "Can I?" he asked quietly. I nodded hesitantly, though I wasn't exactly sure what he was about to do. I just didn't think it would be bad.

But then his thumb touched my cheek, and he wiped my tears away, and I understood.

"Thank you," he said after a moment. "Thank you for trusting me. But I don't want to overwhelm you, so maybe we should call it a night before I accidentally freak you out." He slipped off of the bed, smiling again. "I'll see you later, Nina."

Then he left, closing the door softly behind him. And it was only then that I found a response to his words. A response that I wished I could speak aloud to him. A response that I thought, maybe one day, I might be able to voice.

_No, thank you. Thank you for giving me someone I can put my trust in._

_Thank you for giving me you._

* * *

**A/N: ***peeks out nervously* So... um... the Fabina Touch Scene was the extra 1,000 words that originally weren't going to be in there. Originally he was suppose to leave right after he found out that Nina's parents were dead. **Was I right to add this scene, and did you enjoy it?**

Note: **This does not mean Nina is suddenly okay with touch and entirely trusting of Fabian.** She isn't just going to put her whole faith in him suddenly. But yes, this chapter has made some major progress in their relationship.

**Next chapter update is April 1st, next Monday. Also my birthday.** *random confetti* Yes, **my birthday is April 1st. **Wanna give me an early birthday present? **Your review is my birthday present. Give me your thoughts! **After next week's update, **updates should move to every 5-7 days.**

Reviews are love **(and also an early birthday present)**, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya on the 1st, my little definitions!**


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** I guess those who are staying up late tonight (or wake up extremely early) are getting a treat - I'm updating at 1 am! I figured I'd post it now, since I might be busy with birthday festivities later and all... because, ya know, **today is my birthday.** *sings badly* Happy birthday to me, I'm a hundred and threeeee...Also - we got a record number of reviews for Chapter 15, and we're quickly approaching 10,000 views as well as 300 reviews. *dances* Let's see if we can hit both with this chapter update, shall we?

Today we have a looooong, highly fluffy chapter, though it won't really be quite as fluffy as the end of Chapter 15 was. *GASP* It's a miracle, isn't it? It's my present to you, despite the fact that it's my birthday. Anyway, I'm rambling. Enjoy the fluff, I'll see ya at the bottom!

* * *

**Joy POV**

I was very, very confused.

I'd apologized to Nina, and now she was free to snatch Fabian away again. Everyone knew he'd follow her anywhere at this point, even if she dropped her act.

So when she continued to sort of avoid him, my doubts began nagging at me.

Then the panic attack happened.

After Fabian had told off Jerome, she'd started hyperventilating in her chair. Her eyes had gone all hazy in a way I hadn't seen before, and suddenly she was slipping to the floor. Her head hit the ground in a way that I knew she wasn't acting - she'd probably have a bruise on her head for days.

With each passing moment of her attack, my doubts grew. When she curled up into the ball, when she whimpered as if she was in pain from something only she could see, when Amber brought the Xanax.

Xanax.

Xanax, a fast relieving, prescribed treatment for panic attacks. She'd had these before, probably long before she ever came to Anubis House. This wasn't a game she'd started playing when she left the US.

This might not be a game at all.

Fabian had carried her to her room, and for once, jealousy didn't bubble within me. I was too busy focusing on my rising worry, and Patricia noticed.

"What's up, Joy?" she said, plopping down on the couch beside me.

"That was a panic attack. A real, live panic attack. That wasn't an act, Trixie. What if we were wrong? What if this whole time, her fear has been real?" I rambled, running a hand through my hair.

"But the girl at your old school-" I flinched at the mention of her.

"That doesn't mean Nina's the same way, Trix. Just because one thing is fake, doesn't mean everything else is too."

"Just because she has panic attacks every once in a while doesn't mean that her whole act is actually real," Patricia snorted. "I'm not falling for anything. And either way, she disrupted everything when she arrived. We may have gone too far threatening her, but that doesn't mean I have to be nice to her. She should've stayed in America." She could see I was still doubtful, and so she tried again. "Remember Eleanor, Joy. Nina is just another Eleanor."

El's name still cut into me like very little else.

"I'm going to take a walk outside. Get some fresh air to clear my head." Patricia shrugged and waved me off, so I went, only grabbing my coat before heading outside.

** X**

**Nina POV**

"Alright Nina, first stop, here we are. Kohl's!" she declared, waving her hands in the air above her head with a smile on her face. "Usually I go to more high end stores, but I don't know what your budget is and I don't think you'd like wearing my sort of stuff, so Kohl's it is."

I stared at her, practically shaking. I was not prepared for this. Maybe I could convince Amber to bring me another day, or maybe I could fake shutting down so she'd take me home…

"Hey," she said, snapping her fingers in front of my face. "Suck it up. You can do this, and you know it, too. It's just a store. We'll only get you long sleeves, don't worry. It's not like this weather would allow us anything else." She glared up at the sky as if it was conscious of its effects on us.

I could do this. I could do this._ I could do this._

We walked across the parking lot and Amber led me into the store with a gentle expression on her face, like she was coaxing her food onto her plate before pouncing- no, no, that was my imagination acting up, I was pretty sure of it.

Then I processed the inside of the store - the squealing kids, the music blaring overhead, the _adult men browsing for clothes that they'd change into, meaning there were naked men in this store oh god oh god oh god._

I could not do this. I could not do this._ I could not do this._

"Nina, come on. Deep breaths. We're going to the junior's section, right over here. See? Hoodies and sweaters galore. Though it'd be _really_ nice if you could buy something that was tight enough to see at least a _little_ curves, you look so flat chested in all of your-" She cut off when she saw my face. "Alright, alright. Baby steps. Come on, Neens."

Amber was so going to owe me after this, but I let her lead me into the racks of clothes with no complaints.

** X**

An hour later, we'd gotten me two hoodies, a sweater, three long sleeve shirts, four pairs of pants, a new set of pajamas, a gigantic coat with a fluffy hood, and boots that I allowed myself to admit were completely adorable. We'd bought more than I'd expected, but he had given me more than enough on our way here. Little did Amber know that we weren't poor at all - in fact, I'd lived in a three story house in America.

Amber also added another dressier, long sleeved shirt that was obviously tighter than the others, not quite form fitting but enough that you'd be able to see obvious curves. I managed to muster up a glare, but she scoffed and rolled her eyes.

"I'm not saying you have to wear it anytime soon. I'm adding it in there in case it's necessary for a special event or something," she'd said simply. "If you object, I'll buy it with my own money and give it to you later, so I wouldn't bother trying to protest."

I sighed and let her put it with the others.

"I don't see why you wouldn't try them on in the fitting rooms," Amber said as we walked back across the parking lot with bags in hand. "It's not like the clothing racks in the room will bite your hand off or anything."

I'd been adamant on this. I didn't try on one piece of clothing. The fact that there were men undressing in the store already set me on edge. But the thought of me naked while they were, only a few walls between us? Yeah, not happening.

So instead we got the sizes on my old clothes and used them to guess the new clothes' sizes. If they didn't fit, we'd return them, simple as that. Amber couldn't find a reason to refuse.

"Alright, so, you try all the clothes on in our room while I'm making us a snack. Pick out the ones that don't fit, etc. Then you'll show me all of the ones that fit while we're eating, and you'll wear one of the new outfits for dinner."

Amber was a storm you couldn't escape. I nodded with a sigh as we waited for the bus to arrive.

"We should really get you a haircut, you know. I've taken quite a few hairdressing classes, I could do it myself," she rambled, not noticing my alarmed face. "I wouldn't do much to it, I'd just trim it, make all the split ends disappear, ya know? And considering you like to hide behind your hair so much, maybe I could style your hair so you had side bangs. And don't get me started on makeup. We could go with more natural stuff - brown eyeliner, mascara, and some lip gloss-" She caught my look and sighed. "Right, right. Baby steps. I know."

I rolled my eyes.

Then she rambled on about the Parent Visitation Day the next evening. Apparently her dad was coming to see her, which she claimed was a rare occurrence. Then she giggled when she mentioned Fabian's parents. I squinted at her, confused by her amusement.

"I'm sure Fabian is going to introduce you to them. I'm picturing how awkward that's going to be." My eyes widened at the thought, and she hurried to continue. "Don't worry, Fabian's parents are very kind people. I've always thought that his mom is sort of like Ms. Weasley from Harry Potter, except with brown hair."

Harry Potter. I searched my mind, trying to figure out why it sounded so familiar. _Harry Potter_… Was it a game? Maybe a TV show?

Amber's jaw dropped.

"You haven't heard of Harry Potter? _Are you kidding me?_ What rock have you been living under, because it must be one big rock." She shook her head, stunned at this apparently alarming news. I didn't see the big deal. "I haven't read the books, but I've seen all the movies. I'll have to talk to Mara, I think she has a Collector's Edition set."

I was totally fine with this idea, until she mentioned that the set was a Collector's Edition. I didn't want to risk hurting them. And _honestly_, what was the big deal about this Harry Potter thing? Maybe I'd ask Fabian about it and see if he'd heard of it…

Then my mind focused on Fabian and I blushed just thinking about the events of yesterday. I hadn't seen him this morning, and I was glad. I felt like I was balancing on ice that could break away at any moment - the whole touching thing had opened my eyes to a new side of touch and it changed everything. I wasn't sure if I liked that or not. I needed to get my head on straight before I tried anything like that again.

Then the bus came, and we were back on our way to Anubis House.

** X**

Luck was with us - we only had one shirt to return, and everything else fit.

I modeled the new clothes for Amber, as she'd asked, while we munched on popcorn. There were two tops that gave off a slight hint of a flat stomach and an actual chest, which worried me a little, but those were naturally her two favorites. My only other objection was one pair of pants that hugged my legs in all the wrong - or in Amber's view, right - places.

Amber somehow managed to convince me to wear those same jeans and one of the two tops.

I really needed to put an end to her control over me, but that was easier said that done. Amber was a force that couldn't be controlled. And despite all my worries and doubts about yesterday, I was still riding on the high of touching Fabian and _liking_ it, saving me from even more fear. So here I was, creeping down the stairs with so much dread you'd think World War Three would break out the second I entered the room.

After several months of wearing the same three tops with the same pair of jeans, every single person at the dining table noticed my new outfit, even Alfie, who whistled with a sly grin on his face.

I was ready to melt into a puddle of gooey embarrassment and horror.

"Nina, you're sitting between Fabian and I," Amber said, grinning. "Come, my dear, sit."

Fabian. The Fabian who was looking at me, a blush on his face, a look in his eyes I didn't think I liked.

I had tried not to think about him and what had happened the night before, and obviously, I had been failing. All I could see when I looked at him was the way I'd practically _caressed_ his face. And every time I remembered that moment, I couldn't help but feel ashamed and disgusted at myself for doing such a thing, even if it had felt good.

In addition to that, the fear that now he'd expect more from me was eating away at me. I hadn't forgotten what Jerome had said -_ if you weren't so freaked out by everything, I'm positive he would've made a move by now_ - and it sent chills down my spine. There was a chance that Jerome was right. What if I allowed myself to learn to like touch, at least a little? Did that mean Fabian would make a move?

Even if I grew to love touch, I would not let myself grow to love _intimacy_. That was something that would never be okay in my book. That was something that would scare me until the day I died. This was unchangeable. This was something I didn't _want_ to change.

What could happen if Fabian decided he didn't agree? What if he became another _him_, the boy who had once brought me comfort instead bringing me pain?

"Nina?" Amber said, eyes narrowed as she looked at me. I startled, realizing I'd been standing there for way too long, and I'd been staring at Fabian the whole time.

And Fabian had been staring right back.

"You look nice," he said once I'd sat down. I frowned, and he assumed I was frowning for a much different reason, because suddenly he was rambling. "I mean, you usually look nice, you always look nice, but-" He sighed, and cut himself off. "I'll shut up now."

I hadn't been frowning for that reason - in fact, now I only wanted to frown more. I didn't want to look nice. Looking nice meant looking attractive, and when you were attractive, more men noticed you.

More men noticing you was a very, very bad thing.

Luckily for me, the boys here didn't seem all too interested in me. The other girls here were attractive, and they kept their attention much more than I did.

Except for Fabian, of course, who wasn't distracted even by a girl who _wanted_ what I would never consider - a relationship, one that would eventually get physical.

Ugh. _Physical_. Just the word sent shivers down my spine.

Throughout dinner, I could sense Fabian glancing at me occasionally. I think I was blushing the entire time, which seemed to amuse Amber, because she kept chuckling when she looked at my face.

"So, I guess you'll get to meet everyone's family tomorrow," Mara said, startling me. She had never talked to me at dinner before. Then again, what had happened the other day had probably changed things between us. I was never sure with that sort of thing, I wasn't very experienced in friendships.

Then I remembered that she had spoken to me and typically, people spoke back. I settled for a nod and a smile.

She opened her mouth to say something else, but Alfie cut in with some sly comment about parents first, which got this whole topic on bad traits of parents going: chores, grounding, lack of allowances, humorlessness, etc. I watched in silence, holding back a frown. I didn't like this topic.

If only they knew the bad traits of _my_ parent. They'd never complain about having to do the dishes again.

Finally the subject fizzled out, and we moved into the living room as everyone continued chatting. Everyone suddenly stopped, though, when Amber spoke.

"Nina doesn't know what Harry Potter is," she announced.

The whole room exploded.

Alfie and Jerome pretended to fall to the floor and promptly die. Patricia and Joy gasped. Mick asked what rock I'd been living under in much the same way as Amber had earlier. Mara stared with a clearly horrified expression on her face. Fabian, for some reason, just looked sad.

"Mara, you have the set of Harry Potter books, right?" Amber asked, smirking a little at everyone's reaction. "Could you lend them to Nina? I was thinking she could read those, and then we could all have a massive Harry Potter Movie Marathon the weekend after she finishes the books."

"I like this idea," Alfie said loudly. "I'll bring the junk food!"

"I'll bring my wizard hat for our little newbie to wear," Jerome said, winking at me. "And she'll get the best seat in the house, as well as immunization from all pranks or scares we might try to pull on all of you."

I blushed at all the attention. I didn't like having the spotlight on me, and seeing everyone staring at me at once was making me highly uncomfortable.

"I have the books. Just drop by my room when you're ready for each one, I have them all on my bookshelf," Mara said with a smile. "And feel free to chat with me about them. I've read the whole series eight times, so I'll certainly know what you'll be talking about."

I nodded, the blush still on my face. Luckily, the conversation moved away from Harry Potter, and therefore away from me.

I was the first to go to bed that night - I was exhausted from the stress of the trip, and the events of the past few days were still wearing me out. Everyone chorused a 'good night,' causing me to smile.

I was starting to feel like a part of the group.

** X**

I slept in late the next day for the first time in… well, ever, besides when I'd been sick. And I would have slept later, had Amber not come rushing in, a surprised smile on her face.

"Almost everyone's here, and I thought I'd let you sleep for a while longer, but… Nina, I thought you said your stepdad _wasn't_ coming?"

I blinked at her, yawning silently as I tried to process her words with my muddled mind. My eyes narrowed and I grabbed my pad. Something felt wrong. Something felt really, really wrong.

_He isn't._

This only seemed to make Amber smile more.

I think I knew what she was going to say long before she said it; the dread bubbling in my chest convinced me of this. But when she spoke, her words hit me like a train to the face.

"Well then, Nina, I hope you like surprises - he's downstairs, waiting to see you."

* * *

**A/N: ***cackles* *CACKLES MORE* No, this is not an April Fools joke. Nina's stepfather has come for a visit. The next update is gonna be one heck of a ride. Now this, _this_ is my real birthday present - seeing all of you freak out. Apologies to Pandora's Box 11, who I lied to when I said she was wrong to worry about Family Day. ;D

**Next chapter update is April 6th, this Saturday. **Prepare for a roller coaster ride of emotions. Also a lot of me laughing my head off because I love seeing you guys squirm.**  
**

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya on the 6th, my little definitions!**


	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Ah, another day, another 1 am update. Now I know most of you won't be reading this because you're all so frantic to read this chapter, but I wanted to say thank you, because not only did we reach **300 reviews, **we also hit **10,000 views **and Chapter 16 got a record number of **42 reviews.** Dang, you guys. I have underestimated my little definitions once more. Anyway, yeah, thank you so much! Now, this chapter is hitting a record 3.5k words, so hopefully you'll enjoy it!

**Warning: This chapter may be especially triggering for those who can be triggered.** There are no extremely graphic scenes, nor are there any sexually explicit scenes, but there is abuse. **Beware**,** all ye who enter here.**

Let's get this party started... everyone grab your paper bags and tissues, just to be safe. ;D See you at the bottom! *cackles*

* * *

**Nina POV**

It's funny, how quickly my world froze over. It's funny how quickly Amber's face went from joyful to worried. But most of all, it's funny how quickly I got ready and made it downstairs to see him, even with the dread clawing at my insides.

Fabian was at the bottom, smiling. "Hey, Nina. My parents aren't here yet, but I guess you can introduce me to your stepdad. I mean, if you want to-"

I didn't even look at him as I passed by. My eyes were fixated on something else.

_Him_.

I froze.

Even when Amber had told me he was here, a part of me had refused to believe it. A part of me had thought it was some sick, cruel prank on me. But it wasn't. He was here, he was standing only a few feet away from me, and he was staring right at me.

I couldn't move.

It was he who approached me, a familiar smirk on his face that sent shivers down my spine. He got close enough that I could smell that old stench of alcohol on him, the one I'd had nightmares about for years.

"Hello, Nina. How's my good girl?"

And just like that, every single thing good in this world and my life and my mind and my everything disappeared.

"Did you miss me?" His sly grin grew in size. "Didn't expect me to come, did you? Thought I would be too busy to care about the invitation from your school. But no, I'd _never_ miss the chance to see you." To anyone else, the words would seem normal.

I bit back a whimper.

"What, no response? Still not over that ridiculous mute thing, I see." He looked annoyed. I automatically wanted to get on my knees to apologize as I once would've at home, but there were other people present. It was the only thing keeping me from dropping to my knees.

"Hello, Mr. Martin." Fabian's voice made me startle a little.

Oh. God. No.

"Hello, young man. Who might you be?" He was ticked off at the interruption, but only I would be able to tell. He was an excellent liar - it was the reason I was so talented at separating lies from the truth. I'd had years and years of practice.

Fabian extended a hand.

"I'm Fabian Rutter, a close friend of Nina's. It's a pleasure to meet you, sir." He shook Fabian's hand and smiled.

"A close friend, eh?" He shot me an amused look. "It's nice to know that Nina has made some friends. Speaking of which, Nina, how about you introduce me to your other companions? Surely you've made more than one, right?"

I nodded and began shuffling over to Amber, but Fabian reached out and touched my shoulder to stop me, startling me. I winced, realizing that _he_ would now know just how close we were. The fact that he could touch me said much more than any words could have. Feeling yet another layer of fear settle into my stomach at the thought, I focused on Fabian.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly. "You look like you're about to either shut down or have another panic attack." He studied me closely as I nodded frantically and smiled a little, hurrying to cover whatever was on my face. A suspicious Fabian was a bad thing. He relaxed a little, though he was still frowning. "Okay. Sorry, go introduce everyone. I'll talk to you later."

He released me, and I hurriedly turned around, trying and failing to avoid looking at my stepfather. Yes, he had seen everything, and his eyes flickered between Fabian and I with arched eyebrows.

I went around the room, introducing him to each friend. Luckily, everyone except Alfie must have warned their parents that I didn't touch anyone, because Alfie's dad was the only one who extended his hand toward me, which made everyone feel awkward.

Being surrounded by so many men normally would've sent me into a slight frenzy, but the fear of _him_ was keeping me locked up and silent beside him. I didn't miss Amber's, Mara's, and surprisingly _Joy's_ worried glances, either.

When Fabian's parents arrived, I noticed the way _he_ immediately paid more attention to what was in front of him. I was barely able to remember what they looked like, so distracted was I by him. But Mrs. Rutter's voice was soft and sweet, her cheeks rosy, her eyes bright with delight. Mr. Rutter was amazingly polite, his gaze piercing behind his glasses, and I felt as if he saw right through me. I could easily see how Fabian had come to be the way he was.

Fabian couldn't stop grinning, and the way he wrapped his arms around his mother and wouldn't let go for several minutes spoke much of their relationship. A normal one, one full of love and very little pain.

My chest tightened a little when he finally released her, an arm still slung over her shoulder.

For the first time in a long time, I wished for a hug so bad that it hurt.

Then my longing was promptly cut off when _he_ spoke.

"I'm sorry to cut this short, but I think the room is a little crowded, and I'd like to talk with my step daughter in a more peaceful environment."

My blood iced at his next words.

"Nina, would you like to go for a walk?"

Fabian's eyes narrowed, probably noticing what little color I had left in my face drain in mere seconds. I looked down at my shoes and nodded, fighting off the growing fear that was trying to lock my body up. The warning signs of a panic attack were coming on - my hands were shaking, my breathing had increased in rate.

I could not have a panic attack right now.

"Good. I'm sure I'll see more of you later, Mr. Rutter. For now, Nina, lead the way." I dragged my feet to the door and out into the cold environment, hearing him trail along behind me.

_Stay calm… stay calm…_

Knowing what would be happening any minute, I chose one of the most secluded paths that would ensure no interruptions. I knew someone chancing upon us would end very badly, and I'd only get a worse punishment than before.

He stopped me when the boarding house was well out of sight.

"I've missed you." His voice was edging on sadistic. "I've missed being in your bed at night. I've missed your lips, and your smell, and your eyes." He stepped closer. "But apparently, you haven't missed me."

I was confused by his last sentence. He was correct, but it seemed like there was more to what he was saying. He smirked at my obvious confusion.

"Please, girl. Hiding it will only make the consequences worse. _Close friend?_ Have you grown to like him? _Love_ him? He has touched you - he touched you right in front of everyone, though only I saw it. You've grown attached to the boy."

My stomach dropped. I could see where this was going. I began shaking my head rapidly, my eyes wide and pleading. This seemed to amuse and annoy him at the same time. He circled me so he was behind me, and this terrified me impossibly more. I flinched when his hot breath come in contact with my ear.

"Has he filled your head with pretty little lies? Told you that you were beautiful, or strong, or worth one moment of his time?" His hand came up to trail through my hair, then down my back. I shuddered. "I hope you realize he's lying. He's just trying to get into your pants. Because you are not beautiful, you are not strong, and you are not worth one moment of _anyone's_ time. He sees you as a conquest, an innocent little virgin who refuses to let anyone near." He chuckled. "Little does he know that you are not a virgin, and you certainly aren't innocent.

"Can you imagine his face if he found out? I'd like to think that he'd just stare at you until the light died in his eyes, until the only thing left in his gaze was disgust as he realized the truth - you are the opposite of innocent. You lost your innocence a long, long time ago. You have all my little scars I left on you to prove it."

I saw his hand out of the corner of my eye, and I watched as it grabbed my own and started pushing up my sleeves, until finally he reached the point where I didn't cover up my scars with concealer. He began tracing each and every one, and I could almost hear his grin.

The way he was touching me was much like I'd done to Fabian and Fabian had done to me, but this was different. Even if his touch was gentle right now, I could feel the underlying anger building up within him, and I knew it wouldn't last long.

"Do you like him?" he whispered in my ear as if telling me a secret. "Do you wish you could kiss him without breaking down like the weak girl you are?"

Immediately I was shaking my head in denial. His light fingertips across my marred skin quickly turned into a grip so tight I gasped out in pain.

"Stop. Lying. To. Me." His voice was hard, clear. He came back around to the front, and his grasp on my arm disappeared as he stared at me with cold eyes. "You've betrayed me. You belong to _me_ and no one else. You have been a _very. Bad. Girl._ And bad girls deserve punishment, don't they?"

The quiet before the storm was over. The storm was about to hit. And I could see that storm raging in his gaze. Fear filled me to the brim, then spilled over the top.

I actually emit a sound of panicked protest, but it was too late. I knew his hand was going to swing out the second before it did.

The first blow sent me sprawling to the forest floor.

"You were a bad girl when I first met your mother, and then she died, and you are the reason why she's dead. You're the reason she's gone. I could have thrown you out into the streets for what you did, but I kept you. I showed you mercy. This is how you thank me?"

A kick to my stomach has me clutching my side.

"I provided a home for you when she died. I provided food, shelter, clothing. Without me, you would be in a foster home right now with no future, no friends, and no family. All I asked in return was your service. And you've failed to give it to me?"

I bit my tongue to hold back a cry as his next swing of his foot connected with my shin.

"You've been a bad girl, Nina Martin. Will you try harder to be a good girl?" I didn't show any response, too busy with my pain, and he kicked me in the stomach again. "WILL YOU?"

I nodded franticly, but it did nothing to stop the next blow.

_I am a good girl._

He made sure to only kick me in places that could be covered by clothes.

_Good girls do not scream._

Another swing and I rolled over, ripping open the skin of my lower stomach on a stray branch that had fallen in the path.

_Good girls do not cry._

Blood trickled from the wound, running down my waist and soaking into my pants. He suddenly dragged me onto my wobbly feet and shoved his lips against mine.

_Good girls do not fight back._

Sudden dizziness overwhelmed me, and the world went black.

_I am a good girl._

** X**

When I woke, he was standing over me.

"Five minutes and you're unconscious. That wasn't even a purposeful blood wound. You've gone soft on me, good girl."

A sick sort of happiness filled me. _Good girl_. I was back in his good graces again, even if I had fainted faster than usual.

"Remember the day you broke the record? You weren't a good girl that day, you were a _perfect_ girl."

I remembered it well. I'd gotten an extra meal - leftover mashed potatoes and steak, something I'd watched him eat, had even made for him, but had never been given. After that I was given a piece of chocolate to suck on, and as a final reward, he hadn't come into my room that night. It was the best sleep I'd had in months, even if I had to deal with the wounds for weeks afterward.

"Here," he said, holding out his coat. "It'll cover up the blood on your pants and any bruises that may be showing. Do you still have concealer?" I nodded. "Good. Change clothes and put that on as soon as you get back. I'll leave you at the door. The walk here and back will have taken a while, so by the time we get back, family day will be over and I'll no longer be welcome."

It took me multiple tries to stand, but I refused to take his offered hand to pull me up. I stumbled my way back to the house, not looking at my companion the whole time. When we reached the door, he grabbed my arm - and a fresh bruise on it - to stop me.

"If anyone sees any of your bruises, it's from falling. If they see your cuts, tell the truth - you fell and rolled onto some thorns. Got it?" I nodded once more.

Then he smiled a kind, peaceful smile, his face transformed. I shuddered again - this was a normal thing as well. He was the perfect father in public. Then in private, he beat me down mentally, until he finally started beating me physically. Then when it was over, he was the perfect father again. So what he did next wasn't unexpected.

He pressed his lips to my forehead, and when he stepped back, he ruffled my hair like I was a little kid. If anything, this hurt worse than the abuse. Because this was the face of the man who gave me candy every day in the months before my mother died. This was the face of the man who held me when I cried as a child.

This face was a mask, and that fact always hit me hard.

"I miss you already," he murmured. "It's a shame I can't stay longer. But once summer arrives, then you'll be back in America and all alone with me. Then we can have some fun. That sounds nice, doesn't it?"

I painted on a smile and fought back the tears, because this was what was expected of me.

"I'll see you later, my little good girl. _Be good_," he added, and now there was a silent warning in his eyes. I understood perfectly.

_Do not betray me again, or there will be consequences._

Then he was walking down the steps, his back to me, strolling down the pathway and out of sight.

_Don't break down yet, don't break down yet,_ I told myself, and I walked into Anubis with unsteady legs and fuzzy vision. I had to shut down, or else a panic attack was going to hit me. But I couldn't shut down, not yet…

Fortunately, the front room was entirely empty, and the house was silent. Then I remembered what Amber had mentioned earlier before we left - everyone had been planning on going out to dinner together. I would have thanked the heavens for my luck had I not been hyperventilating.

I rushed up the stairs as fast as I could.

** X**

My cuts were pretty shallow despite the amount of blood I'd lost. It had clotted while I was passed out. Sadly, the new pair of jeans I wore were probably ruined.

Bruises were already showing on my battered body. I was sure they'd look worse tomorrow. I'd locked the door before undressing, so I had no fear of being interrupted during my checkup. I kept my breathing slow as I did all of this, trying to keep conscious for at least a few more minutes before I finally let myself shut down.

With a sigh, I pulled out one of my first sweaters that I'd arrived with. The bagginess of it would help to keep anything from touching the scrapes. Underneath that I'd already put on the concealer in the places it hurt the most, probably meaning the worst bruises in the morning. Tomorrow I'd do another search and put concealer on the smaller ones.

I curled up in my bed and finally allowed my mind to flicker off into blissful nothing.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

Amber quietly headed back down the stairs and sat herself down on the couch beside me.

"So?" I asked quietly, not wanting anyone else to hear our conversation.

"She's sleeping… but she's crying. And she keeps on shaking." My stomach dropped.

"She hasn't had a nightmare that bad in weeks. Maybe I should go wake her up…" Amber was shaking her head immediately.

"Give her some time first. You can check up on her later, and if she's still thrashing, then wake her. You know how she typically freaks out when you're in her room." I wanted to correct her and tell her that Nina wasn't all too freaked out anymore, but I didn't want to get into that conversation now. She paused. "Do you have any idea on what could've caused this?" I was shaking my head immediately.

"I have no clue. She seemed a little off this afternoon. I'm guessing that seeing her stepfather brought back memories of her abuse in America from whoever hurt her," I shared, glancing at the other Anubis members to make sure they weren't listening.

"That's what I'd been guessing. It couldn't have been easy. Who knows, her stepdad might have even brought up the person, whether he knows they abused her or not. He seemed nice, though. He smelled like he'd been drinking at some point, but he didn't act like he was drunk and he was perfectly kind. I like him." I nodded at her words.

I wished I'd gotten to speak with him more, though I didn't know what we would've spoken about. I just knew I wanted to know more about her past - when her fear of touch had begun, when she had stopped speaking, what she was like as a kid. And on a lighter note, god did I want to see a picture of her as a toddler. She had to be the most adorable child of all time, her emerald eyes wide and her cheeks rosy. Before she knew the troubles of life.

We sat in silence for a few minutes before I finally gave up on patience.

"Okay, I can't stand it anymore. I'm going up and checking on her."

I headed for the stairs without waiting for a response, and a minute later I was creaking open Nina's door. Sniffling filled the otherwise quiet room.

"Nina?" More sniffling. I crept across the floor until I was by her bed. Moonlight lit up the tears streaming down her face. Whimpers escaped her every few seconds. "Nina, you're having a nightmare. Wake up."

At my voice, her eyes opened. Widened. She started trembling.

"I'm not going to do anything, Nina, I just wanted to wake you up. You were having a nightmare." She closed her eyes and nodded. She was still crying. "Do you want to tell me what it was about?"

At this, her eyelids popped open again. She shook her head almost violently. I could see her hand peeking out from under the covers, and I put mine on hers without thinking.

The way she flinched back with terror, as she once had when she first arrived, made _me_ want to cry.

"Nina, did I do something? Did I say something to offend you? I swear if I did, I didn't mean to, I'll-" She was shaking her head even harder. I frowned. "Then why are you suddenly so afraid of me? I thought we were becoming… friends."

All she did was roll over so her back was to me. She flinched as she did so. Though her voice was muffled by the covers, I could hear a shaky sob escape her.

Pain cut into me, deeper than I thought possible.

"I guess I'll go now, unless you want me to stay…?" No answer. "Okay, then I'll leave. It's fine." I stood and walked back to the door, but paused. "And Nina, don't think this means I hate you or anything. _I_ still consider you my friend. There will be no… consequences." I cringed at the term. "I'm here if you want to talk, or even if you don't want to talk. Okay?"

Another sob, larger than before.

Despite the gut instinct that I needed to stay with her, I knew my presence would probably only make things worse.

So I left.

* * *

**A/N: ***ducks to avoid fireballs* I'm going to casually remind you that if you kill me, you don't get the next chapter. Let's keep this in mind, okay? Now, did you enjoy today's chapter? Did you cry? Shriek? Grin? Cackle like I was cackling the whole time I was writing it? ;D

**Next chapter update is April 13th, next Saturday. **This roller coaster ride isn't over yet, folks. We've got some huge ups and downs coming up, especially in the next chapter... *evil giggle*

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough? I'd love to hear what you think of her stepfather!

**See ya on the 13th, my little definitions!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** *waves frantically* Look! I'm here! Here it is! Sorry I'm late, I've been having more internet problems, and I just managed to convince my mom into bringing me to a restaurant that had wifi so I could post the chapter. Here it is! Thanks for the amazing response last chapter, and I'll see you at the bottom!

* * *

**Nina POV**

_There was a shove at my back, sending me stumbling to the floor. A kick this time, pushing me into the small closet. I whimpered, because I knew what was about to happen._

_He stood at the opening to the closet, towering over my little five year old body like a skyscraper. His eyes were blazing with fury._

_"Happy birthday, Nina," he spit, and slammed the door closed. I jerked at the loud noise and whimpered the smallest bit, not wanting him to hear. As much as I hated these times in the closet, a beating was far worse._

_I stretched out as much as I could, trying to avoid the shoes that were stacked along the wall. If one of them was nudged the smallest of an inch, he would see it, and I'd get beaten. The closet was abnormally small, and it was only because of my malnourished state - making me shorter and scrawnier than I probably should've been - that I was able to fit laying completely flat. My head touched one wall, and my feet brushed against the other wall every few moments._

_Then suddenly, I was growing._

_I could no longer stretch out. Though I couldn't see in the pitch black, it felt as if everything had shrunk. I could fit my hands around his shoes, and I was squished into the small closet space so much that my back was hurting within minutes._

_I sat there for who knew how long. Probably hours. And then I heard footsteps, and a part of me wished that I had been there longer. Anything to stay away from him._

_The door opened, revealing his face again, but it had aged a few years. This was the man I knew now._

_"You are not beautiful, you are not strong, and you are not worth one moment of anyone's time," he growled. Then suddenly, his voice got a lot nicer, and… higher?_

_"Wake up. Wake up. Nina, come on, wake up-"_

"Nina. _Nina_! You're going to be late," Amber said, her high voice slicing through my dream. I jerked to awareness with a gasp, looking around frantically as I realized where I was. My breathing instantly slowed a little, though I quickly drew up the covers to the top of my neck, covering any chance of showing bruises.

Amber smiled. "Finally. I know you've had a rough night of sleep - you were crying and whimpering most of the night - but you've got to get up and get to school. Almost everyone is already sitting down to eat."

I was immediately fumbling for the notepad, wanting to apologize for possibly keeping her up due to my nightmares, but she understood and held out her hand. "It's fine, Nina. I slept fine, I only noticed before I went to sleep and when I got up to use the bathroom. I'll be downstairs, I'm starving."

She left, and I was free to get up and change clothes. I quickly locked the door before I slipped out of my pajamas and looked in the mirror.

Bruises. All over.

It looked as if _he_ had continued his beating even after I'd passed out, because there were a few marks I didn't remember getting. There were two large, blueish purple bruises on my stomach and one almost black one on my side.

Just above my left hipbone, there was a long, horizontal gash from the branch that hadn't managed to scab completely yet. Between my undernourished state and the fact that I hadn't eaten dinner last night, giving me even less nutrients than usual, my healing process was definitely slower than some. There was a slightly puffy quality to the skin around it, and the wound itself was a dark shade of red.

Great. It was probably infected.

I put concealer on the larger bruises, the few scattered up my arms, and the large one on my shin. Then I slipped a handheld pouch of concealer into my pocket and mentally noted to ask about something to clean out the cut before slipping down the stairs, schoolbag in hand.

The first person to look up at my entrance was Fabian, and when our eyes met, I quickly looked away as thoughts flooded me.

_He's just trying to get into your pants. Because you are not beautiful, you are not strong, and you are not worth one moment of anyone's time. He sees you as a conquest, an innocent little virgin who refuses to let anyone near,_ whispered one voice in my mind, one that sounded exactly like him.

_I don't want anything from you. I look after my friends, Nina, and I consider you a friend,_ said the other, the one that sounded like Fabian.

Both memories, both things they had said to me.

Which one was the truth and which one was the lie? Was I the conquest or the friend?

Either way, he had come into my room last night and I had completely rejected all attempts he made to reach out to me, and then I ignored him.

I was sure he wasn't feeling all too bright towards me right now, and that thought put a sick feeling in my stomach. But I had to put on my nice face this morning and pretend like this was just another day. That I hadn't been beaten yesterday by my own stepfather. That he hadn't been beating me for years.

If I acted abnormally, someone would connect the dots. And then everything would come crashing down.

So I smiled a little at everyone, still avoiding looking at Fabian, and piled my plate up with pancakes. Even Patricia gave me a weird look, noticing that I'd taken an Alfie or Jerome-sized portion. Normally, I wouldn't have taken half this much, but I needed nutrients to heal faster.

The sooner the bruises were gone, the better.

I didn't finish it all, but I ate almost twice as much as I did in a normal sitting. Trudy was wearing a proud smile, and out of the corner of my eye I could see Fabian watching me, setting me on edge. I got up and started heading for the door.

Mara stopped me halfway there.

"Hey, Nina, I know I said you could come by my room to pick up the first book once you were ready for it, but I figured I'd just give it to you now." She smiled, holding out a hardback book titled _Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone_. "Sorry, I'm just excited to share such an amazing series with someone. I've never met someone who's never heard of Harry Potter. People who haven't read them, sure, but never _heard_ of them?" She shook her head slowly. "Insane. Anyway, yeah, here it is. It's actually called Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone in the US, but not here."

I smiled at her and took the book, looking it over and reading the back. Wizards. Ah, now the wizard hat comment from Jerome made sense.

"Keep me updated on where you're at, yeah?" Mara said, her smile growing. "If anything, share at supper, because the others will probably want to know as well. And by the way - though this won't make sense until later - don't ever mention patronuses or dementors. Someone will start a gigantic debate with everyone else about who would have what patronus and-" She cut off, shaking her head again. "Yeah. Just don't."

Though I didn't think I'd have the nerve to bring attention to myself at dinner, I nodded anyway, and she bounced lightly on the balls of her feet. "Sweet. Okay, see you later. Have fun with the book!" Then she raced off to grab her bag, leaving me alone to walk out of the house. Curiously, I turned to the front page.

_Mr. and Mrs. Dursley, of number four, Privet Drive, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much…_

* * *

** X**

I was obsessed.

From the first page I was hooked. It might have been the fact that I hadn't had new material to read in months, or it might have been the fact that it was just simply amazing.

All I knew was that it had gotten to the point where I was reading under my desk as class went on for the first time in my entire life. I was actually willing to risk punishment just so I could read the book faster.

The best part of the day was after Conceptual Art with Mr. Winkler. Just as I was walking out the door, the book already hidden in my bag, he sent me a knowing glance that stopped me in my tracks.

"How many times have you read Harry Potter, Ms. Martin?" he asked, smirking a little. I gulped and raised a hand, making a zero with it. His eyes widened. "This is your first time?" I nodded. "Which part are you at?"

I quickly took out my book and showed him the chapter I was on, and the paragraph I'd just hit.

_"Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A poltergeist." He raised his voice, "Peeves — show yourself."_

_A loud, rude sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answered._

"Ah, Peeves. They didn't put him in the movies. Rubbish choice if you ask me," he said a little crossly. I stared, wondering if I was about to get detention. He could tell.

Instead, he smiled.

"Don't let me catch you doing it again," he said in an amused tone. "I have to keep up the rules around here, and even things like people reading Harry Potter for the first time under the desk can't be excused more than once. Got it?" I nodded hurriedly, eyes wide with surprise.

Jeez. Harry Potter was practically gold around here.

I scurried off, shoving my book into my bag as I made my way to Theater Basics.

* * *

** X**

Dinner that night was a lot of conversation about Harry Potter and some awkward looks from Fabian, which I completely avoided, keeping myself immersed in the topic - what we would see if we looked into the Mirror of Erised, which Dumbledore had just explained the purpose of in the book.

"We all know that Amber would be looking at herself wearing a crown and holding a book featuring clothes from her own fashion industry or something-"

"Would not!" she protested, glaring at Jerome. "What would you be looking at, a ribbon stating you as the best prankster in the world? _Pathetic_."

Each person tossed taunts and teases at each other, until suddenly Amber was looking at me. "What would you see, Nina?"

Everyone's words died in their mouths, and I almost choked on my food.

Now everyone was staring.

I shrugged, eyes wide with surprise at the question. When they realized I really didn't have an answer, they moved on, not asking me again.

But I did have an answer, a very clear one.

I would see _him_ off in the distance in handcuffs and behind bars. I would be healthy, happy, and smiling at the man who would be holding me in his arms. I would be talking to him about pointless things, as if I talked everyday. In my mind, the man kissed me gently for a moment, and I didn't draw back in fear. I simply smiled wider. Then the man lifted his head and looked at the mirror-

It was Fabian.

I drew out of the vision with a stifled gasp to find that everyone had quit talking about Harry Potter and were eating heartily. I joined them, trying to push the vision out of my mind._ I saw it wrong, it wasn't Fabian, I don't think about Fabian in that way, not-_

"So, Nina, why are you mute?" asked Patricia.

This time, I _did_ start choking on my food.

"Were you mute from birth, or did you have a disease at some point, or did someone damage your vocal chords?" she continued on as if nothing had happened, and smiled when I pulled out my notepad. I hesitated, trying to decide whether or not to tell the truth. Then I sighed, and gave in, writing it down and passing it to her.

_I'm an elective mute._

"An elective mute?" she said loudly, making sure everyone heard. And everyone certainly did, because suddenly everyone was staring at me. I cringed into my seat. "When did you last speak? Did you stop when you came over here?" Another note scribbled onto paper.

_I haven't spoken since I was four._

"Since you were _four_?" she sneered as soon as she'd read the note. "Now I _know_ you're lying. Remember our conversation? You're a _horrible_ liar."

I started shaking my head, my hands up in surrender, pointing at the paper.

"Patricia, that's enough," Joy said quietly, but everyone could hear it. I stared at her, surprised. Patricia didn't take it well.

"That's enough?! She can talk and she's _choosing_ not to. She just wants attention, and she's getting it. I bet you she's been faking it this whole time - the touching, the talking, the fear. That's what you thought, isn't it? Until she drew you in just like everyone else," she shot back. I cringed again.

"Could you actually talk if you wanted to, then?" Alfie asked, leaning towards me curiously. I frowned, not liking this train of thought, and nodded.

"Do you _want_ to speak?" Jerome joined in.

I shook my head. No, I didn't. Talking brought attention. Attention was always bad in my case, and if I ever spoke in front of him… I'd be done for.

"Don't you want to hear your own voice though? See how it's changed? I mean, don't you miss the sound of your own voice?" Fabian asked, tilting his head in curiosity.

I shook my head once more, avoiding looking at everyone.

Everyone got real quiet, and Patricia rolled her eyes.

"Well," she said, breaking the silence. "You wanna know what I do to liars?" she stood and grabbed the pitcher of water. I couldn't understand why she'd grabbed it. What did that have to do with her thinking I was a liar?

She was halfway around the table before anyone realized what she was doing. It hit me at the same exact moment.

"Patricia, NO!" Fabian shouted, but he was too late.

Water came crashing over the top of my head like a waterfall. It still didn't manage to drown out the sound of her laugh.

I shrieked a little, a high pitched noise from the back of my throat that startled everyone but Patricia, who stood there grinning. There wasn't an inch of me that wasn't soaked.

My white long sleeve shirt now clung to me like a second skin, revealing curves no one here had been allowed to see before. I glanced up at the others, horrified, water dripping from my hair and onto the floor.

"Call the press, she actually has a chest!" Patricia crowed. No one moved an inch.

I sat there staring at my hands, unsure of what else I _could_ do. Everyone was staring. _Everyone was staring._ Shoot, no panic attack, _no panic attack-_

Then suddenly, Fabian's eyes widened with shock.

"Nina… what's up with your arms?"

I looked.

The sleeves of my shirt had gone practically see through with the water, and it was showing more than the color of my skin.

It was only then that I realized the water dripping from my shirt was no longer clear. It was practically the same color as my skin. The water had washed off most of the concealer, which meant…

_Oh god._

The black, blue, and purple bruises from the beating were scattered up my arms, and sprinkled among them were the white scars of past beatings, clearly on display.

On show for every single person present.

* * *

**A/N: Yes, another dreaded cliffhanger. **Uh oh... what's going to happen? *gasp* ;D

**Next chapter update is April 21st, next Sunday. **Everything is about to change... *cackle*

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya on the 21st!**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** How is everyone doing? A lot of people dropped dead of heart attacks due to the latest cliffhanger. I tried to revive as many of you as possible, hopefully everyone's here to see the aftermath, but it was sort of hard to bring others back to life when I was dying myself. Why? Because I got **54 reviews **on the last chapter. Woah! Thank you so much! Anyway, are we all accounted for? Good. Here we go...

* * *

**Patricia POV**

Nina's skin was an artwork of blue, purple, black, and red.

_Holy. Shit._

The pitcher slipped out of my hand and fell to the floor with a crash. No one flinched, not even Nina, who was beginning to shake… and I didn't think it was from the chill of the water.

"Are those…" I started to whisper, then stopped. Because I knew what they were.

Bruises.

"Nina," Fabian said, his voice barely above a whisper. "Who gave you those?"

Slowly, she lifted her eyes to meet everyone else's horrified ones. She took a deep breath, shaking a little harder now. And then, it was like a switch flipped on, and she was scrambling for her notepad as she practically vibrated in her seat. She scribbled something onto the page and slammed it down on the table where everyone could see.

_I fell down the stairs when I was alone. I'm fine, it's nothing._

After a quick look at everyone else, I could tell they were just as unconvinced as I was.

"Nina, I need you to tell me who did this," Fabian said again. "Please."

Her chest began rising and falling faster and faster, and a whimper slid through her lips. Mara stood up. "She's about to have a panic attack," she said quickly. Immediately both her and Fabian were coming around the table.

So quickly that I didn't even see it, Nina was out of her chair and backing away from them, looking at us like we were the hunters and she was the cornered animal. And this time, I knew it was real.

I was going to be sick.

Everyone watched with wide eyes as she, soaked to the bone and dripping concealer and water, raised both hands and continued backing away, another whimper escaping her. Fabian held his hands out in a peaceful gesture.

"Calm down," he pleaded. "We're not going to hurt you. We want to _help_ you. You just have to let us. Breathe, Nina. You don't have to tell us right now if you don't want to."

I blinked, and when I opened my eyes again, she was running for the stairs.

No one moved. Everyone looked at each other and avoided looking at each other. Fabian opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened it again.

And ran after her.

In our silence, we could hear everything that happened upstairs.

Nina slammed the door behind her, shaking the house with the force of it. Fabian reached the top of the stairs a moment later and was banging on her door immediately.

"Nina, let me come in. _Please_. Nina, _please_ unlock the door." All we heard in response was a faint sound of crying. "Nina, unlock the door. Unlock it _now_."

We all sat in silence as he pleaded with her to open the door. After a while, he seemed to give up, and the only thing that filled the silence was her sobs - then even those went quiet, at least for a while. Mara whispered that the panic attack had probably hit her, and Mick went green and ran for the bathroom.

We went to bed pretty quickly after that.

Amber roomed with us, since she couldn't get into her own room. She slept on Mara's bed, and Mara settled down to read all night, saying she had homework to catch up with. One look at her told me she just didn't want to have nightmares.

I fell asleep to the sound of Nina's sobs that echoed through the house and the dark thought that somewhere along the way, I'd turned into an utter bitch.

** X**

**Nina POV**

When I got up to my room, I'd thrown off the soggy clothes. The only thing I put back on was a new pair of undergarments. I stared at the bruises and scars that littered my body from chest to toe, really _stared_ in a way I'd never done before. I'd always avoided looking at them, like if I didn't look at them for long enough, they'd disappear - and when I did look, I looked at them with a clinical eye, not adding in personal feelings.

But I couldn't deny that I could count every rib without having to suck in my stomach - I had no stomach to suck in. It was completely flat. _Too_ flat.

I couldn't deny the way I had so many scars on me that I couldn't try to count them all. The ones on my arms and my legs, the long scar on the back of my shoulder from when he broke the bottle over my back. The cigarette burns on my thighs from when I was too quiet, or when I was too loud, or when I didn't relax enough as he raped me. The permanently damaged tissue on my back from the buckle of his belt as he whipped me.

So many scars. Too many. Far too many.

For the first time, I truly recognized how disgusted I was with myself.

I'd thought I could act normal - as normal as possible with me - and fool everyone around me. Make people think I was a girl who was simply a little messed up in the head.

I'd thought wrong.

Now Fabian was sitting outside my door. I could see his shadow in front of my door. Best case scenario? He was waiting until he could see me face to face to tell me that he no longer wanted to be friends and to please leave everyone at Anubis House alone. They'd get on with their year, I'd get on with mine, just separate.

Worst case scenario? He was waiting for the moment he could beat me. He'd realized what had really happened to me now, how broken and damaged and ugly I really was. How incapable of being loved I was. He'd realized I deserved to die, and he was waiting for the moment he could give me exactly what I deserved. And he hadn't even realized who'd done it yet.

No matter how much I hated myself, I didn't want to die.

I curled up on my bed after throwing on a shirt, close to passing out from my hyperventilation. My whole body was still shaking, even harder than in the dining room right after everything hit. I could still see the looks on everyone's faces - horror. Pure horror. Horror at my bruises, horror at the person I really was.

When Fabian and Mara had come around the table, defensive instinct had flipped on and I had run. Now there was no way to convince them that I hadn't been beaten. Running for the hills was the closest you could get to saying yes without uttering the actual words. They could tell the school. The school could tell _him_. _He_ could blame it on someone and take me away under the facade of helping me, when really he would be bringing me home, and I would never get out this time.

And with that simple yet terrifying thought, the panic attack that had been looming for ages finally hit.

My sob cut off halfway through, replaced with a sharp inhale, then another, and another. My ball position tightened, my hands wrapping around my legs and pulling them up to my chest.

It was only then that I realized that I hadn't thought to grab my Xanax. It was across the room in my bag, and there was no way I could uncurl myself, even for that. For the first time since I was ten - the first time I'd had a panic attack - I was going to have to make it through this without medication helping me.

And this time, there was no one to count to ten with me or hold my hand or tell me it was going to be okay.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

I didn't sleep that night.

I didn't think I could've if I'd wanted to, and if I'd manage to slip into unconsciousness, I knew I would be having nightmares of a faceless male beating Nina until she screamed - or didn't scream. Maybe she would simply curl up into a ball and take it until her heart gave out and she died.

The thought crossed my mind that maybe my thoughts were worse than any possible nightmare I could've had.

It made no difference.

She stopped crying for a while, and the hour long silence unnerved me, but they started up again a half an hour later. I sat there outside her door, not saying anything, for hours. It was me, her, and her emotions, together but separated by her door. I never once drifted off, nor did I yawn. Then she went quiet permanently just before the light started filtering through the windows. I wasn't sure if she'd fallen asleep or if she was still awake, if she had actually stopped crying or if she was simply crying silently.

She didn't emerge from the room and didn't make another sound, so the only sounds left were the thoughts that had been pounding through my head for hours.

How could I have been so stupid?

It all made sense now, and I wished it didn't. The hatred of touch, the constant fear. She'd been abused, I'd known that, but I should have realized it was going on here, too, maybe since she'd first arrived.

But who?

I couldn't figure out the answer to that question. It was obviously a boy, considering she'd always been more terrified of the men in Anubis House. I didn't think it was someone in this house - Jerome and Alfie were pranksters, yes, but not with permanently damaging intentions in mind. Mick, meanwhile, sometimes had a temper, but I'd never seen him hurt a fly.

Names of people around school floated through my head, people in nearby houses. The thought of a teacher doing this crossed my mind, and I quit on the subject completely as I felt my gag reflex kick in.

Then I thought of the way she hated guys in her bedroom, the way she'd always freaked out when I sat on her bed or cornered her, and I wondered if they'd done more than wound her.

There was no stopping the urge that time. I barely made it to the bathroom before what little I'd eaten of my dinner emptied itself from my stomach.

Five minutes later, I was back at my spot by Nina's door.

Mara was the first up, and from the bags under her eyes, I wasn't sure if she'd gotten any sleep at all. She jerked her head at the door, raising an eyebrow, and I knew she was asking if Nina had made a sound since she'd stopped crying. I shook my head, and she disappeared into the bathroom to get ready.

Patricia was next. She didn't look at me, and I was glad. All I wanted to do was yell at her, and I had a feeling the urge would grow beyond reasoning if she said a word to me.

Amber came out last, looking just as worn out as Mara. I actually did a doubletake at her appearance, and she rolled her eyes.

"I know you're going to react badly to this, but you need to go to school."

My responding glare told her I was doing no such thing.

"You think I don't want to join you?" Amber continued. "Trust me, I do. But I doubt she'll be coming out today. We need to make sure her teachers know she's sick. We need to stay caught up in school. You can check on her at lunch, and we'll be here right after school ends."

"Amber…" I could hear her point, but the thought of leaving her bothered me to no end.

"Get her some breakfast, and leave it outside her door. She won't have to step out her bedroom door if she doesn't want to. If anything, she won't come out because she won't want to face you after what we all saw last night. Guarding her door might be more of a hindrance than a help."

I hated it when she was like this, as right as she was.

I groaned and stood, stretching my arms out before shooting downstairs, getting changed, piling up some food on a plate and putting it just outside Nina's door. I scribbled down a note - _I brought you breakfast, it's right outside the door. I'll be back to give you lunch if you haven't come out. Come out when you're ready, we won't ask you any questions if you don't want us to_ - onto the piece of paper I'd snatched from downstairs and slid it under the door. I stared at it for a moment, hoping she'd come out.

She didn't.

I grabbed my stuff and passed the dining room without considering food for myself. By the way everyone else's plates were almost untouched, I had a feeling they wouldn't be eating much today either. Even Alfie and Jerome had only eaten a pancake each.

No one commented on Nina's absence on our walk to school, and I didn't offer.

I just eyed every single person we passed and wondered which one was abusing Nina.

** X**

Nina didn't come out at lunch.

She didn't come out at dinner, either.

But the food was disappearing into her room, so she was eating. At least she was eating.

At dinner, she waited until she could hear us all in the dining room before she opened the door to grab her own food. We all froze when we heard the sound, but it closed almost immediately.

Still no Nina.

Now we were settled on the couches, the room tense. Meeting time.

"Are we going to tell anyone?" was the first words out of anyone's mouth practically all day. Amber.

"No." It was I who spoke, and there were a few cries of outrage. "If we told anyone, they'd shove her into therapy, make her go to checkups at the hospital, and who knows what else. She can't talk, so therapy is useless, and do you think she would really open up about who was hurting her anyway? And checkups would scar her even more. She hates touch, and they'd have to touch her quite a few times, most likely. No, we keep this to ourselves, at least for now. Once we know more - if she lets us know more - we'll rethink our decisions if needed."

"Then what are supposed to do?" Mara asked. "We can't just the abusing continue."

"We work on healing her ourselves," was my answer. "We get her to stop fearing us by showing her she can trust us. We keep an eye on her at almost all times, see if anyone approaches her that might be the abuser."

"Do you think it might be Mark?" Amber said quietly. "He came back to school, and I'm sure he's ticked at her for getting him suspended. He's in the house nearest to Anubis."

Everyone went quiet.

"That's a definite possibility," I said. "So everyone keep an eye on Mark too. Is that it? Any more questions?"

"Do we bring up anything around her? How do we even act around her?" Jerome spoke for the first time, unusually serious in the face of what was going on.

"We don't bring up anything. We act like nothing happened," I answered. "It's the only thing that'll keep her around."

Everyone fell silent for the last time, and we all sat there, thinking about our separate things and questions and worries. I hoped that Nina would show her face tonight, and so I stayed up late, waiting for the sound of a door long after everyone had gone to bed.

She didn't come out.

And she didn't come out for another two days.

* * *

**A/N: **Look at that! **Not a cliffhanger!** Well, I don't know, depends on what you see as a cliffhanger. But not as bad as last chapter's, at the very least. This chapter wasn't quite as tense/exciting/etc as the past few have been, but don't worry, I'll be making up for that soon... *ominous laugh*

**I posted a new Fabina oneshot last week called** **Graveyard Tales**. It's completely unrelated to Scarred and totally AU. I encourage you to go and check it out while you wait for the next update... which, speaking of, will be **April 28th. Next Sunday. One week.** You can do it, I know you can...

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

See ya on the 28th!


	20. Chapter 20

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Do my eyes deceive me, or am I updating _a day early?__!_ *gasp* It's a miracle! And would you like to know what other miracles happened recently?

...**Scarred is now the most reviewed Fabina fanfiction of all time with 493 reviews.** *SQUEALS* I cannot thank you enough for all of your support. To all of you who have favorited, reviewed, referred this to friends, and those to have just followed along. And to my anonymous reviewers - you review even when you don't get a preview in return, and I really appreciate that.

So, here's your update... a day early. HAPPY SCARRED CELEBRATION DAY!

* * *

**Fabian POV**

On the second day, Nina didn't come out. But the food continued to disappear, and I took as much comfort as I could in that.

But when she still didn't come out on the third day, doubt began to bite away at me. I had to wonder if she would ever come downstairs again.

Fortunately, my doubts would be soothed today.

Everyone walked to the school together, the mood damp. No one had mentioned Nina since the meeting, but everyone was thinking about her.

It was in Theater Basics that the door opened.

"Ah, Ms. Martin, welcome back," Mr. Winkler greeted.

The entirety of Anubis House jerked our heads to the door at the same time.

She was wearing a giant hoodie that we'd seen her in once or twice, fit more for a man than a girl her age, and I could see one of her sweaters underneath. While it was freezing outside, it was toasty warm inside.

She must have been roasting.

"You've just got one more set piece, correct? The… night sky. Yes, the night sky. I'll set you up over here…" He motioned for her to follow him… and put her right beside me.

Sometimes I had to thank the heavens for my luck.

She noticed too, because her eyes flicked up to meet ours for a split second. Fear like never before was clouding them, and my chest tightened in pain when I noticed the paleness of her skin tone and the bags under her eyes. When she realized we were all staring at her, she jerked her head back down and sat in the spot Mr. Winkler had motioned to.

She didn't look at us again, immediately pulling out her sketchpad from her bag to sketch out the night sky. I watched her work from the corner of my eye as we worked on our lines. And when we took a break, I dared to speak.

"It's beautiful."

She didn't flinch. She didn't drop her pad. She didn't look at me.

"Nina?"

She continued sketching as if I hadn't spoken. I wondered if she'd gone deaf.

Then I realized she was doing it on purpose, and pain cracked my heart in half. She was shutting herself off again, just like she had when Joy and Patricia had threatened her. But this time, she was doing it for no other reasons than her own. I almost turned back around, but I stopped.

I was not going to let her do this again. I was not going to let her shut herself off from us - from me - again.

Not even for another five minutes.

"Mr. Winkler?" I called out, putting on a worried face as I glanced at Nina. "I think Nina is still feeling sort of sick. She doesn't want to lose more class time so she hasn't said anything, but I'm getting worried. Can I take her to the nurse and have her make sure she's okay?"

Nina finally acknowledged me, jerking her head up so her eyes would lock with mine. In my peripheral vision, Mr. Winkler nodded. "Yes, Mr. Rutter. Ms. Martin, while I admire your dedication to school, you should share when you're not feeling well. Most of the students here try to get out of class and often succeed. Don't feel bad for losing school time for a perfectly sound reason," he said, causing a few chuckles from around the room.

I stood, feeling a little victorious on the inside, and offered her my hand. She didn't take it, but she did stand and follow me out of the room, now refusing to look at me again. As soon as the doors shut behind us, she took the lead, and I warily followed her… all the way to the front doors. She was beginning to open the door when I spoke.

"Nina, why are you taking us outside?" I asked hesitantly. She froze, then turned back around and pulled out her notepad, keeping her head down.

_So no one will see or hear?_

Her answer only confused me further. "But all we're doing is talking, what's the problem with someone seeing us? No one will hear us, they're all in-" Suddenly, her breath whooshed out of her in one, loud sound, and when she glanced up at me, her eyes were full of relief. Realization hit me.

_She thought I was going to beat her._

Revulsion hit me like a ton of bricks at the thought. I stepped back, running a hand through my hair. "Dammit, Nina, when will you get it into your head that I don't want to hurt you? Just the thought itself repulses me, much less the action!" I whispered, fists clenching. The second I saw the fear flash across her face, my anger grew, then drained entirely. I relaxed. "I'm calm, I'm sorry. Look, I just want to talk to you, nothing more. We can stay right here, where anyone can see us, if it makes you feel safer."

She hesitated, then nodded.

_What did you want to talk about? I swear, I won't talk to you guys anymore. I can ask to move houses if it makes you feel uncomfortable being around me, I'd completely understand, but I can't switch classes until the end of the semester._

I stared at the note, utterly confused. "What do you mean? Why would we want you to stop talking to us?" I asked, squinting at her. Her eyes were scarily hollow of emotion as she handed her response to me.

_Because you found out._

"But why would we-" I stopped. Glanced from her note to her face. "You think we don't want to be friends anymore. You think we think you're… odd?" She cringed.

_That's not the word the last person who found out used, but odd works._

"You mean someone found out? And they didn't tell anyone?" I clarified, eyes wide with horror. She looked away before nodding, then met my eyes again suddenly, fear flashing once more.

_Are you going to tell anyone?_

"No, Nina. And neither is anyone else," I said calmly. The tenseness in her body fizzled away. "We talked about it when no one else was around. Everyone has agreed to keep quiet. And _no one_ wants you to switch houses or anything. They all still want to be your friend." She looked surprised.

_Isn't everyone disgusted by me?_

This time, I grabbed both of her hands and squeezed the lightest bit. She shivered. "Nina, no one is disgusted by you. No one thinks any different of you. If anything, we only like you more now."

She didn't look like she believed me, but she didn't ask again, only nodded. She pulled her hands out of mine and wrote again, a small smile now on her face.

_I'd like to work on my set piece now._

I laughed. "Yeah, sorry for that. It was the only way I could think to get you out of class. Come on, let's head back." I turned around, only to feel a frail hand on my arm, startling me to a stop. I turned back to her, and was passed another note.

_Thank you._

"There is nothing to thank me for, Nina," I said, giving her a sad smile. "Let's go back to class." And when she started heading down the hallway, I tore off a section of the paper from her notepad - the thank you - and tucked it into my pocket.

Pain tearing at my heart, I followed after her, just like I always would.

** X**

Nina never spoke on the way to the house, though she did walk with us. Because of this, no one else spoke either, the mood too tense for random chat.

The second we all got inside, she went up the stairs and closed the door behind her. Only Amber followed her, because only Amber had a reason to be in there. We put away our school stuff and all sat down in the living room, sticking in a movie I was too tense to pay attention to.

Amber came down a minute later, and she quickly dragged me out of the room. I didn't protest.

"What is it, Amber? What happened?" I demanded.

Her face was tense with worry as she looked at me, her breathing harsher than normal. "All the food you brought Nina is in the trash. I saw it before she could hide it. She hasn't eaten in almost 72 hours."

** X**

**Nina POV**

When there was a knock at my door, I expected it to be Fabian.

I did not expect it to be Joy.

She hesitated in the doorway, smiling a little at me. "Can… can I come in by any chance?" I nodded slowly, wondering what this was about. Part of me hoped she was about to demand that I leave Fabian alone or even leave the house. I wanted someone to choose for me, I didn't want to make this decision on my own.

"I wanted to explain some things," she said slowly, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "I feel like I owe you another apology, first of all. What Patricia and I did to you was wrong. We honestly did think it was all an act, up until the panic attack. That's when I started having doubts. Patricia, stubborn as always, plowed on. I should have tried harder to stop her, but it's too late now… anyway, I wanted to explain why I was so convinced you were faking. Do you have time for a short story?"

I nodded again, curiosity poking me in the side. She took a deep breath, fumbled with her hands a little, and began.

"I had a friend named Eleanor. She was new to town, and everyone hated her. She was much like you, though not quite as serious - she didn't speak, and she often flinched away from touch. It was generally assumed that she'd been abused, and everyone looked at her funny for it. I befriended her, and we grew quite close over our 8th year. She came over almost every day. We did everything together. She often wore tank tops and she put on makeup, but she had no concealer, so I always thought she'd just never been hurt badly enough to scar, and that the abuse wasn't going on currently.

"And then came the day when I found her hanging out behind the school, laughing about how naive and stupid I was. Speaking, even yelling, and roughhousing with other students," she said, her voice growing hard. "It was only later that I found out the full truth - she was a cousin of a boy who was quite popular around here. She moved into town, and everyone started a bet to see how long she could keep up the act. When I became the only person who would talk to her, it turned into a bet to see how long she could fool me. She lasted 9 months and got a fair amount of money for it. Once everyone knew the truth, she became royalty… and she never spoke to me again."

She smiled a watery smile at me. "I can be clingy sometimes, I know, as well as overprotective of the people I cling to. It's because these people in this house are spectacular friends and wonderful to know. There aren't nearly enough of those sort of people out there nowadays, so I cling to them, because I never want to let them go. Sometimes I just cling too tightly - like I did with Fabian." She sighed. "I was really hurt at first, when he chose you over me. I thought it was because I wasn't good enough. But now I realize he didn't choose you over me. He chose the both of us. I'm still one of his best friends, and while my heart aches because that's all he'll ever see me as, it's definitely enough."

She paused for a moment, then glanced up at me, laughing a little as her cheeks went red. "Sorry. I tend to ramble. Point is, I wanted to apologize. And I've realized that you're just as wonderful as the others here, so if I promise not to cling too tightly… could you consider me a friend, and vise versa?"

Well. I hadn't been expecting that.

_You're just as wonderful as the others here._ I wasn't sure how to receive that comment, but I knew how to receive that question. With a small smile, I nodded. She grinned.

"Thank you. I'll… leave you alone now, I guess." She hopped up, then hesitated at the door. "Um… about Patricia. She tends to be very prideful, so she's really embarrassed and ashamed about what happened. It'll probably be a while before she plucks up the nerve to apologize, but don't take that to mean she isn't sorry. Because she is, really."

Then she was gone, and I was alone… for about 30 seconds.

This time when someone knocked on the door, it _was_ Fabian - holding a packet of crackers and a mug of what looked like hot chocolate.

"Nina, I brought you some snacks and a drink," he said, holding up both as if I hadn't already noticed them.

My stomach rumbled a little at the thought of food, but I pushed it away. I didn't want to eat. It wasn't like I was purposely starving myself - really, I wasn't. It was just that the thought of food make me sick.

He sat down on the floor by my bed and set the mug on the nightstand. "Please drink it," he pleaded. "I know you haven't eaten, and you're worrying the heck out of me. Please."

Dang it. I knew Amber had seen the food in the trash. I hoped he didn't think I was bad for wasting it, I knew that food could have gone to others who would have actually eaten it. Luckily, he only seemed worried.

I inched toward the nightstand and picked up the mug slowly. I stared at it in silence, until finally I took a slow sip.

I didn't smile this time, but I continued drinking.

"Like I said before, we won't ask you any questions. We want to help you."

I downed the mug, growing back into the feeling of having something sloshing around in my stomach, and gave him a small nod. I wasn't sure if he was honest, but he looked like he was… not to mention that I just wanted to leave behind the topic.

I just wanted to pretend like it had never happened.

I started inhaling crackers like a vacuum, finding myself hungrier the more I ate. He let out a sigh of relief, and snatched a cracker for himself, munching on it happily.

My body lurched forward against my will as a wave of pain hit my stomach.

"Nina?" he asked in alarm. "Nina, what's-"

I lunged off the bed and took off for the bathroom. I barely got there before my stomach emptied itself.

His face was scrunched up with regret as I walked past him and collapsed onto the bed face down, resiting the urge to release a pained moan.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know it'd make you throw up," he said quickly. "We should start you off with something lighter. Water instead of hot chocolate, and only one or two crackers or something. We'll build up from there."

I shook my head into the mattress. No more food. I'd eat when I wanted to, and I most certainly didn't want to right now. He sighed.

"Nina, you can't just starve yourself. If you continue to try, at some point I'll have Trudy send medics over, if Amber doesn't do it first." My head jerked up automatically when I realized what he'd just said. His eyes were steady and determined. "I know you don't want that, and I don't want to have to do that either. But we aren't just going to let you kill yourself slowly while we watch."

We went silent for a minute, until finally, he spoke.

"Nina, we want to help you. We have no intention of harming you or judging you, nor do we plan on telling anyone what happened. We want to help you," he repeated. "But you have to want it too. And please, I'm begging you… try to open up to us. To me. To anyone. I'm not saying right this moment, or this week, or even this month. I know this isn't a snap decision. But try anyway. Not for me, not for Amber, not for anyone. For _yourself_."

I stared at him, my eyes shining with the threat of tears. I didn't know how to reply to something like that. Something so confusing, something so alarming. Opening up was an alien topic for the most part, save for the one time when-

"You did open up," he said quietly, apparently reading my mind. "You touched me. You trailed your hands up and down my hand and arm and face. My _face_. And you cried out of _happiness_. And I know why you're afraid now, and I can understand your fear - well, no, I could never understand your fear, but I can imagine it - but I swear I would never do anything to hurt you in any way."

A packed silence filled the air that replied for me this time. He groaned.

"You have to realize that, Nina. I get that every past experience of your life tells you otherwise, but some part of you _has_ to know that I would never hurt you. You are a wonderful person and you don't deserve what has happened to you. No one does, but especially not you._ I will not hurt you._"

I was writing down a note and passing it to him before I realized what I was doing.

_I'd like to be alone, please._

Fabian's face fell in disappointment. "Nina, look, we can move onto another topic or something if it's really making you uncomfortable-"

_Please. I want to rest. I swear I will try to eat tomorrow._

He sighed, and but I couldn't find it in me to feel guilty. I wasn't avoiding him, I wasn't trying to push him away. I simply didn't have enough energy for any sort of conversation like that right now.

I could see him trying to decide whether or not this battle was worth fighting. I gave him a final pleading look, and he relented. "Alright. I'll see you tomorrow, right?"

_You will._

He stood slowly. "Good night, Nina. See you tomorrow." And then he was gone, only stopping to shut the door behind him.

Had I known what would happen tomorrow, I might have decided to finish our conversation there and then, to avoid the events that would transpire. To hell with that - if I'd known what would happen tomorrow, I would have sent myself to the hospital somehow just to avoid it.

But I hadn't known what would happen tomorrow. I hadn't known that tomorrow would be the day that everything crumbled around me, the day everything changed, for better or worse I'd yet to figure out.

And that made all the difference.

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**A/N: **Beware... things are picking up speed again next chapter with a lot of fluff and a lot of angst mixed into one. Did I mention a cliffhanger? Yes, another cliffhanger. I regret nothing.

**Next chapter update is May 1st, next Wednesday.** Yes, you heard me guys... _four day wait._ *pokes* Don't get used to it though, okay? I'm just in a super bubbly mood and this is probably a bad decision, but who cares. I'm excited about the next chapter.

Reviews are love, dear readers. And ohhhhh, what the hell. I'm in a good mood.** EVERYONE GETS TWO PREVIEWS!**

P.S. - Recently I've had a lot of new people sent by current readers. I'd love to get even more people reading along, so please spread the word! Twitter, Facebook, word of mouth, _Tumblr_ (I track the Fabina tag on Tumblr, and if I see a referral on the Fabina tag, warning: _I may have to marry you because it would mean so much to me_). So yeah, please, please spread the word!

**See y****a on the 1st!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used. The two songs used in this chapter are also not mine. The first is Fall For You by Secondhand Serenade, and the second is You I See by Brad Kavanagh.

**A/N:** The response to Chapter 20 made me smile. 53 reviews for that chapter, guys! I'm so honored! Not to mention that Scarred hit 15,000 views, which is amazing. Anyway, I know that you're all pretty tense and eager to read this chapter - especially after those previews - so I'll shut up. Let's get this show on the road!

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**Nina POV**

As I had promised to Fabian, I did eat the next morning.

It was crackers and water, but I was able to keep it down. I was heading back upstairs by the time everyone was finally getting settled with their much bigger meals. I sent the group a hesitant smile before I left, and I could see the surprise reflected in most of their eyes.

Fabian's only reflected more worry.

I read Harry Potter for an hour or two, curled up in a comfortable ball on my bed. Thanks to my three days of time to myself, I'd gotten a lot of reading done between trying not to cry some more and ignoring my occasional hunger pains. I was now on Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and I was reaching the end.

Then I did reach the end, and I was pacing the room, contemplating all the ways it could go from here. I wanted to pick up Order of the Phoenix, the next book, but I knew I needed to get some air. So I pulled on some shoes, went downstairs, and headed outside.

Thank the heavens it was a Saturday.

I walked the grounds just in front of Anubis House, checking out the pond and the small fish in it, content to just wander with no purpose or goal.

Until I heard the faint strum of a guitar coming from the field near the house, shielded slightly by the trees.

My eyes narrowed as I tried to pick out the exact direction of the sound- and there it was again, another strum, this time one that quickly cut off with a squeal of an instrument and a frustrated yell.

_Wait_.

I knew that voice.

I crept through the patch of trees that shielded the field from view, stopping just at the edge of the treeline and searching the grasses curiously, until-

Fabian. Fabian was sitting in the grass, guitar in hand, glaring at it like whatever bothering him was its fault.

I stared at the sight in front of me. Fabian looked… natural with a guitar, especially this one. It molded to his hands like clay. Though I wasn't all too knowledgeable in this instrument - or any of the others - I could tell that this was a high class model, and it was well kept.

_He has never looked more beautiful than he does in this moment._

The thought shocked me, and I began to slink away, not wanting to bother him - only to shift just enough to make a branch crack loudly beneath my foot.

Fabian's head jerked up, and his eyes met mine.

"Nina," he gasped, immediately standing. "I didn't see you- well, I mean, obviously I didn't see- not that I-" He cut himself off before restarting in a nervous voice. "How long have you been standing there?"

I shook my head, hoping he understood that I hadn't been there long, and motioned for him to sit back down. He relaxed a little, getting what I'd meant, then hesitated. I motioned again.

"Only if you sit down with me," he suggested. I paused, having been fully ready to scurry back to Anubis. He arched an eyebrow. "Come on, I won't bite. And you said you wanted to hear my music, didn't you?"

Yes, I had. But I hadn't meant all alone outside where no one would see either of us if anything bad happened, whether it was to the both of us or to me.

"Last chance. Three, two, one-"

I sighed and approached him, giving up and throwing my fear to its grave - for now. Fabian grinned victoriously, though it was obvious he was still nervous. For some reason, this set me at ease.

"Okay, so… yeah. Music. Guitar. I'm playing a song for you." He gulped visibly. "What should I play? I've got a lot of songs I know…"

I shrugged in an obvious _whatever_ gesture. He sighed.

"Alright, I'm going to start off with a non-original song, something I learned a while back. It's called Fall for You by Secondhand Serenade, I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's sort of-" He sighed again. "Sorry. I'm rambling. Here we go."

Then the strum of the guitar began, and the most beautiful voice I'd ever heard filled my ears.

_The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting_

_Could it be that we have been this way before_

_I know you don't think that I am trying_

_I know you're wearing thin down to the core_

_But hold your breath_

_Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you_

_Over again_

_Don't make me change my mind_

_Or I won't live to see another day_

_I swear it's true_

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

_You're impossible to find_

The song continued on and I listened with wide eyes, unable to process how the voice I was hearing was coming out of Fabian's mouth. His eyes were closed, lost in the music now as he sang, unaware of my gaping.

It's only when he reached the last few lines that he opened his eyes and stared right back at me.

_Because a girl like you is impossible to find_

_You're impossible to find_

There's a single moment where the guitar's echoes fade away and the silence is deafening as we watch each other. Then a bird called out, startling me, and the moment was gone.

"So… um… I know I'm not that good, I wasn't really that warmed up, but like I said, I'm entirely self-taught, so-" I mustered up the courage to glare at him, and apparently I succeeded because he paused. "Oh gosh, was I that bad? I'm sorry, I-"

I pulled out my notepad.

_You are meant to have a guitar in your hands and your voice is beyond spectacular._

He stared at the note, and I could see a blush rise to his cheeks. "O-Oh. Thank you." I bit my lip, unsure of myself, and he noticed. "What?"

_Could you play another song for me?_

He grinned this time. "Of course. Do you want me to show you what I was working on today?" My lips curled upwards into a slight smile as an answer. "Okay. I started writing this two or three months ago and I stopped for a while because of all the craziness, so I've finally gotten back into working on it today. I think I'm calling it You I See."

He ran a hand through his hair, and I could tell he was much more nervous about sharing this one.

_You're like no other_

_When the sky falls down all I see is you_

_So let's discover_

_Everything around us is all too good to be true_

_There is no time between us, we can do whatever we want_

_So girl let's get gone_

He strummed a few more chords then stopped, blushing again. "I haven't figured out what to put in between this verse and the chorus yet, but this is the chorus." Then he began again.

_Let me tell you_

_I will be there when you're in need_

_It's you I'll see_

_But you know that I'll never run from you_

_You'll always count on me_

_Did you know that it's about time we saw each other again_

_My heart needs you as a friend_

He stopped for the final time, looking anywhere but at me. I couldn't figure out why. "Yeah, um, like I said, it's not done," he repeated. "But that's what I have so far."

_Are you writing it for someone?_

He paled visibly, and my confusion only grew. "Yes, I am."

_Is it for Joy? Or Amber?_

Joy had said he didn't like her like that, but I wasn't sure. And he and Amber seemed to talk alone a lot… that was easily a friendship that could turn into a relationship. I ignored the puzzling wave of pain that hit me at the thought of him with either one of them.

"Joy? _Amber_?" There's dead silence for a split second, and then he laughs. "Amber is a friend, but nothing more, I'm positive. And no, it's not for Joy. I don't like her in that way."

_Why not Joy?_

"Umm… I don't know. There's just no… _chemistry_ between us. She's a wonderful, beautiful girl, and I'm a lucky guy to have a friend like her, but I could never see us as more than that." He shifted uncomfortably, obviously not really liking the subject, so I decided to move on.

_The song sounds amazing so far. I love it._

A relieved grin flashed across his face. "Thank you. I'm just hoping I can finish it. I think this one might be a keeper."

_Are you playing it for the girl it's for once it's done?_

"Oh. Um, yes, I suppose." He seemed flustered. Then something hit me, and my eyes widened. "What?"

_It is a girl, right? I mean, if it's a guy, that's completely fine. I'm just curious. I'd never thought about that when it came to you._

I passed it to Fabian, and suddenly he was roaring with laughter, startling me. It took a full minute or two for his laughter to dissolve, and even then, a chuckle slid through his lips occasionally. "No, no worries about that. I am not into guys. At all. I definitely like girls, I'm positive."

I blushed, now embarrassed at my ridiculous train of thought, and scurried to resume the earlier topic to distract him.

_I hope the girl likes it. It's already amazing, I think she'll love it. And she'd be crazy not to like you._

All remaining chuckles ceased, and all of a sudden he was staring at me again. "Yeah," he said slowly. "I hope she likes it, too. And I _really_ hope she likes me. I don't think she does, though." His eyes flickered away from me and to his hands. "I'm not sure it's possible for her to like me. She's not one for relationships. And even if she was, why would she like me? I mean, I'm… me."

It hurt to see him so unsure, especially since it was himself he was unsure of. My pencil paused over my notepad for a second, and then I was scribbling away.

_You're kind. You're sweet. You put others before yourself, even if it means you get caught in the crossfire. You have a passion for the arts that I have seen in few people. You're loyal. When you care about something, you really care about it. You're compassionate, loving, and thoughtful. Your voice is amazing and you could make any girl fall for you with a single word. You've made me a better person, and you're taking time out of your day to spend time with me. You're teaching me that touch is good and not all people are horrible. Yes, you are you. And you are a brilliant man that any girl could love. If she doesn't like you, she's insane._

I think he must have read it three or four times before he finally looked up at me. His hand reached forward and rested on mine. I stared at it, then at him. He smiled at me. "Thank you, Nina. You have no idea how much that means to me." He paused. "And I know that we haven't done it in a while, but the whole touching thing… any time you want to try, just let me know. I want to help you."

It took me a moment, but I slowly moved my hand. At first he thought I was pulling away, and his face dropped, but then he realized I was simply moving my hand from under his to on top of his. His face scrunched up in confusion.

My hand tightened around his and lifted it into the air, then to my face.

I brought his hand to my cheek and closed my eyes when it made contact. I could hear him take in a surprised breath, and I released my grip on his hand so he could move away, now ashamed of what I had done. I was making myself look like a needy, pitiful girl to him, and that was the last thing I wanted. I waited for the hand to remove itself from my cheek.

Instead, his thumb stroked my skin softly as if he was once again wiping away tears, but this time, there were no tears to wipe away.

My eyes popped open in surprise.

He was smiling again, though it was much smaller. He nodded reassuringly.

"Is this okay?" he whispered, and I nodded the tiniest amount, not wanting him to move away. There was a part of me that was fighting this, screaming you're all alone, he can hurt you so easily and you're giving him the green light to start, but for now, I ignored it.

I wanted this.

His other hand came up and tucked a few strands of hair behind my ear. I shivered a little, but it wasn't in fear. This second hand began tracing lines across my forehead, nose, cheek, and chin, much like I had been doing to his arms a few days ago.

My eyes fell closed again.

"Your face lights up when we do this. I wish I could see the world through your eyes, if only for a few seconds," he murmured. "To me, touch is something that I experience every day. It's nothing special. But to you, it seems like touch - good touch, at least - is something to be cherished. And it makes me notice it, too. Your life…" He broke off for a second, shaking his head. "Your life, your past is so much different than mine, and it makes me realize just how lucky I am to lead a life with so little pain."

His hands now moved down my face, across my shoulders, and to my arms. It's only when one of his fingers brush against the still healing bruise on my right forearm that I flinch away, the slight pain expected. His eyes narrowed immediately.

"Your bruises," he said darkly, the moment shattered. "I hate that someone is hurting you. I hate it even more that I don't know who it is. I know I said I wouldn't talk about it, but I'm not forcing you to tell me, I just can't _stand_ it. Every single person I pass in the halls could be your abuser, and I have no clue which one. It could be a student, a teacher, one of the _janitors_, for God's sake."

I felt guilty, letting him think that it was someone here, when the abuser was actually across the Atlantic. But if I told him that, everything would unravel. That was the last thing I wanted.

I sat back, looking away from him, now uncomfortable and hoping nothing showed on my face.

"It has to be someone at the school. I mean, you haven't been off of the grounds save for a few times, and not in the past while. So I can't take that route of guessing," he mused. I froze, glancing up at him before I could stop myself. The second our eyes connected, his widened. "Wait… it is someone off the grounds. I'm right, aren't I? I can see it in your face. It isn't someone at school. But you don't know anyone outside of the school-"

Realization struck him. I could almost see the bulb light up above his head.

"Your stepfather. Your stepfather is the abuser."

And just like that, with four words, my whole world came crashing down around me.

_No._

_No._

_No, no, no..._

"He's been abusing you this whole time. You've been living with him all alone since your mother died. You had said the abusing had gone on even in middle school weeks ago, and I couldn't connect who could hurt you all that time without detecting suspicion." He choked out an emotionless laugh. "And I always wondered how someone could have such bad luck to get abused in America, only to escape to the UK and go through the same thing again with a different person. But it never was a different person. It was your stepfather. The day we found out was the day after your stepfather visited. He abused you then, when you went on your walk, didn't he? That's why you were so afraid of me that night."

I stood up and stumbled backwards, away from him. His hand reached out and grabbed mine to stop me, but I quickly jerked away. He jabbed his hand out again, this time tight enough that I couldn't pull away, though his grip didn't hurt.

But the pain in my head hurt so much I wouldn't have even noticed if it did.

"My dad, he said he thought that something was off about him. I brushed it off, I didn't even give it a second thought." He seemed like he was in a daze now. "I've been so stupid… Amber and I couldn't put all the pieces together, but the answer was right in front of our faces. He seemed so nice…"

_Can you imagine his face if he found out? I'd like to think that he'd just stare at you until the light died in his eyes, until the only thing left in his gaze was disgust as he realized the truth - you are the opposite of innocent._

We'd already gotten to the staring part.

I couldn't stand to see the light fizzle into disgust. I didn't think I'd survive just watching, much less whatever might happen afterward.

So I ran.

He wasn't prepared for my sudden take off, and so when I wrenched my arm out of his grasp and raced for the trees, it took him a moment to follow. I was able to make it into the tree line before he could catch up, and then I had the advantage. I was two thirds his size and I didn't have a precious guitar slung across my back, which meant I was far faster when it came to navigating through the forest.

"Nina! Nina, wait! _Please_!" he called after me, and I sighed in relief when I looked back and saw him quite a distance behind me. He continued to cry out for me, but with each plead his voice faded more and more.

My mind was a blur as I ran. I didn't know what I was doing or where I was running - I'd run in the opposite direction of Anubis House, and I knew I'd have to return by nightfall, but I had to get away for now. Away from Anubis, away from Fabian, away from my life.

Away from the truth that Fabian now knew.

I kept running until I no longer could. I was gasping for breath, and the air I exhaled showed up like a white cloud in front of my face in the cold air.

At least this time, I had a coat.

I spun around, scouring the landscape for any signs of Fabian.

Nothing.

It was only then that I realized it was sunset - through the thick cover of trees, I could see hints of an orange sky. When I'd started running, the sunset had been at least an hour off.

I'd gone a lot farther than I'd meant to.

And I had no clue where I was.

I started to walk back the way I came, unable to go any faster than that - the random boost of power I'd gotten had drained entirely, leaving my muscles strained and tired. Then night fell, and I could barely see my hand in front of my face.

My legs were close to collapsing out from under me. Even if I had been eating more, I was still undernourished and now I felt dizzy from using up so much energy. I wanted to curl up into a ball and go to sleep, but who knew what lived out here? Not to mention that I'd probably get banned from the school for running off, even unintentionally.

An owl hooted, causing me to jump. I tried to relax and keep walking, each step hesitant and-

I tripped over a root and went sprawling to the floor. A shrill, cracked scream slid from my lips when my hands went right into a bunch of brambles I hadn't seen in the darkness.

Thorns scraped up and down my hands and forearms as I hit the ground.

I lay there for a moment, my face probably inches from the group of brambles, feeling more tears stream down my cheeks as pain radiated through my arms. Then, painstakingly slowly, I drew my limbs out of the thorns, biting down on my next cry so hard my lip started bleeding.

I couldn't see how badly my arms were ripped up, but I could feel the blood trickling across my skin. My breathing came out in shaky pants, my body clenched up from the pain. I ran one hand across the other, gasping when I came across one or two thorns that had stuck themselves in my skin when I'd pulled away. I wanted to pull them out, but my hands were too shaky and they'd probably make my wounds worse.

I didn't have the energy to even stand up, much less walk. I wouldn't be making it any farther tonight.

My eyes slid closed, and I gratefully let myself black out.

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**A/N:** Yeah, another cliffhanger. I regret nothing. So this chapter we got Clueless!Nina, Singing!Fabian, and more wounds for Nina. Ouchy.** Fun Fact:** You I See, the second song, was written by Brad Kavanagh (our very own Fabian) with Fabina in mind. It was going to be for if the writers of HoA ever wanted Fabian to sing a song for Nina in the show. Cute, right? Cute enough that you won't kill me, maybe?

**Next chapter update is May 8th, next Wednesday.** Yup, back to the weekly schedule. Sorry, guys. I did warn you that was a one time thing, didn't I?

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?**  
**

P.S. - _People actually posted links to Scarred on the Fabina tag._ To the two that did (and the two that reblogged one post, one with a comment that made me blush, as well as the one that liked it) - **thank you.** I sent the two posters personal thank yous and it honestly made me squeal when I saw them.

**See ya on Wednesday, my little definitions!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used. The two songs used in this chapter are also not mine.

**A/N:** _600 reviews, guys._ You blow my mind. Special thanks to Lolo, my 600th reviewer, who's been here since early on in the story. Thanks for all the support, Lolo! Meanwhile, I know you're all fearing for Nina's well being, so I'll let you get to it!

**Note: I will be addressing some questions in the A/N at the bottom.**

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**Fabian PO**V

I burst through the front door of Anubis House with labored breathing and a frantic mind. Everyone was in the front room doing their homework before supper, and they all looked up at the sight of me. I was sure I was quite the vision right now - my hair a mess, my clothes dirty, my eyes wild.

"Blimey, Fabian, what happened?" Mick asked, looking me over. "Is the sky falling or something?"

"Alien attack, Fabian, tell me there's been an alien attack," Alfie crowed, jumping up. Amber stood and smacked him on the back of the head, promptly shutting him up so she could speak.

"Fabian, what happened?" Her eyes narrowed. "Where's Nina? I thought she was with you?"

"She's gone," I gasped out, still trying to slow my breathing and my heart before I gave myself my very own panic attack. "I said something that frightened her, and she ran off. I couldn't keep up with her, I lost sight of her within five minutes. That was a half an hour ago, and she still hasn't shown back up. She's disappeared!"

Immediately art projects and history homework were practically being thrown on the ground. Even Patricia was up and looking worried.

"We need to go on a search for her. She doesn't know those woods like we do, she's probably lost," Joy said, already putting on her tennis shoes.

"But it's about to be nightfall, we won't be able to see a thing in there!" Mara protested, though her words came out with an uncertain tone.

"Neither will she," Amber replied, grabbing her coat. "We have flashlights here, right? And we all have cell phones. She has neither. She can't stay out there all night, she'll freeze her butt off!"

"She's right. We have to go. Everybody grab a flashlight, a coat, the sturdiest shoes you've got, and your cellphone," I ordered. "Someone tell Trudy before we leave, I'm sure she'll let us go, and she has all of our numbers if she needs to call us."

Nina was out there, probably freezing, probably hurt, and certainly scared out of her mind. I cursed myself. I should've voiced my guess later, when we were indoors and I could have just left to give her some time. I'd scared her off and now she was paying the consequences when she deserved none.

If she got hurt, I would never forgive myself.

Five minutes later, we were heading out the door and down the sidewalk, the last of the sunlight casting long shadows across the grass.

"Alright, here's how this is going to work. Mick, you check around Isis House. Joy, Senet House. Jerome, Alfie, and Amber, the three houses in the opposite direction. Don't knock on any doors and ask if they've seen her, we don't want to raise alarm," I ordered as I walked. "Just check the grounds and the woods around them. Always keep the houses in sight, we don't want anyone else getting lost."

"What about the rest of us?" Patricia asked.

"Patricia, you head across the edge of the fields so you can see in through some of the trees and all the way across the grasses. Mara, head for the old abandoned shack. I'll go off in the direction she went in the first place." We reached the place where we'd split up. "Okay, if one of us gets lost, needs help, or finds Nina, call me or the person who should be nearest to your spot. Are we clear?" I asked, my voice coming out rushed and shaky.

A chorus of approval echoes my words. Amber put a hand on my shoulder and rubbed it soothingly. "We'll find her, Fabian. Calm down. Panicking will do nothing."

I tried to take a deep breath, nodding slowly. When I spoke again, my voice was steady. "Alright. Let's try to get this wrapped up by midnight, people. Let's go!"

Everyone set off in their various directions without another word. I made my way into the field area we'd sat in as I had sung to her, then into the woods behind it. I was able to move much more quickly this time without the guitar on my back.

I heard a few faint calls for Nina from Mara, who was closest to me, but nothing else save for the sounds of nature. My flashlight reflected in a few animals' eyes, who quickly scurried away from me.

I kept picturing Nina dead or dying. Maybe she'd fallen and gotten a concussion, maybe she was getting frostbite, maybe she was crying, maybe she was unconscious. Tears sprung to my eyes as I walked. _I shouldn't have brought it up,_ I berated myself. _I'm such an idiot. Even if we do get her back, she's never going to look at me again._

And though I tried to stop myself from thinking about it, as I had been since I first chased after her, I thought about what I had said that had made her run.

_Her stepfather._

He had seemed so nice. Amber had mentioned a slight whiff of alcohol on him, but I hadn't given it a second thought. He'd been beyond polite, he'd smiled at all the right moments and looked at Nina fondly.

In reality, he was the man who had beaten Nina for who knew how long. Since middle school, at least.

_Possibly more than beaten._

That thought sent me reeling. I remembered thinking such a thing in my vigil outside her door. It had made sense that she had been raped before, everything had added up.

Now that I knew the man was her stepfather, a man she'd lived alone with since her mother had died, everything made a lot more sense.

And some part of me, as glad as I was to know the truth, wished it didn't.

My cellphone's ringtone broke through my nauseating thoughts, and I quickly brought it out. _Mara_. I hit the answer button and put it to my ear.

"What's going on, Mara?" I asked hurriedly.

On the other end, I heard choked sobs.

"I f-found her. There's a l-lot of b-blood," she stuttered, and I froze in fear. "She's a-alive, she's b-breathing, but she won't w-wake up!"

"Mara, deep breaths, okay? Where are you?"

When she spoke again, her voice was clearer, though still shaky. "A few yards to the left of the shack. I have my flashlight on and pointing up, so you should be able to find us. You're going to have to carry her."

"Okay, I'll be there in a minute. Call the others and tell them to head back to the house and get the first aid kit. See you in a sec." I hung up without waiting for an answer and ran as fast as I could in the direction of the shack.

_Blood. She's bleeding. She's hurt,_ was the mantra that ran through my mind over and over as I ran, until I finally I reached the shack. "Mara?!" I shouted.

"Over here!" she called shakily, off to the left. I followed the sound of her voice and finally spotted the beam of light snaking its way up a tree. "Be careful, there's a gigantic patch of brambles off to my left. I think that's how Nina got hurt."

I skidded to my knees beside her, immediately assessing Nina. She was passed out against a tree, and in the dim light provided by the flashlight, I could see scrapes and cuts all the way up to her elbows. Her breathing was harsh, and she whimpered every few moments. Her lips were moving repeatedly, forming words I couldn't understand, though no sound came out of her mouth.

"I called the others, they're getting everything ready at the house. Trudy is there as well, she can help," Mara reported as calmly as she could manage.

"You can head back as well, I'll be a minute behind you." She nodded and ran, leaving Nina and I alone in the half-light. I tried to figure out how to pick her up without causing her too much pain. "Okay Nina, I don't know if you're passed out or if you've shut down, but if you can hear me, this is going to hurt," I said quickly, then wrapped my arms around her and lifted her into the air.

She cried out, and the sound stabbed at my heart, but I didn't put her down. Instead I made my way through the trees and underbrush while trying to jostle her as little as possible.

When the lights of Anubis House shone just ahead, I could have cried from relief.

Mick was at the door, and he saw us the second we broke away from the trees. He opened the door and called out something to everyone inside. I made my way up the steps, then into the living room. They had set up an area on the carpet covered by one of the old tablecloths.

Everyone gasped at the sight of Nina, and a moment later when I laid her down, I could understand why.

Now in full light, I could see each scratch and slice. There were still thorns stuck in her skin - confirming our assumption that it had been the brambles - and I was sure my arms wrapped around her had done nothing but push them further into her skin. There was dirt and blood on her face, and her hair was a mess, twigs and muck stuck in the tangled waves.

"What is she saying?" Mara whispered. "I can't tell…"

It was Jerome who answered.

"She's saying '_I'm sorry_.' Over and over again."

A chill went down my spine as I came to the same answer he had. It was a never ending cycle.

_I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry._

Trudy knelt beside her and reached to start working, but I stopped her. "She freaks out at touch, you know this. But I can touch her. She's touched me before, many times. The best medicine is to keep her as calm as possible, and if she wakes up, she will freak if anyone else is doing this. She'll probably freak anyway, but less with me. I know it's against the rules, but please, please let me pull out the thorns myself," I pleaded, looking from Nina to her.

She hesitated, then sat back a little. "Alright. Go ahead."

Breathing a sigh of relief, I turned back to Nina and pulled out the first thorn, stuck in her palm, then the next, and the next.

When I pulled out the fourth thorn, Nina jerked upright with a gasp, startling all of us. She looked from one face to the next with fearful eyes, and nobody needed to be told how she was feeling. _Cornered_. Everyone but Amber, Trudy, and I backed away immediately.

"Nina, try to calm down," I said slowly, raising my hands to show her I meant no harm. "You passed out in the woods after injuring yourself. I carried you back here, but you've still got thorns in your skin. Can you please let me get them out?"

She stared at me for a split second, then started shaking her head, scooting back a little and reaching to pull them out herself. She winced in pain at the simple movement, and my eyes narrowed.

"Nina, let me do this. You're going to hurt yourself even more if you try." I hesitated, then lowered by voice to make sure no one else would hear my next words. "I'm not going to hurt you on purpose. I'm not _him_."

She cringed at the statement, but something in her eyes changed. Her chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace, and her whole body shook.

She nodded.

I reached forward again, even more gently this time, and took her hand in a spot where there were no cuts. Then I searched her skin for more thorns. She watched my hand travel, wincing when I stopped over one.

"Close your eyes," I said softly. She looked up at me, her face telling me well enough that she would do no such thing, and I sighed. "It's often the expectation of pain that hurts more than the actual pain. If your eyes are closed, you won't know when it's coming. Try to close your eyes and focus on my voice. Just my voice."

After a moment, her eyes fluttered closed.

"So, I'm just going to start talking about meaningless things, and I want you to think about just that. Can you do that for me?" A short, jerky nod. "Good. So, meaningless things… how about I tell you a little more about me, just like I did a few days ago? Let's see here… my favorite color is orange." A thorn, a gasp. "Not the normal orange, more like the orange you see at sunsets, so rich that it's almost gold."

Two thorns at once. She started to pull away but stilled her body again before I tried to convince her to let me continue.

"Your favorite color is gray, isn't it? I read it on your notepad. But I don't think it's just gray." Thorn. "There's something more to it, isn't there? Not plain gray, something else." Thorn. "I suppose you can tell me later, right?" Thorn. "Anyway, back to me. I've secretly always kept a journal. Bet you couldn't have guessed that." Thorn. "I have it tucked away somewhere in my room. I write in it every other night, and it's for my eyes only. It has my deepest, darkest secrets. Things like crushes."

_Things like you._

I pulled out the final thorn, and sighed in relief. The worst was over. I looked up at Nina, expecting to see her eyes closed.

Instead they were open, staring at me, and tears were slipping down her cheeks. And by the way her eyes were slightly unfocused, and how she was looking at me like I was some puzzle she couldn't solve, she'd had her eyes open almost the whole time.

"We still have to wipe the blood away and pour hydrogen peroxide over the cuts so they don't get infected," Trudy cut in quietly. Our small bubble popped, and I realized everyone was staring at us.

Had Nina had enough blood in her veins and hadn't been on the verge of passing out again, I think she would have blushed.

"I'll wipe off the blood," I offered. I was handed two rags - one wet, one dry. I immediately started sliding the wet one in between the cuts, trying to avoid causing her extra pain. When at last the blood was gone, the rag now almost fully red, we were left with the scrapes themselves. Some were light and thin, others were deep and wide.

Everyone both looked and looked anywhere but at the other white scars that were scattered across her skin.

"Hydrogen peroxide time," Trudy announced in a wobbly voice. "Should you do it or shall I?" I was about to say I would do it when Nina stuck her marred hand out for the bottle. Trudy hesitated. "Dear, I'm not sure it's a good idea for-" She cut off when Nina just leaned forward and grabbed the bottle from the floor, not even flinching when the plastic came in contact with her wounded fingertips.

Before we could even attempt to argue, Nina was opening the bottle and pouring the liquid on the arm poised over the bowl they'd brought.

Though I hated the burn of the peroxide, I was always fascinated by the bubbles it would make. And tonight was no different - patterns of bubbles rose from the scrapes, amusing me even in my dark mood.

Nina looked at it like it was nothing, like she saw it every day.

The thought that maybe she used to see it everyday crossed my mind, and my amusement quickly faded.

By the time she'd completed and dried both arms, most everyone had gone to bed - understandable, seeing as it was almost midnight and we had to get up just after dawn. Trudy was the one to wrap gauze around her arms, making sure not to touch her, and I put the bandaids on her hands.

She didn't flinch or shy away once. I felt a mixture of pride at the fact that she no longer truly feared my touch and sadness at the knowledge that this pain was so familiar to her that she wasn't taken off guard at all.

"All done. You are good to go," Trudy said, gathering everything up. "Take some Iboprofen and go straight to bed, sweetheart. I'll send a message to the school in the morning explaining why you can't do most of your classwork, but you'll still have to attend. Get some rest, alright?"

Nina smiled at her a little and nodded, and Trudy left, leaving us alone.

I could practically see the darkness creep back into her gaze, and she looked away from me. I sighed under my breath and reached up to touch her cheek. She finally glanced back at me.

"Nina, I will say this again - I am not your stepfather," I murmured, knowing no one was around to hear my words. Still, she searched the room frantically like someone would be hiding in the shadows.

Like she was waiting for her stepfather to appear out of nowhere.

"This changes nothing between us, not in my mind. At some point very soon, I do want to ask you a few questions, and you have full right to refuse to answer them. I won't get mad." I wanted to ask them now, but I knew it wasn't the right time or place.

"But I promise that until we have our conversation, I will not tell anything or anyone the truth." She relaxed a little, but I held up my other hand to pause her. "_Unless_ you are in immediate danger and sharing this information is the only way to keep you safe."

It took her a moment, but she sighed and relented. Then I realized I was still touching her cheek, and I quickly removed my hand, though my heart dropped at the loss of contact.

In my wishful mind, I thought I saw disappointment in her eyes too. But then she blinked, and it was gone, replaced by exhaustion. I patted her knee and stood.

"Sleep well, Nina. I'll see you in the morning."

Had I decided to watch her for a moment longer before I turned around, I might have seen her mouth the words_ thank you_ and the longing in her eyes as I left.

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**A/N:** Look, _no cliffhanger! _Someone give me an award, this is a rare moment nowadays. ;) Okay, time to address some questions/comments I've gotten.

**1) I want a Fabina kiss already! This story is over 50k words long already and we still haven't gotten a single kiss!** Sorry, guys. Scarred is supposed to be as realistic as possible and them kissing soon simply isn't realistic. They haven't even _hugged_ yet.

**2) The occasional grammar errors/typos/etc are bothering me! **Once again, I apologize! **Scarred has no beta, I do all the editing myself.** I try my best to catch every mistake, but I'm not perfect. Forgive me?

**3) When will Nina talk?!** Ah, this has been the most popular question. I know you're all tense and waiting for this moment, but it won't be happening for a while. She hasn't spoken in 12-13 years, it's a huge thing for her. But as you can see in this chapter, the thought of speaking is definitely coming back to her - she mouthed words, both consciously and unconsciously.

Have any other questions? Send 'em to me! **Next chapter update is May 15th, next Wednesday.** Things are starting to slow down a little now, though trust me, it won't stay that way. Nina just needs a break for once. ;) But that doesn't mean it isn't any less interesting... we have some exciting moments coming up. Also, _thank you to those who have continued to talk about Scarred._ I've seen each and every post on the Fabina tag and they've all made me smile. :D

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya next Wednesday!**


	23. Chapter 23

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Okay, so... as of one review ago, Scarred is now the second most reviewed House of Anubis fanfiction _ever, _with _650_ reviews. The story in the top spot is a collection of Peddie oneshots, and if you're a fan of Peddie, I'd definitely suggest that you read them - they're spectacular. But anyway, point is, thank you so much for supporting Scarred through these five months. I really appreciate it!

Also: Happy Birthday to loveme123, whose birthday was the 14th, and Happy Early Birthday to dapennylane, whose birthday is on the 20th!

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**Nina POV**

Fabian knew.

_Fabian knew._

This was the thought that plagued me that night.

That, and the fact that he wasn't disgusted with me now. I'd been sure that if he found out, he would have gone running the other way, just like the friend from middle school had. Instead, he had gotten everyone to search for me in the late hours of the night when they should be sleeping instead.

Speaking of which, my arms hurt like hell.

I remembered the pain when I fell, and I remembered passing out - or shutting down, I couldn't often tell the difference between the two anymore. I vaguely remembered Mara's voice saying words that made no sense to my ears. I remembered a lot of pain, then Fabian's voice, and a lot more pain. And then I remembered waking up to Fabian taking thorns out of my skin while everyone was crowded around me.

I almost had a panic attack right then and there.

I'm not him. Fabian's words echoed in my ears, and I cringed at them. They scared me. Because no, Fabian was not _him_, and I was beginning to realize that.

I tried to tell myself that just because Fabian wasn't my stepfather didn't mean that he wasn't _like_ him underneath the facade of a caring person. But even that was starting to sound like a final try to shove me away from him.

Like the last stand of a weary mind that just wanted to let someone in.

But I couldn't let anyone in. Trusting only meant pain in the end. _Trusting someone means opening yourself up for destruction. Being trusted means being given the power to destroy. Trusting someone means opening yourself up for destruction…_

I repeated it over and over in my mind. Letting someone in was impossible. And even if I wanted to, there was no one who would be my anchor. Fabian claimed he wanted to be my friend, my protector, now. He claimed that he thought of me no differently. But that would change as time grew on. He would get tired of me. He would grow weary of me and realize he should've stopped trying a long time ago. He would throw me to the street, and destroy me.

Or he would catch sight of my scars without the barrier of a wet shirt and go running before he could even offer to be my anchor again.

_But that doesn't sound like Fabian…_ whispered a voice in my mind._ Fabian has been there since day one, and he hasn't even hesitated once. Why would he turn back now?_

Because it was a ploy. I couldn't forget how _he_ had been the perfect stepfather to me for months before my mom died, then twisted into a monster once she was gone. That could happen with Fabian. That _would_ happen with Fabian, if I didn't get out soon enough.

…But for now, I would continue on this path we were going down. Because I needed to have this conversation with him before I cut off all connections with him. Yes, yes, this is what I told myself. I planned it all out in the back of my head.

Despite what he'd said, I'd ask to switch houses. Isis House had room, last time I checked, and they all avoided me like I had the plague. We'd get along like I wanted to - never talking, entirely separate, no chance of anyone finding out. Then at the end of the semester, I'd switch my classes so I wasn't with anyone at Anubis. They'd go on with their lives, I'd go on with mind.

Fabian would soon forget about me and find a girl he liked. He'd kiss her because she wasn't terrified of touch, they'd fight because she wouldn't be afraid of him hurting her if he got mad. Because he _wouldn't_ hurt her. Some part of me knew this. Fabian was not one to hurt girls, nor was anyone at Anubis. Fabian couldn't harm a fly on most days. Me?

That was a different matter.

Every scar I'd gained, I'd earned. It was me, not him. My stepfather had never hurt anyone else. He'd left all his marks on me, no one else. Because I deserved it. I knew this. This had been ingrained into me for years, and years, and years.

If I trusted Fabian, we'd get along fine at first. He wouldn't hurt me, he'd help me. But then I wouldn't improve fast enough, or I'd break down in a public place and embarrass him, or I would have a panic attack if he tried anything like kissing. And that was when everything would change. He'd give up on me and see me exactly as _he_ had. He'd see me for who I really was. And just like he'd tackled Mark when Mark had deserved it, he'd hurt me because I deserved it.

That was precisely why I couldn't try anything.

So yes, I'd do my plan. I would leave. They would forget. Amber would become famous, Mara would win a Nobel Prize, so on, so on. I'd be stuck with _him_ for the rest of my life, always trying to be his good girl so I wouldn't get anymore scars. And Fabian would fall in love. He'd never hurt that girl, because she'd never be bad enough to deserve such a thing. One day, he might hear my name and not even recognize it, because he had a wife and a white picket fence house and 2.5 kids and Nina Martin was a name he hadn't given a second thought in years.

Somewhere inside of me, there was a little girl who wanted a prince to sweep her off her feet like she'd always dreamed of before _he_ stomped out all such hopes.

And somewhere inside of me, that little girl was crying.

Amber's alarm clock went off, startling the heck out of me. I stared at it with wide eyes.

Apparently I'd thought the whole night away and hadn't gotten one wink of sleep. _Fantastic_.

While Amber moaned and groaned about having to get up -_ it was Sunday, why couldn't she just sleep in on Sunday_ - I was up and getting ready. My nerves were off the charts, keeping me surprisingly awake and aware considering I hadn't slept at all.

Then again, the burning sensation in my arms certainly helped.

When I made my way downstairs, almost everyone was up. There was a chorus of 'good morning' and a few questions on how my arms were doing from Mara and Joy.

Patricia was sitting the chair in the corner reading, and she opened her mouth to say something to me, then snapped it shut and shook her head.

Huh.

Fabian wasn't present, and apparently Joy noticed the way I glanced around the room again, because she smiled knowingly. "He's talking to Trudy in the kitchen. He should be done in a minute." I nodded in thanks, still getting used to a kind Joy, and snatched an apple off the bowl on the table. My hand stung a little at the contact, but I ignored it, biting into the apple as I considered what I was going to say to Fabian. I wanted to get this conversation over and done with so I could - hopefully - move out.

"Hey Nina," Fabian greeted, coming out of the kitchen with a smile on his face. "I was wondering if we could, uh, take our walk sooner rather than later. Like, maybe now, if you don't mind?"

Psychic.

I nodded quickly, taking out my notepad and pencil so I'd be ready when we started. We put on our coats, and he led me outside. We walked in silence for a while, but he eventually broke the quiet.

"How are your hands?" he asked, glancing down at my bandages. "Are you okay writing?"

_It's fine. They're fine._

It stung the smallest bit, but it was nothing compared to some of my worse wounds across the years. I had a high tolerance level for pain.

"That's good." Silence once more, until- "So… it's your stepfather."

I tensed, and he noticed. When he spoke again, his voice was soothing.

"Why haven't you told the authorities?" he asked. "He'd be put in jail for what he's done to you. I don't know for how long, but certainly more than a few years, so by the time he got out you'd be an adult and you wouldn't have to live with him anymore. And you can have a restraining order made easily if he-" He cut off when I started writing.

_Yes, he'd be put in jail, but I'd be put in foster care. In America. There's a 99% chance I couldn't come here anymore, which means I would never see any of you again. And can you picture me in a foster home? I'd be having panic attacks every day. Plus, once the parents see how screwed up I am, they won't want to deal with me and I'll be passed along to the next home, and then the next, and the next. I can't do that._

I knew I would rather stay with _him_ than have to go through that. At least this way I could stay here and go to school. I only had to deal with him over the summer. I could live through that.

Well, that's what I told myself.

"But it isn't right," Fabian insisted. "How am I supposed to breathe knowing that when you go back this summer, while I'm taking a dip in the pool or watching rubbish tele, he could be beating you? That while I'm sleeping peacefully in a warm bed, he could be-" His words died in his throat, and he cringed.

Shame and embarrassment filled me when I realized the end to that sentence.

_That while I'm sleeping peacefully in a warm bed, he could be raping you._

I turned away, trying to shove off my emotions as tears sprung to my eyes. His hand grabbed my upper arm again, and I flinched, but not in fear. His other hand came up and brushed the tip of my chin, guiding it up so he could look at me.

His blue eyes were soft as they looked into mine.

"Nina, I just want to be sure… you do know that what's been done to you is wrong, right?" he asked quietly. "You know you don't deserve this?"

Those were two very different questions.

I knew that what _he_ was doing was wrong in general. Beating and raping children or teens or anyone of any age was a horrible thing to do. It ruined lives. It ruined _people_.

But that was in general. When it came to my case, I knew it was different.

I _did_ deserve this.

Apparently I waited too long to answer, because his eyes darkened and the hand touching my arm went up to cover his mouth for a few seconds. A nearly silent _oh my god_ slipped out of his lips, and I jerked my hand away from his grasp. The tears finally trickled down my cheeks, and I hid my face in my hands again.

I did not want him to see me cry.

Apparently, he didn't care, because he pulled my arms away from my eyes and held them tightly, though not painfully.

"Why?" he demanded. "Why would you ever think that what you've been through is okay?"

I forced my arms out of his hands and began writing.

_I know that typically, it isn't okay. It's wrong and it's disgusting. The people who go through this don't deserve it. But with me, it's not the same. I deserve each and every scar I have. Each time he hurts me, it's because I've been bad._

"What does he see as bad? How does he decide what crime equals what punishment?" he asked carefully. I didn't understand that train of thought, and I wrote down as much. "Just humor me for a moment, please."

_Anything I do wrong is considered bad. When I make too much noise, when I accidentally sneak up on him and scare him, when I don't clean up something, etc are normal things. Those get normal beatings or nights with him. When I do worse things, like break something or cry, he chooses a specific punishment. For example - when I was seven, I broke one of his expensive china plates. He locked me in my closet for three days with no food or water. The worst thing I can do is let someone see a bruise, even a small one… but I don't want to tell you what my punishment is._

With every word he read, his face got paler and paler. By the time he'd finished, he'd gone as white as a sheet.

Okay, maybe I'd given him too many details. Bad move. I blushed again.

"Seven?" he whispered. "This was going on when you were _seven_? How long has this been happening?"

Shit. I really had revealed too much. Gulping, I grabbed the pad from him.

_He started hurting me when I was four. He started coming into my room at night when I was ten._

For a second, I thought he was going to puke right then and there. His hands were visibly shaking as he ran them through his hair, looking up at the sky. He closed his eyes and breathed deeply. Feeling beyond guilty, I jotted down another note.

_I'm sorry for putting this weight on you shoulders._

"No, no, it's alright. I want you to tell me. I asked you to tell me, there's no need to apologize." He looked back at me. "So you… you really think this is okay when it's done to you."

_I suppose so. I mean, I wish it didn't happen. I wish it more than anything in the world. But I know I need to be punished for the things I do wrong. People don't like going to jail for their crimes, but they deserve it, don't they? It's the same thing with me and him. It's penance for the things I've done._

Fabian took more deep breaths. "I'm going to stop this conversation now, but I will want to pursue it again sometime in the future, okay? I just need some time to gather my thoughts."

I nodded quickly, though I wasn't looking forward to talking about it again. Then I frowned.

_Will you tell the police about him?_

"No, I swear I won't tell the police, or anyone at the school. Except…" He hesitated. "Could I please tell Amber? She's close to figuring it out already, and you know she'll keep it a secret as well. She can help you just as much as I can."

Immediately, I was shaking my head. One person was enough. Two people knowing was unthinkable.

He sighed. "Nina… I need someone to talk to about this, or else I might burst from holding it all in my head. We'd talked about the idea that you'd been abused long before your scars were ever shown. She's given me advice, I've given her advice. She can keep secrets and she won't judge you, just like I'm not."

His words repeated in my mind. _I need someone to talk to about this._ I could see his point. And I knew she'd probably keep it a secret…

_Fine._

He seemed surprised that I'd given in so easily. "Thank you, Nina. I know giving me that privilege isn't easy for you. I truly appreciate it." I nodded, smiling a little. "Now, onto lighter topics - I spoke to Trudy this morning, and she's given me permission to do this… though you can still turn it down if you want to."

I wasn't sure whether to be happy or wary when the playful smile - though darkened by the grief in his eyes - lifted the corners of his lips.

"Nina, how would you like to have a midnight picnic on the front yard?"

Of all things I'd been expecting, that had not been one of them.

"It's a full moon tonight, so there'll be more than enough light to see. I can bring my guitar, some food, some hot chocolate," he said, nudging me with a wink. "I think you need some time to just relax and have fun, without any worrying about anything. We can sit by the pond, right in front of the house, if it makes you feel safer."

I looked up at him in surprise at the last comment. The way he casually referred to it, the way he didn't seem offended by it, shocked me. He smiled at me, arching an eyebrow in question.

Blushing, I nodded. He pumped his fist in the air. "You're going to love it. And you're going to _devour_ the food. I'll have you know, I can make a mean grilled cheese sandwich. That with some crisps… you'll be in heaven. Just wait."

We made our way back to Anubis in a comfortable silence. I appreciated Fabian's attempt to lighten the mood; I could see our conversation wearing him down internally, but he didn't say a word about it. As much as I hated the way it had turned, our talk had lightened some of the weight pressing down on my chest. He wasn't going to tell the police, and - as far as I knew - he still didn't think I was disgusting.

What a miracle this was.

I was still undecided on whether or not I would leave. If I left, it would be better for everyone. But after this walk… well, the decision was suddenly a lot harder to make.

We made it back to the front steps. "I'll tell Amber tonight or tomorrow," he said quietly. "I'll tell her not to bombard you with questions." Then we went inside and headed our separate ways - him to the living room, me to my bedroom.

I didn't expect someone to be there waiting for me.

And I certainly didn't expect it to be Patricia of all people.

"Hey," she said shakily. "Can I talk to you?"

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**A/N:** Ooh, what could Patricia be there for? How do you think Fabian and Nina's picnic will go? What do you think of Nina's shattered state of mind now that we know more of what goes on in her head?

**Next chapter update is May 22nd, next Wednesday.** We're still taking it slow for the next chapter or two, but that doesn't mean there won't be some adorable Fabina moments. Think of the picnic, guys!

Special thanks to those who have continued to promote Scarred on the HoA/Fabina tag on Tumblr!

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough? **Let me know where you think this story is going in your review!** What scene are you looking forward to the most? What are your plot theories? What characters do you want to see more?

**See ya next Wednesday!**


	24. Chapter 24

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Hey everyone! There was a lot of alarm about the end of the last chapter and multiple asked if Patricia had been abused and was coming to confess about it. That was the last thing I expected, and while it's wrong - _Patricia is not abused, to be clear _- good theory! Below we'll see what she _did_ come to say.

Meanwhile - 700 reviews, guys. You're spectacular. Thank you so much! And **high five to Shannon, who caught my Lizzie Bennett Diaries reference in the last chapter. **Now enough of my rambling, let's get to the chapter...

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**Nina POV**

There were two ways this could go.

One was good, one was bad, and I was hoping with all my heart for the former.

I sat down on the other end of the bed, up by my headboard, and assumed my typical defensive position - knees to my chest, my arms wrapped about my legs, my chin resting on the top of one knee. She glanced around the room as I got settled.

"Last time I was in here, to apologize to you, I noticed how bland your room looked," she said quietly. "Especially when you compare yours to Amber's - she has paintings up, pictures of her family, makeup, clothes all over the place, mirrors and purses and perfumes and art tools. And then I look at yours… and you have two bags in the corner, your small amount of clothes hidden away in your cabinet, and one painting hanging up. No pictures, no decorations, no _flare_ that would tell me a lot about you. It was five minutes ago that I realized the lack of flare told me much more than any flare ever could."

I stared without regret. This soft faced, whispering, unsure Patricia was the exact opposite of everything I'd ever pictured when it came to her.

"The difference in my mind from the moments before I poured that water over your head to the moments after is startling. Before, all I could do was grin and think _she messed with the bull, she was getting the horns_. I was angry, I felt like you'd stolen all of my friends from me and that you were going to be another Eleanor - who I'm sure Joy has told you about."

Her smile was bitter. "And then Fabian asked what was wrong with your arms, and I took another look at the girl I had just soaked to the bone, and I realized I'd just ruined her life. Your life. I'd just revealed your biggest secret to the whole house. You were staring at yourself like you were in your worst nightmare and you'd just realized it _wasn't_ a nightmare, and you were never going to wake up.

"The whole world simply lost its shiny quality it as it all hit me. This whole time I'd thought of you as the enemy who wanted to ruin my life. As I'm sure you've figured out, I'm protective of my friends. I'm _beyond_ protective of my friends. I will throw myself in front of a train for them without hesitation. So when I see a threat to my friends' well being, whether it's physical or emotional, I will destroy that threat and I won't regret it.

"I saw you as the train hurtling towards them. But instead of throwing myself in front of them, I tried to throw you off the tracks. I didn't realize until I saw your bruises that you weren't the train - you were the girl who'd been run over by the train too many times to count."

I shivered at the analogy, not really appreciating it, and she sent me an apologetic look.

"I've been too ashamed to come and apologize, which is wrong of me, because you definitely deserve one. My middle name is pride, and that can often get in the way of my friendships." She ran a hand through her long hair, her dark purple highlights peeking in and out as they moved. "My point is, I am sorry for everything I've done. Threatening you, being mean to you, trying to push everyone away from you, and especially pouring that water over your head. I no longer think you're a fake or that you're trying to gain attention, and I promise to try and be a little more open to newcomers like yourself from now on."

_It's alright. I admire your need to protect your friends, and I cannot blame you for it. And the whole water thing… it would have been revealed at some point, one way or another. But things have been surprisingly okay after all that's happened, so if anything, it's eased some of my worries._

Well, that was sort of a lie - while it may have eased some, it created others. But it put a relieved smile on Patricia's face, and that's what mattered.

"You know, you're not that bad, Nina," she said, tilting her head as she looked at me. I blushed and stared at my feet. "I might ever have to make conversation with you from time to time."

I couldn't stop the grin that sprung to my lips, until it disappeared with her next topic.

"I figure I might as well start now - I heard you and Stutter Rutter are going out on a midnight picnic tonight. Will there be any romance? Confessions of love under the moonlight?" She smirked at me. I started opening and closing my mouth, caught off guard and having no clue what to say.

_It's not like that. We don't like each other. We're just friends. And you know how I am with touch, it's not like I can kiss a guy or anything._

"Well, we all know that you're far more comfortable around him than you are with anyone else, even your own roommate. And I know how you are with touch - but I also know that you can touch him. How am I supposed to know if you're comfortable enough with him to kiss him? And please, don't even try to pull the 'just friends' on me. You've started biting your lip, that's one of the tells of a lie," she pointed out.

My teeth released my bottom lip quickly.

_He doesn't like me, I can't like anyone. I haven't even hugged him yet, much less kissed him._

"Yet? It sounds like you plan on doing it at some point soon," she said, her smirk growing in size. "And please, he likes you. I bet he writes about you in that diary he has like the little nerd he is. Why do you think he spends so much time with you? Everyone can see it. _Jerome_ sees it, and he's seen it for _weeks_. And anyone, even you, can like someone. You're in denial. The sooner you accept it, the sooner you can get together and stop the stifling sexual tension that's been going on between you for weeks."

I might have expected this from Amber, but I didn't expect this from Patricia. She was full of surprises today.

Also - _stifling sexual tension?_

_You're making something out of nothing. He spends time around me because we're friends and we enjoy each other's company. And you're wrong - it is impossible for me to like someone in a sexual sort of way._

Patricia raised her hands in the air. "Hey, hey, it doesn't have to be like that. You can have a _soulmate bonding_ sort of thing," she said dramatically. "You can be in a relationship without being physical. I think there are actual cultures who don't allow anything more than hugging to happen between couples until marriage." She shrugged. "Just something to think about. Since you aren't getting anywhere in getting over your denial, I'm going to bugger off now. Sorry for staying so long. Dinner should be ready soon, so I'll see you down there. No water pitcher will be poured over your head, I swear."

_I appreciate that._

I also appreciated the fact that she was leaving, as much as I liked this nice Patricia. Because if I had to say I didn't like Fabian one more time, I was going to explode.

And I had the strangest feeling that somehow, this conversation would be making its way to Amber's ears soon. Which meant I'd never hear the end of it.

_Fantastic_.

** X**

While everyone else poured more gravy over their mashed potatoes, Fabian and I sat there eating apple slices, ignoring the moans and happy sighs that the good food was creating around the table.

_Think of the grilled cheese, think of the grilled cheese…_

"So Fabian and Nina, care to share why you aren't partaking in this meal?" Jerome asked just before inhaling some more of his food.

"We're having our dinner later tonight," Fabian said calmly. "We're having a midnight picnic in the front yard. Not that it's any of your business."

"Ooh, are we getting some Fabina tonight, so maybe Amber can finally shut up about it?" he asked, smirking when Amber sent him daggers and Fabian choked on a bit of an apple slice.

_Fabina? What the heck is Fabina?_

"You've been _talking_ about it?" Fabian hissed to Amber under his breath, then smiled innocently at me when he noticed my questioning look. "It's nothing, Nina. Just a game Amber has been excited about. And no, Jerome, Amber's game is not going to be happening tonight, and even if it was, it's none of your business. End of discussion."

Patricia was on the verge of having her milk going down the wrong tube at this point. Amber was rolling her eyes, Jerome looked smug, and Fabian just looked pissed. Everyone else was as clueless as I was.

I gave up and went back to eating my apple.

** X**

"Do you trust me?"

That was the question that came out of Fabian's mouth, and I'm pretty sure it rattled me more than he intended it to. When I stared at him blankly, he sighed.

"Do you trust me enough to let me put my hands over your eyes and guide you outside without giving you a panic attack?" he corrected himself.

Oh.

A nod.

"Good. Then don't freak out, because I'm doing that right now." He circled around so he was behind me, and he put his hands over my eyes. I took a deep, shaky breath, trying to adjust to this situation.

I had never been this close to Fabian. His chest was almost touching my back. I could feel his exhales rustling my hair a little. And that wasn't even the most shocking part - he had my eyes covered so I couldn't see a thing. In one simple movement, he could shift his arms down and wrap them around my throat. Or he could shift them farther and wrap them around my waist, trapping me in his arms.

And still, I felt no fear.

I heard the front door open, and I was nudged into motion. He warned me when I had to go down the steps, and he led me to the sound of rippling water. A blast of wind gusted into us, making me shiver from the slight chill.

The hands were taken off of my face, and instead, he placed one hand on my shoulder.

"Open your eyes."

I did.

The gasp escaped me before I could stop it.

He'd set up a blanket on the side of the pond, which reflected the bright beam of moonlight casted down on us. The soft rippling sounds set me at ease instantly. On the blanket was a picnic basket and everything, and when the wind blew towards us again, it carried the faint aroma of what I assumed was grilled cheese. And off to the side, Fabian's guitar shimmered in the night light.

The whole thing seemed magical.

"Do you like it?" Fabian asked, and I could hear a hint of nervousness in his voice. My responding grin was immediate, and his own face mirrored mine a second later. "I brought grilled cheese, some sweet pickles, apples, and hot chocolate." He lifted the thermoses I hadn't seen before. "It's practically our signature thing by now, so I didn't think you'd mind."

He sat down on the blanket and patted the spot beside him. I settled myself on the ground, my hesitance returning to me now. Not out of fear, but out of simple wariness of the unknown - tonight was the unknown. Tonight was something I'd never done before, not even close. This was new territory.

I wasn't the hugest fan of new territory.

"Your grilled cheese, m'lady," he said with a smirk, presenting the plate to me with a royal-like swish of his hand. I giggled quietly, trying to let my wariness dissolve, and took it. He added some pickles onto the plate as I lifted the sandwich and took a curious bite.

He really did make a mean grilled cheese.

When I nodded, he pumped his fist into the air victoriously. We both ate in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the peace.

"You look comfortable for once, but if there's anything you want me to do to make you feel even better, don't hesitate to share. This is meant to be a night of relaxation," he said in between bites. He tilted his head, studying me. I blushed for no apparent reason. "You look very pretty in the moonlight. It makes your eyes glow."

Now I blushed for a highly apparent reason. I reached for my notepad, but he took out his phone and offered it to me. "It'll be hard to write and read, even under a full moon. Type on my phone." When I didn't grab it, he shook it a little. "Come on, it won't bite."

I took the phone slowly and then brought up the keypad, typing in what I wanted to say.

_You don't have to say stuff like that. I don't expect you to or anything. I know I'm not pretty._

His eyes narrowed. "Why do you think you're not pretty?"

_I'm so skinny that all of my bones stick it out in a way that's not all that attractive. I'm really pale. My hair is scraggly. Not to mention my scars._

"Nina," he said slowly, taking one of my hands. "You aren't pretty." And for some reason, even though I'd just told him this, my heart fell. "You are _beautiful_."

My heart skipped a beat in surprise.

"I'm not lying. You have high cheekbones, it makes you look exotic. Your eyes are a bright emerald color that would be a joy to paint. And your scars don't mar your appearance, they improve it. Each scar is a sign of strength. Each scar is a moment that you endured, even when _you didn't deserve it_," he said, putting extra weight on those last three words. I knew he was thinking of our conversation earlier.

_Each scar is a sign of strength._

Ha. That was a good laugh - he had it backwards. Each scar was a sign of weakness, not the other way around. He needed to get his head screwed on straight. Then again, if he did, he could see me as _he_ did. And as much as I knew that I deserved that… it was the last thing I wanted.

"Stop overthinking things," he ordered, and I quirked an eyebrow in question. "You get this look in your eye when you do it. You look right through what's in front of you. It's sort of chilling, actually. You zone out entirely, but not on a shutdown level." He smiled. "Enough with the seriousness. This is supposed to be a lighthearted picnic, not one of our deep, secret revealing walks we tend to have."

_Sorry. Will you play your guitar? How is the song for the girl coming?_

His eyes widened. "Oh. Um, I'm still stuck. But I can play you something else…?" I smiled and nodded, watching eagerly as he picked up his guitar. "Okay. Here's one I've known for years…"

And then he was playing, and I laid down and let the strums of the guitar rejuvenate my soul.

** X**

We were sitting side by side watching the pond's surface ripple in the movements of the wind when it began sprinkling.

Sighing sadly, I stretched and stood so I could start putting away everything. I didn't want to go inside. I felt like the second I stepped through the door, all of my problems that had disappeared in the midst of this picnic would come rushing back to me. I didn't want that. I really didn't want that.

But all fairytales had to end. And this night was exactly that - a fairytale.

The rain started to come down harder, and I threw most of the stuff into the picnic basket. Fabian helped, but when I picked it up and headed for the house, he snatched it from me and set it down. Before I could ask what the heck he was doing, he was covering up the guitar with the blanket so it wouldn't get soaked and pulling me into the open grass.

"Have you ever gone dancing in the rain?" he asked, grinning mysteriously. I shook my head, trying to figure out why someone would do that. "Well, you're going to. Right now."

Then he was twisting away from me and busting out into some of the most ridiculous dance moves I'd ever seen. Bewildered and slightly amused, I watched him complete the 'sprinkler' and the 'disco point' as water soaked into my clothes.

For a second I was worried about my concealer, but then I realized that you wouldn't be able to see a thing - I was wearing black today, it wouldn't go see-through. I'd probably have to wash the shirt twice, as I'd had to with the white one, but that was okay.

"Come on Nina, don't be shy!" he called out. "Show me some dance moves or I'll come over there and drag you into a dance with me!"

One problem, potentially large - I didn't know how to dance. So when I refused to do any such dance moves, he kept his word.

Next thing I knew, he was grabbing both of my hands and swinging them side to side, then in and out, until I got a hang of the beat. He had the giddiest smile that I'd ever seen on his face, and I couldn't help but return it. I reluctantly moved along with him, swaying my hips a little.

"I want to try something," he said quietly. "Have you ever seen ballroom dancing before? Can you remember how they did it?"

I vaguely remembered where you placed your hands and I was pretty sure I recalled how you moved, but I didn't know specific steps. He smiled a little, seeing my confusion.

"Traditionally, the man tends to put his hand on the woman's hip, and the woman puts her hand on the man's shoulder. Their other hands are joined. But I think for this, we're going to switch it up, and we're going to be a little farther apart than normal. I don't want to overwhelm you. But I refuse to go inside before we dance," he said, his smile growing. "Put your hand on my hip if you're comfortable with it, and I'm going to put my hand on your shoulder. We'll stay this far apart, okay?"

I gulped and let my hand rest lightly on the highest part of his hip. His hand settled on my shoulder, and as he'd said, we didn't even come close to touching chest-to-chest. His other hand weaved its fingers through mine and lifted it into the air.

"Alright, here we go. One, two, three… one, two, three… one, two, three, spin…"

And then we were dancing seamlessly through the grass, his guiding voice nearly drowned out by the sound of the rain. But not even the following thunder could cover up the sound of my carefree laugh.

I didn't mind one bit.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey, look at that! Pure Fabina fluff with no angst, no cliffhangers, and no running away. Aren't you proud of me? Ah, if only it could last...

**Next chapter update is May 28th, next Tuesday.** More fluff, Fabian tells Amber about Nina's stepfather, _**a shirtless Fabian** (ha, try to figure out that one)_, an interesting request from the pranksters, and an old face reappears...

**Some of you have actually threatened to _stop __r__eading_ the story if Nina doesn't speak soon.** Guys, I swear, _it's coming._ I have the whole scene written and everything. She hasn't spoken in 13 years, that can't be wiped away in three months without something serious happening. But if you want to leave, no one is forcing you to stay. I won't be offended, I swear. I just hope you'll stick around for the ride, because I love having you all here._  
_

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?**  
**

**See ya next Tuesday!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** *blush* So, um, as I'm sure you're aware, I'm late for the update. I know! I'm sorry! But I'm at Gulf Shores on vacation and it's been a busy week and I really tried to get the chapter ready in time, I really did, but then I ended up adding a whole 1,000 words to this chapter, making this the longest chapter yet. Forgive me? *puppy dog eyes*

Forgive me or forgive me not. Either way, here we go!

* * *

**Nina POV**

Amber's alarm clock jerked me into consciousness with a gasp. My eyes searched the room - it was still dark. Dawn hadn't even broken across the sky yet. Amber's clock read 4:00 a.m.

While I tried to calm my breathing down again, she moaned and groaned and slapped the top of her alarm clock, effectively shutting it up for another five minutes. Then all of a sudden she sat up, her hair a mess and her eyes clouded with sleep as she looked around the room. When they landed on me, they narrowed in confusion.

"It's Friday, isn't it?" she asked, yawning. I nodded. It had been five days since my midnight picnic with Fabian. Five blissfully peaceful days. "Then why is my alarm clock on?"

That was a good question.

Suddenly understanding flashed across her face, and she was awake and blazing angry. I flinched back, actually a little fearful of her, but she didn't even notice. She was too busy getting out of bed and walking out the door - in her pajamas.

"JEROME? ALFIE?" she yelled so loudly I cringed. I quickly got up, changed into my clothes I'd set out the night before, and followed after her. She stomped down the stairs, each step echoing loudly across the old house. Mara peeked her head out of her room she shared with the other two girls, quirking an eyebrow in question, and I just shook my head.

I was just as confused as her.

I trailed Amber down the stairs and followed her all the way to Jerome and Alfie's room. She opened the door without knocking, revealing two snoring men tucked under covers. Before I could stop her - though I don't know how I would've - she was stalking over to their beds and pulling their covers off of the both of them.

Boxers. Jerome and Alfie were just in boxers.

Both boys startled awake to see a furious Amber standing over them. They shared a look, then burst into laughter, apparently not fazed by the fact that they were practically naked. Amber didn't even look like she noticed.

I, meanwhile, was regretting ever following Amber. The only man I'd seen naked was _him_, and each time hadn't ended well. Logic told me there was no danger here, but logic was a very fickle thing when it came to me. Surely with Amber present…

Still.

Time to back away.

"If you could see your face right now!" Alfie crowed, seeming to not even notice me in the room.

"I need a camera. Someone wake Joy, I need her camera!" Jerome joined in.

"It's so-"

_"Purple-"_

"Goodness Amber, it's a really good color for you!"

_Back away slowly, just back-_

Amber smacked Jerome so hard on the arm that even I could hear it from across the room. She walked over to Alfie's bed and did the same. Both boys rubbed the spots but couldn't seem to stop laughing.

I paused my slow backwards movements. Now _Amber_ was threatened. She'd slapped them both, surely they would retaliate. If I'd hit them, it would've been justified if they hit me back. But that didn't mean it was right to stand there and watch Amber get hurt. I could jump in front of her, try to take their hits-

They were still simply laughing. They didn't even seem angry. Maybe they weren't going to hit her back. But why _wouldn't_ they? If I'd dared to hit _him_, I would've been locked in the closet for a _week_-

"What's going on in here?" asked a familiar sleepy voice from behind me. I flipped around quickly, startled, only to smack into a chest.

A bare chest.

_Fabian's bare chest._

He had on pajama pants, thank the heavens. Had he been in his boxers, I knew I would've shut down immediately. But for some reason, this had me a gazillion times more overwhelmed than seeing Alfie and Jerome in their boxers.

Fabian was shirtless. Amber was screaming. Jerome and Alfie were in boxers, laughing their heads off.

And I was in the center of it all, practically cornered.

"Nina," he said, as startled as I was. "Oh- I, um-" He looked down at himself and blushed. "I'm sort of shirtless."

Yes, I was aware. Very, very aware.

Worry swept over his face as his eyes narrowed. "Are you okay? You look a little unsteady."

Oh, so that explained why the room was starting to sway.

A faint moan could barely be heard under the chaos around me, and I realized belatedly that it came from me. His hand was suddenly looming before my face and I jerked away, a whimper escaping me. His eyes softened, even as hurt bloomed across his face.

"Nina, what's-" he started, but another smack bounced off the walls. I quickly looked over at Amber - it was her hitting them again, not the other way around as I'd feared - only to realize that my back was now to Fabian and he was shirtless and he was in front of my only way of escape and fear overwhelmed logic once more.

I sunk to my knees, then crawled backwards until my head hit a wardrobe, making me even dizzier than before. I curled up into a ball, trying to shut down before the panic attack hit. _Block it out, just block it out-_

But wait. Amber. _Amber_. I had to stay awake, I had to protect Amber if the boys hit back…

"Nina," came a voice, quiet and calm. "Calm down. No one's going to get hurt here, especially not you. Don't shut down yet. Breathe. I'll calm them down, okay?"

I cringed away from the voice. That voice was male, but it wasn't _him_. If he touched me, _he_ would find out, and he'd punish me. And I didn't want him to touch me anyway. I had to get away, and I had to get away now.

I scooted back, but my head rammed into something. I was in the corner, I couldn't go any farther. I had to shut down. But there was someone… someone I had to protect…

It was only then that I realized that everything had gone dead silent, save for my sobs that I hadn't realized had started. Nothing. Nothing. Still nothing.

Silence.

My sobs dissolved as I waited for some sort of sound. And finally, one came.

"Nina?" came a quiet, distressed voice. High. Female. Not an immediate threat. "Nina, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. _We_ didn't mean to scare you. And I'm okay, it's all okay. No one is going to hurt anyone."

Why would someone get hurt someone besides me? Wait. There had been someone I had been trying to protect, right? From what? Who? Who was I even protecting?

Oh.

Amber.

Right.

And like that, logic flooded back into my senses. I looked up sharply, fearing what I would find.

Jerome and Alfie were no longer in just boxers. They were out of bed, they had pants on, and they were halfway through pulling out shirts as they looked at me. Amber was unharmed and staring down at me. Fabian was still shirtless, but now he was on the floor, his hand extended towards mine.

"No one is going to hurt anyone," Fabian repeated. "Not you, not Amber, not any of us. Jerome and Alfie aren't going to hurt her, are they, boys?"

At this obvious nudge, both guys nodded, looking guilty. "No, we aren't. Sorry Nina," Alfie said, his voice a lot softer and a lot more serious than normal. Beside him, Jerome nodded as well.

Embarrassment filled me. What had I just done? What sort of reaction had that been? Now I just wanted to get up and escape, but I was still cornered, and two of the three men in the room were towering above me. I glanced at Fabian, panic starting to poke at me again, but it was Amber who realized what was needed.

"All three of you, back as far away from the door as possible. And sit down on the beds, if that's okay," she ordered, sending me an approval seeking glance. I nodded, grateful for the help.

Within a few seconds, the way to the door was clear.

So I got out after a thankful look to both Fabian and Amber, but I couldn't help my stray thought as I headed to my bedroom - sleep was impossible, but I could get some homework done - one that I shut down immediately.

_Huh. Who knew Fabian would look that good shirtless?_

** X**

**Fabian POV**

I watched her go, breathing hard. That had escalated a lot quicker than I'd expected.

I'd probably never go without a shirt again, first of all, because it was obvious that had overwhelmed her and, if anything, scared the crap out of her. With good reason. I had to wonder how many times her stepfather had come into her room at night, drunk and half asleep with only sleep pants on.

God, I was an idiot. I'd have to apologize later, when I wasn't shirtless.

Nina hadn't asked about Amber's knowledge of the situation between her and her stepfather, and I hadn't offered - but the moment I'd told Amber was one moment I would never forget.

_"How's the song coming?" Amber asked, sending me a smirk as she put away her newly dried clothes._

_"It's… coming. I think I finally worked out the verse I was having problems with." Nina's song, which I had stupidly performed for her when it was only half-written, was finally nearing its end of its writing process. I wasn't sure what to call it yet, but my best guess was You I See. It fit, at least. "But that's not what I wanted to talk to you about." I'd come here for a much more serious, much more mellow reason._

_"Oh really? What, then?"_

_"I know who's been abusing Nina, and she's given me permission to tell you as well."_

_The clothes in Amber's hands dropped to the floor as she froze. Slowly she turned to face me, wide-eyed. "You know who's been abusing her? Who is it? Is it Mark? I swear, if that piece of crap has laid one hand on-"_

_"It's not Mark," I cut in. "And you may want to sit down for this." She eyed me worriedly but complied, sitting down on the bed. "I… I'm not sure how to say it."_

_"Just force it out, Fabian. I can take it."_

_"It's Nina's stepfather."_

_She stared at me blankly for at least a full minute. Then she started laughing weakly. "Her stepfather. You almost had me going there for a minute. I really don't appreciate the joke, Fabian, that's a disgusting thought…" She studied my face, waiting for a crack of a smile. When there was none, her jaw dropped. "Oh my god," she whispered._

_"I know."_

_"He… I shook hands with that man. I made conversation with him and thought he was nice. I _smiled_ at that guy, and you're saying he… oh my god."_

_"I know."_

_"He's been the one this whole time, in America and here. That's why she was so screwed up after her walk. Those bruises… he gave her those bruises."_

_"I know."_

_"But he's her stepfather. That's not right. It's not right in the first place, but that man is supposed to care for her and love her." Her eyes were beginning to shine with tears. I wondered how long it would take for her to break into sobs. "He's supposed to be there for her, not abuse her and rape her. Oh… he raped her. Her own stepfather has raped her."_

_"I know." Each time I said it, I said it as calmly as possible, when all I wanted to do was scream. 'I know' was the only thing I could force out that wouldn't cause me to burst into flames._

_Amber's hands started shaking. I sat down beside her, trying to decide whether hugging her would help or hinder her slow descent into tears._

_"What else did she tell you? What else have you found out?" she whispered, obviously trying to distract herself from the threat of tears. I knew my answers wouldn't help that attempt, but I answered anyway._

_"She told me a number of things. She said the beatings started when she was four, the day after her mother died. And he first raped her when she was… when she was ten," I pushed out._

_Amber's gasp twisted into her first sob._

_"She told me about some of her beatings and what she does to get them, but trust me, you don't want to hear the specifics. But… she… she thinks that she deserves everything that's been done to her," I said slowly._

_She looked at me with watery eyes._

_"She thinks she deserves it? How could she think that?" she demanded._

_"Her stepfather," I responded with a thick voice. "I can tell just by what she's said that he's completely brainwashed her. He's taught her that she's inferior even to the gum on the underside of people's shoes. She thinks she's worth nothing. I told her she was pretty and she told me that I didn't have to lie about that sort of thing. He's screwed her up so much and it's killing me."_

_"And we don't even know a thousandth of what she's been through," Amber whispered._

_That was when she burst into tears._

_I wrapped my arms around her and pulled her to me, rocking her slowly like I wished I could do to Nina. Hugging Nina… I'd dreamed about that moment. And I knew it'd probably take months for her to let herself see it as a hug and not as a trap, but I would wait. For now, I would hold Amber instead, because that was what she needed._

_"I d-don't understand h-how she's not c-catatonic," Amber choked out through her sobs. "She d-deserves s-so much m-more."_

_"Shhh, Amber, calm down," I soothed, running a hand through her hair. "I know. Believe me, I know. But she has us now. Everyone here, but us especially. And we are going to help her in every way we can. That's all we can do."_

_When her sobs died down, I explained to her the agreement we'd set up - for now, no one else could know. Then I'd brought her some snacks, and we'd run through some theories of how to help her._

_I had to hope that one of them would work._

School that day was bland. We got a new art assignment, I polished off the lyrics for You I See in between classes, and that was that. Amber was in a foul mood due to her 4:00 am wakeup call as well as quiet after Nina's breakdown, and everyone was a little tired due to the lost sleep from her fight with Jerome and Alfie, but the mood picked up considerably when someone brought up Halloween on the way home.

Nina - who was trailing along beside us silently - shot me a questioning look. It was the first time she'd looked at me since this morning.

"We don't do trick-or-treating at the Academy. Too many houses have been egged and typically each house hogs most of their own candy anyway, so there was no point," I explained. "So we - as in Anubis House's inhabitants - buy bags of our favorite candy and watch horror movies until the late hours of the night. What movies have we decided on this year?"

"Cabin in the Woods and Signs are the ones we've chosen so far - Signs is courtesy of Alfie, obviously," Patricia said, rolling her eyes. "Luckily it's good. We've yet to decide on the third movie. Do have any favorites, Nina?"

_No. I've never watched any scary movies._

"Does gore make you squeamish at all? Blood or anything?" Mara asked. "Amber has to leave sometimes, so don't feel embarrassed if you are."

_No. Blood used to freak me out, but being who I am, I had to get used to it. It's hard to be squeamish from artificial gore when you see the real thing on yourself whenever you look in the mirror._

The silence that followed wasn't the prettiest of pauses. Nina cringed when she realized what she'd just written.

"What about Prank Day?" I asked, trying to push past the awkwardness.

It worked.

"Aw man, I thought you forgot!" Alfie complained. "I was so ready to pull the best prank ever and catch you totally unaware. Now I'm gonna have to watch my back."

"I've been cooking up a spectacular prank," I said with a grin. "You all better be on the lookout, because one of you are in for a world of trouble." Once again, Nina looked confused. I smirked. "We have this Prank Day on November 3rd. Everyone tries to pull pranks on other members of the house. Last year I managed to surprise Alfie and Jerome - I put itching powder on the insides of all their shirts, pants, and shoes. I was reigned king of the Prank Day. I got a crown and everything."

"And now we're going to take your crown, oh mighty king. That took forever to get out of our stuff," Jerome said, rolling his eyes. "We have things planned."

More taunts were thrown back and forth, and Nina watched on with a smile. When we got home, we all sat down and tried to decide on which movie to watch.

"Have you finished Harry Potter, Nina?" Mara asked with a smile. She nodded, a grin spreading across her face.

"Then it's decided! We're having our Harry Potter Movie Marathon this weekend!" Alfie crowed. "Alright, where's the hat? Jerome, do we have the hat?"

A wizard's hat was promptly put on Nina head, courtesy of Jerome. I laughed at her wide-eyed expression. Amber brought out the set of Harry Potter movies and stuck the first one in as everyone got settled. I sat down in my usual spot on one end of the couch.

And for the first time, instead of sitting in the single seat chair, Nina sat down next to me.

The two of us struggled over placing the blanket so it covered both of us. In the end Nina huddled in a little closer - not close enough that our sides were touching, but close enough that I could feel the heat radiating off of her. I tossed the blanket over the both of us, and she snuggled into it happily.

This whole thing, which was leaving me slightly stunned, went unnoticed by everyone but Amber, who bit down on the grin that automatically popped onto her face. Nina noticed her stare and frowned, causing Amber to look away.

But when the lights went out and the previews started rolling, Nina scooted even closer to me. I didn't think she'd even realized what she done, but our arms brushed whenever we breathed in at the same moment.

This time, Amber could hold back her smile.

And I couldn't either.

** X**

**Nina POV**

I was not ashamed to admit that I cried a little when the final shot of Harry, Ron, and Hermione faded away on screen. Especially since Mara had tears dripping from her chin and Fabian had a slight sheen of tears in his eyes. This I could see because we were so close. My side was pressed up against his, and as I looked up at him, my chin brushed his shoulder-

_Wait._

I jerked away quickly, putting at least three inches of space between us. How long had we been like that? How had we gotten to that point? More importantly, _how did I not notice?_

By the way Fabian tried to hide a slight frown, I realized that he had noticed long before I had. And he hadn't minded, nor had he mentioned it.

I took the last wand cookie - baked for us by Trudy, who had joined us for the last movie - and bit into it before I even realized what I was doing. I froze mid-chew.

_I'd taken the last one._

Fabian noticed the way I'd tensed and sent a worried look my way. I took out my notepad.

_I took the last cookie. I don't want anyone to be mad._

He relaxed and chuckled. "Nina, no one is going to be mad at you. This is supposed to be pretty much your movie marathon, so you get first rights to the cookies anyway. You worry too much."

I wanted to say that I had full right to worry - I'd done this once at home. _He_ had made me bake more cookies, but didn't allow me to put on oven mitts when I took the tray out of the oven. If someone were to pay close attention to my hands, they'd be able to notice a difference in texture and a very slight rise to the skin on certain parts of my palms and fingers, thanks to the 2nd degree burns I'd gotten that night.

Not to mention the beating I'd gotten afterward when I screamed from the blistering heat.

Yeah, I had full right to worry. But I wasn't going to ruin his night by sharing this memory, so I simply sighed and looked away.

We'd already had dinner, so once the credits ended, Jerome snatched the hat off my head and everyone headed for bed - after the round of questions on what did I think of _this_ character and _that_ change and a lot of others.

By the time I had gotten upstairs, I was on sensory overload. Amber followed a few minutes after, just as I had finished changing into pajamas and started brushing out my hair.

"Nina, you are in serious need of a haircut."

I looked up at her, blinking blearily. She was sitting on her bed in her pajamas, watching me with calm and curious eyes. I squinted, unsure as to whether I should be hurt or annoyed or agreeing. Apparently she understood.

"Sorry, I know that came out of nowhere, but I can see the frizziness from lack of care from over here and your split end are insane and I think I'm going to explode just looking at it for another few months," she ranted. I groaned a little, sat the brush down, and shoved my face into my pillow.

I put the blanket over my head as an afterthought.

"Promise you'll think about it?" Amber asked, pulling another moan from me. "Come on Nina, this isn't even entirely about looking pretty - though it is a part of it. This is about health. And you hair… well it's not healthy, like, at all."

I peeked my head out from under the covers and clearly mouthed the words _we'll see_ to her. She seemed startled by the movement of my lips, like she was expecting a voice to come with them.

Hah. As if. Just because I was uttering noises like a giggle or a grunt occasionally _did not_ mean I was going to speak. Hell to the no, thank you very much.

"Fine," she said after a second. "We'll see is good enough for now, I suppose. Good night, Nina."

I rolled my eyes and rolled over, closing my eyes and falling asleep easily.

"Nina?" Alfie called out, stopping me in my tracks in the middle of the school hallway. Classes had just ended for the day, and I was eager to head home and curl up on the couch to do my newest art project.

Apparently, that was going to be postponed for a moment.

Alfie and Jerome came to a stop in front of me. Their easy, open expressions set me at ease before I could start to worry.

"I was wondering if we could ask you to do something with us, but… not in the middle of the hallway where Fabian can hear." I narrowed my eyes in confusion but nodded, and he grinned.

Then he put a hand on my arm.

It was pure shock that made me startle and take a step back, not fear, which shocked me even more. Alfie's jaw dropped and he quickly snatched back his hand.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking," he said quickly. It took me a second, but I nodded slowly, trying to put a smile on my face as I wondered why I wasn't shutting down. A boy, quite a bit taller and fitter than me, grabbing my upper arm? Had this happened during my first month or two of school, I would've collapsed almost instantly.

I came back to the present and realized they were trying to guide me to the edge of the hallway. I followed warily, wondering what this was all about.

"You remember Prank Day?" I nodded. "We want you to help us prank Fabian."

Oh.

_Oh_.

Well… that sounded sort of fun. As long as the prank was harmless; I didn't want him to be mad at me. So I smiled and nodded, an expression they mirrored.

"Sweet. We've got an idea of what we want to do - you'll find the prank ironic, I think. We'll tell you about the details later, but we wanted to make sure you wanted to first. Don't mention it to Fabian, and turn down all other offers of pranking people, okay?"

Then they were walking off, a new spring in both their steps.

I sighed, shaking my head and chuckling as I headed outside. The double door slammed shut behind me just before a hand grabbed the tip of sleeve and yanked it - bringing me with it.

"Hello, Nina. Can we chat?" My stomach dropped when I looked up into the face of the speaker.

_Mark_.

* * *

**A/N:** Ha, and you all thought the old face was her stepfather. Hehehehehehe- WRONG! Let's see if you can guess better this time around: what do you think Mark's intentions are with her?

**Next chapter update is June 5th, next Wednesday.** Face off with Mark, Anubis House gets a peek at Nina's scars without clothes as a barrier (got any guesses there?), Nina gets red eyes for Halloween and a lot of candy is eaten. Woot!

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?**  
**

**See ya next Wednesday!**


	26. Chapter 26

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Let's repeat this altogether now - _I am only an hour late. I am only an hour late. I am only an hour late._ Okay? Please, keep this in mind. I say my dates, I do not say what times I post them. It was supposed to get posted an hour or two ago, but more important things kept me busy. Please forgive me!

Rant down in the bottom A/N. Please read once you're done with the chapter!

* * *

**Fabian POV**

"Where's Nina?" was the question on my lips as I headed for the front door. Jerome, Alfie, and Patricia were already there and waiting for the others, who were a step behind me.

"I think she already left," Jerome replied. "We saw her heading over here, so I guess she decided not to wait for us." Alfie nodded along with him, a smirk on his lips that made me wary. Someone was in a good mood… and when he was in a good mood, it usually meant that someone was going to get pranked.

"Let's go, maybe we can catch up with her on the way," Patricia said, and slipped out of our group and for the door. We trailed along after her, each of us locked in our own conversations.

It was Amber who saw them first.

"Guys," she said loudly, the alarm in her voice immediately making us stop and look to her. She pointed to an area off the path. It took me a moment, but then I saw it.

Mark was talking to Nina. And just as we all recognized them, Mark raised his hand in the air like he was going to slap her across the face.

"HEY!" Patricia shouted, stopping him in his tracks. Both of them jerked their heads in our direction - Mark looking confused, Nina looking scared. "Don't you dare try to touch her, you slimeball!" Then she was running, and everyone was following, and I was trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

Because unlike everyone else, I knew for a fact that Mark had never touched a hair on her head save for the one time in theatre class.

Unless Nina had been lying, and really had two abusers.

_Oh no._

By the time I caught up with everyone, Jerome and Mick were pushing Mark further away from Nina. He was protesting and asking what was going on, but his voice was soon drowned out by Patricia, who grabbed him by the collar of his shirt.

"We know it was you. We know the truth. I would say I'm surprised, but I'm really not, and that makes it even worse. How can you _stand_ yourself?" she demanded. "How can you wake up every morning knowing that you're ruining a girl's life with every breath you take? You should go to jail for what you've done. I can report you to the authorities, you know."

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" he finally cut in, looking from one pair of eyes to the next. "I haven't done anything, I swear!"

This only seemed to spur Patricia on further. "We just _saw_ you, don't pretend to be innocent. You were about to slap her, and you won't even admit it, will you? You're a slimy arse, that's what you are."

There was an urgent tug on my sleeve, and I looked down to see Nina giving me a pleading face. She shoved a note into my hand as Patricia continued to rant.

_Mark didn't do anything. He was apologizing._

I assessed Nina's face, trying to tell if she was lying or not. She pointed to the note, and there was nothing but truth in her eyes as she looked up at me.

"He didn't do anything," I announced, stopping Patricia in her tracks. "He hasn't done anything, and he wasn't going to hurt her. He's innocent."

My words didn't faze her at all. "What, did Nina tell you that? She's lying, Fabian! This rubbish piece of a human being is making her say that," she replied, her voice hard. I was a little stunned that Patricia of all people was defending her so much.

But this time, she was defending her from the wrong person.

I put my hand on her shoulder. "Patricia," I said in a very calm voice. "I can say with absolute certainty that Mark is not the abuser."

It took a moment, but realization flashed in her eyes and her mouth fell open. Her grip on his collar loosened, and Mark immediately slipped away from us, stumbling a few steps back.

"You are all insane," he said, shaking his head slowly. "Have a nice life." He glanced at Nina and winked. "Think about what I said, yeah? The offer is still open for the taking."

When Nina's cheeks lit up a cherry red, he laughed and walked off.

_Offer? What offer?_

I was going to ask what he'd meant, but before I could, there was a bombardment of questions.

"How do you know?"

"Who told you?"

"How long have you known?"

"Who is it?"

"Why haven't you told us?"

"Will everyone shut their mouths for a moment please?" I half yelled, sending an apologetic look to Nina when she jumped. Everyone finally went silent. "Nina told me. I've known for a week, and Amber knows too. We aren't telling you who it is under the request of Nina, but I can assure you that she isn't currently in danger."

Mara gave me a wary look. "How are we supposed to trust you? What if you're the one who's abusing her?" There were one or two nods of agreement, though everyone looked hesitant towards the idea, Mara included.

"Are you kidding me?" I threw my hands up in the air. "I'm the one who's been helping her! I haven't done anything, and the abuser has stopped for now. Don't even try to pin this on me, you know I could never do that."

Patricia was the first one to nod. "Okay, so you haven't been doing it… for now. But how do you know the abusing has stopped?"

"I just do."

"Fabian-"

"Patricia._ I. Just. Do."_

"But-"

This time, it wasn't me who cut her off. It was her own gasp when the slim, bony hand of Nina reached out and snatched the water bottle in her hand…

Only to pull up her sleeve, pour water all over her arm, and scrub away at the concealer covering her scars.

Before, when we'd first seen her wounds, they'd been through a long-sleeved shirt. While we'd been able to tell what they were, we hadn't seen the details. And now they were on display for all of us.

Amber actually covered her eyes the second she processed what was in front of her, and I couldn't blame her.

There wasn't a patch of skin that didn't have scars.

Her arm was one long map of pain.

Not one was the same. Some were thin and just discolorations of new, pale skin against older, more tanned skin. Some were what looked like dark red burn marks, and after a second, I realized that they were in the shape of the bottom of a clothes iron. There was one line of skin that was permanently bubbled up - a different kind of burn, but a serious burn all the same - and it stretched so far that it continued into her still covered up shoulder.

But Nina's face made me sicker than anything else.

Shame. Shame was one of the few things I could recognize in her expression. Her eyes were clouded with pain, fear, and embarrassment, but shame overpowered the others.

Her eyes were also staring right at me, watching for my reaction. And by the way her lips twisted into a grimace, it wasn't the reaction she was hoping for. I realized my jaw was wide open and quickly snapped it shut.

"Okay, I get it. You don't have to leave your sleeve up, Nina," Patricia whispered, wincing as she gave her arm another glance. It was then that I understood why she'd done what she had.

While there were countless scars, none of them were recent. There were no bruises on her skin. She had done this to prove that no one had hurt her in the past week or two. That Mark hadn't hurt her.

That I hadn't hurt her.

Nina grabbed a mini tube of something unrecognizable out of her jeans pocket, opened it, and squirted some on her arm. _Concealer_. She then started rubbing it in with her hand, and within 30 seconds, her scars were gone, though you could still see the raised skin of some of them. She shoved her sleeve back down.

Just like that, the evidence of her past was gone.

That fact bother me.

The haunted look in her eyes stayed as she pulled out her notepad and returned the concealer to its place. I knew this moment would be remembered for a long time, especially by her.

_As I told Fabian, he was apologizing to me about what he did in theatre class. He talks with his hands. He wasn't hitting me, he was just waving his arms around as he talked. The closest he came to touching me was when he grabbed my sleeve, and he never even touched me through the fabric. I'm fine, but thank you for defending me._

The surprise on her face was still there, probably shocked by the fact that all of us had come to what we thought was her rescue. Still, I was bothered.

_What offer?_

"Of course, Nina," Patricia replied, smirking. I could almost see her scrambling to make the air lighter in the wake of Nina's show. "I needed an excuse to rough up that slimeball anyway. He's been side eyeing me for weeks. He definitely won't be interested in me now." There was a round of half chuckles, though Nina's was not among them. I gave her a worried look.

She avoided my gaze, even as we headed back to Anubis House.

** X**

**Nina POV**

It was Halloween, and I had red eyes.

Amber had somehow gotten me into a vampire costume without me raising a single protest. I was wearing the tight shirt she'd gotten me, because it was my only black shirt that wasn't in the laundry, but it was covered by a blood red cape she'd gotten from the school theatre closet a few days before, so I wasn't too worried about that.

I was more worried about the fact that I had makeup on my face.

Sure, it made me almost unrecognizable, but that wasn't the point. Even if I had an almost pure white face, Amber had put _eyeliner_ and _mascara_ on me, as well as dark red lipstick. I hadn't even realized what she'd done to me until she'd put a mirror in front of me, but now I couldn't wipe it off without ruining the whole thing.

It'd been hard, letting her that close to my face, but when I'd flinched back she'd given me a soothing look and said something like_ if you can dance with a guy all alone after midnight, you can let me put cosmetics on your face._

I hadn't thought about it that way, and so while I was caught up in the fact that I'd sooner let Fabian touch me than any girl I knew - at the same time wondering how she knew about the dance at the picnic in the first place - she started without my permission. It ended up being a lot less stressful and overwhelming than I'd thought it would be.

Then came the red eye contacts - which blocked my peripheral vision and sort of freaked me out - and the hairdo: my hair was in a high ponytail for the first time ever.

This whole Halloween thing was crossing so many of my lines and I hadn't even gotten downstairs yet.

"You look beautiful, Nina!" Amber squealed, bouncing up and down in her princess dress. "We need to do this more often, without the white powder and with more natural colors. I could turn you into a model. Oh, you could model my clothes, you have the perfect body for it-"

My loud and pointed huff cut off her ramblings. She sighed. "Yeah, yeah, I know. But a girl can dream, alright?" I rolled my eyes, earning a giggle from her. "Okay, time to go downstairs."

Every muscle in my body suddenly locked and refused to work.

Go downstairs… where everyone would see me in makeup.

Where _Fabian_ would see me in makeup.

Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god oh god.

I could not do this.

"Don't be a wimp, Nina," Amber teased. "Think of the candy! Think of the Reece's and the Hershey's and the Milkyways and the Whoppers."

_That won't work. The only thing I've had out of those since I was four is Hershey's, and that was a piece of a bar that I'd snuck in my backpack when my stepfather wasn't looking at school. I was ten. That and one time when I broke my record on blacking out. Come up with something else._

For a second I froze as she read it, realizing that now she'd figure out about my stepfather, until it hit me - she did know. Fabian had told her. And like he'd promised, she hadn't mentioned it once.

Amber's face darkened, and she glanced from me to the note.

"Well, you know what?" The dark look dissolved into a determined one. "You're going to try them. Every single one of them. It'll do some good for you - you're still far too skinny, don't think I can't tell. I saw you with your tight shirt before you put on the cape, don't think I didn't." She arched an eyebrow. "And if you need motivation… I think you'll like Fabian's costume tonight, whether you try to deny it or not. Let's just leave it at that."

And with that mysterious comment, I was hooked, I was out of my chair, and I was heading downstairs before I could convince myself out of it.

Everyone was there and everything was chaos. Alfie was an alien, currently being chased by a zombified Mick and some sort of secret agent Jerome. Patricia and Joy were devils, red tail and all. Mara was a witch, wearing the pointed hat Jerome had presented to me during the Harry Potter Movie Marathon and gripping a broomstick as she watched the boys chase each other.

I saw Fabian in the same moment he saw me, and I could not stifle the gasp that escaped me.

Fabian was a werewolf, that was clear. His makeup was obviously done by Amber, and he had bright yellow eyes that I could see even from across the room. He had claws for nails and his hair was wild, like he'd just rolled out of bed. Points had been added to his ears and he was wearing a set of longer canines than usual, shown when his mouth fell open at the sight of me.

Amber giggled behind me, jerking me back to awareness to see that Fabian was now in front of me and I was staring at him with no sign of stopping. I shut my mouth and blushed so hard they could probably see it through the white powder on my face.

"Nina," he breathed. "You look… great. I mean, beyond great. Wow."

How was it possible that a simple few sentences could create such a huge diversity inside of my mind?

I didn't want to look great, I didn't want to be noticed, especially by the opposite gender. And yet when he said it, I blushed more and grinned at him, my vampire teeth glinting off the ceiling lights.

"Nina hasn't had a single piece of candy since she was ten, so you're going to back me up and get her to eat at least one of everything tonight. I want her bouncing off the walls and clutching a sick stomach by the time we go to bed, yeah?" Amber cut in, shattering the moment.

Fabian smirked. "Yes, Queen Millington. Nice dress, by the way. Is that one of your own creations?"

"Indeed it is, moon boy. How did you know?"

"It has that Amber flair to it, that's all. I've seen enough of your designs to know your style, that's for sure. You do look spectacular though, Ambs." He reached up to ruffle her hair, but Amber's warning glare made him drop his hand as quickly as it had gone up.

Against my will, a shot of jealousy went up my spine, surprising even me. Fabian said he didn't like her, but-

_It doesn't matter,_ I reminded myself. _There's no reason to be jealous. He has full right to go out with whoever he wants. It's not like he'd go out with you, either way. You saw the look in his eyes when he saw your scars._

My mood took a sharp downhill spiral. Fabian's face had been painted with horror when he'd seen them. It wasn't disgust, but it was enough. He could never like me.

And I didn't want him to. I knew that if he told me he did - though that would never happen - I would once again go running in the opposite direction. Because liking me meant expectations, and expectations were bad. Worse than bad.

The reminder of earlier's events brought back Mark's words.

_"I wanted to… apologize," he said, the word coming out bitter but honest. "What I did - attacking you like that a few weeks ago - was wrong. So I want to make it up to you."_

_I tried to calm down my nerves. He was apologizing for attacking me, so surely he wouldn't attack me again, right?_

_"I want to take you out on a date."_

_I sucked in a gasp. There went calming my nerves. He was asking me out on a date. What would he do if I said no? Would he attack me anyway?_

_He continued on, seeing my shock. "You're way too… stiff. Everything scares you. Kissing you was the wrong approach, obviously, so… I just broke up with my girlfriend. Way too attached, in my opinion. How about we go out so I can show you how to loosen up?" He smirked. "No sudden kisses, I promise… unless you ask for one."_

_I was going to be sick._

_"Okay, this whole no talking thing is going to be a problem, though," he said, throwing his hands up in the air. The movement startled me. "You-"_

_That was when Patricia's voice had come in. The rest was history._

"Hey. Nina." Fingers snapped right in front of my face, making me jump as I returned to reality. Amber's face loomed before me, looking amused. "You just went all thinky on us, didn't you?" She took a step back, watching me as I calmed my breathing again. There was a smirk on her face. "I don't like Fabian, you know. I see him as a brother. He's one guy I would never consider dating, unlike the rest of the boys in this house."

I gave her an alarmed look, wondering how she'd guessed and if Fabian had heard that. I spun around, wondering where he was, and she laughed.

"Calm down. He went to help them with the DVD player, it's having problems." She pointed at Fabian, who had his back to us across the room. "And it was pretty obvious what you were thinking. You have this special look reserved _just_ for when you're thinking about him."

My responding huff was covered by Trudy's call.

"Picture time! Everyone gather around by the left wall," she called out. When everyone shifted towards that area and I didn't, she raised an eyebrow. "You too, sweetheart."

All I did was blink at her. They wouldn't want me in the picture. They'd regret the choice later on, I was sure. So I shook my head and took a step back.

"Nina, come on," Amber insisted, and everyone, from Fabian to Mick, nodded. "Get in the picture or I'll drag you over here myself."

That's how I found myself in between Fabian and Amber, almost exactly in the middle of the photo. Fabian's hand rested lightly on my shoulder, sending a blush to my cheeks.

And Amber threw her hand over my other shoulder with no warning a second before Joy's camera clicked and a flash went off.

I didn't even flinch.

Once Trudy had taken the group photo, then came the photos of the smaller pairs and groups. Alfie and Jerome, one of all the girls (including me, once again to my surprise), Joy and Patricia, Amber and I, and so on.

We were about to stop when Amber interrupted.

"We need a picture of our vampire and our werewolf together!" There was a chorus of agreement, and Fabian glanced at me with a hesitant smile.

_Oh_.

They meant Fabian and I.

_Fantastic_.

"You don't have to if you don't want to," he said. "I don't want to make you uncomfortable." But I nodded anyway, and we positioned ourselves in front of the wall.

This time, Fabian put a very light hand on my waist. The camera snapped, my vision went white for a moment, and Amber let out a large awww as she looked at the picture on the camera over Trudy's shoulder. Then she showed it to me.

I was looking at the camera, a bright smile on my face that showed off my fangs. Meanwhile, Fabian hadn't been looking at the camera.

He'd been looking at me.

Okay, maybe I didn't mind being in pictures if this was going to be the result. I might actually ask for a copy.

"Okay, enough with pictures. It's alien time!" Alfie crowed. Amber snorted and headed for the couch, leaving me to trail after her and curl up in between her and Fabian as _Signs_ began.

A bowl full of candy was put in my lap, and I glanced up to see Fabian grinning down at me. "Start with the Butterfinger," he suggested. Immediately there was a group off shushes, the loudest one from Alfie, who was putting on a tin foil hat for who knew what reason. His voice was lowered when he continued. "That's my favorite."

That night held a lot of candy, a lot of jumping, and a few times where I hid my face in the side Fabian's arm when something scared me a little too much. Under Amber's order, I ate one of everything, even when my stomach hurt. And it's funny, how it worked out in the end.

Because Butterfinger happened to be my favorite, too.

* * *

**A/N:** Only five people guessed what Mark's intentions were. Congrats to them! Now, you may be thinking... what was the point of having him show up for one chapter after so long? **Mark will be seen later on in Scarred. **And you're also thinking, _okay Definition, you've got all her enemies surrendering or apologizing for the most part... what could you possible have planned?_

Well... you'll find that out soon. ;D

**Next chapter update is June 12th, next Wednesday.** Amber, Fabian, and Nina have an important conversation. Fabian reveals something to Nina. Prank Day! *sets up water balloons* Prepare yourselves! ;D

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

* * *

**Okay, rant time that I hope some of you will read, that's concerning my delay in updates: **

Guys, the simple fact is that I have a life outside of writing Scarred. I write as fast as I can, but juggling all the things I'm juggling right now, it's a little hard. So let me be blunt: The last thing I need right now are reviews and PMs like the ones recently where they've been _booing me_, telling me that_ I've disappointed them_, or that - and I quote -**_ "I'm lucky I still have readers considering how careless I am when it comes to the needs of my fans and my fanfiction."_ **- _One of my readers._

I mean, I don't think you realize how much time I put into my fans and this story. I spend anywhere from** an hour to four hours _every single day_ writing Scarred chapters. **I spend** _at least_ an hour every day** responding to almost each and every review and PM I get - and trust me, there are quite a few.

Reviews like those are going to slow me down. In fact, it already has. I'm feeling very discouraged thanks to the hurtful reviews sent solely at me, not at my writing. Writing criticism I can take with a smile. Criticism towards me as a person? No. In addition to that, my summer is just starting. I have a job, I have high school to prepare for, I have trips to go on, and I have divorcing parents. I have more than just writing on my mind right now. I hope you all understand and forgive my slowness over the next few chapter updates.

To those who sent those PMs/reviews: I'm not mad. I still want you around, and I hope you will stick with me and understand that **I am trying my hardest.** I respect your thoughts on the story and always will, no matter how big or small.

To those who have always supported me: I cannot thank you enough.

* * *

**See ya next Wednesday!**


	27. Chapter 27

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Thank you so much for the support I've received in the past week. Words cannot explain how much I appreciate it. And as a thank you, look! I'm a few hours early this time! Prepare yourselves, realizations and pranks are coming your way...

P.S. - Scarred hit 900 reviews last chapter. We are quickly approaching 1,000. Thank you for all the wonderful reviews! *faints*

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**Nina POV**

The next morning, I woke to a sore stomach from the candy overload. I stretched and yawned, letting my eyes adjust to the bright light streaming through the window… and promptly almost fell of the bed in surprise.

Amber was sitting there watching me.

"Hey, sorry," she said with a hesitant smile. "It's almost noon, you've been sleeping for a long while, but I decided to let you sleep until now." The unspoken _you needed it_ was present in the air. "When you're ready, Fabian and I want to talk to you. Alone."

I sat up, frowning as I grabbed my notepad.

_What about?_

"Uh…" She paused before answering. "It's… hard to explain. Can you just get dressed and come downstairs? We were thinking we could talk to you on the front lawn?"

And so I did.

Within a few minutes I was heading downstairs. I'd wiped away all traces of the makeup from last night, and was surprised to feel sadness mixed in with the relief when I looked at my plain face. Some part of me would miss the mascara and eyeliner, but I knew it was for the best.

Fabian sent me a friendly smile when I came downstairs. "Hey. You look like you slept well. Feeling okay?" I nodded and his smile widened, but he looked worried as they led me outside, serious expressions on their faces that, in all honesty, made me a little afraid.

Had I done something?

They both settled themselves on the grass, and I copied them, looking from face to face.

"Alright," Fabian began nervously. "So, Amber and I have been trying to decide how to do this, but we agreed in the end to just get to the point with it. We'll stop if this stressed you out, okay?"

I didn't like the sound of this. What could stress me out so much?

He took a deep breath. "Okay. Let's say Amber pushed me to the ground on accident. If I beat her, would it be justified?" At my alarmed look -_ was he asking my opinion on whether or not he should beat her now?_ - and he hurried to reassure me. "I'm not going to touch her. This is purely hypothetical."

Immediately, I shook my head. I shuddered at the thought of Amber having bruises she had to hide like I did.

Where was this going?

"Okay," Fabian said, looking pleased with this answer. "What if she did it on purpose? Would she deserve it now?" Once again, I shook my head. She didn't deserve a beating, or a punch, or even a yell. It might have been the wrong thing to do, but hopefully she wouldn't do it again.

"Now, what if you pushed me down, on accident or on purpose? If I beat you, would it be justified?"

There was no hesitation in me when I nodded.

Yes, I would deserve it. Even if I did it on accident, I needed to be punished for what I had done.

Amber gasped. She didn't seem to like this answer. And from the dark look on Fabian's face, he didn't either.

"I want you to tell me something," he said quietly. "What is the difference between you and Amber? If you both did the exact same thing, why would she get to walk away fine and you get to walk away with bruises?"

Oh.

_Oh._

I saw where this was going now. Luckily, I had an answer.

_Amber is… different. She's innocent. She isn't broken like I am, she can do better. I can't. I'll always do bad things, no matter how hard I try._

Fabian frowned, reading the message a few times before passing it to Amber. Her eyes began to water as he tried to find a response. "Alright… let's say you're both four. What was the reason you were first beaten for?"

I shivered at the memory.

_The funeral was over, everyone had left save for the two of us. He was sitting in front of the freshly dug grave with tears in his eyes. I stood by the tree a few feet away, staring at the grave. Being four, death wasn't a common topic to me, and I couldn't quite grasp the notion that I would never see her again._

_"Where momma?" I whispered, watching him as his back started to shake. From here, it looked like he was laughing. I toddled forward a few steps and poked his back, something we often did. Before my mother's death, the few times he ever came close to hurting me was during our poke wars, when he poked a little too hard on accident. He'd always get me ice cream, and we'd start all over again. Mom would just laugh and watch._

_This time when I poked him, he seemed to stop breathing._

_"Steppy?" I whispered. This was what I used to call him. 'Daddy' was still my dad to me, even though I hadn't seen him in a year. When mom had told me that he was my stepdad now, that had become my name for him. "Where momma?"_

_He stood and faced me now, showing his red face and tear stained cheeks._

_"Your mother is dead," he whispered, grief overwhelming his features. "She's dead, and she's not coming back."_

_"Not come back?" I whimpered. "She leave? Like Daddy?"_

_This seemed to get him angry - there was a new light in his eyes. The blaze of anger that I'd become all too familiar with soon. "Yes, she left. She's gone. And it's all because of you. You're the reason she's gone."_

_That I understood._

_Mom was gone. She wasn't coming back. And she was gone because of me._

_That's when the tears came._

_As soon as I started crying, his face twisted into some mixture of rage and grief. "Stop crying!" he yelled in my face, only making me cry harder._

_This time, instead of yelling, he leaned down and smacked me across the face._

"Nina?" came a voice. Fabian's voice. "Nina, can you answer the question, please?"

I shook myself out of the memory and wrote down my answer.

_I was crying because my mom died. It annoyed him._

He gulped. "Let's say you're both four. Amber starts crying because her mom died and she misses her, like any child would do. And her dad starts beating her for it. Does she deserve it?"

_No. Absolutely not. She just lost her mom, that's cruel._

"Then why did you deserve it? You hadn't been beaten yet, you were innocent, you weren't… broken." He chokes over the word. "Why was that okay?"

I had an answer. I had an answer to that… somewhere… there was an explanation, I knew._ I knew it._ There was something he had said to me once or twice over the years, something he didn't like to say because it had to do with mom-

Oh. There it was. And all over again, the pain cut into me like a knife.

_I wasn't innocent. I'm the reason my mom died. She got into a car wreck, but she wouldn't have been in that spot if I hadn't made her late. I deserve much more than beatings for that, and apparently, my stepfather agreed._

Something in this note struck a chord with Amber, because suddenly her eyes were shining with tears.

Fabian was in almost as bad of a state. I put my pencil to the paper to apologize for whatever I'd said, but he started talking again.

"If Amber was in the same situation as you. If she was the reason her mother died, if she was four, if she wasn't broken yet, and she was beaten by her own stepfather and later raped repeatedly for it." His voice was harder yet softer at the same time when he said the next four words. "Would she deserve it?"

I hesitated, because my immediate answer was no, and something in that struck me as funny. But I shrugged it off and wrote down my no.

Fabian brushed my hair out of my face and took my hands in his.

"Then why did you deserve it?" he asked slowly. "Why did you deserve it if she didn't?"

My breathing hitched, then picked up in speed as my eyes widened in alarm.

I didn't have an answer.

_I didn't have an answer._

But there had to be an answer somewhere… somewhere…

I jerked my hands out of his and got to my feet, covering my face with my hands. I started shaking my head back and worth, and then I couldn't stop. A sob escaped me.

Why did I deserve it if someone in my exact same position didn't?

"Could it be that you _don't_ deserve this?" Fabian continued.

No, I _did_ deserve it, I knew this… I… I knew this. Yes, I did. I had been told this for years. But I couldn't find an answer to why. Because all my whys had just been proved invalid and nothing made sense and _god, just make it stop-_

"Nina," came Fabian's voice out of nowhere, nearly drowned by my cries. "Nina, sweetheart, calm down, okay? You're on the verge of a panic attack and that's the last thing anyone wants, especially you. Breathe, Nina. We don't have to talk about it anymore, not today. Just breathe."

Hands were on mine and pulling them away from my face. I cringed and jerked away again automatically, only to realize that the hands had been Fabian's and I'd just pulled away from him and now he was probably offended and _dammit_, why couldn't I just do something _right_?

I tried to drag in a breath, but I couldn't. I could feel myself teetering on the edge of a panic attack, just like he'd said. My body was shaking and I was practically hyperventilating, but I hadn't gone over the edge, not yet.

Fabian started stroking my hair, weaving his fingers through my waves as he made soothing noises in my ear. The action reminded me so much of my mother calming me down when I was little that I let out a sob for an entirely different reason.

"Nina, I'm going to count, okay?" he murmured. "We're going to count together - you in your head, me out loud. From one to ten, yeah? Just like you did with Mara."

And so we did.

By five, my sobs had ceased. By ten, I'd nearly stopped shaking, and the chances of a full on panic attack were gone. His hands once again pulled my own away from my eyes, revealing my not so pretty face. I was sure my eyes were puffy and I knew tears were still slipping down my cheeks. Amber was probably having a heart attack just looking at me.

Amber.

She was still sitting in the same position, but now there were tears on her cheeks and a look of amazement as she watched the two of us.

Fabian's hands removed themselves from mine, and I felt the loss immediately. He stroked my hair once more, then took a step away so we could see each other. I was surprised to see his own eyes were red, though he wasn't crying.

"We don't have to talk about it anymore," he said quietly. "But I want you to think about it, okay?"

I nodded, because I knew I would be whether I liked it or not. Just not right now. I needed a distraction, something else to do or focus on or _something_-

"How about I grab my guitar and I can show you some of my favorite spots around the grounds while playing?" he suggested, on the exact same thought process as me. I sniffled quietly and nodded. "I'll be right back." Then he was running for Anubis, and I was left in an awkward silence with Amber.

She stood, smiling a little. "I'm not going to be a third wheel to your walk, so I think I'll go back inside. My nail polish needs a recoating anyway, it's starting to chip off." She started to walk past me, then stopped.

And put her hand on my shoulder with no warning whatsoever.

I flinched, more in surprise than anything else.

"You're a good person, Nina," she said quietly. "You aren't broken or unfixable. There's nothing to fix except for the way you view yourself, and we're working on that. I hope you'll come to realize that soon." She smiled, letting her hand slip off my shoulder. "A little bird told me that you're pranking Fabian tomorrow. I look forward to seeing it."

Fabian joined us again, guitar in hand now. Amber moved towards him and started whispering to him under her breath, quietly enough that I couldn't hear anything, but I could hear a word or two of his response.

"…not after… …just happened… …you insane?" he muttered.

She huffed at him, and this time I could hear her whole reply. "If you don't now, you never will."

"Fine," he relented, then turned to me as Amber walked off. "Have you ever climbed a tree before?" Eyes narrowing, I shook my head. "Well, today you're going to. I'm taking you to the Big Ash. It's one of the biggest trees on the grounds, and it's perfect for climbing."

** X**

I could understand why the Big Ash was called the Big Ash. It was _massive_. The branches started down low and the tree itself was as tall as the school, and I had proof of that - it was planted several yards from the Academy. I could see why it was perfect for climbing.

That didn't mean I wasn't nervous, though.

"Come on," Fabian coaxed. "Do you want help or do you want to do it by yourself? It'd be easier if I helped you, but that would involve a lot of touching…"

I held up one finger to show that I'd rather do the first option. I had a feeling I'd be needing the help.

"Okay, I'm going to pick you up and raise you to the first branch. That means my hands will be on your waist. Three, two, one-"

His hands were, as he'd said, suddenly gripping my waist tightly. I cringed at the contact, expecting pain - I used to have bruises there almost 24/7, because _he_ would grab me so tightly there. I remembered Fabian had almost seen one of the big, purple and blue blotches on my hip when my shirt had ridden up, back when I'd first arrived.

But this time, there was no pain as I was lifted into the air. My arms grabbed the lowest branch and I pulled myself up fairly easily. Fabian jumped and swung himself up on the one beside me a second later.

"See? Easy," he said with a smile. "Let's go up a few more, there's a little nook I like that's farther up. I'll go first and pull you up each time."

And so he did. There'd only been one hitch, and that was when I'd gotten unbalanced and he'd had to grab my lower thigh from below me to steady me before I fell. I'd gasped and twisted away from him automatically, sending me further off balance, but I realized what he was doing and calmed down almost immediately. He pulled me up onto the next branch and announced we were done.

I peeked down warily once I got settled, and my stomach did cartwheels.

Talk about a huge fall.

"The guitar doesn't have a single mark on it. Mission complete," he said, drawing my attention back to him. He seemed tense, nervous, and it was putting me on edge.

What was he so freaked out about?

He clearly avoided my questioning look. "I have a few songs I can play. I want you to relax, put your head back, and just enjoy."

And so I did.

He went through a medley of songs, and I discovered a few new favorites of mine. I was caught between closing my eyes and watching him, but in the end I did the latter. He seemed different somehow when playing. Calmer. More peaceful. More in his zone.

When he reached the end of _It's Time_ by Imagine Dragons, he didn't continue on to the next song. Instead, he stared at his guitar and chewed on his lip, a habit he'd started picking up from me.

This time, he didn't ignore my look. "Sorry. I just… um… I've been contemplating doing something for a while, and Amber says I need to get it over and done with. So… I am." He took a deep breath. "You know that song I was writing for that girl? You I See?"

I nodded, perking up and wondering where this was going. Was he going to tell me who the girl was? My mood darkened at the thought, much like it had watching Amber and Fabian last night. I shoved my musing away and focused on him.

He ran a hand through his hair. "Uh, well, I finished the song. And… I'm going to perform it for the girl I like." He paused, only to finally meet my eye. "I'm going to perform it _right now_."

While I continued to sit there, confused and wondering what exactly he was talking about because_ I was the only girl here_, he started the opening strums for the song.

The lyrics remained the same, though a few chords had been switched and perfected. He didn't take his eyes off of me, obviously waiting for a reaction or something. All I felt was confusion. Why was he performing it for _me_? I wasn't-

_"Sometimes I think about that Sunday, when the moon rippled down your body,"_ he sang, his gaze trying to tell me something. _"Wish I could just hit replay, see my reflection in your eyes."_

Wait.

Wait.

Sunday. Moonlight. _Our picnic_. Those lines were about our picnic. Which meant the song was about…

_Me._

The song was about _me_. The song was _for_ me. I was the girl he'd been talking about this whole time, the girl he liked.

Oh god.

_He liked me._

The last line came to a close as we stared at each other - me with… indescribable emotion, and him with nervousness.

_"But you know that I'll never run from you, you'll always count on me,"_ he finished, strummed the final chord, and relaxed. He looked like he'd just had a massive weight taken off of his chest.

I was still staring at him in shock, my body locked up in surprise.

The song was about me.

_The song was about me._

_Fabian Rutter liked me._

Fabian fumbled nervously, putting his guitar on his back again. "Okay, you're obviously not reacting to this news well." He paused, sighing. "I like you, okay? I like you as more than a friend. As a _lot_ more than a friend, in fact. I have for a long time. And I feel like hiding that from you is unfair of me. It's fine if you don't feel the same way, I can completely understand that, especially with your past-"

He kept on talking, but his words sounded like they were coming through a tunnel, and I could no longer make sense of them.

Fabian liked me.

Jerome's words came rushing back to me, as did my reaction. _"Fabian definitely likes you. If you weren't so freaked out by everything, I'm positive he would've made a move by now."_ I'd immediately denied it, and Patricia's comment as well. _"He likes you. I bet he writes about you in that diary he has like the little nerd he is. Why do you think he spends so much time with you? Everyone can see it."_ Apparently, I'd been the only blind one when it came to his affections.

A hand waved in front of my face.

"Nina?" I jerked out of my thoughts. My vision was going a little fuzzy. "Nina, breathe. This doesn't change anything, I don't want this to change anything-"

Yeah, he said that. But this changed everything. Now that I knew he liked me, he would expect things from me now. Specifically _physical_ things. And if I didn't let those things happen…

_He'd do them anyway._

And like that, I was scrambling down the tree, running from him like I could escape the news he'd just given me. I heard his startled protest, but I was already four branches down. I didn't know where I was running to or how I expected this to go, but I knew I had to get out and I had to get out _now_.

"Nina!" Fabian shouted, and I could hear him climbing down after me, fumbling awkwardly since he had the guitar on him to watch out for. "Wait, Nina, just-"

He grabbed a branch.

A branch that was too thin.

A branch that broke.

And then he was falling, falling, falling, and I watched it all as if it were in slow motion, my mouth gaping open. He flew right over my head, his leg brushing my arm. He didn't make a sound as he fell.

There was a loud _crack_ as his arm slammed against one of the lowest, largest tree branches, and a small cry was ripped from his throat.

He slammed against the ground flat on his back, his guitar smashing to pieces under him at the sudden blow.

Then, silence.

There wasn't a single intelligible thought in my mind in that single moment.

Then I was moving and everything was blurry with my tears.

I slid down the tree, my fear drowned with the new fear for Fabian's life. I saw the small cuts I gained but felt no pain. When I dropped the last few feet, my ankle twisted in a very wrong way, and this time I did feel pain.

But all I cared about was Fabian's body, slack and unmoving before me.

I didn't hesitate when I pushed his body off of the splintered guitar. I didn't flinch when I began shaking his arm, trying to rouse him from unconsciousness. I didn't have to wonder where the source of the quickly appearing blood was - there were gouges in his back from the instrument.

My throat tightened, swallowing back something. A whimper? A sob?

His eyes finally fluttered open, but they were clouded and he couldn't seem to focus on me.

"Nina," he croaked. "Get help. Go get help." Tears slipped down his cheeks. "Oh god, it hurts-" He cut off, and his head rolled to the side. I looked up at the Academy - it was a fair distance away, and I could see some people walking down the path. I waved my hands wildly, but they didn't notice. I tried to stand but immediately found that I couldn't - my ankle screeched in protest.

_Fabian. Oh god, no, Fabian, Fabian…_

I couldn't run and Fabian couldn't move. There was no way to get help. I faintly realized that I was gasping for air and my vision was getting a little blurry.

The people were getting farther away.

Fabian groaned in his unconscious state, his face scrunched up in pain. I looked from him to the people in desperation.

_He could die._

I had to do something to get their attention.

And with that thought, I realized what I'd been trying to swallow down, what I'd just failed to swallow down again. Not a whimper, not a sob.

Words.

I took a deep breath.

I opened my mouth.

And I screamed louder than I ever thought possible.

"HELP! SOMEONE, HELP US!"

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**A/N:** *whistles* So, uh, if it isn't clear, I lied about Prank Day to throw you off track. Rule One: Definition lies. Anyway... realizations, reveals, obliteration of Fabian's guitar, Nina speaks, and Fabian might die. _All in one chapter!_ *pats self on the back* Now, I'm going to run for the hills before you all obliterate _me_ for that cliffhanger. *moonwalks off the screen*

**Next chapter update is June 22nd, the Saturday after next.** _No, this is not to torture you guys._ The next chapter isn't nearly ready enough to go live and it's going to take a while to get it to the quality it needs to be. Buuuuuut... I'll make the preview extra long and juicy to make up for it? *nudge*

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya next Saturday!**


	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** Welp, the ending of the last chapter had some people quite distraught, to say the least. Distraught enough that I got a whopping _105 reviews_ on the chapter, getting me to _1,000 reviews._ Wow, guys. Just... wow.

Okay, more on that after. Half of you won't be reading this because you want to know what happens. So onward we go!

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**Nina's POV**

Everything had gone a little fuzzy at this point.

People were swarming around us, some recognizable, some not. I barely even looked at them, too caught up in making sure Fabian stayed stable.

"Please, you have to help him!" someone screeched, their words jumbled and separated in odd spaces, as if the speaker barely knew how to talk. "Oh god, no, _no_. Fabian. Fabian, open your eyes! _Fabian_!"

It was only when someone spoke to me in a soothing voice, saying something about trying to calm down, that I realized the voice was mine.

Oh.

_Oh_.

I was speaking. And I wasn't sure when I'd started - not only was my vision blurry, but my thought process was as well - but now I couldn't stop.

When someone tried to pry me off of him, I kicked at them until they let go. I didn't care if I would be beaten for this, I didn't care if I had to be sent back to America.

The only thing I cared about was Fabian's body beneath mine, slack and unaware of what was going on.

There was blood on the grass. There was blood on _me_. On my pants from the ground, on my shirt from when I'd leaned in to check for breathing, on my hands from when I'd moved him off of his guitar. Oh god, he'd landed on his guitar, his precious guitar was broken, I would so deserved a lashing from him for that-

Well, if he lived, that is.

"We'll get her off of him in the ambulance and try to stabilize her as well. We need to go now!" someone shouted.

Hands grabbed at Fabian carefully, pulling him into the air. I followed, my bloody hand clutching his tightly, raising myself onto my feet and stumbling after them. Pain shot through my ankle with each step, but it was numbing more and more each second. Tears were flowing steadily down my cheeks, and I continued to ramble about how Fabian _had_ to be okay and how it was all my fault and he _couldn't_ die _he couldn't he couldn't he couldn't._

Just before the doors closed, I caught sight of the Anubis residents, who had been coaxed a distance away from the scene. Amber was sobbing, and Joy shaking was in Patricia's arms, who was watching the event with tears in her eyes as well. Behind them, Mara was failing to keep back tears and Jerome was attempting to comfort her. And Mick, oh god Mick, he had fallen to his knees and the remaining few were trying to get him up again.

_I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry._

Then the doors shut, and I was left to stare at the chaos that ensued inside.

** X**

"Please, you h-have to let me go w-with him," I pleaded, my voice growing more hoarse by the second. "I n-need to be with him, it's m-my fault."

Somehow, the nurses holding me back seemed to understand what I was saying.

"Miss, I'm sorry, but you aren't allowed to go in there," one of them replied calmly, as if we were having a normal conversation and I wasn't covered in someone else's blood. "It's for emergency patients only and you need to have your ankle checked."

I couldn't even feel the pain in my ankle anymore, though I was pretty sure that was just the shock telling me that. Either way, I'd been walking on it and that probably wasn't the best thing to do.

I didn't care a bit.

But despite my mumbled protests, I was ushered down a separate hall and into a room. Someone was touching my hands and arms and feet and a nurse was rambling about how it was a good thing today was a slow day or I would've had to wait and oh, could I please switch into these clean clothes and-

Wait.

"Ma'am, your clothes are soaked with blood. I need to make sure none of it is yours. Could you please take off your shirt and pants and let me make sure there are no wounds? Then we can get you into a clean pair of clothing the hospital can provide," she said, all the while untying my shoes.

Oh god.

I tried to open my mouth to protest more and explain that I couldn't, but my vocal chords were completely shot. There was a notepad in my back pocket. Blood had soaked into some of the pages but most were still clean, so I scribbled down words as well as I could with my shaking hands.

_None of it is mine, it's just my ankle. I don't want to change out of these clothes._

She seemed a little confused by my sudden switch from speaking to writing, but she let it go without comment. "We're both women here, miss," she said with a small smile. "There's no reason to be nervous."

_No. It's just my ankle, I swear._

The nurse frowned at me. "I… alright. While I'm checking out your ankle, I'm going to need you to fill in these forms, okay? Just some basic information about you and your friend so we can call relatives and get all the paperwork straight." She put two clipboards next to me, along with some wipes for my hands so I wouldn't get the attached pens bloody like I had with my pencil.

Then she propped my foot on a table she'd set up and started prodding at it.

I wasn't sure why I wasn't shutting down or having a panic attack. This was a complete stranger in a completely new place, touching my bare skin. I was talking - or had been, at least. I was currently trying and failing to not worry about the boy I cared for across the hospital. And yet I felt calm, somehow.

_Shock. It's the shock,_ I told myself, and it seemed to sound like the truth. _Just wait until it wears off. It'll be like a carnival of panic attacks._

It _did_ almost seem like I was experiencing this secondhand. Each time the lady touched me, I only processed it five seconds later. Everything was delayed.

Shock. Definitely shock.

I managed to fill out my form and bits and pieces of Fabian's. While I didn't know Fabian's parents' numbers, I did know the Academy's, so they could call there to get that information.

Fabian's parents.

What would they think of me? What would they do to me?

Somehow, the pit in my stomach grew impossibly larger.

Meanwhile, the nurse asked questions about what hurt and if _this_ was okay and if _that_ I could feel. Finally, she finished and smiled at me. "Your ankle will be fine. The initial blow wasn't as bad as it seemed, but it twisted in such a way that it put extreme strain on your muscles and caused more pain than usual. I'd like you to go easy on it, but it doesn't need anything serious to help it out." She grabbed the clipboards and headed for the door. "You can rest in here away from everything else for a while. When you're ready, you can sit in the waiting room until someone lets you know of Mr. Rutter's condition."

Then she was gone, and I was alone.

For a while I just stared at the wall in front of me. After a while, the pain in my ankle came back. Slowly, everything got more vibrant and alive and louder than before. The shock wore off.

Everything smacked me in the face at once.

I didn't last 45 seconds before the panic attack hit.

** X**

If there was one thing I hated, it was hospitals.

In the waiting room sat at least thirty different people. Some crying, some sleeping, some reading magazines, some giving me looks when they saw Fabian's blood on my shirt and wondered if it was mine. The nurses giving me pitying looks when they caught my tears I tried to hide away. The smell.

God, the _smell_.

Here I was, sitting in the corner, shirt still damp with the blood of my… I didn't even know what to call him now. Friend? Ex-friend? Crush? Boy I killed?

I cringed at the last one. Anything but that one, please, please, _please_.

Point was, I was sitting here in this stifling room after having been told that my ankle would be fine, wondering if Fabian was dead or alive or in surgery or just getting his arm patched up or overall just_ what the hell was going on behind those doors._

God, did I hate hospitals.

"Ms. Martin?" called one of the nurses. I jerked my head towards her, wondering if I was finally getting news. I'd been here for four hours since my panic attack in the checkup room and _nothing_. The nurse gave me another soft look that made me want to puke. "Ms. Martin, Mr. Rutter's parents will be here in a few minutes. They'd like to talk to you, if you don't mind. I was also told to tell you that everyone at your school will be visiting him tomorrow."

I slumped in my seat and nodded, though a spike of fear went through me at the thought of talking to Mr. Rutter - he had full right to beat me if he wished.

Still.

No news.

"Oh, and you can go see Mr. Rutter now." I jumped out of my seat so fast the nurse startled. "He's asleep, and will be for multiple hours, but you and his parents can both sit in his room. One hallway down, take a right, second door on the left. Room 318."

I was halfway there by the time the door closed behind me.

Pausing at his door, I took a deep, slow breath. I could not have a panic attack, I could not break down. That was the last thing anyone needed. I needed to remain calm. I _would_ remain calm.

I pushed open the door. Walked in.

And promptly had to stifle a sob.

Fabian's arm was in a cast. There was gauze wrapped tightly around his chest - presumably to handle the wounds on his back - and some on his head as well. There were bags under his eyes and his face looked uneasy, even in unconsciousness.

I had done this.

Slipping into the chair right beside his bed, I studied him closer, but didn't dare to do so much as brush the top of his hand. I had no right, anyway. I _shouldn't_ touch him again. I'd hurt him.

After so many months of worrying about him hurting me or scarring me or even killing me, in the end, it had been me to do the first, the second, and almost the third.

The irony was not lost on me.

What were the odds that it would be me to hurt him first? Our first meeting where we'd both gone sprawling to the concrete outside of Anubis certainly didn't count, as that had been my fault. After months of fearing his anger and his still to come beatings, it had been me who had hurt him. Almost _killed_ him.

I still couldn't get the image of Fabian falling or the sound of him hitting the ground out of my head.

And I absolutely refused to think about my own voice as I'd pleaded to nothing to let him live.

The fact that I'd spoken hadn't fully settled in me yet. It was like this new ability that I'd denied for almost 13 years hadn't found its place in my body. It was still floating aimlessly, wondering how often it would be used and when it would be used again and where should it go because it was still amazed that it even existed.

I had spoken.

I had said Fabian's name.

That was one thing I'd never thought I'd do.

I didn't know whether I would speak more. There had been a reason I'd not spoken for so long, and I had to remember that. I didn't want the attention of being the mute girl that started to speak again, either. But talking had felt… good. In a very strange way, it had felt nice. Like a release I'd been waiting for.

Just opening my mouth felt bizarre, though. Any sighs or grunts or groans had come through mostly closed lips.

Jeez, this was complicated.

"Nina?" came a soft voice from the door. I almost fell out of my chair in surprise and quickly got to my feet. I knew that voice, even if I hadn't heard it in a while. And when I looked to the entry, my guess was confirmed.

Fabian's parents were standing in the doorway, looking at their son with pain in their eyes.

I quickly backed away from the chair, not wanting to get in their way. I tried to push words out of my mouth, to apologize, to say it was an accident and I didn't mean to_ I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry,_ but-

The words didn't come.

My vocal chords were not only ripped apart from the stress I'd put on them from my screaming after so long of rarely using it, but as I'd guessed, my mental block was building itself again, something I couldn't decide on whether was good or bad.

Luckily, Mrs. Rutter seemed to get what I was trying to convey and smiled weakly at me. "I know it wasn't your fault, dear. It's okay."

Wait, no, apparently she didn't get it. Because that certainly wasn't what I meant.

How could she think this wasn't my fault?

But now they seemed preoccupied by Fabian - understandable, considering the circumstances. Mrs. Rutter did what I couldn't bring myself to and took his hand, sniffling and trying not to cry. Mr. Rutter brushed some hair out of his son's face before glancing back at me.

I could see his eyes find the blood on my shirt, and his face went a little paler, but his gaze softened at the same time. "Have they told you anything about his condition?"

Anger flashed through me again. No, they hadn't. I knew they were busy but _come on, seriously?_

"His current state isn't nearly as bad as it could've been," he replied, focusing on Fabian again. "His arm is broken, he has a gash on the head and suffered a mild concussion from what they can tell, though there will be more checkups for him on that to make sure there's nothing they've missed. There's some deep gashes on his back from the guitar, and he's going to have some serious back pain for a while, but overall… it's a miracle he didn't break his spine, based on how he landed. There's over twenty ways he could have easily died. It seems that the guitar, while it did its fair share of damage, managed to break his fall a little. Had it not been there, he probably wouldn't be breathing right now." He shook his head, looking stunned. "They're keeping him unconscious for another half an hour or so, they want to make sure they've given his body and brain enough time to rest. They might put him under again if needed."

And suddenly, I could breath a little easier.

"Our boy is a fighter, and he always has been," Mrs. Rutter whispered, kissing his hand. "Falling off a tree couldn't bring him down, he's too stubborn for that." She looked up at me. "They said they had to remove you from him because you refused to leave his side. He's found a good friend in you, Nina, and I have to thank you for that."

Haha. Funny.

Good friends didn't do what I had just done. Good friends didn't make people fall off trees.

If I'd just chosen to stick around and actually _talk_ about it instead of running off like I always did… I'd chosen flight over fight, and it needed to stop from now on.

Then it hit me what Mr. Rutter had said.

_Another half an hour or so._

I had to go. I couldn't be here when he woke up, for more than a few reasons. One - his parents should get that time, I didn't want to intrude on that moment. Two - he would be mad at me for what I had done, and I didn't want to see him mad at me for as long as I could avoid it. Three - when he woke up, he would start asking questions that I didn't want to answer yet. Questions about what he'd said before I'd run.

It was time to leave.

I stood and scribbled out a note to Fabian's parents explaining that I didn't want to be here when he woke up, so I was leaving now. Both of them frowned and started protesting, saying that he'd want me to be here, but I shook my head and headed towards the door.

Only to stop halfway there.

I inched back towards Fabian, stopping by his bedside, and reached out to touch him, only to stop and give his parents a questioning glance. They nodded, and so I finished the movement.

My hand rested on his cheek when I leaned forward and whispered two words, so quietly that my destroyed vocal chords allowed it and so quietly that I could barely hear myself.

"I'm sorry," I breathed.

And then I was gone.

** X**

The taxi ride from the hospital to the Academy was far too short. All too soon I was arriving at Anubis.

_No panic attacks, no shutting down. No panic attacks, no shutting down._ This was my internal mantra as I opened the door.

Everyone was waiting for me inside.

A few people's faces were still red from crying, that was obvious. Amber was still in the process of crying, and her tears increased in number when she saw the dried blood all over my outfit. She took a step forward and began to open her arms - an offer of a hug - but quickly dropped them when she remembered who she was offering the hug to.

"Are you okay?" she asked in a thick voice. I nodded. "How is he?" Mara already had a notepad in hand - I'd trashed mine at the hospital - and she passed it to me without a word.

_He'll be okay. His arm is broken, they've put it in a cast. His back is pretty torn up from the drop and from the guitar splinters, but they said it would heal well and there would be little scarring. He'll be there for at least a few days to go through some physical therapy to make sure his back will be okay. As I'm sure the school has told you, you should be able to visit him tomorrow._

Mara repeated the message to the rest of the group. Relief overwhelmed their distressed expressions, though worry still remained. Amber frowned at me.

"Just us? Aren't you coming too?"

_No. He wouldn't want me there. And I'm supposed to rest my foot, so I shouldn't be up and about much._

That last part was sort of a lie - while I was supposed to go easy on it, I wasn't anywhere close to bedridden - but I wasn't going to tell them that. They seemed to accept this, though Amber was still frowning.

"If I may ask," Joy said hesitantly. "What happened? How did he fall? I've gone tree climbing with Fabian before, and he's pretty good at it. I'm shocked that he fell." There were a few nods of agreement.

I bit my lip. They could get mad at me. I didn't want them to be mad at me. Everything had been going so well… but they deserved an answer.

_He said something that freaked me out, and I started climbing down the tree to get away from him. He came after me, but in his hurry he grabbed a branch that was too thin. It broke, he didn't have a good enough grip, and he fell. He broke his arm when he hit a branch, and the rest happened when he hit the ground. It's my fault, I'm so sorry._

"It wasn't your fault," Amber tried to reassure me, but I just shook my head. The group began to disperse, heading into the living room to converse about Fabian.

_Is the guitar salvageable?_

She sighed. "No. The thing shattered almost entirely. I've got the pick for it, but the rest was tossed away. It's such a shame. He saved up for months for that thing, and bought it with his own money when he was 13. That guitar was with him for almost four years." Her eyes narrowed. "And no, that was not supposed to be a guilt trip."

Too late for that comment. I was already drowning in the guilt.

_Do you know what type it was?_

"Uh… no, sorry. Why?"

_No reason. Was there another one he was saving up for?_

Amber caught on quickly, and her eyes narrowed. "It's a nice thought, but his next guitar he was saving up for was a good thousand dollars." I gulped at the cost, but pushed forward.

_What was it?_

"Nina…" When she saw that I wasn't going to budge, she groaned and pulled the thing up on her phone. As she'd said, it was a good thousand bucks. But I couldn't care less. _He_ could drown in his money considering the amount he had, and if he even noticed, I'd gladly take the beatings for it.

Fabian needed a guitar. And while nothing could make up for the years he'd spent bonding with that guitar, this might come close.

I scribbled down the model and made a mental note to look up nearby music stores. I wanted to see this thing myself before buying it. Maybe I'd order it tonight, and see if I could get it delivered before Fabian got home.

_And Amber? Don't tell Fabian about this. I want it to be a surprise._

She smiled at this and nodded. "That I'm perfectly fine with. Do you want me to give him a message from you when we see him tomorrow?" I hesitated.

_No. Anything I need to say, I'll say when he gets back._

Then I hurried up the stairs, too nervous that she'd ask about me speaking to stick around.

That night I spent a good two hours looking up music shops and the guitar he wanted. It just so happened that the model he was saving up for was in stock at the second closest one to the Academy, only a half an hour away. Amber arrived just as I was reserving one for pickup tomorrow. She muttered a 'you're insane' and went to bed.

Though she tried hard to hide it, I knew she cried over Fabian again, under the cover of her blankets. I was tempted to go over there and comfort her, but what exactly could I do? Try to hug her and instead give myself a panic attack? So I sat there in silence until she finally fell asleep.

After that, I reread some of my favorite scenes in Harry Potter - well, failed to reread. I couldn't concentrate enough. I looked at the Halloween pictures Joy had sent me. I painted. I painted some more. I realized belatedly that I'd painted Fabian's wrecked guitar with blood all over the splinters and the strings. I watched dawn spread across the sky. I found no comfort in it.

Sleep never came.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey, look, Fabian's going to pull through! That's good, right? Good enough that you won't hurt me? *holds up hands in defense* Okay, now, a few things to address.

**1) 1,000 reviews.** Guys, you have no idea how much this means to me, honestly. I'm in awe. Thank you, thank you, thank you. **2) Scarred isn't nearly over yet. I'm guessing it'll be around 40 - 50 chapters long.** So don't worry about it being over soon. We've still got a ways to go. **3) Thank you, thank you, thank you to Lolo, Melanie, and the rest of my anonymous reviewers.** You guys review even when you don't a preview in return and I appreciate it a lot. And Melanie, I would contact you personally, but I have no Instagram. So I'm sorry for never messaging you!

**Another thing: I would love to get this story to 200 alerts.** It currently has 167 and while I know 200 would be hard to reach, I'd love to get there. If all of you only recommended one person, and only half of them started reading, we'd be over 200 easily. I want to share this story with more people and I hope you think it's worthy of recommendation. Let me know if you do refer someone, I'd love to thank you personally. So, **is Project 200 Alerts (P2A?) a go? Maybe?**

**Next chapter update is July 1st, the Monday after next.** Fabian POV. Guitar shopping. A new character - one that will be familiar to you but quite different than you'd expect _(any guesses on who and how he or she is different?_). A run in with Mark. And most importantly, a very interesting development in the Fabina plot_ (good or bad? we'll have to see...)._

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya next Monday, my little definitions!**


	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** 95 reviews, guys. If this starts to become a habit, I _definitely_ won't mind. **Happy birthday to NinaYazmin9053 and alice-in-wonderland-22!** Hope it was a great one, guys!

Here comes **our biggest chapter yet. **Boo yah. Slightly important notes at the bottom, please read the bolded statements at the very least.

* * *

**Fabian POV**

"…appears… …waking up. We… …customary checkups… …we'll leave for a… …you get some time alone with your son," some voice droned on, fading in and out randomly with every passing second, only making my headache worse.

Ouch. Yeah, my head hurt.

Everything was dark, and I couldn't figure out why. I felt separated from the rest of myself, cut off. It was an odd feeling, one I wasn't fond of.

A muffled groan filtered through the air and echoed through my head, increasing the pain. All talking ceased. Then-

"Fabian?" whispered a familiar voice. "Fabian, sweetheart, can you open your eyes?"

Oh. That explained a lot. My eyes were closed. I tried to peel them open, and after a moment of trying, I finally did. It was like ripping stitches open. Light flooded my vision, making me cringe. Some beeping somewhere went off the charts. Oh god, my head _hurt_.

"…off. Turn them off!" ordered the same voice. Almost immediately, the light disappeared, leaving a mostly dark vision once more. There was another light somewhere, but it must not have been all that bright, and I was glad.

My vision began clearing, revealing my mother, my father, and a doctor.

A doctor?

I tried to sit up, but pain shot down my arm and up my back. I looked around frantically, alarmed by the sight of the hospital room around me, and furthermore by the cast on my arm and the white bandages on my chest. My breathing got shallower and for a moment, I thought _I_ would have a panic attack.

"Mr. Rutter, I need you to calm down. You're safe. You're in the hospital. You fell off a tree and seriously damaged your arm and back, but you're going to be okay, just as long as you calm down," the doctor said in a soft voice. The heart machine began to slow its rapid beating, and I collapsed back against the hospital bed.

At this point, the doctor started asking me all sorts of questions like what my name was and what day I was born and if I had siblings. I answered them in a weary, slurred voice, and it seemed to please him. Meanwhile, Mom was crying and Dad was trying to calm her down.

"What happened?" I asked in a rough voice once the doctor left.

And Dad told me everything. The tree, the fall, the damage to my guitar and I. Oh, my _guitar_, I didn't have a guitar now and I was still months away from being able to afford my dream one-

"Do you remember any of this?" Dad asked, sharing a worried look with Mom. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to recall the moments before I'd fallen.

The conversation with Amber and Nina I remembered clearly. After that, things got a little hazy.

_I ran a hand through my hair, watching her closely. She wasn't reacting the way I'd hoped she would, but she was reacting the way I'd expected. "I like you, okay? I like you as more than a friend. A lot more than a friend, in fact. I have for a long time. And I feel like hiding that from you is unfair of me." I cringed a little. "It's fine if you don't feel the same way, I can completely understand that, especially with your past. But I felt that this was something you should know."_

_She just continued to stare._

I gasped as the memory flooded my mind, setting off others. Her running. Me going after her. Falling.

"_Nina," I pushed out, gasping for breath. "Get help. Go get help." The pain skyrocketed every time I breathed in, forcing tears from my eyes. "Oh god, it hurts-"_

_I sunk into darkness._

"Nina. What happened to Nina? Is she okay? Where is she?" I demanded in a voice that didn't match the urgency of my words. The machine picked up in speed again.

"She's alright, sweetheart. She twisted her ankle, but it wasn't serious. She'll be fine. She went back to academy. She left around fifteen minutes ago, saying she didn't want to be here when you woke up," she said. "I think she was overwhelmed by everything. A girl like her going through what she just went through… it'd be understandable."

Oh, I knew why.

She thought I would be angry at her over what had happened. She thought there would be consequences.

But the way she said _what she just went through_ made me pause. It didn't sound like she meant watching me get pulled away in the ambulance, it sounded like more.

"What do you mean?" I asked slowly.

Mom flashed me a sad smile. "She refused to leave your side. They had to take her in the ambulance with you because they couldn't get her to let go of you. Someone had to literally _pry_ her off. She even tried to follow you when they took you away for surgery, but someone got her to calm down enough and stay in the waiting room. She never left after that, and once she was allowed to come see you, she didn't leave your side until she left fifteen minutes ago. Didn't even go get clothes to change into - your blood was all over her shirt and pants." She took my hand. "She cares quite a lot about you, Fabian, I hope you know that."

I processed this all with wide eyes. She must've been touched by multiple people when they tried to get her off me, must've been yanked off of my body, most likely by a man, and yet she'd stayed awake and active. She _went in the ambulance with me_, where chaos had most likely been an understatement.

"Yeah," I said softly. "I know she does." Something struck me, and I looked from Mom to Dad, frowning. "Where is everyone else from Anubis House?"

"They weren't allowed to come," Dad answered. "They have to wait until tomorrow."

"Wait, _tomorrow_? How long am I going to be here?"

Mom rolled her eyes. "At least three days, if not more. You did some serious damage to your back, sweetheart, you've got to let it rest. You might have to do some physical therapy to make sure your muscles still work right. The guitar ripped up your back pretty bad." Just the mention of my back made the pain pick up, as if aware it was being talked about.

I knew Nina wouldn't be coming to see me again. I knew she feared my reaction too much. Which meant I couldn't talk to her for at least three days.

If she even spoke to me, that is.

The final moments before falling off the Big Ash had consisted of me telling her that I liked her as more than a friend and her reacting very, very badly. She might want nothing to do with me. She might be just as terrified of me as she was the first day she arrived.

"Fantastic," I muttered, to them and to myself, closing my eyes as dread washed through me. "Bloody fantastic."

** X**

**Nina POV**

To say that the city was overwhelming would be a massive understatement.

Cars blaring, people yelling, music playing… it was a panic attack waited to happen. But the guitar was worth it.

That's what I told myself, at least.

The taxi pulled up in front of the store - just a white, bland brick building. I paid the driver and slid out of the vehicle, only to cringe at all the sounds that wrapped themselves around me like a noose. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I had to calm down. I had a guitar to buy. So I opened my eyes, and determinedly limped inside the store.

As soon as the door swung shut behind me, nearly all stimuli cut off.

The interior was much better looking than the exterior. Soft music was playing in the speaker attached to the ceiling. Instruments of all kinds - violins, guitars, pianos, drumsets, and more - were placed strategically around the walls and carpeted floor. There were only three people present: an elder man, a woman, and what appeared to be her son.

Another deep breath, another step forward. Again. Again.

I could do this.

The man behind the counter eyed me like I was about to vandalize the place. "Welcome to Silver Strings. I'm Victor Rodenmar, the owner," he said gruffly. "Please do not play with any instruments you aren't considering buying, and if you make too much noise, you will be asked to leave the premises."

Well, wasn't this guy one big ball of sunshine.

Sucking in a final breath, I approached the counter and slid the note I had onto the top.

_My name is Nina Martin, I reserved a Tamasaki guitar for pickup today. Is it ready?_

His eyes clouded in surprise and suspicion. "I apologize, Ms. Martin, I didn't expect someone so young. You are aware that this guitar is almost a thousand dollars, correct?" I tried to smile and it failed entirely, but I did manage to nod. "Alright. I'll be out in a moment with your order. Excuse me." Then he disappeared into the backroom, leaving me to look over the rest of the store.

The place was spotless, though decorated in a dark, old fashioned manner. My only true complaint was the stuffed bird next to the business cards. It gave me the creeps and I wasn't afraid to admit it.

There was a tug at my leg, startling me so bad I jumped. I cringed at the pain that shot through my ankle and looked down to see the cause… only to see the little boy looking up at me.

"I'm Eddie. I'm seven. What's your name?" he asked, giving me a toothy grin. I opened and closed my mouth, unsure of how to respond - not that I could actually respond at all - and looked for the mother just as she saw her child with me. She quickly set down the CD she was looking at and hurried over to us. I raised my hands in an apologetic movement, hoping she wouldn't think I was trying to bother him, but she was already talking.

"I am so sorry miss, he has a tendency to wander," she apologized. She grabbed him underneath his arms and lifted him into the air, resting him on her hip with a huff. "Eddison Miller, what did I say about talking to strangers?"

Eddie just grinned at her with his sparkling green eyes. "That I'm not supposed to talk to them. But she's not a stranger, Mom, I just told her my name! And… well, she was _gonna_ tell me hers." He looked to me with a curious tilt of his head. "What's your name?" I took out my notepad again.

_I'm Nina. I'm mute. It's quite alright, ma'am, he's adorable. I don't mind._

The mother told Eddie my name, explained that I couldn't speak, and ruffled his spiky blonde hair. "I'm Ms. Miller, Eddison's mother. It's a pleasure to meet you. We were here looking for guitars and a guitar teacher for this little squirt."

"I'm gonna be a rockstar," he told me plainly, as if this was a totally reachable career choice for a seven year old. "Do you want to be a rockstar too, Niiiina?" I truly smiled for the first time since Fabian fell. He really was adorable. I put my pencil to the paper to reply, but the owner came out first.

"Here you are, Ms. Martin," he said, coming around the counter and holding out the guitar for me. Eddie let out a huge _woooooow_ behind me, and his mother chuckled. "Do you play?"

I took the guitar with wide eyes. This was my first time holding a guitar, and even when I put on the neck strap, I was praying it didn't fall.

_I've never played one before. It's a gift for a friend of mine. I broke his on accident. He plays really well, though, and even writes some original stuff._

Mr. Rodenmar's eyes narrowed, and then he nodded. "Well, we're looking for someone who can teach guitar here on the weekends. There have been a lot of requests and there aren't many people around who offer it. We have one, but she can only do Mondays and Wednesdays. Tell him there's a job open if he wants it, as long as he really can play," he offered. He passed me a sheet with the info on it, which I hesitantly took from him. I was careful not to touch him. I'd had enough of that lately.

_I will. I'm sure he'll appreciate the offer. Thank you very much._

I paid for the guitar and its case with the card _he_ had given me - he seemed genuinely shocked that I could actually afford it. I started to put it in its case when a small, curious voice stopped me.

"Can I touch it?" Eddie asked from behind me. The smile appeared on my face the moment I saw the wonder on his. He reached out a small hand from his mother's arms, and I lifted the guitar until it met his fingers. He stroked it, plucked a few strings gently, and laughed when it made noise.

"What do you say, Eddison?" Mrs. Miller prompted as I began to put it away.

Eddie gave me his bright grin again. "Thank you, Niiiiiina."

That was the exact moment that Mark walked in.

"Nina!" he greeted, walking up to us. "Fancy us crossing paths here, yeah? It's fate." His voice was teasing but his eyes didn't miss the way I took a small step back. "Aw, come now. Surely we've gotten past this shyness of yours, right?"

Of course Eddie, having perfect timing, escaped his mother's grasp and went running off. She followed quickly after giving us an apologetic look, talking to him in a furious whisper.

_What are you doing here?_

"I'm buying new music. I play the drums, I'm a regular customer here. Isn't that right, Victor?" he called in a slightly louder voice. Mr. Rodenmar shot him a look and frowned, clearly just as displeased as I was at seeing him. "Well, I am. What are you doing here? I didn't know you were into playing music."

_I'm not. I'm buying something for a friend._

He shrugged in response to the note and continued talking. "I heard you spoke. You're the talk of the school. The mute girl who found her voice to save the boy she loved." His voice hardened the slightest bit, so subtle that anyone else wouldn't have noticed it.

_I don't even liked Fabian. He's my friend._

This brightened his expression. "Oh, so does that mean you're open for a date after all?" When I started trying to backtrack, he sighed. "You don't have to look so horrified at the idea, you know, he muttered, eyes narrowing in annoyance. "There's a reason I'm popular. I'm actually pretty interesting, once you get to know me. And the attractiveness helps." He grinned. "And now that you talk…"

_I don't talk. It was a one time thing._

"See, I doubt that. And either way, I still want to take you out and show you what a good time actually is." He gave me a puppy dog look. "Come on, Nina. Please?" He leaned forward, his minty yet somehow harsh breath washing over me and rustling my hair. "I think you'll find that I'm a much happier person when I get when I want. Something to consider when you answer."

A shiver went down my spine. He was clearly saying that I had no choice here. I couldn't see any other alternative. Fabian's face flashed in my mind, and regret filled me.

But fear was the thing that took over my answer. Fear of what he would do if I said no.

_Okay. One date, and one date only. But it has to be a while from now, once things settle down._

He pumped a fist in the air and released a crow of victory, earning a glare from Mr. Rodenmar. "You've got it, Nina. I have just the thing in mind, Saturday after next. Does that work?" I nodded reluctantly, and he smirked. "See ya around, Nina. Good luck with loverboy."

I left only moments after that, my head down and my walk radiating resignation.

What had I just gotten myself into?

** X**

**Fabian POV**

After everyone had given me hugs and the occasional _what sort of an idiot falls off a tree_ comment, in addition to a note that Prank Day had been canceled due to my accident, everyone from Anubis got settled in the chairs set out for them. Everyone had bags under their eyes, and yawns filled the air every once in a while.

"You guys look like crap," I muttered.

Jerome rolled his eyes. "Woah there, let's not get started on who needs some beauty sleep right now, princess." A few chuckles echoed around the room.

And just like that, the tension eased, and the smiles seemed a lot more genuine.

I made it through ten minutes of conversation before I asked the question everyone knew I would.

"How is she?" I said quietly, looking up at Amber.

She sighed, her eyes darkening. "She didn't go to sleep last night. She let us ask her some questions about you and how you were doing, but then she went upstairs and didn't come down for dinner. She ate this morning, but she was like a zombie in school. Mr. Winkler had to repeat a simple question four times before she answered. She's in bed now." Her lips twitched into a smile for a split second at the last bit, and I couldn't figure out why.

"And after all the talking she did yesterday, I think she's afraid we're going to expect her to speak again," Joy added. Everyone nodded.

_Wait._

"Talking?" I asked numbly. "What talking?"

Amber gave me a look. "Nina screamed for help to get someone's attention. After that, it was like she couldn't _stop_ talking. I could barely understand what she was saying, but it sounded like a lot of pleading for you to wake up and several sorrys and some rambles about how it was her fault and that you couldn't _die_-" Her voice cracked, and her words died. "It wasn't pretty," she whispered.

She spoke.

Nina spoke.

"_Nina spoke,"_ I said out loud, entirely on accident, and the words were full of wonder and panic. "I have to see her. I have to talk to her, I have to-"

"Fabian. Fabian, _stop!_" Amber shouted, bringing me back to awareness to find myself trying to climb off the bed. I froze. She and the others tried to gently push me back on the bed, but I refused to budge. "Fabian, please, you need to lay back down and-"

My head jerked in her direction, sending on a slight wave of dizziness that I blatantly ignored. "You don't understand," I pleaded. "She thinks I'm mad at her, she thinks I'm going to hurt her. She has to be freaking out so bad right now and she might even be trying to smother it but it's just going to come back to bite her and I have to help her, I have to _be_ there for her!"

"Fabes, we need you to lay down or we're going to have to call the doctors in here. Please, you could damage your back more." This time it was Joy who had spoken, pushing me ever so slightly again. This time I let myself be pushed back down, even as tears sprung to my eyes.

"She's going to be terrified of me again," I whispered. "I told her I liked her. I don't know what I was thinking. She thinks I want things from her, but I don't." My body shook a little just at the thought. "She feared me for the first time in weeks. I don't want to see terror in her eyes anymore, not when she looks at me. I just want to hug her and hold her and tell her everything is going to be alright."

Joy put the covers back over me and brushed some hair from my face. "I know. I know," she said in a soothing voice. "And deep down, I'm sure she knows that. She just needs more time and more proof. Both you can give her."

"But you have to take care of yourself first, Fabian," Mick added. "You can't help her until you help yourself."

Patricia nodded along to everything everyone was saying, patting my shoulder. "And to ease her worries for now, we can always pass on a message for you," she offered. I took a deep, shaky breath.

"When you get back to Anubis, tell her that I'm not mad," I said slowly. "Tell her that I'm not mad, that what I said before I fell off the tree still stands, and that there will be no consequences for what happened."

Amber cringed at the last one, but nodded. "Alright. I'll tell her." She flashed me a bittersweet smile. "I know she wishes she could be here for you. I know she cares for you. Never doubt that. And if you want proof… she broke through that mental wall, she spoke for the first time in 13 years, and it was to save you."

I held back more tears and simply nodded.

_Please, Nina. Please know that I will never hurt you._

** X**

**Nina POV**

Fabian was coming back today.

In the end, he'd spent 4 days at the hospital doing physical therapy, making sure that his back would be okay and his arm would heal right in the cast. The members of Anubis House went to see him every day.

I stayed, and I prepared myself for the moment he got home.

Amber said that Fabian wasn't angry at me, that he wasn't going to punish me. And this confused me.

I _needed_ punishment.

Had I been with _him_, I probably would've been beaten to the inch of death for what I'd done. That had only happened to me twice, and those two times often starred in my nightmares. God, he might have even killed me for it.

So maybe Fabian didn't need to do _that_, but he did need to punish me. I deserved it. As much as I liked not being hurt, it felt wrong to have him brush it off and say _it's fine_ and not get me back for it. I may not have wanted punishment, but I needed it.

I suspected he wouldn't go as far as breaking my arm to even us up a bit, but he could put some scarring wounds on my back to make us even _there_. With his belt, perhaps?

There was a sick feeling in my gut when I thought about Fabian whipping me with his own belt, but I pushed past it. I needed this. I needed to be punished. I'd been a bad girl.

I had a sinking suspicion that I would need to convince him, and I feared that I didn't have enough strength to manage to get him to. I might crumble the first time he said no. I had to stay strong, I had to stand my ground.

The front door to Anubis House opened.

In walked Fabian, arm in a cast, a slight hunch to his walk.

Immediately everyone was up and crowding around him. Joy grabbed his bag, Amber started ranting about the state of his hair, Mick patted him lightly on the shoulder, and Mara started going off about statistics of how fast he'd be healing at home compared to the hospital. Jerome and Alfie just sat back and grinned.

After the initial rush of chatter and hugs, Fabian went quiet and looked over the room, searching for something. When his eyes locked with mine, he tensed. Immediately, the chatter died.

"Nina," he said quietly, a wary tone to it that had never been present in his voice before.

My eyes flickered to the others but quickly returned to him, and my teeth bit down on my bottom lip as I contemplated the decision tearing me in half.

I had put a lot of thought into this, into his reveal of his emotions, of what that might bring. And I knew that while everything might change between us within a few hours, for better or for worse I had no clue, I knew this was something I had to do. A show of trust, a show of thanks, a show that I needed him.

I needed him, I knew this. And that scared me. The only question was whether or not he needed me.

The worst part was, I feared both options.

My feet carried me towards him, step by slow step.

When I stopped only half a foot from him, he gulped. "Nina," he said hesitantly. "Look, I don't really know what to-"

Every time I'd faced a threat or a new experience before this, the fight or flight instinct had taken over. And every time, I'd chosen flight. Every time, I'd chosen to run. Out of fear of the unknown, out of fear of pain.

But it was time to stop running.

So I shot forward, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him into a hug.

My face found a resting spot in the crook of his neck. The scent of spices and sunshine surrounded me, and I breathed it in happily. Tears of joy pricked at the corners of my eyes. I was hugging him, in front of every single member of Anubis House, and I didn't give a damn what anyone thought about it.

Then my euphoria began to fade.

Fabian was a complete statue. He wasn't even breathing.

Rejection clawed at me. At long last, just when I was ready to accept it, I'd pushed him too far. I'd rejected him when he'd confessed his feelings, and he was wounded because of it. He was done with me, something that was understandable, and not entirely unexpected. But somehow, this cut me so much deeper than I expected it to.

I loosened my grip on him and pulled back, avoiding looking as his face as I began to step away. My tears of joy turned to tears of sadness and shame. I didn't know how I'd face him in the morning - or anyone else, for that matter. But for now, I'd escape to my room and maybe cry a little and-

Just as I turned away, a familiar hand jerked out and grabbed my arm, yanking me back to him and crushing my face against his neck again. I gasped a little, but only in surprise. Surprise and confusion. Because what was he doing? What had happened to the rejection of my hug?

Then his lips were at my ear, and he was whispering something I couldn't decipher over and over. I relaxed in his arms once more, wrapping my hands back around his neck again, and only then did I understand what he was murmuring.

"Nina," he whispered. His hand softly stroked my hair again and again, bringing a smile back to my lips. "Nina, Nina, Nina."

My name. Just my name.

And for the first time in a long time, I felt like I was home at last.

* * *

**A/N: **Ladies and gentlemen, after 29 chapters,** WE FINALLY HAVE A FABINA HUG.** Somebody catch me because I'm about to faint. *collapses* So it was a good Fabina development! Fabian just froze in shock for a second there. But at the same time... Nina's got a date with Mark. So bad development as well. Don't you just love me? But hey, itsy bitsy Eddie AND Victor! Two in one!

**Few things to address:**

**1) Some of you are probably confused by Victor's introduction.** Most of you are probably trying to recall if he's been mentioned before, because you could've _sworn_ he had been... well, here's the thing. He was mentioned once, in Chapter 4. Once. Never used again. And I realized that he could serve a much better purpose in this story. Therefore, I went back and took him out of Chapter 4, and here he is, as a brand new character. Basically: let's just pretend that mention never happened, yeah? Now if your response right now is _wait, what never happened? *sly wink*_ then you've got the right idea. ;D

**2) I HAVE A TWITTER NOW.** A twitter made specifically for my Definition of a Writer persona, so I can talk to you off of this website and get to know you beyond your pen names and profile pics. I'll be tweeting about my journey of writing Scarred _(translation: complaining about writing)_, answering any and all questions, and** _giving extra previews._ **That's right, folks. My two followers thus far were treated to _two_ clips of this chapter ahead of time (if they saw them, that is). Wanna leave some love for/recommend Scarred on Twitter? Mention me, or use the hashtag **#scarredfanfic** in your tweet. This goes the same way for Tumblr as well. I'll see every single one. My Twitter account is ** writedefinition.** Got that?

**3) P2A (Project 200 Alerts).** Guys, nine new people started following Scarred in the past week. 176 followers now. We are 24 away. Keep 'em coming!

**Cliffnotes: HouseRunner!Victor never happened, I have a Twitter ( writedefinition) where you guys can see extra previews, and overall you guys are awesome.**

**Next chapter update is July 11th, Thursday after next.** The after effects of the Fabina hug. Fabina conversation. Nina _might_ talk. Fabian gets his guitar. And Nina asks for something very troubling...

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya next Thursday, my little definitions!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** *runs in* I'm here! I'm here! I've been on vacation, and I just had to pump the second half of this chapter out in half a day, then edit it and go through secondary edits as well. Wow, I'm tired. It was hard - feeling a little discouraged and _MAJORLY TICKED OFF BECAUSE **SOMEONE CALLED NINA A CHICKEN**_ - but I pushed it out for you guys. Hopefully it's still up to my usual quality.

Happy Birthday to Megs05! I feel like there's someone else, and if there is, I am so sorry. It's 3 am and I am half asleep over here, it has nothing to do with you. Here we go, with _our longest chapter yet_!

* * *

**Nina POV**

Once I grabbed onto him, it seemed like it was impossible to let go.

There were two sides of me fighting with themselves, snarling for the upper hand. One told me that the arms around me were constricting, trapping me in his arms. The other told me that the arms were hugging me, giving me affection and adoration.

I, for now, hesitantly went with the latter and forced any and all fear away from me.

Once I remembered that we had an audience - including Amber, who was clearly holding back an ecstatic shriek - and that we'd been hugging each other for over a minute, I flushed red and started to pull back, but something stopped me.

I didn't want to let go of him. I had a feeling that once I did, I wouldn't do this again for a while.

My decision to choose fight over flight didn't change how I thought about everything. Not a bit. And I couldn't allow myself more than one hug.

"How about we go up and talk in your room?" he murmured in my ear, sending shivers down my spine. The good kind of shivers that sent tingles through my toes, not the bad kind that made the hair at the back of my neck raise in horror.

There was another difference between hugging Fabian and being hugged by _him_. A clear one. One that I definitely liked.

So I nodded into his shirt, and he pulled back the slightest bit to we could navigate ourselves to the stairs. "I would carry you, but I don't think that would help the situation," he muttered with a smile, obviously intending it to be teasing.

It didn't stop the guilt from shoving itself down my throat.

When we made it to my room and sat down on my bed, still clinging to him like a lifeline, this time a shiver of fear slid through me, but I ignored it. This was no different from any other day, we were just closer together. Sure, we hadn't done this since he'd told me he _liked_ me, but still. And either way, he had a broken arm if he tried anything - which I honestly didn't think he would at this point - so I had an advantage for once. I was safe.

Right?

Right.

"Is this okay?" he asked. Clearly he'd picked up on my hesitancy, and he was looking worried. "It's been a rough few days, I don't want to be the one to finally push you into shutdown mode."

The shake of my head was quick and full of doubt, but it pleased him enough to relax his stiff posture.

"How does it feel? Hugging, I mean? Is it good, bad, or are you unsure?"

I brought out my notepad, releasing him for only a moment. And no matter how hard I knew he tried to hide it, I still heard the tiny sound in the back of his throat.

The wisp of a disappointed sigh.

He'd been hoping I would speak.

_It feels good. Really good. But it's still unusual and I don't know how I feel about it._

My pencil paused over the paper, then pulled away, but he caught my hand in his and held it there. My cheeks flushed a little. He didn't comment on the change. "What is it? What's bothering you?"

_I don't know what this hug means to you. What you see it as._

I stopped, almost considering ripping off the words, but he pulled it in his direction before I could. His own blush appeared. A small one, but one all the same, and it set me at ease. It reminded me that maybe, just maybe, I wasn't the only one flustered about the subject of his affections.

"I want you to hear me loud and clear when I say this, so listen up, okay?" I nodded, avoiding my gaze but keeping my attention on him. "This hug is a hug between friends. It is a warm, comforting hug that's supposed to make you feel better. I know you're still… undecided on how to react to my feelings, and that's okay."

Now it was I who relaxed. I leaned my head on his shoulder and smiled. Yes, this did feel good.

"I want to clarify some things," he announced. "I had Amber pass some basic information along, but I have a feeling it didn't quite get through to that brain of yours, and either way, I want to say it myself."

There went my good mood.

I glanced at him, then at my hand grasping a fistful of his shirt, and refused to look at him again. He sighed.

"First, I am okay. Yes, I broke my left arm, and I'll probably have some scars on my back, but that's it. In a couple of months, the cast will come off and my back will have healed. I'm going to be perfectly fine."

Then there were fingers on my chin, pushing it up until I was forced to look him in the eye. I started to look away, then caught myself. When I held my stare, as uncomfortable as it made me - I was still unused to looking men in the eye for more than a few seconds, if at all - he smiled, and I knew I'd made him happy.

Then, his face got a bit more serious. "Second, what happened was not your fault, and I'm not mad." I frowned, and so did he. "Nina, I _fell off_ the tree. You didn't _push_ me. Sure, I fell while following you, but I should have just let you go, not chased you. So it's my fault for being an idiot. And if it's the anger part you're finding hard to believe, then let me repeat: _I am not mad._ Not one bit. Okay?"

I nodded, but the frown didn't leave my lips. He _should_ be mad. I shouldn't have run in the first place. What was he going to do, rape me while we were up fifty feet in a tree? Fear had overwhelmed logic, and I had no excuse.

Once again, I was reminded of what I had to do, and my eyes darkened.

I had to get him to punish me.

"Third," he continued, distracting me. "I want to apologize for scaring you. Amber told me what happened when the medics came. From what I heard, they had to pull you off of me. I was also told that you seemed hysterical. It must have been a very stressful experience for you, and I'm sorry for that. I was worried about you when you didn't come see me again."

I couldn't help it.

I snorted.

"What? What's funny about that?"

_You were worried about me when you had a broken arm and a damaged back? You should've been worrying about yourself, not the girl that almost got you killed._

He didn't seem happy with my response. "Nina, you _saved_ my life. If you hadn't been there, I would've died. I could have just as easily fallen off when I was alone, but you were with me and you screamed for help. _Screamed._ Considering you haven't so much as whispered a word in almost 13 years, that's huge. Beyond huge. And you did it to save me."

_Of course I did. I couldn't just sit there and watch you die._

"Amber said that you kept on talking after they'd found me," he said softly. "Why?"

_I was practically delirious. I only remember bits and pieces of what happened. Most of what I said was rambles about how you had to live. I didn't realize what I was saying, or that I was saying anything, until someone told me to calm down._

"How did it feel?"

I didn't have to ask what he was talking about.

_How did it feel to speak?_

_It felt… weird. Good, but weird._

It was all I could think of to say.

He paused before asking his next question. "Do you think you'll speak again?"

That was a very, very good question.

Once I didn't quite have an answer to yet.

_I'm not sure. It felt really bizarre to talk after so long, and I don't think I mean bizarre in a good way. It's really confusing. And either way, I don't want to become the mute girl who started speaking again._

Though apparently, according to Mark, some whispered words like that had been going around anyway. 'The mute girl who spoke to save the boy she loved.'

Love. I wanted to gag at the concept. As if anyone could love me. I was too broken to be loved, a fact I'd accepted long ago.

"Well, you don't have to speak in public. If you want - and I'm not trying to pressure you into anything, I'm merely suggesting - you can just talk to me. Try out some words, get used to the idea of talking, at least. I'd love to hear your voice. I think I'm the only one in Anubis that hasn't gotten to hear it yet." His smile saddened a little, and his words pulled a sigh just as sad from my lips.

_I don't know. I'll think about it. But since I screamed and talked a lot when you fell, it ripped up my vocal chords pretty bad. I don't think I could if I wanted to. Not for several days, at least._

He nodded and ran his fingers down my arm. "Well, tell me if you'd like to try, and I'm here to be a sounding board. Don't be afraid to ask." He went quiet, then winced. "Okay, this isn't supposed to be a guilt trip or anything, but I may not be around as much in the evenings. I'm going to try to find a job so I can save up the second five hundred pounds for a guitar. I'm going to go insane without one, so I might even quit on the idea of the dream guitar and get a slightly cheaper version. But either way, I'm going to need some more money. But I wanted to let you know, since we typically hang out so much after school."

A grin spread across my lips. I'd almost forgotten. Almost. I scribbled down another note.

_Sit still and close your eyes. I'll be right back._

As soon as he closed his eyes - though he gave me a very confused look before being so - I shot up out of his lap and headed for my wardrobe. The clothes hiding the guitar case were pushed aside until the black covering came into sight. I snatched it up carefully - it would be tragic if I ruined it only moments before giving it to him - and laid it on the bed. I slowly unzipped it, making sure to not hit the guitar in case it made a sound that would ruin the surprise.

Finally, I nudged him with my foot to let him know it was okay to open his eyes. He did, suspicion clouding them immediately. Then he processed the vision in front of him - me, with his dream guitar, holding it out for him to take - and his jaw dropped.

"Is that..." he trailed off, too stunned to speak, and I nodded. He looked from me to the guitar with wonder in his gaze. "It's... for me?" Once more I nodded, and extended my arms more to make it clear that he was supposed to take it. He did in an almost robotic movement, and stared down at it in silence.

More silence.

Too much silence.

When all he did was continue to stare, my doubts grew, I wrote more.

_Do you like it?_

Had I gotten the type wrong? Had I done something bad? He didn't seem to be all that excited. He seemed to be... wistful. Resigned. And both emotions grew when he read my note.

"Nina, I love it. But..." He sighed. "I can't accept this."

Shame shot through me like a lightening bolt, and my shoulders sagged.

_Why? Is it because it's from me?_

Fabian looked up at me at last, hurrying to reassure me. "No, no, that has nothing to do with it. I wish I could have it, and I'm honored that you would do this for me. But this is almost… what, a thousand dollars in your currency? You can't buy me something like that. That's too much. I mean, that's a gaping hole in your bank account that I don't think your stepfather is going to be very fond of." I started shaking my head, putting the pencil to the paper again, but he cut me off. "You have to return this, Nina."

_My stepfather is a lawyer. He's filthy rich. I'm only here on scholarship because there was no possibility he would've sent me here any other way, but only because he wanted me in America with him. Money never would've been a problem. I doubt he'll even notice that I bought the guitar._

"But-"

_No. I got it for you. It's my fault that you broke your old one, and like you said, you'll go insane without another one to use. I wanted to do this for you, so I did. Please don't try to return it._

He groaned. "Why are you putting me in this position?"

_There is no position. Please accept it. Please. And before you decide, there's more._

His eyes widened. "More? You bought me something else? Nina, I can't-" At this, I giggled a little, stopping him in his tracks long enough for me to get in an explanation.

_No. There's a job opening at Silver Strings, this instrument and music store only a half an hour away. It's where I bought your guitar. They need someone to do guitar lessons on the weekend. There's a sheet with the information inside the case, if you want to grab it. Apparently there's been a lot of requests lately._

He pulled out the paper and looked it over. "50% of the pay. That's 20 pounds for each hour of a lesson. I would definitely be okay with that." He looked up at me, a teasing smile on his face. "But you have to come with me." This took me off guard, and I knew he could tell. I bit my lip as I tried to decide. If he wanted me there…

_I'd like that. I want to see Eddie again, anyway._

"Eddie?"

_He'll likely be your first customer. He's a little seven year old boy, and he's adorable. He wants to be a rockstar when he grows up._

My response seemed to amuse him. "Eddie," he repeated, and nodded to himself. "He sounds cute. I'm excited to meet him."

He looked down at the guitar again, this time with an admiring smile on his lips. He slid the pick out of its place in the strings - his favorite pick, which Amber had helped me find - and strummed the strings gently. He twisted the knobs at the top for a moment, then strummed again, and it sounded much more on key than before. After a few more tweaks, he started the opening chords for You I See. His positioning was a little awkward thanks to his cast on his arm, but at least he was able to move his fingers to press down on the strings near the top.

Fabian grinned at me, watching my blush that spread across my cheeks. "This is the best present I've ever received, Nina, honestly. I cannot thank you enough for this." He set down the guitar behind us on the bed, and I grinned at the reluctance etched into the simple movement. He outstretched his arms, the one in the cast bent at an angle, a hesitant expression crossing his face. "Are you still open for a hug, or was that a one time thing?"

I hesitated, eyeing the bed and then his arms. I once again reminded myself that he had a broken bone. If he tried something, I could overpower him. And even so, I didn't think he would. So I scooted over and curled up in his lap, putting my head against his chest. I could almost sense his smile. One arm went loosely around my back, and the other began stroking my hair. It reminded me of my mother, but this time, it made me happy instead of sad.

He began humming quietly, and my eyes fluttered closed. He rested his cheek on the top of my head. "Hugging isn't so bad after all, is it?"

I shook my head, my smile growing. No. It wasn't. Not at all. In fact, it was sort of spectacular.

If only it could stay this way.

_Bam._

Just like that, my happy bubble popped, and I pulled away. Fabian watched me with a confused look on his face. "Nina? What is it?" I shook my head, holding back the tears that had suddenly threatened to spill. God, I didn't want to do this. This was the last thing I wanted to do. But it needed to happen.

_I know you think that what happened wasn't my fault. I know you don't blame me. But I blame me, and I need punishment for what I did. I need to be taught a lesson. But I can't do it to myself._

He squinted at me. He seemed even more confused. "What do you mean?"

So with a deep breath, I wrote another note and passed it to him before reaching down under my bed and pulling out a belt. His belt, which I'd stolen from the top of his dresser when we'd gone in to grab his pick. Amber hadn't noticed. But it had been right there, like it was _meant_ to be grabbed, like it was fate. So I'd snatched it up. And now, I extended it to him.

_I need you to punish me._

There was a few moments of complete silence where all he did was open and close his mouth. I had never seen him so lost for words before.

"You _want_ me to abuse you," he said slowly. "You _want_ me to hurt you so badly that you could get even more scars than you already have. And you want it because you think you need to be taught a _lesson_?

I would have written down a confirmation, but my hands were shaking too hard to even keep a grip on the pencil, which had just fallen onto the bedspread. So I simply nodded, and pushed the belt further towards him.

My heart stopped when he wrapped his fingers around it and gripped it in his hand. My eyes squeezed shut.

"You want this?" he repeated in a numb voice, and I nodded once more. I peeked my eyes open just enough to see his grip on the belt tighten, and I flinched.

So I wouldn't need to convince him after all. I wasn't sure if that was good or bad.

Even as every nerve in my body told me to stop, to keep myself turned towards him, I shifted so my back was facing his front. And slowly, ever so slowly, I began to lift my shirt up.

It looked like he would get to see my scars after all.

I'd lifted it just enough for him to see the first few scars at the very bottom of my back - claw marks _he_ had repeated over and over were the most prominent, this I knew - when something landed on my hand. I jerked, thinking it was the belt and expecting pain, but I realized belatedly it was only his hand.

"Nina, stop," he said in a voice that made room for no denial. "I am not going to whip you with a belt like you're an animal. I am not going to whip you at all."

I guess I'd have to plead after all.

Even with my shaking hands, I managed to grip the pencil tight enough to start writing.

_You don't understand. I need this. I need to be punished. I was bad. You don't have to do much - only a few, if you insist - but I need something. Anything you do will be better than my stepfather would have done to me. He would've tortured me for breaking his arm and hurting his back. He might've even killed me._

My scribbled response was barely legible, but he understood, his eyes blazed. "And what he's been doing to you this whole time_ isn't_ torture? The man beat you and raped you almost every day, Nina. What if Mara had been the one in the situation with the tree? What if I whipped her with a belt to punish her? Would you be okay with that?" My posture tightened even further.

_No._

"What's the difference there? Why are you begging for a beating when no one else would deserve one?"

_We've already talked about this. She's not broken like I am, she can get better, I-_

He didn't even let me finish. "Yes, we've already talked about this. And how did that conversation end?" he demanded, his voice quiet but hard. When I didn't respond, he nodded. "That's what I thought. It ended with you realizing that what happened to you wasn't your fault. You just haven't gotten that in your head yet. You don't deserve anything, and I wouldn't be the one to give you punishment even if you did." Some of my tears spilled.

_Please. I can't go to anyone else about this, and I need it. It's the only way I know to make up for what happened, and it's the only thing that can make me try to be better._

"Nina…" Something in him seemed to soften, and he put a hand on my cheek. "The guitar more than made up for it, even though there was nothing to make up for. And if you want punishment… then we can come up with something else for you. Something that doesn't involve pain, because you've had enough of that in your life." He forced a smile onto his lips, but I could see the falsity in it. "How about this. You have to paint me something. That one painting you did, you never finished because of the whole threat from Joy, and I'd like a painting…"

_That's not a punishment. That's fun._

"Well, I'm the one you asked for a punishment, and this is what I see as a punishment. So one painting is required, of whatever you want. Just don't let it come before your school work."

This was ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous. And I could see that he wasn't going to budge on this, so I sighed, giving in.

_Fine._

"Good," he said in a pleased voice, but his eyes were still dark and his face was still haunted. He held up the belt in a non-threatening manner, but I still instinctively flinched away from it. He lowered his hands immediately. "This is a belt. This is used to hold up pants, not to hurt anyone. And when you are with me, however long we may know each other, I will never, ever lay a harming blow on you, be it with my own hand or a weapon. Are we clear?"

Hmph. We'd see about that. But he was waiting for an answer, so I sighed and nodded.

"Okay. Now cease those tears, because there's no need for them." His finger brushed my cheek, and it came back wet. I hadn't even realized I was still crying. But now they were tears of relief. I had begged him to punish me, and he had refused. And now, I couldn't seem to stop.

Fabian realized this at about the same time I did and slowly wrapped his arms around me. I did the same, squeezing him far tighter than he was me - though I was very careful to avoid his back.

"Shh, Nina. Calm down. No one is going to hurt you. I won't let them. I will protect you, to my last breath." He rested his chin on the top of my head. "I won't hurt you. And I will never let _him_ hurt you again."

There was no need to clarify who _him_ was. I just wished I could believe his words. Because _he_ was far more devious than Fabian, and he had far less holding him back. But I would let him believe he could.

"I hope you trust me," he murmured, and he seemed to be talking more to himself than me. "I can't even imagine hurting you, physically or… sexually." He tensed just at the word, but I ran a hand across his shoulder and he sighed. "Yes, I like you. I like you a lot. But I will not push you into anything. I've liked you for a long time, I haven't done anything yet, have I? I don't want anything from you. You give me what you want to give, and I am perfectly happy staying friends. And I'm not going to push the topic any more than this."

A mix of emotions rushed through me, almost all of them expected - relief that he expected nothing from me. Gratitude because he was so kind to be. Happiness because of… this. Hesitancy because the idea of him liking me still made me wary. Sadness because I could never be in a relationship. Disbelief that he actually would keep his promise not to push the topic.

And two that, out of everything, I most certainly did not expect.

Disappointment… because I _wanted_ him to push the topic?

And more importantly, something I couldn't name- no, wouldn't name. It wasn't adoration, it wasn't lust, it wasn't crushing. It was a combination of all three. And so a new emotion arose, making my muscles tense just the smallest bit.

Fear.

Because somewhere, in the tiniest corner of my mind, a microscopic voice was saying that I, Nina Martin, liked Fabian Rutter just as much as he liked me.

** X**

**Nina POV**

An hour or two after Fabian left - he had to go see Trudy for meds, get some food in him, etc etc etc - I was still on my bed, trying to figure out what to paint for Fabian. There was a knock on my door, and I looked up, expecting Fabian or Amber.

Instead, Trudy was standing there with a smile on her face.

"Nina, you got a letter from America today. Here," she said, and laid it down on the bed. "I have dinner to cook, so I can't stay. I'm making mashed potatoes and beef tonight in celebration of Fabian's return. I'll see you downstairs." She left me staring at the letter, frozen in shock.

America.

That could only mean one thing.

_He_ had sent me a letter.

Before I realized what I was doing, I was tearing open the paper and scrambling to unfold it. I read it quickly, but realized halfway through that I wasn't even processing the words, and had to restart.

_Dear Nina,_

_I was alarmed to hear you were in an accident, but I'm relieved to know you're okay. I hope your ankle heals, but I'm not all too worried - I know that you of all people can handle this._

_Meanwhile, two slightly more stressful topics - I checked my account so I could pay for your medical visit, only to see that almost a thousand dollars had been taken from my account to buy a guitar in London. What were you doing buying such an expensive instrument without asking for my permission, hmm? Expect consequences for that the next time I see you._

_And the second… to my utter shock, I was told you spoke. Quite a breakthrough. I have to wonder who you care for so much that you would scream to save their life. Maybe that Rutter boy? I haven't forgotten the way he looked at you, and more importantly, the way you looked at him. Maybe I should have a conversation with him as well. Anyway, I expect you to buy a phone within the next month. And I expect a call… or you might have to say goodbye to that pretty little school of yours. I'm interested in seeing how your voice has changed, after all._

_I'm not sure I can wait until the next Family Day to see you. I may have to buy a flight to London sooner than expected… Christmas, perhaps?_

_Sincerely,_

_Your Loving Stepfather_

And the note fluttered to the ground without a sound.

* * *

**A/N:** Ah, good old stepfather. Always having to ruin the moment. But hey, lots of Fabina development, right? Right? Though I'm sure most of you are bristling at that letter... what bothered you more? The threat to Fabian's safety or the threat to Nina's? Also, **P2A is only 7 followers away from reaching its goal!**

Meanwhile, _I have a super awesome spectacular story to read._ It's called **Lost and Found by Smiley612**. Seriously, go check it out now. I have never been one for 'fame' stories or stories with pregnancies but this fanfiction broke all the rules for me and I stayed up until 5 am reading it. *whispers* I'm also minorly terrified that you'll like her fanfiction better than mine but it's likely you will so I'll just wallow in insecurity and loss over here. *sob* And hey, tell her I sent you if you review!

**I have a Twitter now.** Want to follow me? ** WriteDefinition. **Want to leave some love for Scarred? **#scarredfanfic.** Want to see the previews? **#scarredpreview.** Want to know more about Little!Eddie, fave chapters, new characters, myself and more? **#scarredFAQ,** or you can Tweet me personally!

**Next chapter update is July 21st, Sunday after next.** Nina reacts to the letter. Fabian POV. Fabian auditions for his new job. Little!Eddie reappears. Amber begins "Mission Fabina". Nina has a conversation with Mark...

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya next Sunday, my little definitions!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: **I do not own House of Anubis, the characters in it, and the locations used.

**A/N:** *waddles in* So I'm a week late. I know. BUT! I was sick with a sinus infection and a stomach virus. In addition, I was on vacation in Chattanooga, Indiana, and Florida at the same time I was sick. So I was insanely busy. *puppy dog eyes* Forgive me? Pweese?

Happy (Late) Birthday to Courageous Dreamer, Forever R5er, and her dad!

* * *

**Nina POV**

I stared down at the letter that had slipped out of my frozen fingers, unable to bend down and pick it up. I didn't want to touch it. I didn't want to read his threats again.

_Expect consequences for that the next time I see you._

_Maybe I should have a conversation with him as well…_

_I expect a call… or you might have to say goodbye to that pretty little school of yours._

_Christmas, perhaps?_

Somewhere along the way, I had made it to the floor, and now I was huddled in a ball. My chest was moving far too fast for comfort, and my hands were shaking. I wondered if I was having a panic attack. For once, I couldn't quite tell.

He was going to hurt me. He was going to come at Christmas. He was making me call him. Talk to him. Respond to his words without shutting down mid-conversation.

He was going to hurt _Fabian._

And this, _this_ somehow scared me more than anything else he could ever do to me.

_No, no, no, no…_

He couldn't hurt Fabian. He _couldn't_. Surely it was an empty threat. Because unlike me, Fabian did not deserve any pain. He'd already had enough, thanks to my escape from the tree, and he hadn't even deserved that. So if _he_ hurt Fabian, he was in the wrong for once. He risked a chance of being discovered. For all he knew, Fabian wasn't even aware of the truth.

But if he did try, I would stand between them, and I would take the extra blows. There was no other option. Surely he would rather have an excuse to beat me, right? But that still left other problems.

_Christmas._

_Phone call._

_No, no, no, no…_

"Nina?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin at Amber's voice. She was standing in the doorway, looking down at me in clear alarm. "Nina?" she said again, but this time it was a whisper. "Oh god."

Immediately, she was heading over to my bags and searching for something. A few seconds later she rushed back over to me, Xanax in hand. She scrambled to open the pill bottle, then caught herself and slowed her movements, trying to remain calm. So she remembered Mara's words. _Calm down. She's not dying, she's having a panic attack. It'll pass, and all you're doing is stressing her out more._

She held out the pill for me, but I couldn't get my hand to stop shaking enough to grab it. I curled even further into myself, and a whimper escaped me. Amber took my hand without warning and flipped it over so my palm was up. She dropped the pill into my hand, and I swallowed it quickly.

It still didn't help my racing thoughts.

_Christmas._

_Phone call._

_Fabian._

_No, no, no, no, no, no-_

"Shhhh, Nina," Amber whispered, gripping my hand in hers. "Don't talk, you're hurting your throat. It has to heal, remember?"

Shock rippled through me, but now I realized that I _was_ speaking - the word _no_ was still slipping through my lips every few seconds, and my throat _did_ burn. But I couldn't stop. I had no control over it, my mouth was doing the job for me, I couldn't I couldn't I couldn't-

Amber squeezed my hand, trying to center my focus again. It worked well enough that I could hear her speak. "Deep breaths. Just take deep breaths with me, yeah? Like this." She breathed in slowly, held it, and released it. I tried to copy her, and failed entirely. "Try again. Follow what I'm doing."

Six tries later, I sucked in my first deep breath. Five breaths later, and I was calm. Or, at the very least, my body had stopped shaking and I had stopped mumbling. Amber let out a long sigh full of relief.

"May I ask what caused the attack?" she requested, and my eyes automatically flicked to the paper only a foot away on the floor. Her own gaze followed mine, and landed on the letter. "What's this?" She picked it up and began flipping it over.

I snapped.

Immediately, I was grabbing the letter and tearing it from her hand. The paper ripped, leaving her with one chunk of one end, but I was too worried about her reading the rest to bother getting that as well. She couldn't read this. No one could read this. She'd tell someone. She'd tell _Fabian._ I had to destroy this.

A split second later, I was running from the room, a confused Amber hot on my heels.

My ankle protested with every step I took and sent waves of pain up my leg when I rushed down the stairs, but I ignored it and continued running until I hit the main level. Amber was already halfway down the stairs, calling out and asking what was wrong.

_How to destroy it…_

And out of the corner of my eye, I saw it - the fireplace crackling in the living room.

I raced for the fire and threw the letter into the flames, recognizing but not really feeling the pain of the small burns I'd just given myself. As soon as I was certain no one would be able to read it if they tried, I turned back around.

Everyone in Anubis was staring at me like I'd gone crazy. Amber was demanding to know why the hell I'd reacted like that. I could barely hear her over my harsh inhales and exhales.

And now, Amber looked down at the chunk of paper she'd been left with, and she gasped. I knew what end she'd gotten before she even turned it around to show me, a silent question on her lips.

_I'll see you soon,_

_Your Loving Stepfather_

The second she turned towards Fabian - also in the room, having shot up from his seat on the couch the second I'd come running in - I ran up the stairs like hell was chasing after me, went into my room, and locked the door behind me.

** X**

When Amber came in that night after dinner, she brought a plate of food with her and set it down on my nightstand.

I didn't eat it.

She tried one last time to get me to explain what had happened.

I didn't answer.

So she went to bed, and eventually, so did I. When I woke, Amber was gone and Saturday's light was streaming through the windows. I didn't bother to go down to eat, but I did nibble on some of the now-cold meat and mashed potatoes from last night.

I was going between trying to stave off more panic attacks and working on Fabian's painting when Fabian himself entered. I quickly hid his painting behind me and prepared myself for the Spanish Inquisition I was likely about to go through.

"Hey," he said softly, looking at me like I was a wounded animal that was about to go running… which was fairly accurate. "I'm not here to ask you about the letter, because I know you won't tell me anything. But last night you said you'd go with me to Silver Strings, and I'm getting ready to head over there. Victor says I can have the job as long as I can play, but I did a little over the phone last night, so he's already got me one lesson. The little boy… Eddie?" He shifted from foot to foot. "Do you still want to go?"

His change in direction surprised me, but I quickly nodded. I could use the distraction, and as long as he didn't ask questions, I would be happy to go with him.

"Alright, cool. I'll be waiting by the front door. See you in a minute."

** X**

"Welcome to Silver Strings, I- oh, it's you two," Victor said gruffly. He checked his watch and nodded. "Five minutes early. I suppose that'll do." He came around the counter, eyeing the guitar case Fabian held in his hand. "Treating that guitar well, young man?"

Fabian smiled nervously, looking around the store as he replied. "Of course, sir, just as I would treat any other instrument. Thank you again for letting me try for the job."

"You haven't gotten it yet. Don't get your hopes up." Victor looked between the two of us. "You have a generous girlfriend, Mr. Rutter. That guitar was costly."

Immediately, I was blushing and Fabian was stammering. "Oh, she's not my girlfriend, sir. We're just friends."

Victor just shook his head and sighed. I thought I heard something like c_hildren these days,_ but I wasn't sure. "Can you play with that broken arm of yours?"

"Of course. I can still move my hand."

"Then sit down on that chair and play me a song. I don't have all day."

Fabian nodded and hurried over to the chair, bringing out his new guitar and strumming once before starting 'Fall for You' by Secondhand Serenade, which I'd heard him play once before. Victor listened intently, ignoring even the front door when it opened. I, meanwhile, didn't.

In walked Eddie and his mother.

I grinned and waved, keeping an eye on Victor while doing it. There was no way I'd be turning my back to him anytime soon, especially with that personality and those beady eyes of his. But Eddie, meanwhile, I would turn my back to any day. He was a bright, adorable child who didn't yet know the troubles of life. He was innocent. I had nothing to fear from him.

"Niiiiiina!" he shouted, running over to me. I quickly made a motion to quiet him, though I did it with a smile, and pointed at Fabian, who was still in the middle of playing. Eddie fell silent, and his eyes widened in amazement. He lightly tugged on my shirt sleeve, and whispered, "Is that my new guitar teacher?" I nodded, and he grinned. "Sweet."

Ms. Miller said hello to me quietly, and I dipped my head in greeting before returning my attention to Fabian. He was now wrapping up the song, playing the final few chords. The room went quiet for a second, and then Victor was standing.

"You played well. You have the job," he said. Fabian stood and started to thank him, but he turned and left into the backroom with only a few more words: "These are your first clients. Do well, or you won't have the job for long."

The sudden silence was broken by Eddie, who walked up to Fabian with an excited expression. "Are you a rockstar, sir?" Fabian started laughing, and I released a small giggle.

"I'm on the way to becoming a rockstar. I haven't performed at any concerts before, but I write my own songs," he explained. Eddie apparently translated this to 'I'm a rockstar' because he started jumping up and down.

"Mom, I'm getting lessons from a rockstar! A_ rockstar!_" He turned back to Fabian, who was putting his guitar on his back and being extremely careful about it. "What's your name, Mr. Rockstar?"

"I'm Fabian Rutter. You can call me Mr. Rutter or just Fabian."

Eddie's little forehead crinkled as he concentrated. "Faaaabian. Fabian," he said, testing out the name. Then he smiled. "I want to call you Fabian. I'm Eddie Miller, but my mom calls me Eddison when she's mad."

"Yes, I know. Nina told me about you, little man." He walked over to me and rested a hand lightly on my arm. "Are you okay staying out here, or do you want to sit in on the lesson?" he asked quietly. "Sorry, I didn't fully think this through. I didn't factor in Victor and Ms. Miller and whoever else might walk in."

I opened my mouth to answer, then quickly clamped it shut. When had talking been my automatic way to answer? Fabian seemed just as startled as I was. I started to nod, but Eddie's next words froze me.

"Niiiina, are you two marrrrrried?" he asked, grinning at us. "I didn't know you were married to a rockstar."

Instantly, I was a block of ice, Fabian was stammering again, and Ms. Miller was trying to apologize.

"No, Eddie, we aren't married," Fabian explained, his cheeks on fire.

"Then are you dating?"

"No-"

"But she got you a guitar, that seems like something a girlfriend would do."

"We're just friends. It was a friendly gift."

"But you two _like_ each other!" Eddie said with a stomp of his little foot.

Fabian sighed, waving off Ms. Miller's continued apologies, and knelt down beside him. "I'm going to tell you a secret, okay?" He leaned forward and whispered in his ear, far too quiet for me to hear. Eddie's eyes widened, and he frowned.

When he pulled back, Eddie looked between Fabian and I. "But why doesn't she-"

"Hush," Fabian ordered. "Secret, remember?" When I gave him a look that clearly said _what did you say_, he only shook his head and flashed a bittersweet smile. "I told him the truth."

Before I could press on the subject, he took Eddie's hand and led him to the lesson room, complementing his little guitar the whole way, and I was left alone with Ms. Miller.

** X**

The taxi ride back was tense and silent for no particular reason.

"I'm not going to ask what the letter from your stepfather said, because I know you won't tell me," Fabian said out of nowhere. I looked away from him and tried to ignore the guilt writhing in my stomach, even when he continued. "But I want you to know that I'm here to listen if you'd like to share."

Look at that.

More guilt.

_I can't tell you. I can't endanger you more than I already have._ That was what I wished I could say.

But instead, I stayed silent. And so did he. For another five seconds, at least.

"Can I ask if he threatened you? In the letter?" I hesitated, but in the end pulled out my notepad and wrote down a quick _yes_. His fists clenched in the corner of my eye. "For any specific reason?"

_No._

What a lie. What a horrible, horrible lie.

"So he's not mad about that guitar?" In my peripheral vision, he shifted to face me. I kept my expression blank.

_He didn't realize I took money._

"So you're comfortable with lying to my face. Well, I suppose the 'to my face' would only work if you looked at me." His voice was bitter, and I started to protest, but he shook his head. "Don't. Your stepfather has hid beating you for 14 years. He's careful and clever. He'll have noticed a thousand dollars leaving his account. So why are lying to me?"

I didn't answer.

"Do you not trust me enough?" It came out as a mumble, but I heard it loud and clear.

_Of course I do. But I don't want you to worry or feel guilty._

"I already felt guilty, it's not like it'll make a difference. I want you to be honest with me, no matter the consequences."

Oh, if only I could be. I wanted to be. But I couldn't.

"So he's mad about the guitar?"

_Yes._

"How mad?"

_Mad enough._

He could tell it was all I'd be saying on the subject. He smoothly moved on, and I gave him a grateful look.

"Is there anything else you'd like to share with me?"

Oh, I'd like to share countless things with him. But I couldn't. The rest of the letter? No. The threat to him? Definitely not. The date with Mark?

Oh god. I hadn't even thought about Mark. I had a date with Mark, only a week or two after Fabian had admitted his feelings. I didn't even want to imagine how he'd react. Would he lash out with anger, stop talking to me, or not be bothered at all?

I wasn't sure which I hated more.

Would he realize I'd been manipulated and blackmailed into the date, or would he believe it had been my choice and mine only?

"Nina? Nina!" There was a light shake on my arm, jolting me out of my thoughts. Fabian was still sitting there waiting for my answer, though his suspicious look let me know that my silence had already answered it.

_No. Anything you should know, I'll share with you._

"Mhmm." It was clear he didn't believe me, and he shouldn't. I bit down on my lip and wrote more.

_I'm sorry. But I swear I have my reasons for keeping this from you._

At this, Fabian relaxed a bit. "Okay. I'm sorry for being so angry. I'm just worried about you, and when I can't protect you, I react badly."

People worrying about me. That was still a new idea to me, and a strange one at that.

_It's okay. I wish I could tell you._

"Could you tell someone else, perhaps?" he suggested. "Amber? She'd love to be the one you talk to for once. She keeps calling you her BAF - best American friend." Amber… I could trust her. She hadn't spilled the beans about the stepfather secret, at least. And he certainly hadn't threatened her in the letter.

_I'll think about it._

"Good enough." He paused. "She said you spoke. On accident. As much as I'd love to hear your voice, you have to let your throat heal. I don't want you to become incapable of speaking because you pressed yourself too much."

_I don't either. I don't think it'll happen again, so no worries._

We sat there for a bit, enjoying the silence.

_You seemed to like Eddie._

He brightened, just as I thought he would. "He's adorable, and he's excited to learn, which is good. And he's got some natural talent." He chuckled nervously. "Sorry about the whole marriage thing. He was very enthusiastic, there was nothing I could do."

My blush kicked in again.

_It's fine. He didn't mean any harm._

"You would make a good mother," he said out of the blue. My eyes widened in surprise, and he smiled a little. "You did great with Eddie. You were completely natural with him in a way you aren't with anyone else, even me."

_I have nothing to fear from him._

"I only wish you could see the same when it comes to me," he muttered, so quietly I could barely hear. I wasn't even sure if it was meant for my ears, so I didn't respond until he spoke again. "Have you ever thought about children of your own?"

My stomach felt sick just thinking about having a child.

_Having a child requires making one. I don't think I'd do well with that._

Thank the heavens _he_ had the forethought to start buying illegal birth control when I was twelve. I would've been a teen mom a year before I was even a teen. And by now, I would've had five children, growing up under the same 'care' _he_ had given me since I was four.

No.

No, I would've gotten out. At the first child, I would've gone to school and never come home again. I may deserve beatings, but my child didn't, and like hell would I have let him lay a finger on her.

"-adoption. You could save a child from a life of foster care," Fabian said, pulling me out of my thoughts. I shook my head before he could continue.

_I'd be a horrible mother. I don't exactly have a stellar childhood to learn from._

"But you have a natural mother's instinct."

_And my instinct would keep me from adopting . If I died, my child would go to my stepfather or end up in an orphanage. It's not like I would have a husband. And even if I did, I would never trust him with my child. My mother did that, and look at what happened to me._

"If you had a husband, he would never hurt your child. It would take you years to come to trust a man enough to marry him. You would have caught any darker intentions he would've had by then."

For some reason, the topic of marriage and children was suddenly too personal, too possible. This hit him at the same moment, and we quickly looked away from each other.

We were tense and quiet until the taxi stopped. We paid and got out, heading down the walkway.

Mark was waiting for us at the entrance to the Anubis grounds.

"Nina!" he called, waving at the two of us. Fabian shot me a confused look but said nothing when I waved back. We headed over to him, and he smiled. "Hey, can I talk to you?" I nodded, but he looked over to Fabian and added, "Alone?"

Fabian quirked an eyebrow in my direction, clearly asking me if it was okay. I nodded again, and he simply gave Mark a warning look before leaving, making his way down to Anubis house. I never took my eyes off of Mark.

"I wanted to talk about our date," he said, as if the date wasn't happening because I'd been forced into it. "How's next Saturday? I was thinking we could go hang out at this pizza place down the street. They've got the most amazing barbecue pizza…"

Well, look on the bright side. At least my forced date would have good food.

I put on a smile and nodded. He grinned. "Sweet. We'll get back before curfew, so no worries about that." He started to turn, but stopped, all of a sudden brushing a strand of hair away from my face. "You really are very pretty, you know. Underneath those hoodies and baggy clothes you wear to hide yourself, I'm sure you're just as beautiful." He scratched his head for a second. "Uh… okay. I'll pick you up at Anubis at seven, yeah?"

I was so stunned by his actions and words that I couldn't even bring myself to move. He grinned and walked off, leaving me to stare after him long after he'd finally disappeared.

** X**

**Fabian POV**

Amber was waiting for Nina and I inside.

"So? Did you get the job? Well, of course you got the job, but did you like the student? What about the owner? Was he as grouchy as he sounded over the phone? What about Nina, how did she do? And speaking of which, where is she?" Question after question poured out of her, until finally she stopped, peering behind me like Nina would be hiding there.

"She's outside talking to Mark."

"Mark?" she demanded. "You left her outside with _Mark_?"

I opened the door to let her see Nina, who was 'talking' calmly with Mark at the end of the sidewalk. "See? She's okay. She told me to leave and I respect that. I trust her enough to tell me when she's in danger, and she was almost entirely calm." Amber didn't look pleased, but she shut the door.

"So…" She looked up at me expectantly, and I sighed.

"Yes, I got the job. I adore my student - Eddie. He's seven and he ships 'Fabina' almost as hard as you do." I plowed on before she could ask about that. "Victor is extremely grouchy, but I like him. And Nina did fine. She was great with Eddie."

Once again, the grin on her face when she waved at him flashed through my mind. She was so _open_ with him, in a way she rarely was with me, much less with others. She really would be a good mother, regardless of her thoughts on the subject.

Just at the reminder of the conversation, I blushed. The topic of children had gotten so personal that it almost seemed like we had been talking about _our_ future. _Together._

"What do you mean, Eddie was almost as big of a shipper as I am?" she asked, looking confused and excited at the prospect of a fellow shipper.

"I mean that Eddie asked Nina and I if we were married, and wouldn't shut up about it until I told him she didn't like me."

Amber's squeal nearly burst my eardrums. "I need to meet this kid. I- wait. What do you mean Nina _doesn't_ like you?"

I looked at her like she was insane. "Ambs, Nina doesn't like me," I said slowly. She gaped.

"Jeez, you're a bloody idiot sometimes! Why do you think she comes to you for everything? Why do you think she spoke for you, trusts you, hugged you?"

I put my head in my hands. "Your shipping has gotten in the way of your logic. You think she could ever like a guy without years of healing and therapy? She's been," - I broke off to lower my voice - "beaten and raped for thirteen years. She would never allow herself to like anyone, not for a long time. She doesn't like me, I've accepted that."

"Joy and Patricia weren't that far off when they assumed she liked you. They just assumed too early. They saw potential for her liking you, and that potential has grown far past potential. Friends don't buy friends thousand dollar guitars." Suddenly she brightened, and I feared the devious look that spread across her face.

"Amber…" I trailed off, the warning clear in my voice, even without knowing whatever she was thinking about. She ignored me.

"I need to make you realize she does like you." She had a far away look in her eyes. "I need to make _her_ realize she likes you." She clapped her hands together, a small squeal escaping her. "Oh, it's on. It's so on."

My eyes narrowed. "What's on?"

"Mission. Fabina." At my alarmed look, she grinned. "Oh, no reason to worry. I'm just going to find a way to force her feelings to the surface. Maybe I'll lock you in a room together. Maybe I'll try to make her jealous."

I groaned and put my head in my hands. "Amber, please-"

"No." She giggled maniacally. "No way. This is going to be good. Mission Fabina is on! Mara, Patricia, Joy, I'm coming up!" she called. "We have planning to do!" She ran upstairs and grabbed something from her room before slipping into the other girls' room.

Nina entered, looking shaken and mildly disturbed. She jumped at the sight of me and quickly swerved around me. My forehead wrinkled and worry shot through me. "Nina? Is something wrong?" She shook her head and made her way past me. When I peeked my head through the window, Mark was no longer there.

That boy unsettled her, even if he wasn't physically hurting her. And I hadn't forgotten how Mark and Nina had first met. He had been the cause of her first shutdown at this school. He had also likely been her first kiss that wasn't her stepfather.

I did not like him.

I did not trust him.

I did not want him near Nina.

So I made it my goal - Mark had been her first kiss, yes. But like hell would he be her second, too. No, her second kiss would be her choice. It would be meaningful. It would be sweet and romantic and she would smile when she pulled back. Her second kiss would be the one she wished to repeat.

And that spot was reserved for me. I wanted to be the one to make her smile at a kiss. Me, and me alone.

Oh, yes.

Mission Fabina was a go.

* * *

**A/N:** What did you think? What do you think is going to happen on Mark and Nina's date? Will Nina tell Amber about the letter? Quick reminder that I have a Twitter **( WriteDefinition)** where I post teasers **(#scarredpreview) **and updates on the status of the chapter! **P2A (Project 200 Alerts) finished! We hit 200 alerts!** Thank you so much, really.

**EXTREMELY IMPORTANT NOTICE: I'm returning to public school for the first time in three years (I've been homeschooling) in two weeks. Things will be changing around here.** Not only will I be insanely busy with school, but I don't do well with socializing, so being in classes with 30 kids each and dealing with crowds will be stressing me out. _A lot._ So chapter updates will, sadly, probably be a lot slower than usual. Hopefully not by too much, but for the first couple of months, it's going to be a huge adjustment process for me and I ask that you please bear with me as I try to survive this huge change.

**Next chapter update is August 7th, Wednesday after next.** Nina visits the gym with Mick. Nina gets her hair cut. Amber starts her Mission Fabina plot, but it's ruined by a certain someone coming to pick Nina up for their date...

Reviews are love, dear readers. It helps that **you get a preview of the next chapter for reviewing. **And **the person who reviews first gets two. **Tempting enough?

**See ya next Wednesday, my little definitions!**


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